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CALDWELL'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 12/13: Ongoing coverage of Spike TV episode
Dec 13, 2007 - 11:59:09 PM |
By James Caldwell, Torch columnist
TNA Impact on Spike TV
December 13, 2007
Taped Dec. 4 in Orlando, Florida
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist
- They opened with a recap of last week's show when Kurt Angle's team turned on Christian after a one hour alliance. Tonight, it's "Christian's Revenge." Ringside, Tenay and West introduced the show. Don West: "No matter what, somebody is getting fired." Yeah, that's right. It best happen.
- Christian Cage came out to start the show. He was booed. So much for the crowd support. Christian said he heard all the whispers about him getting exactly what he deserved last week on Impact with the sucker punches and beat down. He said he agrees with that sentiment. West interjected with something useless. Christian said you get what you deserve when you're the champ and you're looking down at everyone else. He called himself a prick. He likes it that way. Christian said that for every time he gets beat down for being an asshole, he will always get up and continue to be an asshole. He said that's what's made him a star - the biggest in TNA and the industry. "You suck" chant for Christian. He said he is The Champ. More boos. Christian said there is going to be a tag match tonight - Roode & Kurt Angle vs. Christian & partner of his choice. More boos. Speaking in the third person, he said himself and Kurt have huge, overblown egos. He said TNA isn't big enough for the two of them.
Kurt Angle's music interrupted and he showed up on the stage with Karen and Robert Roode on each side. Kurt asked if Christian ever shuts up. He said they gave him the beating of a lifetime last week, and here is back to spewing out the same b.s. tonight. Kurt dared Christian to go find a tag partner and he won't find anyone to help him. He said Christian is 100 percent correct that TNA isn't big enough for the two of them. Kurt said it's a new era of the Angle Alliance, so Christian needs to shut up and listen up. Christian told Kurt that he can't even keep his wife in check, so why is he giving orders? He said the only time Karen takes orders is when a stranger hands her a $50 spot and tells her to get on the bed. Roode held Kurt back, then took the mic and ran down Christian for being a scumbag. He said he's done doing Christian's dirty work, so he's ready to team with Kurt against Christian. Kurt smiled and waved from behind Christian's back. And we officially have zero babyfaces on top of the card.
- Backstage, Borash interviewed A.J. Styles and Tomko. Tomko made fun of Styles's game planning with Karen, then Styles said his great plan didn't come to fruition about the giant Angle Alliance with Christian's side. Tomko said Styles went wrong playing Deion Sanders trying to play Christian's side and Angle's side. Styles asked what to do. Tomko said they have to choose sides. Styles didn't want to make a call, so he chased after Tomko.
- Back ringside, Tenay said we're finding out what's inside the briefcases tonight. West said the knockouts are in action tonight. More break down of what's on the show tonight.
- They went to a video package recapping the Feast or Fired gimmick match with no finish on PPV and a bait and switch on TV.
- Backstage, Crystal added more stipulations for the briefcase when interviewing Petey Williams. Petey said he could get $50k, keep his case, or trade his case. He said he could make that scratch in another bodybuilding contest. Petey said he's 110 percent sure his case has the World Title shot because he's Canadian and he has that sense. Started off as a pretty good promo, but the Arnold imitation to close just doesn't work.
- The opening segment continued with Christopher Daniels coming out for a four-way match. B.G. James then came out with Kip James and Roxxi LaVeaux. Hermie Sadler saddled up at the commentary booth. Petey Williams came out third and handed off his case to So Cal Val. Scott Steiner came out fourth.
[Commercial Break]
1 -- SCOTT STEINER vs. PETEY WILLIAMS vs. B.G. JAMES (w/Kip James and Roxxi) vs. CHRISTOPHER DANIELS
Petey posed in front of Scott, who came back with his own pose. They continued the pose down with Petey showing off his eight pack. Petey and Steiner then clotheslined Daniels and B.G. before exchanging elbow drops to the chest on Daniels. Petey started copying Steiner's poses, then B.G. knocked Steiner to the floor. Daniels and Steiner fought on the floor. Back in the ring, Petey landed a spin kick on B.G. before doing another pose. Daniels and B.G. then exchanged offense on Petey with a game of one-upmanship. Steiner came back with a round of offense on everyone except for Petey. Daniels caught B.G. with Angel's Wings in center ring, but Petey caught him from behind to set up the Canadian Destroyer. He made a cover, but Steiner pulled Petey up and landed a turnaround belly-to-belly suplex. Steiner covered Petey for the win.
WINNER: Steiner in 5:00. Good action. Too short to be a stand-out, memorable match, but better than the usual Impact fare. (*1/2)
Borash joined Steiner in the ring to give him the choice of the cash, the case, or a trade. Borash dragged it out for a while, some game show music played, Steiner surveyed the crowd, then he turned down the cash. Steiner went over to the cases and grabbed Petey's case. Borash said they would reveal the contents of the case after the break.
[Commercial Break]
They turned the lights down as Borash built up the first case revelation. Two women stood on top of the entrance stage next to the cases while Borash broke down the case options for the 1,001st time. Petey stepped forward and Borash asked for Steiner's case to be opened. Miss Lauren opened the first case to reveal a TNA Hvt. Title shot. Petey jumped up and down. Steiner stormed around the ring realizing he traded in his title shot.
Backstage, Crystal interviewed Kaz about his match tonight against Rellik. Kaz said success isn't going to his head, because he's following Chuck Norris's path. Christian Cage stepped in and told Kaz he's his tag partner. Kaz shook his head no. Christian reasoned that Kaz owes him a favor for getting the rub in defeating him in the ladder match two PPVs ago. Kaz said they need to ponder this decision. He suggested they close their eyes and ponder. Kaz told him trust him if he wants to be his tag partner. Christian closed his eyes, then Kaz bolted the scene. Crystal whispered to Christian that he left. Christian opened his eyes, saw that Kaz disappeared, and left.
Rellik came out. Tenay said Rellik is the nightmare that Black Reign sees in his head when he lays his head down at night to sleep.
2 -- KAZ vs. RELLIK
Rellik jumped Kaz right after the bell sounded, then Kaz came back with a plancha on the floor.
[Commercial Break]
Rellik went for a reverse DDT quickly out of the break, but Kaz spun over and hit the Wave of the Future for the clean pin and the win. Afterward, Black Reign jumped Kaz. He pulled out the darkness falls weapon and smashed Kaz on top of the head. So cartoonish. Reign then pulled out Misty the Rat and stuffed her into a bag before placing the bag over Kaz's head. They tied the bag over Kaz's head, then Kaz freaked out until security and referees pulled Kaz to safety.
WINNER: Kaz in 4:00. Kaz gets a win, then he gets a bag stuffed over his head by the cartoon heels. Good times for all. (1//2*)
Backstage, Borash interviewed the knockouts with the porn names. Borash said their opponents are more experienced than them. Angelina Love took exception to that statement and said they are far more experienced than them. (They tried to make it sound sexual before saying they were really talking about wrestling.) Velvet Sky talked about Borash's giant bulge before transitioning it to wrestling...I think. Did a 13-year-old with raging hormones write this?
[Commercial Break]
Crystal interviewed Roode, Brooks, Jackie, and James Storm backstage. Jackie had one too many drinks thanks to Storm's six pack of beers. Jackie talked drunk about bulges in the bedroom from the previous room. Brooks said Jackie is hammered, then asked her to sober up real quick for their match tonight. Jackie did a chest-to-chest bump, then she poured beer down Brooks's chest. Roode told her to straighten up and respect a veteran like Jackie. Roode told Brooks to do one thing right in her pathetic life.
The pornstar knockouts came out first and did their rope burn ring entrance with the camera zooming in tight. Don West said he could watch that every day. Brooks dragged Jackie out to the ring and started the match.
3 -- ANGELINA LOVE & VELVET SKY vs. JACKIE MOORE & MS. BROOKS
Brooks knocked Angelina to the floor, then Jackie dropped Velvet with a power move without spilling her beer. Jackie continued to stomp on Velvet before Brooks yanked the beer away. Brooks worked on Velvet and subdued her with a clothesline. Angelina took a tag, and she came off the top with a cross body block. Angelina dropped Brooks with a knee lift, then Jackie hopped into the ring and accepted a front neck breaker. Brooks came back on Angelina with a knee to the gut, but Angelina shoved Brooks into Jackie. Brooks recoiled and Angelina rolled her up for a three count.
WINNERS: Angelina & Velvet in 4:00. Pretty good divas action. They don't need the superfluous stripper crap to have a really strong women's division with several well-defined characters. (*)
Robert Roode jumped into the ring and told Jackie never to put her hands on Brooks again. Brooks started smiling at Roode defending her, then Roode went to Brooks and said she's a complete embarrassment. They showed the random Roode fan standing in the corner of the building watching with a smile. Roode said Brooks is like everyone in the arena - pathetic losers. Brooks started crying. Sharmell had enough and showed up to take the mic from Roode. She said that is no way to treat a lady. Roode smiled and said he doesn't see any ladies out here. He said a lady doesn't go work a street corner in Texas to find her future husband. Roode said that's where Booker T. found Sharmell, right? Roode said he is the boss in his relationship. He told Sharmell to get out of his face before he does something she's going to regret. Booker T. quickly ran into the ring and Roode bailed from the ring.
[Commercial Break]
- Backstage, Crystal caught up with Christian, who wanted to talk to Kevin Nash about being his partner. Christian stormed into Nash's locker room humming the NWO theme music. Nash apparently fell asleep watching the show, as he staggered to a conscious state. Christian wanted to get him as his partner. Nash said he's busy tonight. He said he's busy doing nothing and getting paid. Nash said he knows where Christian can find a partner - down there. "Down where?" Christian asked. Nash hopped up to his feet and did a crotch chop: "Down there!" He cackled, then dropped his newspaper and left. Christian, not amused, said he's an 11-year-old with gray hair.
- James Mitchell walked out to the ring in a new pimp suit. He said it's time for Abyss to show up and tell the truth now. Ah, man, he's on the Mitchell Report. It all makes sense now... In any event, Abyss showed up and met Mitchell in the ring. Mitchell told Abyss to sit down for a second, but Abyss didn't want to sit down so he kicked the chair away. Mitchell said Mike Tenay called him obsessed with Abyss's personal life. He said he has a right to be obsessed because he's made more of a personal investment in Abyss's life than anyone else. Mitchell said he allowed Abyss to have a clean the slate and become a new man when he pulled him out of prison. He said they could have been a family - father and son. He made him the monster. He made him a World champ. Abyss owes him everything he's ever become and will become. Mitchell said he kept his word until Abyss betrayed him. He recapped the story about Abyss letting his mother shoot his father in the back three times. He screamed at Abyss to tell the truth, but Abyss refused to talk. Mitchell said that if Abyss won't tell the truth, he'll have to get the job done himself.
Mitchell took off his jacket, then Abyss punched him down to the mat. Abyss grabbed Mitchell by the throat for a chokeslam, but the lights went down. The lights came back on and Judas Mesias was in the ring. Judas spewed out blood, then wrapped a barbed wire rope around Abyss's throat. He choked Abyss down to the mat before stomping on him. Mitchell handed a chair to Judas, who measured Abyss for a chair shot. Abyss stumbled to his feet and Judas dropped him with a chair shot to the head. Judas then tied Abyss's hands behind his back and Judas landed repeat chair shots to the head. Judas then dropped Abyss on the face of the chair with an STO.
[Commercial Break]
Backstage, Borash interviewed Booker T. and Sharmell. Booker said he and Borash go all the way back to WCW, so they both know he's one of the nicest guys in the business. He said Roode is messing with the wrong guy right now. Christian quietly snuck into the camera shot and Booker asked him what's up. Christian built up to asking Booker to be his partner, then said he put Booker on the top of the list of people to ask to be his partner. Christian said him, Booker, and Beyonce. Sharmell shot him a look, then Christian said it's a good thing. Booker snapped at him that he would never be his partner. He said the interview is over.
Chris Harris walked out to the ring and Mike Tenay said Harris always complains. Harris grabbed the mic and said Christian is walking around looking for a partner, but his name never came up. He asked if he has to change his last name to Angle to get some respect around here. Booker T. and Sharmell came out for the next match.
4 -- BOOKER T. (w/Sharmell) vs. CHRIS HARRIS
Booker dominated early on as Harris played catch up. Harris came back with a big running clothesline for a nearfall. He went for a leaping clothesline, but Booker blocked and dropped him with a Book end. Booker quickly finished him with the axe kick for the win.
WINNER: Booker in 3:00. Quick match that didn't do much of anything for Harris. Booker picks up another win, but TNA isn't treating his match appearances like big deals. His matches should be special, or else he's going to drop to that low waterline where everyone is about the same level and no one stands out. (3/4*)
[Commercial Break]
Borash was in the ring with Daniels, B.G., and Steiner to reveal the next case contents. B.G. stepped forward to face the music. Borash kept talking while B.G. became frustrated with Borash pulling a stall job. Not sure if B.G. was hoping for a title shot or a pink slip. The lovely Rachel opened his briefcase to reveal a tag title match. Borash said B.G. and his partner, Kip, must be happy about the news. B.G. said he didn't want to keep the baby. Um, wrong soap opera. B.G. said his tag partner is yet to be determined. Kip stormed the ring and demanded to know what B.G. meant by that.
Backstage, Crystal interviewed Dustin Rhodes, who was out of Black Reign and into his normal - well, maybe not normal - self. Dustin complained about the nightmares he experiences, then Kaz jumped Dustin and beat him down until security intervened.
They showed random X Division wrestlers ringside as lumberjacks. That was quick. The lumberjacks wore giant flannel t-shirts. Not sure if that's to represent being lumberjacks or imitators of Brother Ray. Johnny Devine walked out to the ring, then Jay Lethal followed out to face Devine.
5 -- X Division champion (w/out belt) JAY LETHAL vs. JOHNNY DEVINE -- lumberjack strap match
Devine took control early on while Sonjay Dutt kept tapping his tambourine. Devine chucked Lethal to the floor, then the X Division wrestlers pretended to harm Lethal, but they allowed him plenty of recovery time. Devine got upset, so he slowly went to the floor and the wrestlers instantly attacked him. Fun spot.
[Commercial Break]
They returned with Lethal dumping Devine to the floor where the X'ers whipped Devine with straps. They chucked Devine back into the ring where Lethal nailed the Lethal combination. He then went up top for the big elbow drop. Lethal covered Devine for a quick win.
WINNER: Lethal in 4:00. Short gimmick match. Just some comedy spots mixed in for light action. (*)
After the match, the X Division wrestlers jumped into the ring and set up Devine for a post-match whipping. Shark Boy got his licks in before Dutt started whipping him. Team 3D finally showed up on the entrance ramp and slowly approached the ring with belts in hand. Devine quickly bailed the ring as Team 3D stood ringside. They teased entering the ring, but the X Division wrestlers cut them off.
They aired a video package on the Feast or Fired sequence of events.
Back in the ring, Borash stood with Steiner and Daniels. That was quick. Borash built up the tension by talking about each man's career. Daniels said he put his heart and soul into TNA, so he has faith that the X Division Title shot will be in his case. Steiner wasn't concerned about the 50/50 shot of getting fired. Borash reminded him that he gave up $50k earlier in the night, and now he could be fired. Steiner said Jim Cornette doesn't have the balls to fire him, so he doesn't care what's in the case. He said he will get the World Title case from Petey in any event. Borash said they would reveal the case contents ........ after the break. Oh goodness, Seacrest.
[Commercial Break]
- They returned with Borash, Steiner, and Daniels. Borash asked security to show up to escort the fired wrestler from the building - NEVER TO RETURN TO TNA WRESTLING. The divas quickly opened the cases to reveal Steiner getting the X Division Title shot. Daniels got the Fired slip. Daniels dropped to both knees in disgust. Steiner didn't react much. Borash wished Daniels luck in his future endeavors. Security hit the ring to surround Daniels, who started crying. The crowd did the na-na-good-bye chant as Daniels slipped to the floor with tears in his eyes. Daniels gave a salute to the crowd before leaving up the tunnel.
- Backstage, Crystal held the mic while Christian and Samoa Joe screamed at each other. Joe said he's mad about people always coming up to him when they want to go to war. Joe said he's got his own problems - he doesn't even know if Christian will show up for their match. He said his money isn't even right with TNA, then Christian said it's not about money. It's about wrestling. Joe said he doesn't care because TNA can suck his duck and Christian can do suck an elephant's dick. The important words were bleeped out. Like elephant. Joe stormed off, then Crystal asked Christian what he's going to do. So here we go with the Joe promo being turned into a storyline.
- Christian Cage walked out first for the main event. Robert Roode then walked out ahead of Kurt Angle, with Karen.
6 -- World Hvt. champion KURT ANGLE (w/Karen Angle) & ROBERT ROODE vs. CHRISTIAN CAGE
The bell sounded and the heels quickly cornered Christian. The referee forced Kurt to his corner to make it a one-on-one situation. The fans chanted for A.J. while Roode worked on Christian. Angle took a tag, then Christian took Angle down with a headlock. Roode entered the ring illegally, but Christian ducked a clothesline and nailed one of his own.
[Commercial Break]
They returned with Roode working on Christian. Angle, once again, lost control for his team as Christian made his comeback. Angle and Christian had a slugfest with right hand blows exchanged before Christian slapped Angle and landed a back elbow smash. Christian hit a reverse DDT, then he went up top and missed with a frog splash. Angle quickly rolled up Christian, but he scored a two count only. He then executed a trio of German suplexes before dropping his straps. Angle went for the Olympic Slam, Christian blocked, then Angle went for the Anklelock, but Christian blocked again. Christian cleared Roode from the ring, then he started working on Angle. Roode accidentally nailed Angle back in the ring, then Christian rolled up Angle for a close two count. Christian went up top and nailed a frog splash, then covered Angle for a nearfall.
Angle quickly came back with an anklelock, then Roode tagged himself in. Roode lost control and Christian had a three count on a roll up, but the ref was distracted. Christian sold a left leg injury, but he set up the Unprettier, only to have Angle kick him in the groin when Karen distracted the referee. Roode and Angle then teamed up on a spike piledriver with Karen still working on the ref. Roode covered Christian for the win.
Afterward, Karen hopped into the ring to celebrate. Roode smashed Christian with a running lariat, then Angle picked up Christian and gave him the Olympic Slam in center ring. Karen surveyed the damage as Angle slapped on the anklelock. Roode talked trash, then A.J. Styles slowly walked out and looked conflicted on what to do. He hopped on the apron to look at the scene as Angle spit down on Christian.
WINNERS: Angle & Roode in 9:00. Pretty good second-half to the match action. Angle sure does a lot of selling for being the world champ. It's being presented like Angle has lost a step, but then he comes back as the killer heel after the match to dismantle an opponent, this time Christian. Good piece of storyline to close the show, although Christian doesn't have too many character traits that would allow him to draw sympathy from the audience as a babyface, which is what they need if this is going to work. It's like they're taking a mulligan after botching Abyss's babyface turn after the big, bloody beat down earlier this year and trying it again with Christian. (**1/2)
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