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TNA Impact on Spike TV
March 6, 2008
Taped Feb. 26 in Orlando, Florida
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist

Opening video: They recapped the stuff from last week. This week, it's "Fighting for the Edge".

Backstage: Kurt Angle gave Styles and Tomko a pep talk about their matches tonight. Styles clapped, leaned forward, and asked where Karen Angle is. Kurt said Styles didn't listen to a word he just said. Styles said he tried calling her...oops...Kurt asked Styles why he's calling his wife. And why is he wearing that stupid crown? Styles said Karen gave it to him. Kurt told him to forget about Karen for once. He broke down the three individual matches against Team Joe later tonight. He then went in for a one...two...three...Angle Alliance! cheer, but only Borash joined in.

Announcers: Tenay and West broke down the big three-match card tonight.

In-ring: Jim Cornette, flanked by Matt Morgan, broke down the PPV card for Sunday. Cornette then reiterated the three singles matches featuring the six-man tag main event players at the PPV. Main event of the evening is Angle vs. Christian in a cage. First man to escape wins. There must be a winner with no interference tonight! He said the team that wins the best-of-three series will have the advantage at the PPV. Cornette then brought out Booker T to talk about Robert Roode.

Booker came to the ring while they recapped the beating by Roode on Booker and Traci Brooks last week. Cornette recapped all of the stuff that's gone down, then Cornette told him it will be a leather strap match at the PPV. He told Booker he can peel the skin off Roode's back, but there's a stip for the match. Cornette said if Booker loses, then Peyton Banks gets ten lashes from Traci, but if Booker loses, then Peyton gives Traci ten lashes. Booker tried to comment about that chickenhead Peyton, but Roode's music interrupted.

"Screw you, Cornette!" Roode shouted. He was then interrupted by "you suck" chants. Roode answered the fans by telling them screw you. Roode said he's not going to put a woman in harm's way at the PPV. He said it's pathetic for Booker to want to see that. And, it's against his moral fiber. Such a great heel. Roode said it's between him and Booker. He said it ends at the PPV. Roode told him to stop hiding behind his skanks - Traci and Sharmell. He told Booker to be a man and fight your own damn battles. Booker said there's no sense in waiting. He dropped the mic and charged the ramp leading to a brawl. No one went down as they had a standing brawl until security and Morgan tried to intervene. Tenay summed up the feud before they cut backstage. Great opening segment.

Backstage: Crystal stood by with Cage, Joe, and Nash to talk about their matches. Crystal explained what Cornette didn't explain that the winners of the best-of-three get to start the six-man tag match with a man-advantage. Joe cut a promo first about making Tomko bleed tonight. Christian said they've come to an understanding on business. He said they're working the system with two former World champs and one future champion. Christian said they might get some heat with the boys or with management, but it's effective. He labeled them the Usual Suspects. Christian said they pick the Alliance a part one-by-one tonight. He hyped the cage match against Angle. Nash stood tall in the background and casually asked how he's supposed to follow that. Nash then channeled Hogan and said, "A.J., brother, whatcha gonna do when the Kevster and his 17-time surgically repaired knee comes down on you?" Joe shot him an eye brow. And cut.

[Q2]

[Commercial Break]

In-ring: A.J. Styles came to the ring dressed for a street fight. Kevin Nash then strolled out sporting a t-shirt with "NASH" on the front and "Big Sexy Tour 2008" on the back. KISS marketing.

1 -- KEVIN NASH vs. A.J. STYLES -- street fight

Gotta love the irony of a street fight starting in the ring. Per Angle's instructions, Styles went for Nash's knees in the early going. Nash fended him off, though, and the match moved to the floor. They did the traditional outside-the-ring spot where Nash sent Styles head-first into the PPV poster covering the base of the grandstands.

[Commercial Break]

Back from break, Styles was landing right hand blows to the forehead in the ring. Nash came back with right hands of his own, then dropped Styles with a sidewalk slam for a nearfall. Tenay added more to the main event at the PPV that the winning team tonight gets a five-minute advantage at the PPV. Nash went for a Jackknife powerbomb, but he sold a knee injury. Styles tried to take advantage with a springboard elbow smash, but Nash caught him in mid-air with a chokeslam for the win.

WINNER: Nash in 7:00. Well, I would say it's disappointing to see Styles losing clean to a guy with one wheel and who just put himself over as having 17 knee surgeries, but Styles is a comedy heel character without much credibility right now. (*1/4)

Backstage: Crystal brought in Black Reign for a promo from the workshop. Reign told Crystal to stop complaining about Misty the rat, then Crystal did this weird pout face. Reign addressed Eric Young and told him monsters are in the movies, but he's real. He then shouted at Kaz that he's going to be looking for him tonight. Reign said if Kaz makes it to the PPV, he would eat Kaz's face. Seriously, he said that. Too comedic to be disturbing.

[Commercial Break]

[Q3]

Video plug: They showed the video promo for the Global Impact DVD. Cheaper plug: Check out Sean and my review in this week's Torch Newsletter.

Backstage: Crystal went from the Workshop to backstage for an interview with Jay Lethal and So Cal Val. Crystal booked a battle royale for tonight, then asked when the big day is for the date. Lethal did his Savageisms, then let her in on a little secret: business first! Lethal said he's going to get a little freaky with Cupid's arrow afterward. Hilarious stuff. He left, then Val said the date is sometime next week and she can't wait.

Announcers: Tenay and West hyped the other two Alliance matches tonight. Suddenly, Tenay had something in his ear. The unintentional comedy is priceless on this show.

Backstage: They cut backstage where Traci and Peyton worked a fight. Peyton tried to enter a side door, but Traci cut her off and rammed her into this wall painted in a horrific shade of yellow. ... And elsewhere backstage, because this is a non-stop stop, Borash caught up with Eric Young about a monsters match at the PPV. Young said he gets freaked when he sees Reign and Rellik together. Borash reiterated Kaz's advice to reach down and pull forth from within to muster the strength to conquer one's demons and inner struggles. Young thought he was talking about wedgies. Borash paused and said everyone has an alter-ego, so Young just needs to find his.

In-ring: Suddenly, the random TNA theme music hit and people started walking to the ring. Just a stream of random folks for the Destination X battle royale. Can't have a TNA Impact gimmick match show without a battle royale. Just wouldn't be proper.

[Commercial Break]

In-ring: Team 3D got their own entrance music as the final participants in the battle royale. Time for the scale check. After Team 3D did their poses in the ring, Earl Hebner checked on their weights. Thumbs down for Devon. Oops. Ray approached the scale with a grumpy face, then he stepped on and Hebner gave him the double thumbs down. Golly gee fellas! Ray said that's fine because he doesn't want to be in the stupid battle royale anyways.

2 -- TNA Destination X gimmick battle royale

The bell sounded and Sonjay Dutt came to the ring looking for donations in his tambourine. He then grabbed Val's hand and gave her a kiss on the hand. Suddenly, Scott Steiner and his freak came out on stage for a closer look. Tenay gave some gossip that Steiner is sending his freak to be ringside for Petey's match against Lethal for the X Division Title at the PPV. Steiner, not involved in the match, eliminated Hernandez and tried to eliminate Young, but Slick Johnson sent Steiner to the showers.

[Q4]

Final Four: Rave, Curry Man, Petey, and Rellik. Curry then eliminated Petey. The winner of this, by the way, gets to add a stipulation to a tag match at the PPV. Curry then flipped Rave over the top rope with the Spicy Rack. So, it's Curry vs. Rellik. They did a spot where Curry flew over the top rope, but he landed on Rave's back so his feet never touched the floor. Back in the ring, Curry clotheslined Rellik over the top rope to the floor to win.

So, in the Curry & Shark Boy vs. Team 3D match at the PPV, Curry Man gets to book a stipulation for the match. Curry then took the mic after the match and spoke in Japanese. Gee, that sounds like Christopher Daniels. Shark Boy then took the mic and said no one cares about that Chinese you're babbling. He said it just so happens that they're facing the two biggest pieces of crap at the PPV, so the stip for the PPV is that if Team 3D loses or can't make weight, then they're gone from TNA for good. Shark Boy did the "What?" chant and Don West, not concerned about objectivity, shouted "Shell ya!" Shark then booked a Fish Market street fight for their PPV match.

WINNER: Curry Man in 6:00. Just another TNA gimmick match. (*)

Backstage: Borash was with Angelina Love and Velvet Sky while Roxxi walked around backstage for no apparent reason. They brought her over and apologized for mocking her last week. Angelina said Roxxi was totally right and they were dead wrong. She said that next week on Impact, they're going to give Roxxi a make-over free of charge. And everyone happy! Angelina said they're going to make Roxxi into one of the beautiful people just like them.

In-ring: Tomko came to the ring, then Samoa Joe for the First Blood match. After the break, it's first blood.

[Commercial Break]

3 -- SAMOA JOE vs. TOMKO -- First Blood match

They joined the action in progress with Joe smashing Tomko into the announce table. He then tried to use the timekeeper's hammer on Tomko, but Tomko blocked. Joe then chucked Tomko head-first into the ring apron, followed by the ringpost. No blood yet. Tomko came back with a scoop slam onto the entrance ramp, but he missed with a chair shot to the back. Back in the ring, Tomko landed punches to the forehead. No blood.

[Q5 -- second hour]

Joe mounted a comeback with elbow smashes to the gut, but then he ran into a boot to the throat. Tomko grabbed a chair and wedged it in the corner, but Joe put on the brakes. Joe then sent Tomko head-first into the chair. No blood yet. Joe then tossed the chair to Tomko, who caught it and then accepted a kick to the head. Tenay asked what else Joe needs to do to draw blood. Well, he could pull out a gun and shoot him, or scrape him with some barbed wire, or slam him into thumbtacks, or grab some glass and rake his forehead, or even take a spoon and gouge out his eye. Plenty of options. Joe then slapped on a rear naked choke and the ref called for the bell. He awarded the match to Tomko by virtue of Joe having a trickle of blood on his forearm. Tomko laughed in Joe's face for winning on a technicality.

WINNER: Tomko in 8:00. Nothing memorable, but a fine match with silly execution of a gimmick stipulation that induced eye-rolling, not heat. (*1/2)

[Commercial Break]

TNA Rough Cut: They showed a clip of Kip James out in the yard standing next to a giant monster truck. They cut to B.G. James saying they asked to be put together. "They" put us together and the rest is history, said B.G. Kip said he was the workhorse while B.G. slacked off and didn't eat right. B.G. said there were omens at the very beginning that indicated maybe they weren't going to get along.

Backstage: Borash brought in Jim Mitchell and Judas Mesias to ask about Abyss's whereabouts. And the feud must continue. Mitchell said he's here tonight to tell the brainwashed masses in the Impact zone and watching the TV never to doubt him again. He said his number one son, Judas, did exactly what he promised he would do. Mitchell said Abyss is no more after removing his mask in a fit of shame. Mitchell said Abyss then walked off with his tail tucked up his ass. He said now it's on to Rhino, everyone's favorite ditzomaniac. Mitchell said we know that Rhino has problems and he didn't listen to him when they were on speaking terms. He said the key is indulgence, not compulsion. He said the difference between Judas and Rhino is that Judas doesn't drink alcohol, only the blood of others. Mitchell told Rhino to drink it up while he laughs maniacally.

In-ring: Rhino stormed the ring for a match. He then took the mic and addressed James Storm. He held up the drinking title and said this belt is just like Storm: a piece of crap. Rhino then slammed the belt around the ring, leaving pieces all over the place. He said that represents Storm's head at the PPV. Rhino asked for his opponent so he could Gore him.

[Commercial Break]

[Q6]

In-ring: Judas Mesias came to the ring to face Rhino, with Jim Mitchell flanking him. Tenay said they are three weeks later from Abyss unmasking and no one has heard from him. He's disappeared off the face of the earth.

4 -- JUDAS MESIAS (w/Jim Mitchell) vs. RHINO

The fight moved to the outside in the opening minute. Back in the ring, Judas took control with a hard whip into the corner, followed by a Russian legsweep for a nearfall. Judas then went up top and missed with a splash. Rhino got up and nailed the Gore for the win. After the match, Storm surprised Rhino with a superkick. Storm then talked trash in Rhino's face to close out the segment.

WINNER: Rhino in 3:00. Basic TV match to promote Rhino vs. Storm in Elevation X on Sunday. (1/2*)

Backstage: Crystal tried to interview Awesome Kong, but Raisha told Crystal to be quiet. Raisha then read a statement that Kong seeks peace until she is agitated, upon which she unleashes her fury on said opponent. She then addressed ODB and Gail Kim. Raisha said they will be exterminated at the PPV. Suddenly, LAX walked over and Homicide tried to get a peak underneath Raisha's traditional Arabic dress, but Kong stepped in and stared them back.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- Knockouts champion AWESOME KONG (w/Raisha) vs. LAX's SALINAS

Salinas tried to start things off with kicks to the leg, but Kong smacked her back with a hard clothesline. Kong then placed her boot on the back of Salinas's head and pressed down hard. She finished her off with the Awesome bomb for the win.

WINNER: Kong in 2:00. Squash to set up the Women's title match of Kong vs. ODB vs. Gail at the PPV. (1/2*)

[Q7]

Backstage: Crystal brought in Gail and ODB to ask if they're rady for the three-way at the PPV. Gail said Kong seems invincible, but she can be beat. Gail revealed her strategy to take Kong off her feet. Crystal then asked who gets the pin. ODB said good question, blondie. Greatest delivery of a one-liner in TNA history. Gail said it's simple: the best wrestler.

Announcers: Tenay and West broke down the PPV card for Sunday. They also plugged upcoming house shows.

In-ring: Christian Cage came to the ring first for the main event cage match. Kurt Angle came out next for the non-title match. They're giving them a lot of time, which also means at least two commercial breaks.

[Commercial Break]

6 -- TNA World Hvt. champion KURT ANGLE vs. CHRISTIAN CAGE -- non-title steel cage match -- only way to win is by escaping the cage

They joined the action in progress with Christian and Angle exchanging mat holds. Angle tried to climb the cage wall, but Christian yanked him down to the mat. Angle then caught Christian off the ropes and chucked him into the cage wall. And now for the other break.

[Commercial Break]

[Q8]

They retuned with Angle gingerly trying to leave the cage through the door, but Christian yanked his foot and brought the action back into the ring. Angle brushed him off and catapulted Christian head-first into the cage wall, but Christian came back with a fallaway DDT. He then followed with an inverted DDT and started climbing the cage wall. Angle yanked him down, but Christian shoved Angle to the mat and landed a top rope splash. Angle tried to come back with an Olympic Slam, but Christian avoided it, only to miss a corner splash and crash into the cage. They battled on top of the cage before Angle landed an Olympic Slam from the cage to the mat.

At 15:00, they teased some spots of both men trying to escape the cage through the door. They did a crazy spot of Christian trying to climb the wall, but Angle locked in the anklelock. Christian escaped, though, by flipping Angle off the ropes to the mat. Christian tried to escape at 17:00, but Angle clipped his knee and pounded on it some more. Angle then tried to climb over the top of the cage, but he spent too much time gloating, which allowed Christian to recover and battle with him on the other side of the cage. Suddenly, both men crashed down to the floor simultaneously. The bell sounded and Earl Hebner stared at the situation unsure of who won. He then raised Christian's arm, giving him the victory.

After the match, Angle cursed Hebner before attacking Christian. Angle's back-ups then threw Christian into the cage and Tomko locked the steel cage. A.J. Styles picked up Christian and helped Angle give him the Olympic Slam inside the cage. Styles then finished off Christian with the Clash. Joe stormed ringside looking for a way into the cage, but no dice. Nash stood there facilitating; doing enough work to make it seem like he was trying, but not enough to do anything. Smartest man in wrestling. Joe kept trying to get inside the cage while Angle locked in the anklelock on Christian. They closed with the image of Angle shouting at Joe and Nash while having the anklelock firmly secured.

WINNER: Christian in 18:00 to give Team Joe the PPV advantage. Heck of a match. Good use of TV time to give the final portion of the match the full stage without commercial interruption. Excellent final imagery with Angle showing intensity in full control of the situation. The show was book-ended by an excellent opening segment and excellent main event. The rest of the show was good, bad, and really ugly filler. (***1/4)

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