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KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT 9/10: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of live show
Sep 10, 2007 - 10:17:28 PM |
By Wade Keller, Torch editor
WWE RAW REPORT
SEPTEMBER 10, 2007
LIVE IN GREEN BAY, WISC.
AIRED ON USA NETWORK
-Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler introduced the show. No pyro yet again. Vince McMahon and Coach walked to the ring. Vince recapped the "bastard son" storyline. He said that son is present tonight and he'll find out who it is. He said the woman who gave birth to his "bastard son" should have kept it private, but she tried to embarrass him by taking it public and giving clues. He said he can solace in the fact that his son is not from Green Bay, Wisc. He held up the latest WWE Magazine and said he is not his son, either. He ordered Coach to rip it up. Coach had trouble doing it at all once, so he opened it up and did it in smaller parts. He said Kennedy should be arrested for humiliating a McMahon. He said now is the time to find out "who is the lucky man to be bastard son."
Great Khali's music played. Ross and Lawler, playing the obligatory role of being the most gullible people in the world, assumed that since Khali walked out with his interpreted, that Khali is his son. What about the interpreter? Maybe it's him. Khali entered the ring and held up his World Hvt. Title belt. Vince was excited at the prospects. His interpreted said Khali would be proud to be referred to as The Great McMahon.
JBL's intro music interrupted the proceedings. He walked out with a huge smile and said a great visionary like him must understand that "things are looking up" doesn't have to be taken literally. He talked about how even in this market, his portfolio is looking up. He talked about their common interests and how they both go to the same barber in New York City. He said it'd be his honor to change his name from JBL to JBM - John Bradshaw McMahon.
Jeff Hardy danced to the ring to his music next. Coach sternly asked Jeff what he was doing out there. Jeff said he isn't sure. Classic. He added, "I know my dad, I love my dad." He said he's been getting these weird text messages about how when he climbs to hit his diving headbutt, everybody is looking up. A huge chant of "Hardy, Hardy" broke out. When McMahon said that he doesn't look like his brother and that might mean he is his son, Hardy said, "I sure as hell hope not." Vince gave him that "tell me you didn't just say that" look. Hardy said unlike those two cats (JBL and Khali), he's just waiting for someone to tell him he's not his son. JBL told Hardy to show some respect. Hardy said, sounding like Nicholas Cage, told JBL he shouldn't be talking to anyone about where he gets haircuts. A flustered JBL said same to you, then took a shot at Khali's cro-magnon skull.
The attorney showed up on the big screen. Vince demanded to know now. He said he would find out later in the show. Vince asked if it wasn't one of the people in the ring. The lawyer said as a professional courtesy, he'd say it wasn't Hardy. Hardy yelled, "Yeah!" McMahon said he doesn't care about him if he's not his son, so he's going to put him in against another champion, Great Khali. Who didn't see that coming? With the crowd pop Hardy got again tonight, they better not squash him against Khali. Then again, Hardy's pretty teflon, so he'll getting pops, but if he's going to be a draw, he can't get squashed against established top tier pushed main eventers which (it hurts to say) Khali is at this time.
[Commercial Break]
1 -- LANCE CADE (w/Trevor Murdoch) vs. PAUL LONDON (w/Brian Kendrick)
Ross reported that Cade & Murdoch lost and a few days later regained the WWE Tag Team Titles from London & Kendrick on their overseas tour last week. They'd have another rematch at Unforgiven. Ross said John Cena has been barred from the arena due to what happened last week with his attack on William Regal. Ross and Lawler said they've never seen so many security officers as are surrounding the arena this week. Back and forth action, expectedly good with London's athleticism a breath of fresh air on this show. Late, London fought out of a superplex attempt by Cade. When Murdoch teased interference, that distracted the ref. Kendrick took advantage with the Sliced Bread on Cade. London made the cover and scored the pin.
WINNER: London in 3:00.
STAR RATING: * -- Short, but good.
-They went backstage to Triple H sitting down with a pen in hand with a "thinking hard" look on his face. Ross said Coach allowed Carlito to select Triple H's opponent tonight. He then acted surprised the camera was on, and turned the card around where he had written a plug for his new Triple H t-shirt.
[Commercial Break]
-Ross and Lawler talked about how hard it is to believe they're coming up on the 10th annual edition of Unforgiven. Lawler talked about the 2000 edition when the Hardys won the tag titles. Then they went to a video package on the Cena-Regal-Orton saga.
-They showed all of the security guards in he parking garage guarding the arena entrance.
-McMahon asked Coach how Regal was doing. Coach said he's recovering quite nicely, but he's nowhere ready to return to work yet. Coach said he was eager to step up. Coach informed McMahon that he banned Cena from the arena. McMahon acted surprised. Coach explained his rationale. He then brought up that in a website poll, the no. 2 finisher among fans is Stevie Richards. Richards walked. He shook Vince's hand. Vince broke into uproarious laughter. "I knew our audience could be way out, but that's way out!" he said. He sent Stevie out of the room and then told Coach that is ridiculous. Vince asked who finished no. 1. Coach hesitated, then said Triple H. Ross brought up how near Greenwich and Stamford are. He said the geography might work, as if Vince cheated on his wife at home rather than on the road.
-A clip aired of Triple H hitting Umaga with his sledgehammer last week. Todd Grisham then interviewed Carlito about facing him at Unforgiven on Sunday. He said by the end of the night, "it's going to be Carlito who proves to be Triple H's daddy."
[Commercial Break]
2 -- TRIPLE H vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN (w/Carlito)
Triple H made his full ring intro. Then Shelton's music revealed that he was Carlito's choice. Shelton got little or no pop. The WWE promoting machine is amazing. After Carlito tried to distracted Hunter, Hunter threw Shelton onto Carlito next to the announcers' desk.
[Commercial Break]
Shelton applied a chinlock mid-ring as the came back from the break. What else, right? When the red light is off, grab a hold. Hunter punched out of it 1977 style. Shelton turned right around with a DDT for a two count at 5:00. Shelton applied a sleeper on the mat. Hunter escaped and went for a quick Pedigree. Shelton escaped and suddenly springboarded off of the second rope with a flying forearm for a two count, then reapplied the sleeper with a leg wrap for added control. Hunter came back and hit a high knee at 7:00, then a hard clothesline in the corner. After a slam, Carlito distracted Hunter, but Hunter turned in time to fend off Shelton and Pedigree him for the win. Carlito entered the ring with a chair to make the save, but was too late. Hunter kicked Carlito and grabbed the chair. Carlito fled to the stage. Coach walked out and said Mr. McMahon feels he needs a taste of his own medicine, therefore his match against Carlito at Unforgiven is now a no-DQ match for Carlito only. So Carlito can use any object he wants against him, but Hunter will be DQ'd for using anything, including his sledgehammer. "Now that's cool," Carlito said.
WINNER: Triple H in 8:00.
STAR RATING: *1/2 - Basic, decent stuff. Nothing more, though.
-They showed security inspecting arriving cars in the parking garage. Then they showed Randy Orton backstage.
[Commercial Break]
-They showed Green Bay Packers in the front row.
WHAT HAPPENED: HOUR TWO
-Randy Orton walked out for a featured promo. He said Cena is probably at home with his father watching Raw, but the volume is probably low because his father's head is still throbbing. Orton said he's gotten in Cena's head and he won't be able to concentrate on Sunday. The crowd began cheering, giving away Cena's arrival through the crowd. Orton fled as he told security to do their job. Cena tried to break through the human chain of security, but was stopped several times. Cena roared and the kids and women cheered.
-Coach said he banned Cena from the arena. Vince told him to do his job. Cena barged toward Vince past security. Cena said Orton will see rage in his eyes and feel pain and vengeance in his bones for himself, his family, and his father. He said even Vince can understand that. Cena's voice cracked as he talked. It wasn't far off from the intensity and content and delivery of Samoa Joe's TNA Impact promo last week.
[Commercial Break]
3 -- MICKIE JAMES vs. JILLIAN HALL
Candice Michelle came out to a full ring intro first and joined Ross and Lawler at ringside. Candice said her biggest challenge yet is going against Beth Phoenix at Unforgiven. She talked up her power and size. Jillian pulled Mickie's hair wildly, but Mickie came back with a reverse hook kick to the head for the win. Afterward, Phoenix attacked Mickie and Jillian. Candice jumped in the ring, but Phoenix overpowered her with suplexed her hard to the mat, then stood over her body.
WINNER: Mickie in 2:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4*
-Ross and Lawler wondered more about the identity of Vince's son.
-A clip aired promoting the Undertaker return at Unforgiven.
[Commercial Break]
-Santino mourned the death of opera singer Luciano Pavarotti. He said at least he didn't live long enough to see "The Condemned" starring Steve Austin on DVD. He said Italian like fine art and culture "while you people settle for putting cheese on your french fries and watching Hollywood movies." He said that's not culture. Sandman's music played.
4 -- SANTINO MARELLA vs. SANDMAN
Santino jump-started the match. Sandman came back right away. Sandman favored his left ankle after running into the corner. Santino worked it over. Maria and Ron Simmons were shown watching on a monitor backstage. Sandman came back and dove onto Santino on the floor, barely clearing the top rope in the process. Santino hit Sandman with a cane shot for the DQ. Afterward, Santino broke the cane over his knee, but screamed in pain afterward and stumbled out of the ring to the back.
WINNER: Sandman via DQ in 2:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4*
-Another plug for McMahon's mystery son and the Hardy-Khali match.
[Commercial Break]
-A commercial aired pushing Great Khali vs. Batista on Smackdown this Friday.
-Maria told Simmons backstage that Santino hasn't been the same since the dating game. He wondered if he should tell him she wants to start seeing other people. Santino attacked Simmons from behind.
-A segment aired on the Diva Search 2007 Finalists. Lawler said it might be the best ever.
-Ross and Lawler ran down the entire Unforgiven PPV line-up.
-The Great Khali's ring entrance took place.
[Commercial Break]
5 -- THE GREAT KHALI vs. JEFF HARDY
Hardy ran off the ropes, but Khali dropped him with a wheel kick. He then crushed his head between his hands. Hardy faded. Khali threw him to the mat. Khali put his foot on is chest and pinned him. "Thank God it's over," said Ross.
WINNER: Khali in 1:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4* -- Not much to it. You knew that would happen. It's six days before Rey's title shot, so they have to make it seem like he had little hope against Khali so people buy it to see how he survived - or if he survived.
-Batista came out. Ross declared that Batista ha returned to Raw. Batista speared Khali to the mat. Batista's music played, Batista celebrated, and Khali stared from ringside.
-They showed Vince and Coach backstage approaching the entrance tunnel.
[Commercial Break]
-All of the WWE wrestlers from all the brands came to ringside. Vince said one them will proudly be declared a McMahon. The lawyer on the big screen said the client has a series of messages regarding who his son is not. His son is not extreme. Vince told everyone from ECW to leave ringside. They did. "Thank God it's not Balls Mahoney," Vince said. The lawyer next said his son has a fondness for gold. Vince said all current or former champions stay. When fans let out a Hacksaw "Hooo!" Vince said Hacksaw Duggan is old enough to be his father. Next the lawyer said his son's skin is fair. Vince said all non-Caucasian should leave. Ross said, "Al Sharpton just exhaled." Vince told Coach he could stay. Vince called for everyone else to enter the ring. The lawyer said, "Your son's skin is fair, as is his hair." That rules in all blonds. Kane left the ring, along with Matt Hardy, Chuck Palumbo, Paul London, Deuce & Domino, Jamie Noble, et al. The crowd chanted, "Kennedy, Kennedy, Kennedy." Vince said Kennedy may be from Green Bay, but he's been suspended for impersonating a McMahon. The lawyer said his son is also "individual." Vince asked if that meant his son was of individual gold, not tag gold. Cade and Murdoch left the ring. That left JBL, Triple H, and Sandman. Vince said two out of the three could be disastrous for him, so he asked, somewhat timidly, for the final clue. The lawyer said his son loves to play the game. Hunter dropped his chin and paced around. JBL and Sandman left the ring. JBL looked like he just walked in on a midget orgy. Vince stepped up to Hunter. Hunter peered back at him. Vince said, "If you're my son, that means that..." Hunter said, "I don't like this any more than you do, all right." Vince said there was something wrong with that. The crowd was silent.
The lawyer said his son does indeed love to play the game, whether it's hide and seek, horseshoes, or last Friday night on Smackdown, marbles. Vince told him to stop talking in riddles and tell him who his son is. The lawyer said, "Things are looking up for you, Mr. McMahon, but not yours. For your son. Hornswoggle." Hunter laughed and Hornswoggle came out from under the ring. Hornswoggle hugged Vince's leg.
This was the best way to write themselves out of this angle by keeping it short-term and comedy. Since Hornswoggle won't be around forever, they can can write themselves out of this at any time, but in the mean time, Vince is embarrassed and everyone gets a nice laugh. Also, it doesn't stick a long-term wrestler with the identity that would end up being more of a curse than a blessing because it'd define him and distract from anything else he did. So this is a suitable outcome to the mystery. The elimination via clues was a nice way to whittle it down and build anticipation, and the false finish of Triple H without actually saying overtly Hunter is married to Stephanie was well done.
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