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KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT 3/3: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of live show
Mar 3, 2008 - 10:23:25 PM |
By Wade Keller, Torch editor
KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
MARCH 3, 2008
LIVE ON USA NETWORK - INDIANAPOLIS, IND.
WHAT HAPPENED: 1ST HOUR
-The show opened with a close-up of Triple H, followed by Randy Orton and John Cena - all standing next to each other. William Regal told then he came up with an idea to keep things interesting the next several weeks. He was putting one of them in charge each of the next three weeks. He said he was starting with Cena. Orton objected and suggest that they all make a pact that when they're in charge, they'll give the other two the night off. Hunter sarcastically said he trusts Orton more than anyone. (I issue a challenge to Triple H: Go one month on TV not being sarcastic once. His whole personality is one sarcastic comment after another.) Cena said after what happened the last couple of weeks at their hands, he can come up with something good.
-Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler introduced the show.
1 -- BIG SHOW vs. BRANDON "THE THRILL" HILL - Boxing Match
During Big Show's ring introduction, they showed Floyd Mayweather live via satellite watching. Lawler said he won't like what he sees. Brandon "The Thrill" Hill was anounced at 5-7 and 150 pounds. Ross said Mayweather is 5-8 and 147. He added that he's also 39-0 in boxing with 25 knockouts. Lawler said Floyd is the "exact same size" as Brandon Hill. If exact means an inch taller and 3 pounds less, then yes. During pre-match instructions, Show towered over the skinny Hill. He patted him on the face with his fist before the match, angering Hill and his cornermen. Show absorbed Hill's body punches no sweat, then shoved him into the corner and gave him a big boot to the face. Ross asked if this would be Mayweather's fate at WrestleMania. Show then lifted and powerslammed Hill, stood on his chest, and got a three count victory. Ross said the size differential is "absolutely incredulous." Officials peeled Hill off the mat after the match.
WINNER: The Big Show in 2:00.
-Afterward, Big Show told Mayweather that he's going to ruin him. He said the 20 million dollars they're giving him for WrestleMania he better save because it'll be the last money he makes. Mayweather said he broke his nose last time and he'll break his jaw next time. He laughed and said, "WrestleMania is Money Mayweather all the way." He said he is the "main event and the main attraction." He said he's willing to die at WrestleMania. He said he's there to stay and he has to deal with him. Show called him to the ring. Mayweather shouted for his jet to get warmed up because he'll fly there to meet him. He said he's the main man and he runs the show. Show lifted Hill and threw him over the top rope. He said that guys a scrub and hasn't beat anybody. The crowd got restless as this went on and on awkwardly. Mayweather began repeating himself, saying, "WrestleMania 24. Be there. Last time I broke you nose. This time I'll break you jaw." It went on too long and the satellite connection was awkward. Plus, boxing trash talking doesn't fit the culture of pro wrestling.
-They showed Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels walking side-by-side backstage heading toward the entrance tunnel.
[Commercial Break]
2 -- SHAWN MICHAELS & RIC FLAIR vs. LANCE CADE & TREVOR MURDOCH
How many unresolved storylines have Cade & Murdoch been a part of in recent months? Ross and Lawler touted this as a big opportunity for Cade & Murdoch to show how far they've come. It'd odd that tag champs would be considered underdogs against two wrestlers who have never teamed before including one supposedly (well, indisputably) well past his prime. Such is WWE's tag division. Michaels hot-tagged Flair into the match at 2:00. Cade absorbed some chops, then went for a headlock. Flair escaped and applied a quick, sudden figure-four leglock. Michaels fended off an interfering Murdoch, applying his own figure-four. Both heels tapped out. Flair and Michaels hugged afterward.
WINNERS: Michaels & Flair in 3:00.
-Michaels addressed Flair afterward. He said he has to get something off of his chest. He said he appreciates everything he said last week, but he can't do it. He said he doesn't want the match at WrestleMania. He said knows Flair is going to say he's feeling better than ever, but he doesn't want to go down in history as the guy who ended the career of the Nature Boy. He said he recognizes that Flair thinks is arrobgant to say that. "I love you. You know I do, but you need to understand something. This is WrestleMania, and I am the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels, the Show Stopper. If you keep pushing for this match at WrestleMania, you leave me no choice - it is your show that is going to be stopped." He dropped the mic and left the ring. Flair stared back at him.
-Backstage Regal was o his cell phone. Cena walked up to him. He said he's thought things through and decided the best decision is to have Hunter and Orton go through each other. He booked Hunter vs. Orton. Regal said, "You can't do that. It's too big." He said Cena will probably take the night off. Cena said no way, he's had enough nights off to last a lifetime. He said he's booked himself against Mr. Kennedy. He asked Regal to leave his office since he put him in charge. Regal thought he was joking. Cena insisted he leave.
-A commercial aired hyping that next week's Raw would be a three-hour WrestleMania Rewind featuring rematches from previous WrestleManias featuring stars from all three brands, plus a special appearance by Floyd Mayweather. Floyd can earn the "greatest fighter in the world" title when he beats B.J. Penn or Georges St. Pierre. Until then, he can stick to "greatest boxer."
[Commercial Break]
-Ross hyped the return of Chris Jericho's Highlight Reel with guest Jeff Hardy. Lawler hyped JBL and Finlay facing of in the ring.
3 -- UMAGA vs. SUPER CRAZY
Regal joined Ross and Lawler at ringside. They noted that Batista has been selected to face Umaga in a Battle of the Brands at WrestleMania. Why couldn't Regal have been chosen to be the Smackdown color commentator instead of Coach. For so many reasons, he would have been better. Regal said Umaga will prove Raw is the superior brand. Ross concurred.
WINNER: Umaga in 1:00.
[Commercial Break]
-Chris Jericho's Highlight Reel: Wow, they joined Jericho's ring entrance in progress with him actually entering the ring. He played to the crowd to a tepid response, then introduced it with a little pryo blasting behind him. He said his talk show spawned a bunch of imitations: "The Cutting Edge, Carlito's Cabana, Are You Smarter than Snitsky, Cooking with Goldberg. All of those ones. We're back, baby!" He talked about the Money in the Bank ladder match at WrestleMania. He introduced Jeff Hardy, noting that many see him as the favorite. Jericho acknowledged the fans expressing their love for him. He added that he beat him last week and threw to clips of his win. Hardy was about to talk, but Jericho stopped him. He said he understands where he was coming from. He said he can climb a ladder, do a Swanton, crash through half a dozen tables, dip himself in molten lava, and shoot laser beams out of his eyes, but it won't stop Y2J from becoming the victor at WrestleMania. A loud "Hardy, Hardy" chant broke out.
Hardy told Jericho that a lot has changed since he was last around. He said in the past he might have nodded, wished him luck, and walked away, "but I'm not the dude anymore." He said he's going to do whatever it takes to beat him and win the Money in the Bank match and go on to win the title. Jericho said he knows what it's like to be champion and what it takes, so he's no longer his friend or his peer, but instead is his target. Hardy said he couldn't agree more. Hardy reached out for a handshake. Jericho accepted it. Hardy quickly yanked Jericho and DDT'd him.
[Commercial Break]
4 -- JOHN CENA vs. MR. KENNEDY
Cena came to the usual mixed reaction. A minute into the match, the cut to a break.
[Commercial Break]
WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR
[For insider news updates mornings, afternoons, and evenings - every day - check out Jason Powell's newly launched prowrestling.NET with NO spyware or self-install viruses, limited ad content, no membership news teases, and every news story written and analyzed by a trusted ten year veteran professional sports journalist.]
Kennedy DDT'd Cena on the ring apron after the break. He gave him a neck breaker in center ring for a two count. Cena came back with two clotheslines - one looked the good, the other lousy - and then a top rope legdrop to the back of Kennedy's head and an STFU for the tapout win. If Cena wants to know why so many guys boo him, one clue is his facial expression while applying the STFU. What was that?
WINNER: Cena in 9:00.
STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Only six minutes aired. Nothing special.
-They showed Maria and Candice Michelle chatting backstage.
[Commercial Break]
-Lawler stood on the ring, which was covered with the Playboy bunny image, and introduced Maria, who was joined by her WrestleMania tag team partner Candice Michelle. Lawler anounced that BunnyMania would be MC'd by Snoop Dogg, whom Lawler called one of his all-time favorite entertainers. I don't buy that Lawler's a fan. I'd rank Maria's entrance song as the worst in WWE. Maria talked about what an amazing opportunity and thrilling experience it has been to be part of Playboy. Lawler asked the fans if they were ready for the sneak peek at Playboy's cover. There were moderate cheers. Lawler asked for a drum roll. When he pulled of the covering, Santino Marella's face was pasted over Maria's face, each of her boobs, and her crotch. Santino walked out with a big smile on his face, saying, "Got ya! Got ya!"
Maria didn't look happy. Santino said she gave him no choice. He said she wouldn't listen to him. He said now when anyone tries to imagine her on the cover of Playboy, they'll imagine his face instead and have "an erectile dysfunction." Santino asked her follow him out. She said, "No!" Santino said he is the man. Maria said she is a woman and he won't make that decision for her. Maria said she's already posed for Playboy and she wants the whole world to see it. Santino asked what is wrong with her. He asked if it was "her timing of the month." He said she's acting crazy and making a scene. She said he's making a scene. He grabbed her arm. She yanked it away and said no. Lawler then KO'd Santino and threw the vandalized Playboy cover onto him. The crowd chanted, "Jerry, Jerry." Candice said there's another cover available. Then from the ceiling unrolled a gigantic cover shot of Playboy. Her facial expression doesn't convey her WWE persona at all. She's beautiful, but that shot looks like a generic Playboy model, losing the charm and innocence that makes Maria stand out in WWE.
[Commercial Break]
-A video clip aired of John Cena at a NASCAR race hanging out with a race winner.
5 -- CODY RHODES vs. CARLITO - Money in the Bank Qualifier
At 2:00 Cody blocked a Backstabber attempt by Carlito by holding the top rope, then went for a quick pin, getting a two count. A minute later Carlito tried to use the ropes for leverage to score a pin, but the ref caught him. Cody followed up with a bulldog for a tw count. Carlito then ducked a victory roll attempt and gave Cody a backstabber for the win.
WINNER: Carlito in 4:00.
STAR RATING: 3/4* -- Fast paced and well executed, but obviously too short realistically for either of these two to be jobbing to the other. But they didn't want to risk audience drop-off with these two in the ring for too long.
[Commercial Break]
-Clips aired of the opening segment with Mayweather and Show. Ross asked about boxing critics who says he's a fool for risking his career by participating in WWE. Mayweather said he's in a new field and he has to dedicate himself. He said, "I know I'm the best at what I do. Mixed martial arts, WWE wrestling, boxing, Floyd Mayweather is the best. At WrestleMania you're going to see the best Floyd Mayweather." Ross asked if he was intimidated by what he saw earlier from Show. Mayweather said no, it looks like the guy he fought was eating pancakes for three weeks. He repeated that he broke his nose last time, next time he'll break his jaw. Lawler asked if what Big Show is going to do to him is going to be worth 20 million. Mayweather said you can't talk to the king like that. He said it used to be called the WWE, but now it's the MME - Money Mayweather Entertainment. The fans booed quietly.
-A recap video aired of Ric Flair, Rocky Johnson, and Peter Maivia, then Mike Adamle introduced a new entrant into the HOF - Mae Young. The late Fabulous Moolah and Fred Blassie were show talking about her career. Gerald Brisco, also. Clips airs of the silly skits Young and Moolah have been part of over the years on WWE TV.
-They showed Finlay heading to the entrance tunnel to confront JBL in the ring.
[Commercial Break]
-Finlay came out to an upbeat remix of his entrance music. Vince McMahon walked out onto the stage. He asked if it was true that he conspired with his family to deceive him. Finlay said it's true, and added that Vince isn't good enough to be Hornswoggle's father. Vince said JBL couldn't be there tonight as he had transportation problems, but he did arrange for a satellite hook-up. JBL appeared on the big screen. He said he wished he could be there, but he felt it more important to be there with his son. The camera panned back to a scene of Hornswoggle lying in bed wimpering. JBL said Hornswoggle is innocent, and he prays on the innocent. "Quite frankly, it's fun," he said. Finlay demanded he come to the ring. JBL said he'll fight him, but on his terms - at WrestleMania. JBL helped Hornswoggle sit up, then slapped him across the face. Finlay called him a "piece of crap" and vowed to tear his heart right out of his body. Hornswoggle cried. JBL said nobody wants to see what he's about to do to Hornswoggle. He turned the lights out. A sound of Hornswoggle taking a beating ensued. Back in the ring, Finlay stared at the big screen and the camera zoomed in.
[Commercial Break]
6 -- RANDY ORTON vs. TRIPLE H
Cena joined Ross and Lawler on commentary. In a nice touch, Cena got intense and emotional as he talked about how Orton will do anything, including kicking his father in the head in his hometown. He also noted that he is responsible for his injury hiatus. Cena complimented Triple H as being the "benchmark" of WrestleMania. He said there is nothing free with Triple H, as he makes you earn every inch. The bell rang to start the match with four minutes left in the second hour. Cena continued to compliment Hunter, almost too much, going so far as to call him the "total package." Hunter took control several minutes in, beating up Orton at ringside, then hitting a spinebuster. Orton bailed out to ringside to catch his breath. He grabbed his title belt. Cena got up and lectured Orton. Hunter gave a running knee to Orton from behind, sending him flying into Cena. Cena went down. Hunter rolled Orton back into the ring. Orton swung his belt at Hunter, but Hunter ducked and set up a Pedigree. Cena entered the ring and knocked into Hunter, then gave Hunter an FU. Orton, though, blindsided Cena with an RKO.
WINNER: No contest in 7:00.
STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Fine action, but short with an angle rather than a true finish, so it's not really a full-fledged match.
MORE RAW COVERAGE RIGHT NOW: Jason Powell's Live Raw Report
We welcome your 1-10 score and comments on this show for a "Raw Reax" feature in the Torch Feedback section of PWTorch.com. Just to add a twist to this feature, include not just your hometown, but also your occupation (mechanic, lawyer, stay-at-home-dad, college student, etc.) so readers get a flavor for what everyone does as "day jobs." To contribute your thoughts on Raw, click here.
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