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KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
NOVEMBER 5, 2007
LOS ANGELES, CALIF.
WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR
-Satino and Maria walked to the ring. Santino said Steve Austin would not be there. "He's just like Kobe Bryant. He's bald, he's popular, and he does not want to be Los Angeles," he said. He said a celebrity is present, the director of the movie "The Condemned." He told the fans not to applaud. "Trust me, I saw it." Santino asked the unamused director if when he was filming "The Condemned," did he ever wish the prop guns were real so he could blow his brains out. Santino corrected himself and said it was the moviegoers who wanted to blow their brains out. He said, "Tonight, there's not going to be a glass breaking, not a can of the ass whip being opened, nobody's going to stomp a mud pie, J.R.'s not going to reach the point orgasm, this is Santino Marella time." The glass broke. Steve Austin walked out wearing his "Been there, destroyed that" t-shirt. I hope that outsells DX t-shirts this year.
Austin played to the crowd at each corner of the ring whole holding up a DVD of "The Condemned." Austin asked Santino, "How you doing kid. My name's 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin." He shook his hand. He said he noticed that he's been misquoting Austin lately. He said, "It's not a can of ass whip, it's a can of whoop ass." He said that's what he opens when someone pisses him off. Austin got bleeped as he corrected Santino about the "stomp a mud pie" thing. Austin also told him, "It's the bottom line, not the bottom lines." Santino said sometimes he likes to say more than one thing. That was funny. Santino said he appreciated the education. Austin said he's been watching him run down his movie the last six weeks.
Austin said he was sceptical that he even watched the movie. Santino said he had watched it. Austin asked how many times. Santino said once. Austin asked him about the action scenes. Santino said he had to leave the room during those scenes because he almost vomited because it was so violent. Austin asked if he watched the extras. Santino said he was so upset he just turned of the TV. He said those are 90 minutes of the movie he can't get back. Austin said he appreciates that he has an honest opinion on the movie, but he doesn't appreciate that he's trying to make a name off of him by running down the movie. Austin said maybe now they should just have a beer with together and then he can ride off into the sunset. Santino said his beer burns his throat and is horrible; "wine is the drink of a person with culture," he said.
Austin gave him a DVD copy of "The Condemned." He said he thinks it's the best action movie to come along in ten years. Santino held the DVD case, then tossed it to the mat, stepped on it, and kicked it away. "I can't put myself through that again," he said. Austin kicked him in the gut and gave him a Stunner. Lawler asked what he was thinking. Austin said he's not a doctor, but he looks thirsty. He put the DVD in Santino's mouth and walked to the back. Maria entered the ring to check on Santino. Austin returned to the ring driving a huge Budweiser truck. He pulled out a hose. The hose sprayed fans in the front row when it was turned on too soon. Austin then sprayed Santino with it. It was high powered liquid coming out of there. Austin drank some cans of beer in the corner. When he turned around, he noticed Maria. She begged off. Austin looked to the crowd for an indication if he should spray her, too. Maria shook her head no. The fans cheered yes. Austin sprayed her, too. Santino got up, but he slipped and fell almost immediately. Austin jumped onto the roof of the truck and played to the crowd as he drank more beer.
Ross said, "Oh hell yeah! We still got DX to come. You think this was wild!" Lawler plugged DX vs. Umaga & Randy Orton.
[Commercial Break]
-Vince McMahon chatted with son Hornswoggle backstage. Vince said the time has come for him to stand on his own. He said if he's lived by the credo "size doesn't matter," that will be tested at Survivor Series against his opponent. In walked The Great Khali. Hornswoggle made his sad face.
-Ross said he'd like to say that was a joke, but it's not. He said he doesn't know how Hornwoggle will survive. Unless he runs around and doesn't get caught, then gets counted out or DQ'd. Lawler thanked The Hives for their official Survivor Series song, "Tick Tick Boom." They plugged the line-up so far, including the ten-man tag, Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels for the WWE Title, Batista vs. Undertaker in the Hell in a Cell, and Hornswoggle vs. Khali.
-Backstage, Triple H said he's been asked to come out there and fill time as the ring crew dismantled the ring apron to clean up all of the beer. Michaels walked in and said he's got everything ready. Hunter asked if everything is cool. Michaels said he doesn't do cool. Hunter introduced the DX Dancers. Big Dick Johnson came out dancing with DX glow sticks. Hunter said if he want something done right, you have to do it yourself. Hunter shoved Johnson to the side, then introduced "The Girls Next Door," two women who gyrated and danced with Hunter. Michaels had already promptly left the picture.
[Commercial Break]
-Mickie James wished Trevor Murdoch luck backstage. Lance Cade told her "thanks, good bye" and then told Murdoch to concentrate.
Ross said he doesn't understand the relationship between Cody and Holly. Lawler said it's all about respect. Lawler said Murdoch is the only guy who can see his lower lip without a mirror. How many people across the country just stuck out their lower lip and looked down at that moment? Ross touted the crowd of 17,133. He said it's a larger crowd than a Laker sellout. His logic was that they were sitting on the court, but he left off that the Raw entrance stage eats up a huge section of Laker seats. Ross also touted that the Citrus Bowl ticket sales for WM24 has already surpassed The Rolling Stones. Holly stopped a distraction from Cade at ringside, then Cody hit a sunset flip for the quick three count. Holly gave a stern look to Cody.
WINNER: Rhodes in 2:00.
STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Just too short to amount to much, but what there was looked good.
-Ross and Lawler were shown on camera. Ross said last week they lost Fabulous Moolah. Great to see them give additional TV time to her. Ross said the first women's match he refereed in 1974 included her. Lawler said she got her name because she wrestled for the money, the moolah. Ross said they'll miss her. They went to a special video on her. Afterward, they showed the fans cheering for her and holding up signs for her.
[Commercial Break]
-They showed Dusty Hill of ZZ Top and Jamie Kennedy in the crowd.
5 -- HACKSAW DUGGAN & SUPER CRAZY vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN & CHARLIE HAAS
Before the match, Duggan and Crazy attempted to the crowd to chant "Si!" and "Ho!" It didn't work at all, despite a drawn out attempt with both going back and forth shouting those words. Lawler and Ross talked at length about how it didn't work, which was a surprisingly acknowledgment. A chant of "Me-xi-co" did break out briefly as Crazy went for a hot-tag to Duggan. Shelton mocked Crazy's attempt to hot-tag Duggan, then knocked Duggan of the ring apron. Crazy rolled up Shelton for a surprise schoolboy seconds later for the upset win.
WINNERS: Duggan & Crazy in 2:00.
STAR RATING: DUD -- Seriously, what goes through McMahon's mind when he decides this type of match is a good use of TV time, all three minutes it took up?
[Commercial Break]
6 -- TRIPLE H & SHAWN MICHAELS vs. UMAGA & RANDY ORTON
DX jump-started the match, knocking both heels to the floor in the opening seconds. Michaels hit Umaga with a flip dive over the top rope to the floor. Hunter went after Orton at ringside, ramming his head into the announce table. At 2:00 Michaels avoided an Umaga sit splash on his face, then tagged in Hunter. Hunter gave him a DDT. Umaga had his braids back this way, by the way. Umaga came back with a slam and a splash, then they cut to a break.
[Commercial Break]
A commercial aired hyping the 15th Anniversary of Raw on Dec. 10 which would include a three-hour special broadcast. The voiceover touted that the show has no off-season and no reruns. Hunter caught a charging Orton with a boot to the face. Then he crawled over to Michaels. Michaels got the hot tag and then hit Orton with a top rope elbow. Umaga nailed Michaels with a hard clothesline to end his momentum instantly. Umaga beat up Michaels for a minute, then Orton tagged in and continued the beatdown including a standing dropkick. Umaga tagged in again a minute later. Michaels avoided a flying headbutt and hot-tagged Hunter. Hunter worked on both Orton and Umaga, including ramming Umaga into the ringpost and giving Orton a spinebuster. As Hunter set up a Pedigree on Orton, Umaga broke it up with a Samoan Spike. Hunter kicked out of an Orton pin attempt. A minute later Orton went for an RKO. Hunter blocked it and hot-tagged Michaels at 16:00. Michaels hit Orton with the Sweet Chin Music for the clean pin.
WINNERS: Michaels & Hunter in 16:00.
STAR RATING (**3/4): Best match of the show. Good, basic stuff with the right finish.
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