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KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
DECEMBER 15, 2007
TAPED IN BOSTON, MASS.
AIRED ON THE CW NETWORK

WHAT HAPPENED: 1ST HOUR

-After the Smackdown opening, an indignant Edge stood on the stage with Vickie Guerrero, who was in a wheelchair, and Teddy Long. Edge introduced a replay of Undertaker giving Vickie a tombstone pildriver. JBL said Taker's actions were not justified. I agree. Taker came across as overly aggressively in attacking her for a decision she made, not a physical attack. Edge asked how Vickie was doing. She said she is emotionally distraught over what happened. She said it's been psychological hell. She said she returned to Smackdown to fulfill her G.M. duties. She said that on Sunday at Armageddon, Batista will defend the World Title against Undertaker and Edge. She said all three will be in action on "my show." She said the first match would involve Edge. Edge looked worried and said he wasn't warmed up and he didn't even have time to prepare for whoever his opponent is. Vickie insisted. Vickie called for a ref and then ordered Long to "go back there and start his entrance music." Oh, so G.M.'s are in charge of pushing that button. We learned something new this week. Edge's music played and he entered the ring. VIckie had a sinister smile as she waited for his opponent's music to start.

1 -- EDGE vs. FUNAKI

Edge began laughing when Funaki's music played. Cole said Funaki is not at Edge's level. JBL quickly pointed out that he's a former tag team champion. Cole noted he's a former Cruiserweight Champion (remember that title?). Edge won with a DDT and his spear.

WINNER: Edge in 2:00.

-After the match, Edge joined Vickie and Teddy. Teddy looked like is spirit was broken, being designated as the wheelchair pusher. Vickie congratulated Edge, who sold his win like he just won a 60 minute marathon match. Vickie announced Batista vs. Kane in a Last Man Standing match and Undertaker vs. Mark Henry & Big Daddy V in a two-on-one match. She concluded, "I have a show to run. Teddy, take me back to your office. Now, Teddy." JBL rightly pointed out that Long seemed reticent to take orders from Vickie.

[Commercial Break]

-A commercial aired pushing Tribute to the Troops.

-They aired a clip taped after last week's show of Chuck Palumbo reacting poorly to losing again to Jamie Noble. He asked if she still had faith in him. She assured him she did. He blamed her, saying it was her fault too for offering Noble a date if he won.

2 -- MICHELLE MCCOOL & KELLY KELLY vs. VICTORIA (w/Kenny Dykstra) & LAYLA

Michelle "loves life." Dykstra interfered at 2:00, instantly drawing Palumbo to ringside, who chased Dykstra around the ring while riding his motorcycle. Victoria rolled up a distracted McCool for the pin.

WINNERS: Layla & Victoria in 2:00.

-Cole and JBL plugged the scheduled main events.

[Commecial Break]

-Palumbo threw a fit backstage about how everything is going wrong since he lost three times to "that mighty mouse, Jamie Noble." Michelle asked Palumbo to calm down. He punched a hole in the wall.

-MVP joined Cole and JBL at ringside. He was upset they didn't properly introduce him.

2 -- REY MYSTERIO vs. KENNY DYKSTRA

Cole said a lot of people say he disrespected Michael Hayes last week. MVP said, "You sound like Nancy Grace. Many people say. Who are these people?" JBL said, "Cite your sources." MVP said he had never heard of Michaels Hayes, but he threatened him, "and I'm better than him, anyway."

WINNER: Mysterio in 2:00. Lots of short matches so far.

-Afterward, MVP entered the ring. He called Rey a "short man" and said he wasn't there to hurt him. He cut a promo about facing him on Sunday. He held up his U.S. Title, then offered to let Rey hold it and "feel the weight." MVP said he'll walk into the ring champion and walk out champion. MVP flinched when Dykstra entered the ring behind Rey, then Rey turned, then MVP hit Rey from behind with his U.S. TItle belt.

[Commercial Break]

3 -- KANE vs. BATISTA

This is a rematch of the worst TV matches of the year. Batista powerslammed Kane at ringside in the opening minute. Kane avoided Kane when he leaped of the top rope at 2:00, then charged shoulder-first into Kane in the corner. Cole said "The Animal" is no longer a nickname for Batista, "that's what he is." Kane backdropped out of a BatistaBomb attempt, then he chokeslammed Batista. The ref began counting Batista down. The ref got to eight before Batista used the ropes to get back onto his feet. Batista slammed Kane off the top rope at 3:00. Batista climbed to the top rope. Kane punched him and superplexed him to the mat. Both were slow to get up. The ref got to nine before each got up near the ropes. Then they collided with simultaneous clotheslines as they cut to a break. This is better than their debacles earlier this year on Smackdown, but still pretty clunky.

[Commercial Break]

When they returned, Batista threw Kane over the top rope to the floor. Kane went to ringside and kicked him in the head, then slammed his head into the ring apron. Batista reversed Kane into the security barricade. Kane knocked Batista over the barrier into the crowd. Kane hit Batista in the head with a monitor, then as soon as he rose, Kane clotheslined him. Kane set up a chokeslam through the announce table, but Batista elbowed out of it and then gave him a clumsy spinebuster onto the table. The table didn't collapse, so Kane slid off of it. Edge then speared Batista at ringside, interfering in the anything-goes match. The ref counted both men down. Edge charged at Batista as he stood at eight, but Batista backdropped Edge. Kane remained down for the full ten count. Edge took another shot or two at Batista after the match, then returned to the back with wide grin.

WINNER: Batista via countdown in 14:00.

STAR RATING: * -- Passable action from two wrestlers whose styles do not at all compliment each other. They restricted themselves to power moves and ringside brawling. It was far from graceful, though.

WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUIR

-Vickie told Edge how proud of him she was. Edge again said how concerned he is about her. Edge asked if there was anything he could get her. Anything at all. She said two asprins and a coffee. Edge got up and told Long, "You heard the woman." Long grumbled and went to fetch the pills and beverage. They made out.

-The Raw Rebound aired.

-The ring intro took place for Jesse & Festus. An extended play aired of "Biscuits & Gravy."

[Commercial Break]

4- FESTUS (w/Jesse) vs. THE MIZ (w/John Morrison)

We learned that Cole milked cows as a kid. There's a mental image for everyone. When Cole said, "This is like a bull ride; you try to stay on for an eight second ride." JBL said, "That's how long you usually last."

WINNER: Festus in 3:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Festus gets a minimum one-star just for his facial reactions when the bell rings.

-After the match, assistant G.M. Long strutted to the ring, but without his typical upbeat spirit. He said he was asked to come to the ring to make the following announcement. He read that the next match would feature Great Khali vs. Honrswoggle.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- THE GREAT KHALI vs. HORNSWOGGLE

They're getting a lot of mileage out of this match-up. As the match was about to start, FInlay's music played and he walked to the ring. Finlay hit Khali with the shillelagh, then punched and kicked him. Khali's interpreter Runjin Singh held Hornswoggle from behind and tried to hold him hostage. Finlay went right after him. Khali then hit Finlay from behind and chokeslammed him. Hornswoggle kneeled by Finlay's side with concern.

WINNER: No contest.

[Commercial Break]

-A video recap aired of the Ric Flair-Vince McMahon storyline from Raw two weeks ago. They hyped that next week Flair would step into the ring, "but will it be his last."

-Michelle and Kelly chatted backstage. They discovered a dozen roses in their locker room. Michelle assumed it was Palumbo. Noble walked up and said they were from him. Noble noticed Michelle had a black eye and asked if it was Palumbo. She said no, it happened in Europe. Michelle said she was impressed with the roses. Noble said he got a great table at a fancy restaurant, his favorite blue jeans dry cleaned, and even had his granny iron his underwear "so everything can be perfect for you." Michelle said that was too much information, "but a deal is a deal." Kelly suggested they got on a double-date with herself and Balls Mahoney. Noble and Michelle turned down the offer. Noble said he picked out a nice dress for her. Michelle wondered to Kelly what he picked out for her.

-Cole and JBL plugged the entire line-up for Armageddon.

[Commercial Break]

6 -- MARK HENRY & BIG DADDY V vs. UNDERTAKER

JBL said of six billion people on the planet, he is certifiably the world's strongest man. Henry and Daddy double-teamed Taker at first. Taker fired back with a big boot to Daddy and then Henry at 1:00. Daddy rolled out of the ring. Taker gave Henry a guillotine legdrop off the ring apron. When Daddy returned to the ring, he blindsided Taker. They double-teamed Taker and Daddy scored a two count. The two heels conferenced mid-ring as Taker struggled to get to his feet. Taker kicked the heels from his back. Taker got up and gave the heels rapid repeated clotheslines in opposite corners of the ring. He set up a double chokeslam, but the heels blocked it and then took him down again. With Henry holding Taker in the corner, Daddy did a running corner splash. Cole said Henry sacrificed himself to hold Taker in place. Daddy held Taker in the corner, but Taker elbowed out of it, then Henry squashed Daddy in the corner. Taker then chokeslammed Henry; he got him about a foot off the mat, but it looked okay all in all. That was enough for a three count.

WINNER: Undertaker in 6:00.

STAR RATING: * -- That was passable given what they all had to work with.

-After the match, Henry and Daddy attacked Taker. They took turns splashing him mid-ring. This is creating the "excuse" for Taker to not win the three-way match at the PPV on Sunday. They lifted Taker at the same time and gave him a double torture rack. Quite clever, actually. Edge then walked out and mocked him with the Undertaker kneel and hand gesture.

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