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KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
NOVEMBER 1, 2007
AIRED ON SPIKE TV
TAPED 10/29 IN ORLANDO, FLA.

WHAT HAPPENED: 1ST HOUR

-A video recap aired of the Sting-Kurt Angle-Kevin Nash-Jim Cornette storyline from last week's show. The video production was great, as usual.

-The Impact opening aired, then Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show. It's almost like they're sedated now. Come on, show some enthusiasm! (Just kidding. They're right on now with a sense of professional enthusiasm without being frenetic or just yelling.)

-Kurt Angle with wife Karen wlaked to the ring. Angle held his World Title belt in the air, then passed it to Karen to hold. The crowd immediately chanted "Angle sucks." Angle referred to himself as an all-around great guy and beloved champion who has a partner who wants to tear his throat out, Kevin Nash, and an opponent in Sting who is an "angry parent and icon" and mystery partner - all of whom want his TNA World Title. He called Nash broken down and said he was riding him back to the top until now. He said, "On the other side is this president of the PTA and stay at home mom, Sting." He said he wants to know who Sting's partner is. Tenay interjected that Sting wants to keep his guessing. The crowd chanted "Angle sucks." He said in response, "Let me ask, any of you have a gold medal? You're all losers. It's real, it's damn real." Sting's music played and he stepped out onto the ramp.

Angle looked his way and said, "Not only am I a world class athlete, but I'm a Rhode Scholar. I have not only one, but two degrees - one in physical education and one in liberal arts, which pretty much makes me a genius. Plus I watch CSI, Law & Order, and 24, which means I can crack a pretty good case." Vintage Angle. He said by the end of the night he'll find out who his mystery partnre is. Sting mocked him for becoming a phys ed major, which was lame (why rip on phys ed teachers everywhere?). He said his partner has been a champion everywhere including in WCW and WWE. He said it's someone he's worked with and he rubbed him the wrong way. Angle said that can't be true because anyone who has worked with him loves him.

Kevin Nash stepped out onto the stage. Nash said, "Hey Kurt, I know you and I don't love you. I don't even like you. You're pretty much a jackass." He recommended that he not worry who Sting's partner, but worry about who his partner is. He said their thing is just getting heated up. Angle said he's tired of running from him. He said he can take him. He said, "Instead of signing it, bring it!" Nash walked to the ring. When he stepped into the ring, Angle went from a fighting stance to jumping to ringside quickly. He called on Nash to follow him. Sting caught Angle from behind and punched him into the ring. Nash and Stiing took turns pounding on Angle, who bailed out and treated to the back with Karen. West's wheezing was back to being annoying this week.

-They showed West and Tenay at ringside who previewed the show including an upcoming interview with Nash. They also plugged Kaz vs. James Storm, Christian Cage vs. a mystery replacement for the departed Junior Fatu (yea!), and LAX vs. A.J. Styles & Tomko.

1 -- JAMES STORM (w/Miss Jackie) vs. KAZ - Fight for the Right Tournament

WINNER: Kaz in 2:00 with a back bridge.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Normally I'm against quick matches, but this wasn't a good bet to keep viewers if it went long with very little backstory.

-After the match, Eric Young offered a beer to Storm. Storm accepted and swigged some beer. Storm handed Young one of his own beers and invited him to join him. Young swigged it faster. He then handed Storm another beer. Storm tried to outdrink Young. Young then drank a second one in about three seconds. How many people expected Sandman to show up? They each drank the final two as the same time, although in both instances, most ended up on their respective chests. Not sure what that segment was all about, but it wasn't offensive or anything.

[Commercial Break]

-Backstage, Karen approached Kurt backstage in a dark office. Angle was smoking a cigar. Karen asked what he was doing since he doesn't even smoke cigars. Jeremy Borash lurked in the background. They were trying to create an old private eye movie aura. Karen said Kurt and his little friend can play their make-belief as she goes and takes care of business. Kurt asked Jeremy what that meant.

-Crystal interviewed Nash. She asked what his relationship is with Angle. He said there is none. He said he's not going to help anyone win the title. "As far as I'm concerned, it's me against the other three guys." She asked about him being inactive for years. He said being a wrestler is like riding a bike. He said he hasn't riden a bike in five years but he could probably get on one. He said he's been around long enough and has enough contacts, he can find out by the end of the night who his opponent is at Genesis.

-Team 3D came out. Brother Ray sarcastically began a "That was awesome!" chant. The crowd deserves that. There hvae been way too many undeserved pops for X Division spots by this crowd over the years. Devon wore an "X Sux" shirt. Tenay said, "X Division action is awesome!" Ray said what's awesome is the tag team match he and Devon had with Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin's mothers earlier in the hotel. "Let's take a look at the X Division," he said. "They're a bunch of 150 pound boys flip-floppin' and flyin' all over the place. I've taken craps bigger than kids in the X Division." West said he's just jealous he can't flip, flop, and fly himself. Ray said there's this star-rating system, but the only two stars he sees in the ring are in the right now. "What about all those punks sitting at home, hiding behind their keyboards. They all think they know what's right for the X Division. But, you know what, you punks sitting at home givin' your opinions on everything are like the X Division - little boys who could never hack it in a men's world of professional wrestling." Was he looking at me? It sure looked like it to me. He said the reason they will destroy the X Division is so simple is "because we can."

Shelley & Sabin walked out onto the stage. Shelley asked, "Anyone else want these two guys to shut the hell up." He said for the past few weeks he's head them talk about things they hate. "I bet you hate low carb diets," Shelley suggested. "I bet you hate your nemesis, exercise. But there's one thing I know you hate as evidence by those shirts - you hate the X Division. Well, news flash: The X Division hates you, too." He said they're bullies and there's only one way to stand up to them. He had Sabin hold up a hand. He said that hand is a hand of vengance which will slap the taste out of his mouth.

Devon said as far as he's concerned, "we're going to end it tonight." Ray said he's going to take great pleasure in it. He said, "Devon, get the tables!" They couldn't find the tables. Out walked other X Division wrestlers holding tables. Ray said, "Hey, those are our tables. Give us back our tables, now." Shark Boy, Petey Williams, and Sonjay Dutt jumped Team 3D from behind. The three X Division wrestlers got knocked down by Ray and Devon, but as Ray began wupping them with his belt, the rest of the X Division stomped them down. Because the way to show up a bully and prove you're tough and they're wrong is to attack them 12 on 1. Right? Shelley said it sucks being attacked from behind, but at the Genesis pay-per-view, they'll have no choice but to face them straight on. Tenay said a challenge was just issued.

[Commercial Break]

-In the dark back room, "Black Machismo" Jay Lethal was under an interrogation light talking about fighting Ultimate Warrior in front of a milllion people. Angle asked who Sting's mystery partner would be. Machismo suggested Wahoo McDaniel. Angle said he's crazy and to get the hell out of there. He crossed paths with a TNA Knockout girl. They seemed to be mutually lovestruck.

-Elsewhere, Crystal interviewed Christy Hemme, Lance Hoyt, and Jimmy Rave. To keep up TNA's tradition of interjecting dissension in a faction in their first-every promo, Christy accused Rave of bad-mouthing their relationship. Christy said, "I've heard you talking about me. Red snapper? You weren't talking about fishing." Rave said, "Of course I was talking about fishing. What else could a red snapper be?" Rave told her to focus on her match against Awesome Kong later. Rave referred to he and Hoyt as the Rock & Rave Infection. Hoyt giggled. She told him to "stop laughing with the idiot." Christy told Hoyt he's getting nothing tonight, then stormed off. If Christy's goal is play a strung out hag trying to look trailer park pretty, it's working. I can't believe they're already playing up problems within that faction before they even established where Rave came from, how he hooked up with Hoyt and Christy, and what he's all about.

2 -- AWESOME KONG vs. CHRISTY HEMME

Christy applied an early sleeper attempt. Kong made a cartoon face briefly. Christy moved to yanking on her hair. Kong shook her head and Christy went flying. She followed with a nasty chop to the neck. They replayed the stiff blow from two different angles. Kong then lifted Hemme into her torture rack, then threw her to the mat. Kong yanked her up by her hair and powerbombed her for the three count.

WINNER: Kong in 2:00.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- That chop was worth a half-star alone.

-Young listened into Sting's locker room and got excited. He told Crystal who the mystery partner is going to be. They both got excited. Young told her she can't tell anyone.

[Commercial Break]

-Angle interrogated Robert Roode. He told Roode he really admires the way he treats women. He said sometimes you've just got to lay the hammer down and show who wears the pants. "They're all crazy, every single one of them," he said. Roode asked where Kurt's wife was. He said he didn't know, she said she was taking care of business. Roode said she's out there screwing around and doing something behind his back. He told him to send her back to the kitchen where she belongs and assert that he's the boss. Roode left. Angle asked Borash where Karen is. Angle began to panic.

-Tenay and West talked about Sting's mystery partner mystery. West said, "Well, most of the time Eric's a lost ball in high weeds, but this time he may really know something." Never heard that phrase before. West plugged the other mystery - who would replace Fatu.

-Crystal interviewed Dustin Rhodes. He said he told everyone that he couldn't be responsible for the actions of Black Reign. He acted crazy and hit himself on the head. He said he's scared of what's going to happen. Abyss jumped Rhodes. He bashed a black box over Reign's head, then pulled out a key and threw it to the ground. That may have been intended to mean something.

-Chris Harris complained to Angle about how his family drama ends up on Impact every week. He said he doesn't appreciate how he's busting his butt in the ring and Tenay and West are always talking about him and his wife. Angle yelled that he's supposed to interrogating him, and not the other way around. "You're worse than my wife," he said.

[Commercial Break]

-Man, there was very little need for a wrestling ring in that first hour. That's just not enough action on a show of this type. Too much talking and wrestling-acting.

WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR

-Angle stood behind Kip. Kip asked, "Are you smelling me?" Angle complained about Kip's appearance and mannerisms. Kip said he's fixing to stick his boot up his ass. "Oh, there you go with that sexual talk again," said Angle. B.G. James turned the tables and began shining the hanging light in Angle's face. He asked, "Does this have anything to do with your father." Angle began sobbing. He said not once did he ever tell him he loved him. Kip, B.G., and Roxxi slinked out of the room.

-Crystal interviewed Christian Cage. "Can someone please explain to me what's going on around here!" He talked about Angle running around playing Reno 911. He said if he wants to solve a real mystery, why doesn't he get an automatic bye in the tourney when his opponent doesn't show up. He said if it was Jim Cornette's idea, he wants to know. He said he hasn't seen Cornette all day. He yelled out for Tomko and A.J. Styles. He stormed off. In the background, Nash was talking on his cell phone. He said, "Come on, Pac, you're the only person he listens to. Nah, it's a bad idea. He wants to get his feet wet. Well, tell him I'll be waiitng in the water." Then he kicked his chair in anger. That was well-directed in that it did seem, as much as it does in wrestling, to be a natural conversation Crystal just happened upon. That said, I know who Pac is, but have no idea who he was referring to as far as waiting in the water.

3 -- ROBERT ROODE & MISS BROOKS vs. SAMOA JOE & GAIL KIM

The women fought for a couple minutes, then Kim tagged in Joe. Joe yanked Roode into the ring. Joe snap powerslammed Roode and then applied a rear naked choke with a body wrap. The women got back inot the match. Kim leverage pinned Brooks seconds into their exchange. Roode threw his fit at Brooks afterward. "What? You are pathetic. You are as worthless and useless as each and every one of these idiots." He begged her to quit. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't fire you right now!" Kim charged into the ring and shoved Roode. She said she can't stand watching him treat her like that anymore. She called him Bob and slapped him. Joe entered the ring before Roode could retaliate against Kim. He knocked Roode to the floor and fought him into the crowd as they cut to a break.

WINNERS: Kim & Joe in 2:00.

STAR RATING: 1/2*

[Commercial Break]

-A DVD was plugged titled "The History of TNA - Year One" featuring a documentary with interviews and early vintage footage - assuming 2002 happenings qualify as "vintage." Certainly Jeff Jarrett's haircut and clothes do.

-Back from the break, a very bloodied Joe battled Roode. Tenay and West turned up the volume as they showed a clip of Joe being rammed face-first into the point of the steps at ringside. "The rivalry has become an absolute war." As they were pulled apart, they cut to the back.

-Two TNA Knockouts, Angel and Talia, were interrogated by Borash, puffing on a cigar. Angel said Eric Young's been telling everyone who Sting's partner is. That got Angle's attention. They refused to say. Talia asked, "What's in it for us?" Borash got excited and offered them his hotel key. Angel said, "Sounds like a deal, J.B." They said they were going to tell Borash, but instead kneed him in the gut. Angle asked Borash, "Who'd they say?" He uttered, "Pain." Angle said, "Powers of Pain?" Borash corrected him. Angle said next time he hits on a woman, he should wear a cup.

4 -- CHRISTIAN CAGE vs. CHRIS HARRIS

Tenay said Joe and Roode fought to the back. He said they've been signed to a singles match at Genesis. Three minutes of decent back and forth action. When Christian kicked Storm to the floor, they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

More decent action after the break. Christian leapfrogged a charge by Harris. Christian then gave him an inverted DDT for a near fall at 10:00. Christian followed up with a charge, but Harris speared him as he charged and scored a two count. Christian set up an Unprettier, but Harris reversed it for a near fall. Christian avoided a Catatonic and went for another Unprettier. Harris blocked it and rolled up Christian, but Christian rolled through and scored the three count with a grip on the top rope for leverage.

WINNER: Christian in 13:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Something was missing. It seems like it should have been better than it was, as it seemed maybe half step less intense or smooth than it should have been. Just kinda clunky and rehearsed looking.

-After the match, Harris told the ref Christian used the top rop. As he asked the fans to tell the ref, Christian brought a ladder into the ring and nailed Harris with it. Christian then hit a frog splash off the ladder.

-Cyrstal interviewed Nash backstage. She said she overheard his conversation earlier and it seemed heated. He said in all of his years in the business, he never expected this to happen. He said he had to have a talk with Kurt.

[Commercial Break]

-Angle had Young tied up backstage. He interrogated him and beat him, yelling, "Who is he? Tell me!" Borash told Angle to take it easy. Angle told Borash to get him out of there or he'd "take it out on his ass."

-Tenay said nobody is safe around Angle. Then they previewed the TNA Genesis line-up. ODB vs. Roxxi Laveau vs. Gail Kim vs. Angel Williams in a Women's Four-Way Title match, Motor City Machine Guns vs. Team 3D, Roode vs. Joe, Sting & a partner vs. Nash & Angle for the TNA World Hvt. Title. Black Reign interrupted on the monitor all dressed up and wacky. He invited Abyss for a Shop of Horrors match at Genesis. He said he should have taken the key because now his worst nightmare is about to unleashed. Tenay said, "Wow! What an amazing transformation."

-Tenay did the former "Tale of the Tape" segment, renamed more appropriately "Tag Lines" with some factoids about the match-up.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- A.J. STYLES & TOMKO vs. HOMICIDE & HERNANDEZ -- TNA Tag Title Match

Tenay talked about how the two teams are almost mirror images, with one smaller more agile member and a complimentary powerhouse. Hernandez tossed Styles around in the opening minute. Styles threw a bit of a hissy-fit, then tagged in Tomko. Tomko got in Hernandez's face. They slugged each other. Hernandez elbowed Tomko to the floor. Styles leaped at Hernandez, but Hernandez caught him and threw him to the floor. Homicide then dove through the ropes and speared both Tomko and Styles on the floor. Homicide gave West a little hand-slap as they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

At 11:00 Hernandez took Tomko down with a big slam. Tenay said it's a rarity to see Tomko handled lke that. Styles dove at Styles, who was caught mid-air and given a sit-out powerbomb by Big H. Tomko saved Styles from a Border Toss with a big boot to the chest. Homicide and Hernandez knocked Tomko to the floor. Homicide hit a suplex and then lifted Styles into the air and gave him a backbreaker over his shoulder leading to a two count. Tomko saved Styles and hit Homicide with a Pele Kick. A four-way brawl broke out. Styles tossed Homicide to the floor. Hernandez charged at Tomko, but took a forearm to the thrat. Styles then hit Big H with a springboard somersault splash for the three count.

WINNER: Styles & Tomko in 12:00.

STAR RATING: **1/2 -- Good main event tag action. This show needed an extended dose of exciting action.

-After the match, the Steiiners jumped Styles and Tomko on the ramp. Then they quickly cut to the back where Angle berated Karen in the interrogation area. Borash continued to smoke a cigar backstage. Angle said he can smell Aqua Velva on her and accused her of cheating on him. This just got too silly and campy. Nash barged into the room. He said he knows who Sting's partner is. "Scott Hall," said Nash. Angle said, "Does it get any worse than that." Nash said, "Yeah it does, because he's going to be here next week."

-A music video closed out the show.

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