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Where We've Been: Last week was anchored by a series of bizarrely and suddenly dramatic AJ Styles-Karen Angle vignettes. I actually enjoyed them quite a bit, and thought they were both Karen Angle's best performances to date, and the first proof we've seen that maybe AJ has the promo chops to step into a slightly more serious role again. Also, the skits had a feature rarely seen in professional wrestling—understatement. Of course Tenay blew that by narrating, and they will almost certainly blow it further this week by returning to their usual over the top antics, but for one day I thought they got it right. I haven't checked the other reactions, but I'm guessing I don't have much support in that view. Also last week it was announced that we'd be pretty much ignoring Destination X to build up for the Joe vs. Angle match at Lockdown. That's probably for the best, as I'm not even sure when Destination X is. This week we have Kevin Nash taking on Kurt Angle, I assume for the sake of proving that Nash can still wrestle a main event. I could be wrong, but I think this might be Big Sexy's first singles match since his return from kidney problems a couple of years ago; it'll be interesting to see if he's still got it. Also there's a ladder match between James Storm and Eric Young, which should be all sorts of awesome if they give it fifteen minutes or so.

The Show:

The recap shows VKM breaking up, which I had completely forgotten about, and Black Reign & Rellik facing off against Kaz and Eric Young, which I'd tried very hard to.

Kurt is doing squats in his locker room when Karen comes in. He says that he's too busy to talk, but she convinces him to take a break. She tells him that she thinks they took a misstep last week, and that they should go back to the way things were when they were dating. Angle takes this as a sign that her date last week was a failure, and tells her that things can go well as long as she just shuts up and does what she's told. She says that sometimes you don't know what you have until it's gone—he presumes she must be talking about the World Title, cause he knows he can live without her. She asks if he can afford to, at which point he calls her Heather Mills and she storms out.

[Opening Credits]

Tonight we're seeing Awesome Kong vs. Angelina Love. I think they could have saved that till Angelina Love actually gets a push, which she really should at some point.

Booker T comes out in a suit, mic in hand. He says that he has something to get off his chest—he's sick of all the back attacks, and wants to meet Roode face-to-face. He calls him out, but gets Payton Banks instead; she seems to have completed her metamorphosis into Traci Brooks. She says that Roode isn't here, but he's on his way. She also says that she has a message to deliver though, and proceeds to slap him in the face. That's actually a really clever strategy, sending a woman whom Roode knows Booker won't be allowed to hit—it's kind of like the TNA equivalent of launching rocket attacks from a day care. Traci Brooks runs out to make the, er, save, and a catfight ensues till security breaks it up.

We see Team 3D in front a Chinese restaurant, where Brother Ray wants to cheat on his diet. Why did they have a camera there? They cut to Johnny Devine downing cake inside, and Ray catching Devon trying to sneak a rib. Ray eventually settles on the salad.

[Commercial Break]

JB is in the back with Petey Williams, Scott Steiner, and Rhaka Khan. Petey is incredibly greatful for Steiner's help last week securing an X Division title shot. Scott says Petey's an annoying bastard, but has the heart of a lion. I thought Jericho had that copyrighted. Steiner refers to their coming match against Mahatma Ghandi and says something about initiating Petey.

(1) Scott Steiner & Petey Williams (w/Rhaka Kahn) defeat Sonjay Dutt & Jay Lethal

People apparently drop 20s into Sonjay Dutt's tambourine—apparently the Impact Zone really worries about the plight of Ebola victims. Sonjay starts things off against Petey, hitting a Hurricanara and locking in an Arm Bar before Petey strikes back with a big Spinning Wheel Kick. Sonjay answers with an even bigger Leaping Side Kick, but Petey falls back into Steiner, who comes in and knocks down Sonjay. Lethal comes in, gets a few shots off on Steiner, and then suddenly goes after Petey on the outside with a Suicide Dive. SoCal Val goes to check on Lethal, but Rhaka Kahn cuts her off.

[Commercial Break]

Steiner is controlling Lethal with a Military Press Slam and a clothesline out of the ring. Lethal is met on the outside by Khan, who whips him into the steal steps while Steiner distracts the referee. Petey rolls Lethal back into the ring, where Steiner hits a mean chop and a Do-Se-Do Suplex. Petey tags in and hits some weird Headlock/Key Lock, but Lethal powers out and makes the tag to Sonjay. Sonjay hits a Head Scissors, a Springboard Leg Lariat, and a Springboard Lionsault before Steiner comes in to break things up. Lethal takes Steiner out with a Missile Drop Kick, but when he goes to the top rope to follow up Petey shoves him all the way down to the floor. Sonjay looks to gain an advantage inside the ring, but Steiner whacks him with the briefcase from the outside. Sonjay stumbles into Petey, who hits the Canadian Destroyer for the three count.
They replay the Canadian Destroyer, and we've seen it so often it's really very easy to forget how amazing it is.

Devine is preparing Team 3D for their "final test" which is apparently a trip to the candy store. They break instantly. This is boring. Devine seems to be working the camera, which at least makes it slightly more sensible that it's always around.

[Commercial Break]

JB is in the back with Eric Young, who is hiding from Black Reign and Rellik. It's weird: just when I think they can't make EY sink any lower, they always find a way to surprise me. Kaz comes by, and Young seems shocked and relieved to see him. Kaz explains that while he did get beat up last weak, that's just his job, like how it is some other people's job to pretend to be monsters. He shows some pictures of actors from horror films, and to his credit correctly uses the name "Frankenstein's Monster". He says that all the monsters are fake—Michael Myers, Freddie Krueger, Count Chocula, Hillary Clinton—none of them are real. That one got a laugh. EY points out Cloverfield and Gremlins, which you can't get wet, because you wouldn't like them when they're wet. Kaz starts to argue that all that happens when the get wet is that they multiply, whereas the real problem is feeding them after midnight, when he realizes that they've gotten sidetracked slightly. That was also slightly amusing. The point is that Rellik and Black Reign are just the alter egos of a couple of wrestlers, which is something they all have. He says that somewhere in Young there's an alter ego waiting to come out—this could either end very well or very badly.

Now they say that the videos of Team 3D are courtesy of Paparazzi Productions, of which Johnny Devine was actually a member briefly pre-Seratonin. I don't know if we're supposed to remember that. Ray is trying to keep Devon away from a barbecue.

Team 3D, Johnny Devine, Shark Boy, and Curry Man all come to the ring. Devon tries to weigh in first, but he doesn't make the cut. Ray is annoyed that Devon must have snuck food behind his back. Ray steps on, but he doesn't make weight either. Ray and Devon both try to strip down to make it below 275 lbs. They both pull socks out of their trunks. Neither one makes the cut, and so they're both disqualified.

JB is in the back with Karen Angle, and he wants to know where the marriage is going. She just asks him to turn off the camera, and then she starts crying on his shoulder. AJ comes by, and wants to know what happened. When he hears that she's fighting with Kurt, he points out that wrestlers fight for a living, and so it's natural for them to be a bit insensitive. She counters that he isn't like that, because he treats her like she's special. See the above comments about the death of understatement. AJ reassures her that she is special, but if she's really worried he'll talk to Kurt for her.

Shark Boy & Curry Man are in the ring, refusing to let the ref raise their hands in victory.

[Commercial Break]

Shark Boy has a mic, and he says he didn't come out just to have his hand raised—he came out to "whip some bass". He gets the crowd to give him a "Shell yeah!" to the idea of them fighting, and so he calls out any two people in the back.

(2) Curry Man & Shark Boy defeat Rellik & Black Reign

Reign immediately tosses Shark Boy from the ring, which allows them to double team Curry Man. Shark Boy comes back and attacks both with some haymakers, and then takes Reign down with a Lou Thesz Press. Rellik tosses him from the ring, but he's bought enough time for Curry Man to recover. CM sets Rellik and Reign up in the corner and Butt Bumps them both. He hits a Cross Body Block on Reign from the top rope, but Team 3D run out to distract the ref from making the three count. Meanwhile, Devine comes in the back door and nails Curry Man with a Kendo Stick for the 1, 2…NO! Curry Man escapes and takes out Team 3D on the outside. While the ref tries to sort that out Kaz comes out and nails Reign with the Darkness Falls, allowing Shark Boy to hit a Stunner for the win. That was a pleasant surprise.
After the match, Team 3D team up with Reign and Rellik to ambush Kaz, Shark Boy, and Curry Man. They just finish setting up a table when Eric Young's music hits. He runs to the ring and knocks down Ray, Devon, and Devine, before coming face-to-face with Black Reign. Young hesitates, and then bolts up the ramp, which allows Ray to put Kaz through the table.

Robert Roode just arrived backstage, and Crystal tries to catch up with him. Roode says that he knows that Booker is after him, but that he's right here.

[Commercial Break]

We "check out the history" of VKM: it's actually much more interesting in recap form. I guess next week we're starting some new reality program that will follow around BG and Kip.

Roode and Payton Banks come down to the ring. He says that Booker should come out and get him. Roode says "the talking is over", but sadly gives the lie to that immediately as he keeps yammering. He asks Booker to come down and meet his fist, the same one that has his skanky wife's blood on it. Booker runs out—if he was backstage the whole time, what was he waiting for? Booker beats the living daylights out of Roode, till a distraction from Banks allows Roode to turn things around with a DDT. She gives him a pair of handcuffs, which he uses to secure Booker to the ring ropes. Roode takes off his belt, but before he can use it Ms. Brooks comes out to make the save again. Payton chokes her out with the belt, and they use another pair of cuffs to secure her to the other side of the ring. Roode and Banks whip Booker and Brooks, respectively, till security pulls them off. Is it just me or is there something a little uncomfortable about seeing a black guy get lashed in the back?

[Commercial Back]

We review what happened "moments ago." I hate that so much it hurts sometimes.

They hype the Elevation X match.

Crystal is in the back with James Storm and Jackie Moore. He's annoyed that she requested a ladder match when she knew he was tipsy. She says that he can't be afraid of heights going into Elevation X. He correctly points out that in AMW he was the one who was jumping off cages, and now doctors tell him he has a messed up equilibrium (which Crystal has to help him pronounce—I hadn't noticed that they're slowly positioning her as the smart interviewer). She tells him that there's no shame in being afraid of heights, and that he just needs to take it one day at a time.

(3) James Storm defeats Eric Young

This match is for the World Drinking Championship. Young attacks Storm on the ramp, then Baseball Slides a ladder into his face by the ring. He tries to do it again, but Storm lifts the ladder and whacks him with it. He removes some padding from ringside, but when he tries to Suplex Young its reversed and he ends up eating the concrete himself.

[Commercial Break]

EY has a ladder set up in the ring. Storm whips him into the corner, but when he tries to follow he gets Back Body Dropped—he lands on the apron, and kicks Young in the ring. He takes him outside and nails him with the ladder. He sets it up as a bridge between the apron and the barricade and tries to whip Young into it. Young slides under, but Storm takes him into it on his second try. He goes to climb the ladder, but hesitates. Young comes in and attacks, but gets Superkicked back onto the ladder on the outside. Jacqueline tries to push Storm up the ladder, but he just doesn't seem willing to go. She tries to show him how easy it is by climbing the other side. He won't go, so she just gets the belt and hands it to him. We have a new champion.
After the match, Rhino shows up and Gores Storm. He takes the Drinking Championship and leaves with it.

[Commercial Break]

JB is with Angle in the locker room when AJ comes in and says he needs to talk. Kurt asks if it's about kissing his wife, which AJ assures him won't happen again. AJ says it's important, and Kurt thinks that means that it's about Nash. He tells Kurt that Karen was crying in the hall. Kurt just laughs it off, and says that that's what women do. AJ says that she's not just a woman—she's his wife. Kurt calls him a wimp, and says that his crush is cute, but he doesn't know Karen and understand that she's a bitch. AJ tells him to take that back, which Kurt thinks is funny. You know, that was pretty good again.

(4) Awesome Kong (w/Raisha Saeed) defeats Angelina Love (w/Velvet Sky)

I never noticed that Love is Canadian—no wonder I like her. Canadian wrestlers rule. At least the ones who don't go crazy and commit double homicides rule. The ones who do go crazy and start murdering people clearly do not. Roxxi Leveaux told Love that she expects something bad to happen in this match. Love has Rudy Charles check Kong for weapons, and then jumps her as he does so. She hits some strikes, and then goes what looks like a Jawbreaker, and—HOLY SHIT—Kong just stands there as Love dangles from her neck. Love goes for a Cross Body Block, but Kong catches her and drives her back into the turnbuckle. She picks her up and knocks her back down a few times. She locks in something like a Camel Clutch for a bit. She tries to attack Love in the corner, but Love catches her with her legs and lays in some kicks. Love finally nails that Jawbreaker, but when she tries to follow up with a Cross Body Block off the top rope Kong catcher her again. Love slips out, but Kong just nails her with a Spinning Back Fist. She follows it up with an Implant Buster and then an Awesome Bomb for three. I had assumed this was just going to be a squash—as it is I think the strong showing helped Love a lot.
After the match, ODB appears on the ramp and says that in ten days they'll find out who's the knockout of all knockouts. As she taunts Kong Gail Kim attacks Kong from behind. She goes for a Cross Body Block, but just bounces off. ODB comes in and tries to help, but Kong beheads her with a clothesline. When she sets up for an Awesome Bomb Kim climbs up ODB's back and kicks Kong in the face. The two of them double-team Kong, attacking her with Double Clotheslines, Doubles Dropkicks, and Double Spears, before finally dumping her over the top rope. Once Kong leaves, Kim and ODB get into a shoving match, but security intervenes before things can escalate.

[Commercial Break]

(5) Kurt Angle (w/Styles & Tomko) defeats Kevin Nash (w/Samoa Joe & Christian Cage)

I'm still not quite clear what's in this for Christian. The crowd decides to just cheer for Tomko. Angle tries to German Suplex Nash, but Big Daddy Cool powers him back into the ring post. They face each other in the middle of the ring, and Angle jumps a little to look Nash in the eye. He tries to lay in a few punches, but Nash no-sells them and takes Angle down with one punch. He backs Angle into the corner and hits some big knees. Angle escapes and tries to take out Nash's legs, but Nash clotheslines him out of the ring before he can do any real damage. Angle falls next to Joe at ringside. Joe does a bit of trash talking, so Angle pie-faces him and runs away. Joe chases him right into Tomko, whom he just decks. A brawl breaks out at ringside, and the referee kicks everyone out of the ringside area.

[Commercial Break]

Nash has Kurt down but gets hung up when he misses a Big Boot in the corner. Kurt takes advantage by attacking the left leg, with some kicks, a Leg Lock, and then a Figure Four. Nash tries twice to roll over, but Kurt won't let him. The crowd starts a "Let's go Kevin" chant; someone tries to counter with a "Let's go Angle" chant, but it doesn't catch fire. On his third try Nash reverses Angle into an Indian Death Lock, so Kurt grabs the rope. Nash hits a Choke Slam as Angle tries to get to his feet. Kurt responds by continually getting up and walking into Nash's punches for reasons I don't fully understand. Angle goes for the leg again but gets caught in a Sidewalk Slam for a long two count. Nash goes for a Jacknife, but Angle amazingly rolls through directly into an Angle Lock. Nash kicks him off, and when Kurt charges back at him Nash dodges and Kurt eats ring post. He rolls to the outside clutching his neck, and Karen comes out to check on him. As he gets up he shoves her down into the concrete—it's not clear whether it's intentional. JB and AJ run out to check on her, and Hebner goes to clear AJ from ringside. In the ring, Nash nails a Jacknife and covers for a seven count. He goes over to see what's detaining the ref, which allows Kurt to nail a low blow from behind and an Olympic Slam for the three count. AJ carries Karen to the back as Kurt celebrates with his title.

Where We're Going: My wife pointed out the other day that there's no way this Karen Angle/AJ Styles/Kurt Angle plot can end that won't be sad. I think she was being incredibly optimistic, as the most likely scenario is that it'll get stupid well before it has a chance to wring any emotion from anyone. That being said, while tonight was a bit overdone—I would have preferred Kurt showing a bit of concern at the end, and Karen being a little less quick to compare AJ to Angle—tonight did reinforce that AJ at least can carry his weight in a dramatic storyline. It makes me wish that they had tried having his break with Christian be less of a comedy act, but that's done now. With EY back down at the bottom of the card, and Joe, Christian, and Nash all filling their more natural roles of being jerks, there is room at the top for a pure face (at least until/unless Sting returns). I had thought that they should slide Tomko into that role, but now I'm really starting to think that maybe it's the Phenomenal One's time once again. It won't be anything immediate, but I could definitely see him in position to retake the mantle by Slammiversary.

Overall: I hate it when TNA does this to me. It was a really boring show for the first hour and a half, and then we got stellar performances from the women, Angle, and Nash. I guess we'll call it a B-, but this was really a tale of two shows.

Want more Impact analysis? Check out Jason Powell's full report with his POV analysis.

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