By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
FEBRARY 29, 2008
AIRED ON THE CW - TAPE IN TUCSON, ARIZ.

-The show opened with a video highlighting the WrestleMania press conference focused primarily on The Big Show and Floyd Mayweather. They included Shane McMahon calling Mayweather the greatest fighter in the world.

-The Smackdown opening aired. Michael Cole introduced the show during Big Show's ring entrance.

1 -- THE BIG SHOW vs. JOEY RYANS & JAY GARLAND (sp?)

Show slapped the two jobbers around and finished them with a right punch to the face. Coach said, "You have to wonder if Floyd Mayweather is watching somewhere." He said Mayweather will have to use his quickness and agility against Show. How they're going to pull that match off is intriguing.

WINNER: The Big Show in 2:00.

-After the match, with the jobbers lying on their backs in the ring motionless, Show said there are rumors that Mayweather will face Oscar de la Hoya in September. He said he wanted to squash that rumor because he's going to break his legs, his hands, and his spirit. He said maybe there will be a Show vs. Oscar de la Hoya fight down the line, but he's squash him, too. He said the $20 million they're paying him to face him at WrestleMania won't be worth it.

[Commercial Break]

-A video feature aired on Make-a-Wish praising WWE and announcing a multi-year partnership between the two groups. Plus, 50 kids will accompany Raven Symone to WrestleMania as their wish. John Cena was present at the ceremony. They announced he'd be making his 100th Make-a-Wish soon.

-Cole and Coach previewed the MVP & Great Khali vs. Kane & Batista main event tag match.

2 -- JIMMY WANG YANG & SHANNON MOORE vs. DEUCE & DOMINO (w/Cherry)

Cole recited the fascinating fact that Yang says in the current WWE Magazine that his girlfriend in high school once went psycho and punched him in the face. Wow. Interesting stuff there. Cole added, "Who's hasn't?" Coach ribbed Cole by saying he didn't even have a girlfriend in high school. Coach made a Bonanza reference. Coach was also slurring his words oddly during this match; maybe he had a dentist appointment earlier. Yang hit his top rope moonsault press out of nowhere for the win.

WINNERS: Yang & Moore in 5:00.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Nothing wrong with it, but utterly forgettable and rudimentary. Well, I guess you could say that qualifies as something being wrong with it.

-Backstage, Edge talked to Vickie about where they'd go on their honeymoon. He ripped on the "Southwestern United States" (a lame way to get regional heel heat from the live crowd, which means nothing to 80 percent of the country watching). Edge suggested they go to Canada. Vickie almosf fainted and said she loves Canadians. The Edgeheads walked in and asked what Edge wanted. Edge assigned Zach Ryder the task of getting revenge on Undertaker for putting his hands on him last week.

[Commercial Break]

3 -- CHUCK PALUMBO vs. JAMIE NOBLE (w/Michelle McCool)

There's been enough invested in this feud that they could have done more to build this particular match than just toss it out there in the middle of the first hour. Noble went after Palumbo's arm early, but Palumbo overpowered him and tossed him to the floor. Michelle talked Palumbo into setting Noble down when he lifted him at ringside. Noble then jumped Palumbo as Palumbo was looking at McCool. He again went after Palumbo's left arm for a couple minutes. Palumbo escaped and went for a top rope elbow, but Noble moved. Noble kicked and punched Palumbo, then cannonballed Palumbo in the corner with a running start followed by a top rope dropkick. Palumbo came back with a Mad Dog Vachon style eye-rake across the top rope, then hit his Full Throttle finisher for the win. Coach said if he were Noble, he'd take some time off because he's taken two serous beatings.

WINNER: Palumbo in 6:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Good six minute TV match. McCool's facial expressions were good, too.

-Teddy Long brought Maryse to Vickie Guerrero backstage. Maryse said she's doing a wonderful job as Smackdown G.M. Vickie was flattered. Maryse added that she's a beautiful WWE diva. Batista interrupted. He told Vickie that he wants to represent Smackdown against Raw's Umaga. Vickie said, "You're on. You will face Umaga at WrestleMania."

[Commercial Break]

-Michael Cole announced that John Legend will perform "America the Beautiful" at WrestleMania.

4 -- MVP & THE GREAT KHALI vs. BATISTA & KANE

Coach said MVP has shown lately he does belong in the upper echelon of Smackdown. Cole touted the match between MVP and Batista last week. They opened with Khali vs. Kane. Kane basement dropkicked MVP in the face. Cole said he kicked him "right in the kisser." Didn't that term get retired when Gorilla Monsoon retired? Please. When Batista set up MVP for a Batista Bomb, Khali pulled him out of the ring. They cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

At 10:00 Kane tagged in and went to work on Khali. He clotheslined him in the corner twice. Khali fired back with his own standing awkward clothesline. MVP tagged in, hten Khali nailed Kane with a chop from behind. That gave the heels sustained offense. Fifteen minutes in, this was paced in such a way that I started daydreaming about the excitement of Impact. At 16:00 Kane finally hot-tagged Batista into the match. MVP escaped Batista's grip and tagged Khali. Batista didn't see the tag and lifted MVP for a powerslam. Khali entered and went for the vice grip. Batista countered with a spinebuster. MVP broke up the pin attempt at two. Batista then speared Khali for the win. MVP expressed frustration at ringside. Cole said MVP still hasn't been able to beat Batista in singles competition or tag team competition.

WINNERS: MVP & Batista in 17:00.

STAR RATING: *3/4 -- Solid in some spots, but just too long for these four.

[Commercial Break]

-Ring announcer Justin Roberts introduced the latest Diva Search Winner, Eve Torres, who introduced the Hall of Fame announcement for Peter Maivia and Rocky Johnson. Cole and Coach then pushed really hard tickets to the Hall of Fame dinner. Cole relayed that he gets chills every time he's there.

-The ring intro aired of Jesse & Festus to "Biscuits and Gravy."

[Commercial Break]

5 -- THE MIZ & JOHN MORRISON vs. JESSE & FESTUS

Before the match, Morrison and Miz introduced "The Dirt Sheet." They went to a series of clips of Miz and Morrison asking questions of Festus and Jesse, including out of context clips of what they have said on previous promos. They asked about Festus being abducted by aliens, followed by a question about anal probes. Morrison said, "That explains why your only friend is a bald, fat virgin." It wasn't the least bit funny to anyone but perhaps nine year old boys, and even the probably thought it was pretty lame. The bell rang and Festus went right after Miz aggressively. Jesse took a beating for a couple of minutes, then Festus got the hot-tag and fired away with power moves on both heels. He finished Morrison. Miz hard-blinked, not believing what he just saw. The bell rang and Festus reverted to his calm, passive self.

WINNERS: Festus & Jesse in 4:00.

STAR RATING: *

[Commercial Break]

-The Raw Rebound aired with the latest happenings from the Hornswoggle, Vince McMahon, Finlay situaton. Cole said he's heard that Finlay will be at Raw on Monday. Coach said it will be interesting if JBL forces Finlay to admit that Finlay is his son.

-Big Daddy V's ring entrance took place.

[Commercial Break]

6 -- BIG DADDY V (w/Matt Striker) vs. BALLS MAHONEY

After a corner splash, Cole said, "I think Balls has just been deflated." Daddy V hit a Samoan Drop afterward. The lights then went out and Undertaker's bells sounded. He walked to the ring and gave Daddy V a bit boot, knocking him to the floor. Undertaker then gave Balls a chokeslam for no reason. Cole said, "Everybody is a victim when Undertaker is around. Undertaker does things on his own terms."

WINNER: No contest.

-Taker grabbed the mic and said, "Death waits for no man. Edge, bring me your minion and bring him to my yard so he, too, can meet his fate - the same fate that you will meet at WrestleMania." They cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

7 -- UNDERTAKER vs. ZACH RYDER (w/Edge, Curt Hawkins)

A brief distraction at ringside gave Zach an opening to dropkick Taker and then dive at him on the floor. Taker caught him and rammed his back into the ringpost. A few minutes in Ryder managed to get in some offense, but Taker soon turned things around again and stomped away at Ryder in the corner. He followed with a running clothesline in the corner, a snake eyes, a big boot, and a legdrop for a two count. Coach said Ryder deserves credit for hanging in there. Cole agreed. Taker then finished Ryder with a chokeslam and his new submission.

WINNER: Undertaker in 7:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4

-After the match, Edge and Hawkins double-teamed Taker. Taker made a comeback. Edge bailed out as Taker gave Hawkins a chokeslam. He followed up with is new submission on Hawkins. Edge shouted to the ref, "Make him break it." He was too scared to go in there to break it up himself. After frantically tapping out for ten seconds, Taker leg go. Hawkins bled from the mouth afterward. Edge vowed to end Taker's streak at WM. Taker held up Edge's World Title belt as the show ended.

-They promoted an MVP vs. Batista rematch for next week's Smackdown.

We suggest these recent related articles...

PARKS'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 10/8: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Thursday show, including Roman Reigns & Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt & Braun Strowman

METZGER'S ROH TV REPORT 10/4 & 10/7: IWGP World champ Okada vs. Roderick Strong main event, plus Briscoes vs. Time Splitters, more from "Field of Honor," Overall Reax

MCMAHON'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 10/7: TNA Title Series kicks off, Bound for Glory fall-out, more; Overall Reax