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By Daniel Wilkenfeld: PWTorch Contributor

The show opens with the arrival of the Angle Alliance earlier today. Kurt wants Cornette to overturn Hebner's decision at the end of Thursday night's Impact, AJ wants to know where Karen is, and Tomko just wants to know why they had to show up early.

(1) LAX defeats The Motor City Machine Guns and The Rock & Rave Infection

Mini-Recap:
The match is a relatively clean affair, with Christy getting involved only minimally and Selinas not at all. There's not a lot of story, but there is a whole lot of action. The highlight is Hernandez hitting a No-Hands Tope and landing on his feet, which along with The Canadian Destroyer and the Spiral Tap is one of the few moves in wrestling that really never stops being amazing. Other highlights are the usual double-team goodness by the MCMG, Lance Hoyt's Moonsault, Homicide's Somersault Suicide Dive, and Hernandez just seeming to think "screw it" at the end of the match and killing all of his opponents pretty much single-handedly.

Analysis:
I honestly think it is impossible to overstate just how good Homicide and Hernandez are. I don't think Hernandez has yet overtaken Shelton Benjamin and Carlito as the most underutilized performer in professional wrestling…but he's close. I remember being torn at the year-end voting over whether to vote for LAX or the Guns as the tag team of 2007. Seeing them together, I think that the Guns are quite possibly the second best tag team in the world today—but LAX are quite probably one of the greatest of all time. It was good to see them get the win here, and it'll be even better if they let them win the titles—they have to take them off Styles & Tomko sooner or later anyway. I said that if they give this match ten minutes it would be a sleeper hit, and it didn't disappoint.

(2) "Black Machismo" Jay Lethal defeats Petey Williams

Mini-Recap:
This is a very back-and-forth contest, with finishers reversed into finishers reversed into finishers. At one point Petey tosses Lethal into the corner turnbuckle, and Lethal looks like he takes the full force on his head. He might have been a little shaky for the rest of the match, but if he was hurt he covered for it amazingly. Lethal is able to fend off Rhaka Khan, but gets taken out of his game when Steiner knocks him off the top rope. Petey hits the Canadian Destroyer (see previous comment about Hernandez's No-Hands Tope), but SoCal Val pulls the ref (a debuting Brian Hebner) before the three count. Khan goes to intimidate SoCal Val, but Sonjay Dutt comes out to make sure he keeps his distance. Lethal wins with a Small Package.

Analysis:
This show is definitely two for two. This was Petey's best match since he buffed up, and makes me think that he really hasn't lost a step. Moreover, it was far and away the best X Division Championship Match since Christopher Daniels vied for the title in October. It was well worked, with plenty of high spots, and the outside interference cancelled itself out so that we had a basically clean finish inside the ring. This was probably my match of the night.

Crystal is in the back with the Unlikely Alliance, and she wants to know who will start in the back if Cornette reverses Hebner's decision from Impact. All three are eager to start the match. Christian, as always, rules the promo.

(3) Kaz & Super Eric defeat Black Reign & Rellik

Mini-Recap:
Eric Young starts off willing to fight the monsters, but after his first stint in the match he runs away. Kaz is left to fight Reign & Rellik on his own. Thankfully, most of the offense is still by Kaz and therefore awesome, and what offense the heels do get in is mostly by Rellik and therefore competent. When Rellik finally starts to turn things against Kaz, a modified version of Superman's music hits and Eric Young comes out in full superhero regalia. He beats the living daylights out of both his opponents, winning the match with an extremely impressive Double Death Valley Driver on Reign and Rellik at once.

Analysis:
I can't believe I'm going to say this after a match featuring Black Reign and Rellik, but I really think this show is three for three. This match played out almost exactly as I expected, with the pleasant surprise of Black Reign getting in essentially no offense. As to the superhero gimmick, it's really stupid—but I think Eric Young can make it work. Every once in a while a performer has so much charisma that they can make what appears on paper to be the world's dumbest gimmick and turn it into the most entertaining thing on the roster. The most notable examples are Shane Helms, the early John Cena, and the most extreme example, Nick Dinsmore as Eugene. EY actually reminds me a lot of Eugene—it's fun as long as he's lovable, which he pretty much always is. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that this goes over like mad.

The Angle Alliance are in Cornette's office, and they want him to ignore the fans' votes and overturn Hebner's ruling from Thursday. Cornette walks out to get some air, and bumps into Team 3D, who are equally whiny.

(4) Awesome Kong defeats Gail Kim and ODB

Mini-Recap:
ODB and Kim are able to work together as long as Kong is on her feet, and are able to do some damage by knocking her out of the ring and hitting Double Missile Dropkicks. Kong's able to fend them both off fairly admirably, eventually isolating Kim just long enough to hit a Frog Splash that looks like it would put down a moderately-sized Wooly Mammoth. With Kim out it's a one on one match; ODB holds her own until Raisha Saeed grabs her from the outside. ODB tries to take her into the ring, which gives Kong all the time she needs to hit the Awesome Bomb for the win.

Analysis:
Unbelievable—we're four for four. This wasn't quite as good as the one-on-one Kim vs. Kong matches, but it was close. Unlike the X Division Title match, the outside interference really took away from the finish. Even if ODB is going to get another shot next month, this match was good enough that it deserved a cleaner conclusion. That being said, the match itself was too good for some qualms about the finish to take too much away.

We see a promo Rhino cut earlier from atop the Elevation X scaffold. He doesn't say anything overly interesting.

Cornette's in the ring, and he first announces that if Team 3D make weight tonight, they won't have to weigh in again, but if they don't then they're fired. Since that second part was already announced on the website, that was really more of a reward. He also declares that he's going to respect Stare Decisis by not introducing video replay into professional wrestling. (Technically I think HHH introduced it in 2000 when he allowed the Big Show to challenge the Rock's Royal Rumble win on the basis of video evidence.) Anyway, Cornette blabs for about three minutes, which is about two too long. On the bright side, this promo did give me an excuse to achieve my lifelong goal of working the phrase "Stare Decisis" into a wrestling column.

Ray and Devon both make weight and immediately go for the snack cakes. Curry Man and Shark Boy go for quick roll ups to start the match.

(5) Curry Man & Shark Boy defeat Team 3D

Mini-Recap:
Shark Boy and Curry Man start things off hot. Team 3D try to run up the ramp, which is surrounded by various fish related products. Curry Man and Shark Boy start fighting them off with fish, which is amusing for about 20 seconds but which they continue to incorporate in the match for the next ten minutes. The finish comes when Devine accidentally throws powder into Brother Ray's eyes; Devine gets tossed through a table on the outside, and Ray accidentally helps Curry Man 3D Devon for the win.

Analysis:
This was the lamest match on the card, and it was still eminently watch-able. They dragged out the fish business too long, but the in-ring action was actually pretty good. Team 3D seem to have found their groove as moderately ridiculous heels, and the man behind the Curry mask has proven that he can get the crowd into a match no matter how absurd his gimmick. This wasn't great, but it wasn't really a drag on the card.

After the match, Ray gets into an altercation with Johnny Fairplay and Joel from Survivor Micronesia, both of whom are at ringside.

The Angle Alliance in the back arguing over who gets to take the first five minutes of their match off. Tomko thinks it should be him since he won his match on Thursday, AJ thinks it should be him because he's busy worrying about Karen, and Angle quite reasonably thinks it should be him because AJ & Tomko are an established team. Kurt not surprisingly wins out. After he and Tomko leave, AJ finds out from JB that Karen Angle will be at Impact on Thursday and will drop a bombshell. I'm sure whatever it is will really help advance the Joe-Angle feud before their big match at Lockdown.

We recap Robert Roode-Booker T for two minutes. Then we have entrances for two minutes. Then we have Robert Roode refusing to get into the leather strap for three minutes. That's seven minutes of my life I want back.

(6) Robert Roode (w/Payton Banks) defeats Booker T (w/Traci Brooks)

Mini-Recap:
After seven minutes of prematch buildup, the match itself takes about six minutes. It's mostly offense by Booker T until the ref takes a bump. Payton Banks goes to give Roode a pair of handcuffs, but Traci cuts her off. She tries to toss the handcuffs to Booker, but Roode low-blows (sort of) the Bookerman and uses the cuffs as brass 'nuks for the win. The real story is after the match, when per stipulation Traci has to take ten lashings from Payton Banks. Booker tries to object, but security hauls him off. Banks slowly lays in the ten lashes, and then gets in a few more for good measure. Roode decides to get in a couple as well, and the commentary team gets points for logic when they note that security isn't there to break it up because it took all of them to get Booker T to the back. After Roode gets in a shot or two Sharmell runs out and takes the strap. She proceeds to lash Roode, Banks, and the returning members of security. Cornette comes out to try to calm her down, so she just lashes him too.

Analysis: There was really no reason for the prematch to be longer than the match. The match itself was too short to either be anything special or overstay its welcome. I have somewhat mixed feelings about the lashing of Ms. Brooks. It was a little slow and not very fun to watch. However, it'll probably be really good in recaps of where this feud's been and it advances the story nicely, so I'm inclined to give it a pass. Sharmell beating up everyone within a three-mile radius was somewhat fun to watch.

Crystal is in the back with Ms. Jackie and James Storm, and she wins massive points for referring to Elevation X as a really stupid match. Storm cuts what might be his best promo ever, talking about how he hasn't touched his beer because as much as he doesn't think you should drink and then drive, he's even more adamant that you shouldn't drink and then try to fight atop a scaffold. He says that Rhino shouldn't have been stupid enough to challenge him to this match, because he's crazy enough to accept. He's going to bring a six-pack down to the ring to celebrate his win, but he's sorry about Rhino's damned luck.

Storm comes out, scales the scaffold, and pulls the six-pack up by a rope. Rhino comes out and does the same, but while he's going up Storm climbs down.

(7) Rhino defeats James Storm

Mini-Recap:
Storm starts to walk away, so Rhino throws some beer cans at him. Finally Rhino decides to climb down and force the issue. They fight some in the ring, at one point setting up a table conspicuously under the giant X. Jacqueline gets involved, so Rhino chases her up the scaffolding. She climbs down the other side as Storm tries to come up behind Rhino. They brawl very tentatively on the top before Storm pulls an AJ Styles and hides inside the structure. Rhino rips the wood off the section over Storm, but Storm spits beer in his face. Rhino recovers and pushes Storm down through the scaffold and the table below.

Analysis:
I thought the structure looked a bit taller than I remembered, and West claimed it was in fact a couple feet higher. For what it's worth I believe him, and moreover think that those few feet made a real difference. I remember thinking last time that it didn't look any more dangerous than a cage match, whereas this time I was seriously worried about possible injuries. The match itself was about all you could ever expect from a scaffold match—not a lot of wrestling but a whole lot of drama. The fighting in the ring beforehand was a nice touch.

(8) Samoa Joe, Kevin Nash, & Christian Cage defeat AJ Styles, Tomko, & Kurt Angle

Mini-Recap:
The faces were pretty much in control until Angle came out at the five-minute mark (with the exception of AJ hitting one Spiral tap on Christian—see earlier comments about Hernandez's No-Hands Tope and the Canadian Destroyer). Joe went to meet him on the ramp, and the two of them just charged each other. When they got back to the ring Joe dominated much of the action until Christian got in and was isolated from his partners. Cage then hit the move of the night: he floated over an attempted Olympic Slam to land in a Headlock, jumps up to catch an incoming AJ Styles with his legs, gets flipped over by AJ behind Kurt and then hits an Inverted DDT on Kurt just in time to duck a clothesline from AJ. He makes the tag to Joe, and people pair off—Nash with AJ and Christian with Kurt on the outside, and Joe with Tomko in the ring. Joe eventually locks in the Rear Naked Choke, and with all his allies too occupied to make the save Tomko has no choice but to tap.

Analysis:
This was a very good six-man tag match that had the poor fortune to be scheduled as the main event of a PPV. The action was good, but it really never made up for the lack of stakes by achieving a big-match feel. I'm not sure why a narrow win helps Joe that much in his quest for his title—this should have resulted in either a brutal slaughter or a turn by somebody to make it seem significant. Also, I'm a little curious why Christian was still the man who paired off the most with Angle. Still, this was a very good match.

Overall: The show started off extremely strong, and while it slowed down a bit at the end with some overly fishy antics, some overly long build-up to a six-minute match, and some overly insignificant main-event results. That being said, the show was consistently entertaining throughout, as even the fish and the main-event were well done, and the first four matches were actively very good. I'll take that distribution happily. A-

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