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KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
DECEMBER 13, 2007
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

-Clips aired from last week's Kurt Angle-Christian angle. Then the TNA Impact opening aired and Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show

-Christian came out to his full ring intro alone. He said some people think he deseved what happened to him last week. He said he agrees. He said when you're the champ looking down at everyone else, you have to expect that sort of thing. He said he was going to let everyone in on a secret: "I'm a prick and I like it that way." He said after every time he gets beat down "for the asshole I am," he gets up again to continue being an asshole. He said that's what's made him the biggest star in the industry, "and me, me - and all of you, just you." He said he gets to choose a partner to face Angle and Robert Roode later. He said TNA is not big enough for both he and Angle. Angle's music then played.

Angle stepped out onto the stage with Karen Angle and Roode. Angle asked, "Do you ever shut up?" Angle dared him to go backstage and try to find himself a tag partner. He said nobody in TNA likes him. He said for the first time in his life, he's right that there's only room for one of them. He said it's a new era, the era of the Angle Alliance. He said he will learn to take orders from him. Christian shot back, "You can't even keep you wife in check and you're going to give me orders?" He said the only time Karen takes orders is when some stranger hands her 50 dollars and tells her to lay down on the bed. Roode jumped in and said he's tired of drinking his Kool-Aid. Tenay needlessly told us, "Listen to how outspoken Roode is being to his old boss." Roode said he and Kurt are ready for him. Roode and Angle smiled as they told him to try to find himself someone willing to team with him.

-Jeremy Borash interviewed A.J. Styles and Tomko backstage. Borash asked Styles if things have gone the way he wanted back when he struck a deal with Angle. Tomko laughed and said it's going just great. Styles was distraught over how things went wrong. He told him he was trying to be Deion Sanders, playing for both the Christian Coalition and Angle Alliance. He said it's time they choose sides. Styles didn't like that option.

-Tenay and West were shown on camera setting the stage for the rest of the show including Booker T in action and James Mitchell's final confrontation with Abyss.

-A video aired on the Feast or Fire match.

-Crystal interviewed the suddenly very muscular Petey Williams. She told him he can trade his case in for 50K cash, trade it for someone else's case, or keep his case. So they add a new stip that was never mentioned before - trade in your case for 50K? Had they announced that before, nobody would have bought that anyone would get fired. Petey said, "What would Arnold do." Then he imitated him and ran off. I like that they're giving Petey interview time, as part of the charm of a fun wrestling show is not having only top stars with polished promo styles talk. That said, I'm still not sure what Petey's gimmick is or where his hyper personality is headed. His physique looks a lot like Benoit's at its peak, and flexing like he does all the time feels wrong given everything in the news since this summer and especially this week.

-B.G James, Kip James, and Roxxi Laveaux walked out to the ring. Hermie Sadler joined Tenay on commentary. Then Petey's ring entrance took place.

[Commercial Break]

1 -- PETEY WILLIAMS vs. SCOTT STEINER vs. CHRISTOPHER DANIELS vs. B.G. JAMES (w/Kip James)

The winner of this match has the chance to trade out the risk of being fired and cash out for 50K. Sadler talked about how each of the wrestlers has very different styles, so it's an intriguing match-up. Thanks, Hermie. Steiner and Petey had a posedown mid-match. Ugh. Steiner began suplexing everyone around at 4:00. He applied a Steiner Recliner on Daniels. That was broken up quickly. Daniels gave James the Angel's Wings but then fell prey to a sudden Canadian Destroyer for a two count. Steiner broke up the count, then belly-to-belly suplexed Petey for a clean win. West said Steiner now has to make a "life-changing decision." I know of a life-changing decision Steiner could make.

WINNER: Steiner in 5:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Good action for a five minute TV match.

-Borash offered Steiner a check for 50K to opt out of the Feast or Fire Briefcase Revelation or trade his case for someone else's. He looked to the fans for help. The game show music played as he made his decision. He said, "I want my World Title shot." He walked to ringside and looked at all of the cases. B.G. lobbied for Steiner to take is, presumably since Roxxi said it was cursed. Steiner took Petey's case instead of his.

[Commercial Break]

-Borash stood mid-ring with Petey, Daniels, James, and Steiner. Borash had Petey step up. Borash brought up Petey's history in TNA, then he asked Petey if he was ready. Petey said he was going to be sick with the anxiety of the reveal. Lauren opened his briefcase, which revealed a TNA World Heavyweight Title match. Petey celebrated as Steiner threw a fit. Borash said, "One case down, three to go. Someone is getting fired tonight."

-Crystal asked Kaz if his success is going to go to his head. He said he learned a lesson from one of his heroes in life, Chuck Norris. He said no matter how much success Norris had, he stayed humble. Christian walked up to him and told him he should be his tag partner tonight. Christian said he had the biggest win of his career over him. He said it was a fluke, but it shot him to stardom, so he owes him. Kaz said he's a spiritual person. Christian said he is too, he's not into weird stuff. Kaz said they should ponder it. He asked Christian to close his eyes and see what comes to mind. Christian closed his eyes. Kaz immediately left. Crystal told Christian he left. Christian muttered, "Son of a..."

2 -- KAZ vs. RELLIK

Rellik the Rebboj charged Kaz as the bell rang and took early control. Kaz ducked a charging Rellik, then he dove onto him at ringside.

[Commercial Break]

Rellik was in control after the break. Kaz avoided a legdrop off the ropes, then rolled up Rellik for a two count. Rellik set up an inverted DDT, but Kaz flipped out of it and immediately hit his Wave of the Future finisher for the clean win.

WINNER: Kaz in 6:00.

STAR RATING: 3/4*

-Immediately afterward, Black Reign attacked him with his weapon. Then Relik and Reign pulled Misty the rat out of its cage, put it in a bag, and then put the bag over Kaz's head. Kaz panicked as the refs tried to get the bag off of his head.

-Borash interviewed Angelina Love and Velvet Sky. They talked about their experience in hotels all acros the country. Borash said that's not the type of experience they'll need to win their match. Love told him to take his mind out of the gutter. She said he's disgusting with those bulges (she looks down, then up) in his eyes.

[Commercial Break]

-Crystal interviewed James Storm, Miss Jackie, Robert Roode, and Ms. Brooks. Storm and Jackie were hammered. Brooks wasn't amused and asked her to sober up before their match. Jackie poured beer on her. Roode told Brooks it was her fault for talking to a veteran like that. Roode told her to do something right for the first time in her life.

3 -- MISS JACKIE & MS. BROOKS vs. ANGELINA LOVE & VELVET SKY

Velvet Sky rubbed her crotch seductively against the middle rope as she entered the ring and the camera zoomed in. West called it his favorite ring entrance in all of TNA. Jackie drank on her way to the ring. She controlled Sky early with forearms, then tagged in Brooks. Brooks stayed in control with a running knee to the back and a clothesline. Sky tagge dout to Love, who took Brooks down right away. Brooks lifted Sky, but Jackie shouted something to her. Brooks turned to look at her, and Love shoved Brooks into Jackie and then rolled her up for the win.

WINNERS: Sky & Love in 3:00.

STAR RATING: 3/4* -- Decent action.

-After the match, Jackie and Brooks argued. Roode intervened and insisted Jackie never put her hands on Brooks again. Brooks smiled with pride at her man defending her for once. He turned that smile into a frown instantly by calling her an embarrassment and pathetic. He asked her to tell him one time she did anything right since he hired her. She cried as he shouted, "Never! Never!" The mystery lady watched smiling from the crowd. West said it was hard to listen to this. Roode asked her to save him the embarrassment and quit. Sharmell walked to the ring and told Roode that they don't know each other, but she knows that's no way to treat a lady. Roode said he doesn't see any ladies out there. Roode said a lady doesn't work a street corner in Texas to find her man. "That's where he found you, right Sharmell?" Roode said Booker T may be the bitch in their relationship, but Roode is the boss in their relationship. He told her to get out of his face before he does something he'd regret. Booker T then ran into the ring. Roode bailed out right away.

[Commercial Break]

WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR

-Crystal followed Christian into Kevin Nash's locker room. Nash was napping on a couch with a newspaper on his chest. Christian walked in and sang the old Wolfpac music. That was funny. Christian asked if he'd be willing to team with him for the first time. Nash said he was busy. Christian asked doing what. Nash said, "What I do best, sitting around doing nothing getting paid." He laughed. Christian's reaction to that was great. Nash said he could get a partner "down there." Christian bit and said, "Down where?" Nash stood up and did a crotch chop. Crystal laughed. Christian told her she was laughing at an 11 year old with grey hair.

-James Mitchell walked into the ring. He called for Abyss to walk to the ring and tell the world the whole truth finally. Abyss's ring intro took place. Mitchell said, "Okay, that's enough posing," as Abyss did his routine upon entering the ring. Mitchell asked Abyss to have a seat. Abyss refused. Mitchell referred to him as Chris again. Mitchell said Tenay said he is obsessed with his personal destruction. Mitchell said he has a right to be obsessed because who in his entire life has ever made more of an emotional investment in him than he has. "Nobody! Nobody!" said Mitchell. He said if he remembers when he pulled him out of prison, he had a chance to start fresh and become a new man. He said if he listened to him, he told him he could bring him success and become a father-son like family.

"I made you the monster Abyss, I made you a World Champion, you everything you are and everything you'll ever be to me, Chris. He said he kept his word until the day he betrayed him, and that's why the truth must come out. He said he told the world over a year ago he watched his own mother shoot his father in the back three times, and that was just the tip of the iceberg. He asked if he was ready to tell the truth. He said nobody will believe him (Mitchell), so Abyss must say it himself. He yelled in his face, "Tell the truth once and for all!" Abyss just stood there, showing no emotion or reaction. Mitchell said he'd have to do the job himself. Abyss punched him as he took off his jacket. The lights went out just as Abyss lifted Mitchell. Judas Mesias appeared in the ring with blood-like liquid coming out of his mouth. He choked Abyss from behind, then stomped on him on the mat. Mitchell handed Mesias a chair. Mesias slammed Abyss across the skull with it. That just should not be part of wrestling in light of all we know and all that's happened, no matter how willing a wrestler is to try to impress people and take things to a "realistic level" by taking unprotected shots to the skull. Mesias hit Abyss with two more chairshots, then gave him his Straight to Hell facedrop onto the chair on the mat.

[Commercial Break]

-Borash interviewed Booker T and Sharmell. Booker told Borash they go all the way back to WCW and he's one of the nicest people in the business, and he knows he doesn't want to piss him off. He told Roode what he said about his lovely wife was too far. Christian walked in behind them. Booker asked if he could help him. Christian asked if they were live. Booker said yes. Christian said he didn't give him the proper welcome. He said he's decided of all the wrestlers in TNA, he put him on top of the list to ask to be his tag partner. Christian called Sharmell, Beyonce. When Sharmell took offense, Christian said, "No, that's a good thing." Christian offered a handshake. Booker slapped it away and said he'd never be his partner. Booker stormed away.

4 -- BOOKER T (w/Sharmell) vs. CHRIS HARRIS

Before the match, Harris grabbed a mic at ringside and complained about being overlooked by Christian. He asked what he had to do to get respect, then suggested he change his last name to Angle. Harris got in some early offense, but Booker quickly came back including a side slam for a two count. Harris fired back with a couple clotheslines for a two count. Booker, though, came back right away with a Book End and Scissors Kick for the clean win. Harris spent a lot of the match self-consciously adjusting his waistband to try to compensate for his added girth.

WINNER: Booker in 3:00.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Just a basic squash. It's kinda sad to see Harris in this role after all he's done for TNA over the years from the very start.

[Commercial Break]

-Borash stood in the ring with Daniels, James, and Steiner. Two models stood on the stage with the remaining briefcases. Borash asked James to step forward. A nervous James hung his head, feeling doomed to be fired. He told Borash to hurry the hell up. A model opened the briefcase and inside was the tag team title match. ames relaxed for the first time in weeks. Borash said he and his partner Kip must be thrilled. B.G. said his partner hasyet to be named. Borash said either Daniels and Steiner will be fired.

-Crystal interviewed Dustin Rhodes. She complained about how he switches personalities too often. Dustin said he doesn't have control over him. He said he scares everyone, including him. He said even as a kid, he drank his milk. Kaz jumped him and pounded away at his head as Dustin said, "What are you doing, man?"

5 -- BLACK MACHISMO vs. JOHNNY DEVINE - Lumberjack Match

The rest of the X Division surrounded the ring with straps. Sonjay Dutt shook his tamborine at ringside. When Devine was thrown to ringside, the lumberjacks whipped him hard. A minute later when Machismo was thrown to ringside, the lumberjacks took it easy on him. That infuriated Devine, but when he jumped to ringside to protect, he was whipped again. They cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

Back from the break, Devine was being whipped at ringside again. The lumberjacks threw him back into the ring. Machismo finished him with the Lethal Combination and top rope flying elbow. After the match, the X Division wrestler continued to beat on Devine to get revenge for him being a traitor. Team 3D walked out to retrieve Devine. The rest of the X Division held court in the ring and wouldn't let them get to Devine.

WINNER: Machismo in 6:00.

STAR RATING: Not enough aired to even form a match since most of what did air was Devine being whipped at ringside.

-A recap aired of the previous two briefcase reveals.

-Borash stood in the ring with Daniels and Steiner. Daniels said he put his heart and soul into the company and he's confident an X Division Title shot is in his case. Borash reminded Steiner that he gave up $50,000 and traded briefcases with Petey, who ended up with a World Title shot. Steiner said he's in a no-win situation. How's that? Steiner said Cornette doesn't have the Spaldings to fire him. He said Petey lied to him and crossed the line. "There's no lying in wrestling," he said. He said that with a straight face. He vowed to get his briefcase back from Petey.

[Commercial Break]

-Back to the ring, both ofthe remaining cases were opened. Daniels was "Fired!" and Steiner got an X Title shot. Borash wished Daniels the best in his future endeavors. Daniels cried and wouldn't shake Borash's hand. West said the emotion on his face reveals what TNA meant to him.

-Samoa Joe and Christian yelled at each other backstage with Crystal holding the mic. Joe said, "Every time one of you want to go to war, you come looking to me hoping I hate one of your enemies more than I hate you." He ripped on TNA nickel and diming him on his contract and said he doesn't need that right now. Christian said he can use his pull to get him what he wants. Joe said he'd rather be broke than be his partner. Joe said he's been the epitome of excellence since he got there. He told the company, him, and Angle to "suck his [bleep]." He closed by telling Christian that as far as he's concerned, he can suck an elephant's [bleep]. "Ass" got bleeped each time. Joe stormed off. Crystal asked him what's next. Christian said he'd go out there with the only person who matter to him, "Me."

6 -- CHRISTIAN vs. KURT ANGLE (w/Karen Angle) & ROBERT ROODE

Christian went on the attack at the start, but soon Roode took over with Angle on the ring apron awaiting a tag. Angle tagged in. After running the ropes, Christian outmaneuvered Angle into a side headlock. Roode charged into the ring. They hit each other with simultaneous clotheslines. With both men down, they cut to the final break.

[Commercial Break]

During the break, Angle caught Christian on the top rope and took him to the mat with a belly-to-belly. Angle went for a moonsault, but Christian moved. Christian went for a frog splash a minute later, but Angle moved and then rolled up Christian for a sudden near fall. Christian avoided an Angle Slam, then an anklelock, and then Christian leveraged Angle's shoulders down. Roode broke up a believable near fall. Christian knocked Roode to the floor. Roode charged back into the ring. Roode mistakenly charged into Angle. Christian then schoolboyed Angle for a near fall. Angle again caught Christian on the top rope. Christian shoved Angle to the mat after biting him, then he hit a frog splash for a near fall. Angle came right back with an anklelock. Angle tagged in Roode. Christian surprised Roode with a small package, but the ref was slow to make the count. When Christian set up an Unprettier, Karen distracted the ref as Angle kicked Christian between the legs, then hit a stuff piledriver leading to Roode scoring the pin. Angle trash-talked Christian.

WINNERS: Roode & Angle in 12:00.

STAR RATING: ***3/4 -- Really good TV main event. Even in a two-on-one situation, they "protected" Christian with a low kick and a double-team at the finish.

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