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12/13 TNA Impact Review by Wilkenfeld: Strong anchoring segments by Christian and a lot of nothing in between
Dec 14, 2007 - 2:14:28 AM |
By Daniel Wilkenfeld: PWTorch Contributor
Where We've Been:
TNA has been struggling creatively of late. After a no-show in the Turning Point main event, a lot of the interest in the company has centered on Joe's seemingly shoot promo to the effect that TNA should do more promoting from within and less headhunting. TNA's response was to ignore this plotline entirely, and focus instead on building up last week's Impact in terms of a "major" reveal of which TNA wrestlers were getting title shots and which one was getting fired. Despite low expectations for this angle, TNA managed to underachieve by failing to have the promised reveal altogether, and doing so for a reason that was filled with logic holes one could drive a moderately-sized Hummer through (Cornette was upset that Morgan let individual wrestlers guard the briefcases with the promised title shots or pink slip, despite the fact that such wrestlers had already been shown arriving at the Impact Zone after guarding the cases all week). I was annoyed. Something must have happened backstage just before the show, but I have no idea what it could have been. Senshi and perhaps Ron Killings quit, but one had an obvious out in the form of a pink-slip containing briefcase, and one hadn't been on the show in weeks. The main positive on the horizon is the coming Christian-Angle feud, as Angle both agreed to team up with and turned on Christian Cage last week. Tonight's promised main event is the much-delayed briefcase opening, but who really cares anymore? Also Father James Mitchell is going to reveal Abyss's big secret, which strikes me as less exciting than the briefcases.
The Show:
Apparently TNA now has episode titles, and this week is "Christian's Revenge". Okay. I'm used to wrestling shows pretending to be live, so this'll take some adjustment, but I guess it could work?
Christian Cage comes down to the ring to a mixed reaction. He says that some people say he got what he deserved last week when Angle's Alliance beat him up, and he agrees. He's a prick and an asshole, and he likes it that way. No matter how many times he gets beat up for being a jerk, he's going to keep doing what he does. I think we have a face turn, but then he says that being a jerk is what makes him him when all of us fans are just us. We don't need no stinking faces. Tonight there's a main event between Angle & Robert Roode and Christian & a partner of his choice. Angle appears on the ramp and says that if Christian wants a match, he's got one, which is a little awkward since Christian implied that the match had already been booked. Angle says that no one will be willing to partner with Christian—something tells me that not only will he find a partner, but that partner will be phenomenal. Angle says that he's the general around here now, and he gives the orders. Cage counters that he can't even keep control of his own wife. Roode says that it's not the Booker T's of the world he (Roode) has to be worried about, but the Christian Cage's who get people like him to do their dirty work. I'd be more worried about the Bookers, but to each their own.
Borash is in the back with Styles & Tomko, and he wants to know if this is what Styles expected when he teamed up with Angle. Tomko jokes that clearly AJ's got things right where he wants them. AJ can't figure out where things went wrong, and Tomko says that the problem was when he tried to take over the role of captaincy and then tried to play for both teams. AJ asks what Tomko thinks they should do, and Tomko justly points out that they're going to have to choose sides.
Crystal is in the back with Petey Williams, who is busy flexing. She explains that later tonight he'll have a match with the other brief case holders, where the winner will have the options of trading cases with one of the other competitors or trading his case in for $50,000. Clearly the briefcase situation wasn't complicated enough. Why would you ever trade one mystery case for another anyway? Petey Williams says $50,000 is nothing to him, since he can make that in one body-building contest. For example, in the Mr. Saskatchewan contest he could make "one-tenth" that—I'll assume that slip was intentional, cause Crystal sells it well. Petey says that as sure as his body fat percentage is 1.9%, his briefcase has the World Title shot.
[Commercial Break]
(1) Scott Steiner defeats Petey Williams, BG James, and Christopher Daniels
BG gets tossed from the ring, but Kip James tosses him back in. Petey get into a pose-down with Steiner, which is actually kind of funny, and then mimics his elbow-drop-pushups. The action is all over the place, with no sustained individual encounters. At one point Petey Williams hits the Codebreaker, and I try to figure out who owned that move first. The finish comes when Daniels takes out BG with the Angels Wings, Petey takes out Daniels with the Canadian Destroyer, and then Steiner pins Petey after a big Belly-to-Belly Suplex.
Borash goes into the ring, and apparently the point is that someone in TNA is a Deal or No Deal fan. I can't tell if they're trying to emulate it or mock it. Steiner elects to trade briefcases with Petey Williams, apparently trusting his fellow body builder's instincts.
[Commercial Break]
Okay, the Deal or No Deal business is getting out of hand, as they now have pretty women standing by with the briefcases. Maybe this is funny if you've watched the show, but how much crossover audience could there be? They open Petey Williams's new case, and reveal that he has the World Title shot. I would have saved that for later I think. Steiner is understandably miffed that he let the big one go.
Crystal is in the back with Kaz, who apparently has a match with Rellik in a bit. She asks if his recent success is going to get to his head, and he says that he'll be like Chuck Norris and stay humble. Also he's endorsing Mike Huckabee in tonight's main event. Christian comes up and says that Kaz should be his partner tonight, since it was a win over Cage that catapulted Kaz to the main event. Kaz says that they should meditate on it, but when Christian closes his eyes Kaz bolts. That actually would have been a pretty good team.
(2) Kaz defeats Rellik.
Rellik tries to get in offense early, apparently realizing that he won't be getting in any late. Bizarrely, the crowd starts up dueling "Let's go Kaz" and "Let's go Rellik" chants. Kaz knocks Rellik out of the ring and takes him out with a big Splash to the outside.
[Commercial Break]
Rellik's in control when we get back, but misses a Leg Drop off the top rope. Kaz gets in some cool offense and almost reminds me why he got this push in the first place. He then reverses an Inverted Brainbuster into the Wave of the Future for the win.
After the match Black Reign attacks and puts Kaz's head in a bag with his pet rat. Well Kaz, I hope you enjoyed your run near the top, cause it's definitely over.
Borash is in the back with Velvet Sky and Angelina Love. Holy crap, they can talk! He asks if they can stand up to the more experienced Jackie Moore and Ms. Brooks. Love says they have plenty of experience in hotel rooms around the world. Borash says that that isn't the sort of experience he meant, and Sky tells him to get his mind out of the gutter because they were talking about wrestling. How does that even make sense? She says that people don't know what they can do "in that be…er…wrestling ring." Subtle.
[Commercial Break]
Crystal's in the back with Roode, James Storm, Jackie Moore, and Ms. Brooks, and Jackie is plastered. Storm says that he told her that beer would give her that edge. Ms. Brooks seems less than thrilled by her partner's inebriation.
(3) Velvet Sky & Angelina Love defeat Ms. Brooks & Jackie Moore
Jackie Moore starts the match by hitting a one-woman Flapjack on Velvet Sky with a beer bottle in her other hand. Isn't drunk-knockout ODB's gimmick? Angelina Love enters the ring with a Body Press off the tope rope, nails some sort of Inverted Stunner on Jackie Moore, hits a stiff kick on Ms. Brooks, pushes her into Jackie, and nails a roll-up for the quick win.
After the match, Jackie and Ms. Brooks look like they're about to go at it, but Robert Roode breaks it up and tells Jackie that she is never to get into the face of Ms. Brooks. That's actually a nice touch—he can pick on her, but no one else can. Roode then turns on Ms. Brooks with a particularly vicious tirade about how big a loser she is. Sharmell comes out, and says that she might not know Roode, but she knows that Roode doesn't know how to treat a lady. Roode says that there are no ladies in that ring, and says that even if Booker T is the bitch in his marriage, Robert Roode is the boss in his relationships. Booker T comes out to clear him out of the ring, and for once I'm grateful to see the Bookerman. I'm not sure what he did, but somehow Roode actually managed to tick me off to the point that I wanted to see him get beat up—good performance on his part.
[Commercial Break]
Christian brings Crystal with him to approach Kevin Nash. She asks why he didn't grab JB, and he says that JB is playing Deal or No Deal—okay, so at least they want us to see the similarity. Christian enters Nash's dressing room and runs down some nWo catchphrases. He asks Nash to partner with him tonight, but Nash says he's busy doing what he does best—sitting around and getting paid. He does say that he knows that Christian can find a partner "down there." When Christian foolishly asks "down where" he gets a loud "DOWN THERE!" and a crotch chop in response. The classics never die. When Crystal chuckles, Cage accuses her of laughing at "an eleven year old with gray hair."
James Mitchell comes down to the ring and calls down Abyss, and I really wish I could fast forward. I like both these guys, but there's no way I'm going to like wherever this goes. West hits the unintentional shoot comment of the night when he comments that Abyss just can't move forward because this stuff keeps coming up. Mitchell says that he has a right to be obsessed with Abyss, because no one has put in the kind of time he has. Umm…didn't he just say last week that Abyss's father was devoted to him? He said that he made Abyss "the monster" and a world champion, and that he kept being loyal till Abyss betrayed him. He tries to get Abyss to "tell the truth", but then says that he'll have to get the job done himself. Abyss sets him up for the Chokeslam, but the lights go out. When they come back on, Judas Mesias is in the ring spitting incredibly fake blood and choking Abyss out with a barbed wire rope. Abyss is busted open, as seems to happen a lot. Mesias nails a chair shot to the head—West calls it the sickest he's ever heard, which is certainly hyperbole, but not by as much as you'd think. They tie Abyss's hands, and Mesias nails two more stiff chair shots and a Straight To Hell onto the chair. Well, at least a wrestling angle came out of this, and we didn't have to hear any particularly sick Abyss stories. So this segment was not as bad as I had feared, if not even close to good enough to justify the three stiff chair shots to the head.
[Commercial Break]
Borash is in the back with Booker T and Sharmell, and Christian is sort of hanging out in the background. Booker cuts a generic promo against Roode, and then asks Christian why he's there. Christian asks if this is live, and Booker says that it is—so much for not pretending anymore. Christian says that while he and Booker have had their issues in the past, times have changed, and Booker is his first pick to be his partner. Booker slaps his hand away and says that it isn't going to happen.
Chris Harris comes out, and he's annoyed that he's not even been considered as Cage's partner.
(4) Booker T defeats Chris Harris
This match isn't a lot more than a glorified squash. Harris gets in some brawling, but then gets caught in a Bookend and a Scissors Kick. Thanks for playing.
[Commercial Break]
Borash is back in the ring with the remaining three briefcase holders. BG's gets opened next, and he has the Tag Team Championship opportunity. VKM totally deserved to get a title shot before LAX or the Motor City Machine Guns. Borash says that this must be great news for BG and his partner Kip, but BG points out that his partner is yet to be determined.
Crystal is in the back with Dustin Rhodes, and he assures her that he's not in control of Black Reign. He says that Reign has been persecuting him ever since he's a boy, but before he can continue Kaz blindsides him.
(5) "Black Machismo" Jay Lethal defeats Johnny Devine
The ring is surrounded by X Division wrestlers wielding belts, who start off by getting their shots in on Johnny Devine. When Machismo goes out the lumberjacks pet him gently with their belts, which is somewhat amusing. Devine goes to follow up himself but gets caught by a barrage of belt shots.
[Commercial Break]
We come back just in time to see the end of this match. Devine's in control, but Lethal takes him out over the top, and when he gets rolled back into the ring Lethal catches him with the Lethal Combo and the Savage Elbow for the win.
After the match Lethal invites the rest of the X Division into the ring to lash Devine. He keeps motioning to the ramp for Team 3D to come down, and eventually they do. Devine takes advantage of the distraction and scampers off, after which Team 3D backs down. The X Division wrestlers apparently don't have a good grasp on how to hold hostages.
We go over the briefcase reveals from earlier tonight as the latest installment of the classic feud between professional wrestling and viewers' attention spans.
Borash is in the ring with Steiner and Daniels. Daniels says that he has faith that the X Division Title is in his briefcase. Steiner claims that no matter what's in his case, Cornette won't have the guts to fire him, and that he's going to get his title shot back. Borash says we'll find out what's in the cases after the break, and Daniels is annoyed.
[Commercial Break]
Scott Steiner has the X Division Title shot—apparently it's not about weight limits or no limits anymore. Daniels is fired, and he's crying. That's actually somewhat sad. The crowd starts off with a round of "hey hey hey goodbye", but it morphs into a "Fallen Angel" chant.
Crystal is in the back with Christian Cage and Samoa Joe. Christian is trying to convince Joe to partner up with him, and apparently not meeting with much success. Joe is annoyed that everyone keeps coming to him whenever they need dumb muscle, when he has his own problems. He mentions that management is nickel-and-diming him on his contract, but when Christian offers to intervene he says that he'd rather be broke. He says that people like Christian are the problem, because while Joe's been the epitome of excellence people like Christian Cage might not even show up, and yet they still get…and then whoa, there's a lot of swearing. I'm not quite sure what he actually says, but it's clear that he's both not happy and unlikely to be Christian's partner later. He storms off, and Christian says that he'll just have to do it with the one person who really matters to him—himself.
Christian Cage comes out alone, and the main event is announced as a handicap match.
(6) Kurt Angle (w/Karen Angle) & Robert Roode defeat Christian Cage
Cage tries to move around to keep his opponents separated, but gets caught. The crowd starts up a "We want AJ" chant, which is a sign that TNA is building this up well. They then forget Christian's shots at them earlier and start up a "Let's go Christian" and an "Instant Classic" chant as well. Cage fights back with an Inverted DDT on Angle and a clothesline on Roode as we go to break.
[Commercial Break]
We come back just in time to see Roode hit a cool jumping Neck Breaker off the top rope. Angle follows up with a gorgeous Moonsault, but Christian rolls out of the way. The two brawl on their knees in a nice preview of what we can expect from a one-on-one feud. Cage misses a Frogsplash and gets caught in a series of German Suplexes. Angle goes for the Olympic Slam, which is reversed into an Unprettier, which is reversed into an Angle lock, which finally is reversed into an Edge-O-Matic. Roode breaks up the three count but then gets tossed out of the ring. Cage goes to the top rope, and when Angle tries to cut him off there he bites Angle's head and nails the Frogsplash for two. Angle gets the Angle Lock in, but Cage reaches the ropes. Roode comes in and gets caught in a rollup, but the ref is out of position. Christian goes for the Unprettier, but Karen Angle distracts the referee while Kurt nails a low blow. They follow up with a Spike Piledriver, and it's very over. Where on earth is AJ Styles?
After the match Christian gets pummeled with a Northern Lariat, an Olympic Slam, and an Angle Lock. Finally AJ comes down to the ring, but he stops on the apron. Angle grabs a mic, and announces that they'll be having a Christmas party on Impact next week.
Where We're Going:
So the big questions right now are what's next for AJ Styles and what's next for Christian Cage. I would think Christian should be going face here, as the crowd is certainly ready for it. However, he then took a gratuitous shot at how unimportant the fans are. In general, I'm all for people not changing their personalities when they realign, but there's really no reason to go out of your way to get booed. In fact, I don't even think that's such a great idea for full-fledged heels, as it smacks of an attempt to garner cheap heat. Still, I do appreciate that TNA is trying to get back to their history of letting the fans decide how to take a guy—they seem to be doing something similar with Samoa Joe too. I also like what they're doing with AJ, but they really haven't done enough to explain why he would have any loyalty at all to Kurt Angle. It does make sense with his character that he would just be too confused to act quickly, and it's probably just as well they didn't pull the trigger on his picking sides tonight. But TNA has a tendency to drag these things out too long, and they would do well to have AJ turn on Angle before people stop caring.
Tonight's Show: There was nothing very great about tonight's show except the opening promo and the last few minutes of the main event, but nothing overly offensive either. I'm pretty sure the business with the briefcases was supposed to be silly, and the Abyss business was a lot better than I had hoped. I'm also very glad to see that they seem to have come up with a plan to incorporate Joe's rant at Turning Point into the plot. Still, it was a fairly bland outing overall. B-
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