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KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT 12/10: Ongoing report including announcement of Greatest Raw Superstar (hour three)
Dec 10, 2007 - 10:22:38 PM |
By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor
KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT (hour three)
DECEMBER 10, 2007
LIVE FROM BRIDGEPORT, CONN.
-Eric Bischoff pretended to cry. Then he said he's there not to bring smiles to their faces, but take money from their pocketbooks. He said people like them are reliant on people like him to entertain them. He said Vince McMahon is reliant on people like him to reinvent the business time and time again. He asked for a round of applause. Chris Jericho's music interrupted. This is appropriate given their history together over the years dating back to Nitro. Ross said they're not the best of buddies. Bischoff asked what he was doing there since he fired him a few years ago. Jericho told him to shut up. He said he's still an ass clown. Jericho said he did fire him two years ago, but during his time away he realized he was a little burned out, but as time went on, he recharged and is back better than ever. He said this Sunday he will prove it by becoming champion. Bischoff smiled and said, "Good luck with that," while mockingly laughing. Bischoff is actually looking a bit like Dark Starr, actually (a Minnesota rado personality). Jericho made fun of Bischoff's bowl haircut and expanding gut. Bischoff told Jericho to forfeit his match right now and save the fans their money and false hope. Jericho said he could forfeit the match, "or I could just beat your ass right now." He called Bischoff a true jack-off whose book was a rip-off who should have his bowl cut shaved off and would go to Tijuana to pick up a hooker for a little boff-boff and should step off before he pisses him off before he gives him a sendoff before he slaps the smirk on his face off. Bischoff began to leave. Jericho grabbed his shoulder, said he'd rather knock his block off, and then Jericho took him down. As he set up a Walls of Jericho, Randy Orton charged into the ring. Jericho put him in the Walls of Jericho and Orton frantically tapped. Ross said if that happens on Sunday, they'll have a new WWE Champion. Jericho held Orton's belt, looked at it longingly, and then dropped it over Orton's fallen body as Orton continued to sell the Walls. Good segment. Bischoff was as slimy as always, Jericho got to throw out some decent one-liners, and in the end they drove home the PPV match with Jericho getting the better of Orton.
[Commercial Break]
-Dusty Rhodes joined Ross and Lawler at ringside.
4 -- LANCE CADE & TREVOR MURDOCH vs. CODY RHODES & HARDCORE HOLLY - World Tag Team Title match
The crowd actually chanted "boring" a little bit in the opening minutes. Dusty talked about how proud he was that his son was on the anniversary edition of Raw. Ross noted that Holly and Cody have a "unique chemistry." Holly gave Murdoch an Alabama Slam for the win. Dusty got up and celebrated.
WINNERS: Cody & Holly in 3:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4* -- Well, there's a tribute to the classic tag team title matches over the decades. Talk about an anticlimactic first major title win for Cody in terms of the match itself. Cody did get legitimately emotional as he hugged his dad in the ring. Despite the short throwaway match, to have you dad there and on a show with so many stars of the past, it would be a cool memory to be sure.
-A Raw Flashback segment aired with clips of various celebrities appearing on Raw with comments from Chris Jericho and Mick Foley about how WWE used to seek out celebrities, but then celebrities sought them out. Ross said there must be a reason NFL players so often attend Raw when it comes to their city. (Yeah, free front rowtickets.)
-A commercial aired for the new American Gladiator hosted by Hulk Hogan.
[Commercial Break]
-A Raw Flashback segment aired on the WWE Divas. It included Madusa, Bull Nakano, Sunny, Sable, Chyna, Lita, Trish, Stacy Keibler, Candice Michelle, Maria, Torrie Wilson, Mickie James, and Glamazon.
-Jillian Hall stood in the ring live and said she'll have a Christmas album available on iTunes exclusively. She sang the beginning of "12 Days of Christmas." It's amazing they put her on the same show that Hulk Hogan is on, considering the resemblance between Hall and Hogan's daughter Brooke. Trish Stratus interrupted. Disappointing pop for Trish. The crowd may have been a little spent by this point. Jillian told Trish, "I wasn't done yet, actually." Trish said she is so excited to be back. She said hi to Lillian and King. Trish told her that her singing "is really bad." Hall said she may or may not be the biggest star in history, but she had the biggest ego and nobody would disagree with that. Then out walked Lita. Lita got in Trish's face. Hall told Lita to hit Trish. Lita said the sound of her speaking voice is really bad, just like her singing. Hall said this is her show now and the fans want to hear her. She sang poorly again. Trish and Lita yanked her to the mat by her hair. They slapped he chest as she cried in pain with the singing headset mic still attached. Ross said Lita and Trish may not extend Christmas cards, but they were on the same page long enough to rid the ring of Jillian's singing.
-A Raw Flashback segment aired of attempts at comedy on Raw over the years including Vince soiling himself when Austin shot him in the head with a toy gun, Big Show and Val Venis peeing next to each other, Rock making fun of Hurricane, Eugene saying Triple H is his favorite wrestler, Edge & Christian playing a kazoo, Patterson posing as Ross said, "He's single, fellas," Jericho making fun of Steph's breast enhancements, Doink spraying Bobby Heenan, Mick Foley's "This is Your Life, Rock" segment, and more. Then they went to various "sexy" segments with Mark Henry hitting on a crossdresser, Goldust singing, Mae Young giving birth to a hand, Jillian Hall, Nacho Man, Owen Hart bragging about being a Slammy Award Winner, and more.
[Commercial Break]
-A Raw Flashback aired with scenes of weddings including Test and Stephanie, Kane and Lita, and Steph and Triple H. Then they cut backstage to Lita watching on the monitor and Kane walking up behind her. Kane nervously asked if she's seen any good movies lately. Lita stammered nervously and said the weather has been crazy lately. Kane nervously, awkwardly agreed. Ron Simmons walked up to them and said, "Damn!"
-Ross and Lawler ran down the Armageddon line-up.
-Mr. Kennedy headed to the ring. What were the Vegas odds two months ago that Marty Jannetty would headline the Raw 15th Anniversary show?
[Commercial Break]
5 -- MR. KENNEDY vs. MARTY JANNETTY
Ross said he erased the Kennedy segment with the imposters from last week's Raw. Hey, at least Ross didn't have to sell the imitators as being younger and better than the originals like he did the imposter Diesel (Kane) and Razor Ramon (Rick Bogner). The crowd didn't seem into this and chanted something that sounded disgruntled in nature. Lawler wondered what would happen if Jannetty won. Ross said this was a huge opportunity because if he won, it could mean he'd return to Raw full time and be back on the map after long ago being a hot young upstart superstar. Jannetty gave Kennedy a Rocker Dropper at 3:00. He climbed to the top rope, but seemed a big nervous as a way to stall. Kennedy got up and knocked him off balance. Kennedy lifted Jannetty, but Jannetty slipped into a sunset flip for a near fall. Kennedy yanked Jannetty throat-first over the middle rope, then gave him an impaler for the win.
WINNER: Kennedy in 4:00.
STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Not a stellar main event. The lack of crowd heat hurt this one. Although the Jannetty tie-in with Michaels was fitting for the 15h Anniversary special, you'd think with a larger than usual audience (presumably), WWE would want to a showcase a newer main eventer like Kennedy in a match where he could better shine.
-After the match Kennedy began to beat down Jannetty. It was the shortest beat down and fastest save in Raw history as Michaels ran to the ring for the save. As Michaels checked on Jannetty, Kenned jumped him from behind. Triple H walked out dressed as DX. Ross said it may be time for a DX reunion. Michaels accepted Triple H's DX gear and put it on. The DX music played as Hunter and Michaels played to the crowd. The crowd that began popping for everything really seemed worn out and read for the final segment at this point.
-A commercial aired for the Raw 3-DVD set and the Raw theme music CD.
[Commercial Break]
-Vince McMahon walked to the ring for the ceremony to announce the greatest Raw Superstar in history. Vince said the person to receive the honor must be above and beyond all others, the one who had the biggest single impact above all others. He asked for the envelope. A security guard handed him an envelope. He opened the card and was about to announce it. He said the crowd would like this. He asked for a drum roll. "The Greatest Superstar in Raw History is... Vincent Kennedy McMahon!" The crowd booed. Vince said, "I'd like to thank all of the little people who bestowed this honor upon me." Mick Foley came out dressed as Mankind. The crowd chanted, "Foley, Foley." McMahon said he's just jealous because he (Vince) is the greatest Raw Superstar ever. Mankind put the Mandible Claw on McMahon for a few seconds. Undertaker's bell sounded, the lights went out, and when the lights came back on in blue, Taker made his full ring entrance. By the time he got to the ring, McMahon was stll writhing on the mat in agony. When McMahon stood, Taker grabbed him by his throat and chokeslammed him awkwardly to the mat. It was the worst "taking" of the Taker chokeslam ever. Ross said he believes many people think Undertaker should be named the biggest star in Raw history. The lights came back on and McMahon was again writhing on the mat.
Then the glass broke out and came Steve Austin with his "Been There, Destroyed That" t-shirt. Austin stood over McMahon's fallen body as the crowd chanted his name. Austin began, "Goll dang lookie here. What a pitful, pitful sight." The crowd chanted, "What?" at every comma in Austin's speech. He said he thought he'd bring a little beer and have a little celebration, and Vince is lying there sleeping. Austin said 15 years of Raw is one hell of an accomplishment which deserves a toast. He called for two beers. They were promptly, accurately thrown to him. Austin said there must be a way they could drink a beer together. Austin laid down on the mat next to him and offered to drink a beer with him. He said he felt a little dirty getting too close to him. He spilled a beer while lying there, then called for Vince to get up. Vince looked like he was woken in the middle of the night and didn't know where he was. Austin called for a couple more beers. Vince struggled to his knees, looking like he had a terrible hangover. Austin handed Vince a beer. Austin congratulated him for 15 years. They toasted. Austin drank. Vince tried to, and then Austin gave him a Stunner for taking too damn long. Ross called it the exclamation point in 15 years of Raw (minus a few weeks).
Austin then asked where the card went that McMahon was going to read from. Austin said the greatest superstar on Raw isn't in the ring. He said the greatest superstars of Raw are all around the ring right now and all over the world. He paid tribute to the fans in the front rows and the upper deck. He looked into the camera and leaned over the top rope and said those are the top stars of Raw. He asked if the fans wanted to see 15 years of Raw stars come to the ring for a beer bash, give him a "Hell, yeah!" Austin called Ross and Lawler into the ring. I was waiting for someone to acknowledge their vital contribution to the success and personality of Raw over the years together. Everyone, heels, and faces, headed to the ring a the screen split with a graphic plugging Armageddon on Sunday with a flip through the scheduled matches. Vince slipped on beer spilled at ringside. When he tried to get back into the ring, Austin punched him back to the floor, then poured beer over him.
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