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Where We've Been: Last week featured one major wrestling angle and one whacky sports entertainment angle. The wrestling angle was the formation of an alliance between Christian Cage and Samoa Joe for the sake of taking out the Angle Alliance, which somehow resulted in Christian being mysteriously ambushed in the back. The commentators proceeded on the assumption that AJ was responsible for the attack, but I think it would be cool if Christian just faked it so that he could stand aside as Joe and Angle pick each other apart. This would be a somewhat heelish move, but I would be wary of letting Christian drift too good anyway. The sports entertainment angle was that AJ accidentally was proclaimed Karen Angle's husband. As it happens, I thought both angles were fine for what they were, though like most people reading an Internet wrestling site I probably would have preferred a shift in emphasis from the latter to the former. Other stories on tap are the return of Gail Kim and her subsequent bickering with ODB, and a random match being booked between Kurt Angle and Booker T. I'm no Booker fan, but I would have probably either saved that one or hyped it a bit more. Rhino's back and wants James Storm in Elevation X, and Eric Young is jobbing to Rellik as part of an ongoing effort to make me sad. Also they're crowning a #1 contender to the X Division Championship, which should, for the first time since October, theoretically give them more than a week to build up an X Division title feud. They won't use any of that time, but at least it will be nice to have it for once.

The Show:

In the Angles' locker room Kurt says Karen has till the end of the day to rectify the situation from last week, because right now he's a laughingstock. She questions when it'll ever be about her, and he says it won't be till he accomplishes his goal of being the undisputed best. He also tells her to take her drama to her "other husband", which she says she just might do.

[Opening Credits]

Tonight we're getting a sit-down interview with Rhino and a tag match featuring Gail Kim & ODB.

(1) Tomko & AJ Styles defeat Kip James & Bullet Bob Armstrong (w/BG James)

BG came down in a cast, and I'm still not sure if that injury's real. AJ dons his crown on the way to ringside, which gets first an eye roll and then a grudging smile from Tomko. Bullet Bob starts things off with a Snapmare on AJ. Kip comes in and hits a big Arm Drag before calling for a tag to Tomko. The crowd still loves them their Tomko. Kip gets the better of the exchange till he gets caught with a Pele from AJ out of nowhere. Tomko locks in a Chin Lock long enough for the camera to follow Karen Angle as she comes through the entrance and down the ramp to ringside. Bullet Bob gets the tag and Tomko lifts him up for a Body Slam, but Bob slips out and starts laying in some chops. AJ comes in but Bob cuts him off with some more chops. Tomko and AJ go for the High/Low, but Bob ducks and they take each other out (doesn't that only make sense if they were accidentally going for a High/High?). Karen distracts the referee, but that only gives Kip James a chance to grab BG's crutch. AJ, Tomko, and Bullet Bob are all coming to their feet, and in case there is any doubt who Kip was going to hit West proclaims that "he's going to hit either AJ or Tomko!" I realize he has some role in booking the company, but they should not let him see a script ahead of time. Anyway, Kip turns around and nails the crutch shot to Bullet Bob, allowing Tomko to pick up the three count.
After the match BG comes into the ring, but Kip kicks his remaining crutch out from under him. He nails BG on the back.

Crystal is in the back with ODB and Gail Kim, and she wants to know if they'll be able to work together tonight. Kim says that they're back on the same page, because they both share the goal of ending Kong's title reign. She says that either one of them will go through anyone to get to Kong and then walks off. ODB says that Kim is right, and that they would go through anyone, gesturing her flask subtly in the direction of Gail Kim before walking off. AJ walks into the frame with Karen on his arm, and Crystal wants to know what was up with the kiss last week. AJ tries to shrug it off, saying he just got caught up in the moment, but Karen talks about how important it was. She says that it wasn't just a kiss, but also a wedding. AJ, showing a grasp of the law usually lacking in wrestling shows, points out that Karen was already married. She says that he should let her worry about the legalities, and he should worry about getting a honeymoon ready. AJ thinks that Kurt might object, but Karen points out that he told her that she should go to "her other husband." AJ gets excited, and seems to have an idea for the honeymoon.
This was exactly the right way to play this story—it wouldn't have made any sense for us to be expected to take the wedding seriously, but it is plausible that simple, trusting AJ Styles could be persuaded that it was real deal as part of some broader scheme by Karen. Kudos to the writers for finding a logical way to make the wedding plot relevant without supposing that their fans are complete idiots—just that their signature star is.

[Commercial Break]

We see a clip from "moments ago" of Kip turning on BG. I hate this narrative device so much.

Crystal is in the back with Kip James, and he says that he just got rid of dead weight, and that Bullet Bob was just collateral damage. Where he's from blood isn't thicker than water, but friendship is. He didn't like anyone in this business but BG, and they were like brothers—didn't he just say that family wasn't important? He says BG better bring it. This could be a tolerable lower-mid-card feud if it's kept to less than a month-and-a-half and less than five minutes a night.

Cornette is in the ring with Matt Morgan, Sonjay Dutt, and the Motor City Machine Guns. He calls "Black Machismo" Jay Lethal down to the ring. He runs down Lethal's major victories, which are numerous and legitimately impressive (by which I mean that they were all good matches too). He thanks Lethal for saving the X Division at Against All Odds. Lethal says that he got his smile back, but he couldn't have done it alone. He thanks the founders of the X Division—Jerry Lynn, Christopher Daniels, and AJ Styles. I was wondering if they would omit AJ since he's a heel—not doing so was the right call. He also wants to thank Shelley and Sabin for putting their bodies on the line to help defend the X Division, and say how great it is to be in the ring with his best friend Sonjay Dutt. Uh oh. That heel turn has been a long time coming anyway. He also wants to thank the one person who gave him the strength to fight on, SoCal Val. There is a "SoCal Val" chant, which probably makes no sense to those watching at home, but those who've been to a live event know that beforehand she tends to walk around and chat with the crowd. He says there's been something he's been meaning to ask her for a long time. He drops to one knee, dramatically pauses…and asks Val to go out with him. She gives him an "oohhh yeaaaaaahhh!" That is, to the best of my recollection, only the second relationship in wrestling that began in an almost lifelike manner with a simple asking out. It was kind of sweet.

Crystal is in the back with Kaz, who is apparently still alive. He talks some before Eric Young comes out and begs him not to go out tonight. Rellik is a monster, and "killer" spelled backwards, and he shouldn't be taken lightly. Kaz assures Eric Young that Rellik is just another wrestler.

[Commercial Break]

Samoa Joe is in Jim Cornette's office, and Cornette has finally realized that maybe contract signings shouldn't be done in the middle of a ring surrounded by angry wrestlers. He says that the door is locked, security is keeping everyone out, and nothing can go wrong. He thanks Joe for signing the contract, but Joe says not to thank him yet. He says that he's realized that it's not about the money as much as it's about becoming World Champion. So he's going to take out the Angle Alliance at Destination X, and then he'll meet Kurt Angle in a cage at Lockdown. I like that they're building a main event more than a month out, though Destination X will need a hell of an under card to overcome the lack of a real main event. After Joe wins the title at Lockdown, he'll sign the contract, but if he doesn't win, then there's not much point to him being here anyway. Aw crap…I don't think I like where this is going (see below).

(2) Kaz defeats Rellik

I wonder if anyone would notice if I just skipped this match and recapped the Democratic debate instead. I promise that it'll be more interesting combat. Tenay and West try to pretend that Kaz is still on an upward trajectory, but no one's buying it. It turns out that the debate is over, but we DVRed it so maybe I can recap that instead. In defense of this match, it's been all Kaz so far. He hits some cool kicks and a Vaulting Body Press to the outside and I apparently jinxed things, as Rellik takes control. Tenay informs us that we're going to get to see the honeymoon later. Rellik has a Cobra Clutch locked in, but Kaz runs up the turnbuckle and lands in a cover for three. That was actually kind of cool.
Again I should learn to stop jinxing things, as just when I say things got cool Black Reign comes out, and we have more boring bad guy offense. Rellik's finishing move, in case you're curious, is still just a clothesline. Eric Young comes to the ramp to the make the save but stops before he hits the ring. Apparently his presence is enough, however, as Rellik and Reign take off.

Crystal is in the back with Booker T, and she wants to know if he'll be able to focus on Angle tonight while he's still hunting Roode. Booker says that he's always ready, reminding her that he won his first singles title when Rick Martel forgot to bring his boots for his US Title shot. He hits a bunch of new rhyming catchphrases that are actually fairly cool sounding. I have to say he's been doing much better work lately than his last few years in WWE.

[Commercial Break]

They recap the James Mitchell-Abyss feud—weren't we supposed to be done with this feud? In all fairness they do say the feud's over, and emphasize that now Abyss has nothing left to hide.

(3) Petey Williams defeats Johnny Devine and Sonjay Dutt

Shouldn't Homicide be in this #1 Contender's Match, what with beating the champion last week? Devine starts things off by jumping Dutt during Petey's entrance. Petey flings him back into Dutt, and we get some rapid X Division offense. Devine takes a powder as Steiner and Rakka Khan make their way down to ringside. He comes back into the fray and looks better than he has, well, ever. He's not the obvious weak link in this match, which against Petey Williams and Sonjay Dutt is saying something. Scott Steiner plants Dutt with a briefcase on the outside. Kahn then distracts the ref as Steiner punches Devine in the face. Petey hits a Small Package on the reeling Devine for the win.
Steiner enters the ring and extends his hand, saying that if Petey sticks with him he'll go right to the top. Petey takes his hand.

We join AJ and Karen on their honeymoon in some sort of diner. JB, who's manning the camera, tells Karen that if she's just doing this to make Kurt jealous he has a real problem with it. AJ sets up candles and gives Karen plastic flowers and a snow globe. He explains that when he was five years old in Gainesville it never snowed. So one Christmas he prayed and prayed, and when he woke up he ran to the window, only to see that there wasn't any snow. He turned around and saw his grandmother, who said that since AJ wanted snow so badly, she had gotten it for him. She gave him the globe, and told him that as long as he'd have it, he'd have snow. So now he's giving it to Karen, so that as long as she has snow, she has AJ.
Wait, what just happened? When did this plot become serious? First we had a straightforward asking out, and now we have the seeds of an actual adultery plot that won't involve any woman being won in a match? I don't know what I think about this new realism amongst the wackiness, but my first instinct is that I like it.

[Commercial Break]

The sit-down interview with Rhino is apparently getting the 10 o'clock spot. Tenay asks Rhino where he was the last few months, and he replies that he had to get some things clear. He doesn't blame Storm for his own decisions, and says that he's going to be afraid at Elevation X but do what he has to do.

Crystal is in the back with Curry Man and Shark Boy, and apparently Curry Man's techno entrance follows him around. That could be funny. He says something in Japanese, which lets Shark Boy hit the most appropriate "what?" in ages. Shark Boy doesn't know what he said, but he'd better be ready to whip some ass tonight.

Shark Boy and Curry Man come out. West says that everyone in the Impact Zone is dancing along, and much to my surprise he appears to be largely correct. We're going to get the weigh in of Team 3D after the break.

[Commercial Break]

Hebner claims that Brother Ray made weight, but that somehow Devon didn't. Ray calls him a fat bastard and tells him to lay off the Twinkies. The crowd jumps in with a "no more Twinkies" chant. Devon starts to leave, and while Ray's asking for forgiveness Curry Man hits a School Boy for a two count.

(4) Team 3D (w/Johnny Devine) defeat Shark Boy & Curry Man

Curry Man gets another cover for two, but then Ray fights back with a Bionic Elbow. He mocks Curry Man's dancing, and throws in a Worm to boot. When he tries to follow up with some punches Curry Man moves too quickly and eventually gets a Jaw Breaker. Devon and Devine distract the ref while Ray hits a low blow. Ray tosses Curry Man from the ring and gets in the ref's face while Devon beats up Curry Man. CM gets rolled back into the ring, where Ray locks in a Leg Scissors. Curry Man gets out, but before he can get a tag Ray pops Shark Boy in the corner. Eventually Shark Boy comes in and does all of Austin's greatest hits. He gets a Neck Breaker but Devine comes in to break up the cover and Curry Man, running to cut him off, accidentally breaks up the count. Devon attacks from the other side, but Shark Boy fights him off. While the ref gets Devon out of the ring Ray nails Shark Boy in the head with the scale for the three count.

Crystal wants to know if Kurt's mind can be on his coming match while his wife is honeymooning with AJ Styles. Kurt is nonchalant, saying that they can have each other as long as he keeps his title.

[Commercial Break]

AJ and Karen are at Gator Land, which Karen says is not her idea of a honeymoon. He tells Karen that he'd gladly wrestle a gator for her. AJ explains how if a gator jumps out at them it'll only have a short burst of speed, probably just enough to get JB. Karen laughs, and grudgingly admits that she's having a good time. She excitedly follows him to go see the birds. This is about as far from where I thought this plot was going as could possibly be. I consider that a good thing.

(5) Roxxi Leveaux & Jackie Moore defeat Gail Kim & ODB

Mike Tenay, who apparently never learned the value of understatement, observes that Karen seems to be falling for AJ's boyhood charm. It's only cool as long as you don't hammer us over the head with it. ODB offers Kim a sip of her flask and a hug. Kim and Jacqueline start things off with some nice chain wrestling. Someone tries to start up a "Gail Kim sucks" chant, which thankfully doesn't catch on. Roxxi and ODB get tags, and Roxxi gets powered down with a Fall Away Slam. Jacqueline gets in a shot from the outside, which lets Roxxi take over.

[Commercial Break]

We come back to see ODB get a Sunset Flip on Roxxi, who just rolls through and plants ODB with a kick to the head. ODB lands an Ensuguri and makes the tag, but the ref didn't see it. Jacqueline continues to beat down ODB, until ODB floats over an Irish Whip into the corner and gets the tag in to Gail. Kim comes in and immediately makes me think that she belongs in the X Division, until I realize that that would actually be a demotion right now. Gail goes for a dropkick off the top rope, but Roxxi steps out of the way and Kim knocks ODB out of the ring. Roxxi hits something like a Samoan Drop for the win.
ODB comes back into the ring, and she's not very happy. She shoves Kim a couple times before knocking her to the mat, and it's on. Security comes out and tries to break things up, but Kim follows ODB out of the ring with a Cross Body Block off the top rope, taking out security along with her. They brawl to the back.

Crystal is in the back with Nash, Joe, and Christian Cage. Christian says that the last thing he remembers seeing last week was AJ Styles with a steel chair. He says that their team is unlikely, but also unstoppable. He says that AJ & Tomko were more than his friends—they were his family. He always had their best interests at heart, and accepted when Tomko wanted to be his own man. He couldn't figure out why they turned, but now he knows that they realized that they would never be as good as he was. So now three people with nothing in common are teaming up, but at Destination X this Unlikely Alliance will end the Angle Alliance. And if we don't know, then now we know. Not surprisingly, Christian is golden.

[Commercial Break]

AJ and Karen are walking in a hotel. When they get to AJ's room, he bids her goodnight and goes in. He comes back out to tell her that while he's sort of confused about who's married to whom, there is one thing he knows—that if Karen were married to him then every day would be a honeymoon. He gives her a peck on the cheek and then ducks into his room. She gets flustered.

We see footage from after they went off the air last week of Kurt Angle beating up the preacher and JB as Tenay once again clubs us over the head with Karen falling for AJ. Bad Tenay! Bad!

(6) Kurt Angle defeats Booker T

The crowd still loves Booker T, but less audibly than they used to. Angle starts things off by dodging Booker as the crowd chants "Karen Styles". Booker eventually gets Angle with a Gut Wrench. He cinches in a Hammer Lock, but Angle escapes with an elbow and then nails some European Uppercuts. Booker retakes control with a pair of clotheslines, knocking Angle out of the ring.

[Commercial Break]

Booker is still in control, pounding Angle in the corner. Angle reverses an Irish Whip and sends Booker to a different corner; Booker floats over, only to eat a clothesline. A Suplex from Angle gets two. Angle charges Booker in the corner, but Booker dodges and gets Angle with a Superkick. A Leg Lariat gets two. A Suplex from Booker gets two. Booker locks in a Front Chancery, but Angle shoots him into the ropes and hits a Belly-to-Belly Overhead Suplex. Angle puts Booker in a Waist Lock, which is really a silly looking move. I mean I'm sure it would hurt a lot if Angle actually put me in a Waist Lock, but on TV it just looks like a hug. Angle tosses Booker out of the ring and slings him into the stairs on the outside.

[Commercial Break]

Angle hits a Body Slam in the ring. He goes to the top rope, which doesn't seem like a very bright idea. Sure enough, Booker catches him with a punch and then a Superplex. Booker beats Angle to his feet, hitting a Snap Suplex, a Side Slam, and a Spine Buster. Angle tries to get an ankle, but Booker slips away and hits a Spinning T Kick. He sets up for the Scissors Kick, but when he goes to bounce off the ropes he's met by Robert Roode. Booker knocks him off the apron, but the distraction is enough for Angle to nail the Olympic Slam for three.
Roode and Angle double-team Booker T for about thirty seconds before Christian decides to make the save. Roode and Angle get the advantage, but Joe and Nash hit the ring to save to turn the tables. Angle bails as Booker chases off Roode. Nash grabs a mic and challenges Angle to a match next week.

Where We're Going: So there are two ways I could go with this section. I want to talk about how shockingly sweet and not-horrible the honeymoon segments turned out, but I'm fairly confident that TNA will blow that next week with a massive oversell. So for now I'll focus on Joe's hinting that he'll quit if he loses at Lockdown. That's stupid. I mean it's really stupid. Career vs. Title matches when the wrestler whose career is on the line is not going anywhere are just pre-announced title changes. I remember in 2003 when after a nine-month title reign they announced on Raw that the next PPV would feature a Career vs. Title Match between HHH and Goldberg. Now since Goldberg still had six months left on his contract, they basically announced when HHH would lose the title. I don't remember if that helped the buy rates for the PPV, but it sure didn't do much for the program generally—why tune in every week when they're going to announce a title change weeks in advance? There are only three ways a Career vs. Title Match can go—either they don't follow through on the stip (e.g. by having Joe "quit" for all of an hour), they have a screwjob ending (see previous rants about reinstating the rule that the title can't change hands on a DQ), or the challenger wins. So the only way for them to surprise would be to tick us off, and that is most assuredly not a recipe for success.

Overall: While, as I said, they're bound to mess it up next week, this week the AJ Styles stuff was sadly sweet. I'm baffled by the fact that there was a time when I wasn't impressed by Jay Lethal. There were some serious pacing issues tonight, and the end of the main-event was anti-climactic in the extreme, but I had a decent time. B+


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