By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S ECW REPORT
MARCH 11, 2008
AIRED ON SCI-FI

-After the ECW opening, they went right to John Morrison's ring introduction as Joey Styles and Tazz introduced the show.

1 -- JOHN MORRISON & THE MIZ vs. TOMMY DREAMER & COLIN DELANEY - WWE Tag Team Title match under Extreme Rules

Miz and Morrison came out fight. Dreamer and Delaney wheeled a shopping cart to the ring filled with a variety of apparatus such as a trash can and a flag pole. Morrison and Miz double-teamed Dreamer at the start. Delaney leaped of the top rope onto both heels to stop them. Dreamer then tossed them out of the ring. Dreamer then leaped off the ring apron and clotheslined them. I say it every week, but it's just amazing how the floor seems to suck him straight down with twice the gravitational force of a normal human being. He has negative lift when he flies through the air. Morrison reversed Dreamer into the shopping cart as Miz took over on Delaney in the ring. Delaney came back with a series of cane shots. Dreamer joined in with trash can lid shots. The pale, skinny Delaney showed fired by posing and yelling toward the hard camera Tommy Dreamer-style. That celebration gave the heels the rest they needed to come back with weapons shots of their own. Delaney cried in pain as welts showed up on his torso. Miz and Morrison double-teamed Delaney, then tried to catapult Dreamer into a trash can lid. Dreamer blocked it and then dropped Miz onto Morrison with the lid between them. Delaney recovered and climbed to the top rope. Delaney put on a Chicago Bears helmet and hit Morrison with a headbutt between the legs, drawing the biggest rise from the crowd of the night. Miz followed with a series of blows with the trash can lid to regain control. Dreamer slidekicked the trash can into Miz and Morrison as they hung upside down in the corner. Dual DDTs followed along with a double near fall for the babyfaces. The crowd booed the kick-out. Dreamer slid a table into the ring. Dreamer and Delaney superplexed both heels out of the corner. An "ECW, ECW" chant broke out. Dreamer and Miz were slow to get up. Delaney covered Morrison for a near fall. Morrison tossed Delaney out of the ring, then Morrison moonsaulted Delaney with a trash can in hand for a cool spot. Meanwhile, Dreamer stood up. Miz and Morrison lifted him and threw him through the table Dreamer had propped in the corner and scored the pin.

WINNER: Miz & Morrison in 8:00 to retain the WWE Tag Titles.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Total garbage match, but okay for that. Surprising that Dreamer does the job and not Delaney. Dreamer just seems like he weighs twice as much as a normal human his size. Even Miz and Morrison seemed to strain themselves trying to lift him in the end.

[Commercial Break]

-Armando Estrada announced that there'd be a 24 man battle royal at WrestleMania (so everyone - except the total losers on the roster, of course, can get a little WrestleMania PPV check and bragging rights of having been on the show) with the winner getting an ECW Title shot against Chavo Guerrero that night. He introduced Great Khali as one of the competitors.

2 -- THE GREAT KHALI vs. STEVIE RICHARDS

Well, Stevie's back to his usual role as a TV jobber, it appears. Khali lifted and slammed Richards and put his foot on his chest and scored a three count. That's disappointing as they had something going with Richards, and all is lost unnecessarily so, as anyone could have played that role.

WINNER: Khali in 0:10.

-After the match, Mike Knox walked out and attacked Richards again. He did the same after Richards's match against Shelton Benjamin last week, as shown on WWE Mobile. It's tough to care about Richards getting revenge against anyone for anything when he loses to Khali like he just did. It's more or less a case of "why bother?"

-Styles plugged C.M. Punk vs. Big Daddy V in a Money in the Bank qualifier. Let's hope it's Daddy V, because the image of him climbing a ladder to get the briefcase is worth half of the family fortune WWE is charging for this year's WrestleMania on PPV.

[Commercial Break]

3 -- DEUCE (w/Domino, Cherry) vs. KOFI KINGSTON

After a flurry of Kingston offense, he went for a monkey flip, but Deuce hung on to the corner. Kofi, though, came right back with a 360 degree roundhouse kick to the face for the win. Kofi celebrated like he just opened a million dollar briefcase on "Deal or No Deal." Tazz had fun imitating noises Kofi makes.

WINNER: Kingston in 3:00.

-They showed Matt Striker giving a pep talk to Big Daddy V backstage.

-A video feature aired on Triple H"s special edition f "King of Kings" DVD coming out in two weeks.

[Commercial Break]

-A video recap aired of the Big Show-Floyd Mayweather weight-in on Raw the night before.

-Back at ringside, Tazz said Mayweather must be having second thoughts now because Show is serious. Styles said Mayweather was at the WM press conference with his arm taped. Styles and Tazz ran down the line-up for WrestleMania including the newly added ECW Title match.

-In a backstage interview, Punk talked about qualifying for the Money in the Bank ladder match. He said if he wins, he can face the ECW Champ at any time. (Like he can't now. He really should aim higher.) He said things are looking up for him since he's in his hometown of Chicago. The crowd popped. He didn't say much else other than his name.

[Commercial Break]

-A video feature aired on a Maria Playboy magazine autograph session.

4 -- FESTUS (w/Jesse) vs. ELIJAH BURKE

Styles said, "What a segue, from Maria to Festus." Jesse slapped the mat over and over to encourage a comeback from Festus, who found himself on the defensive early. Burke worked over Festus's arm. Elijah powered Festus over with more of a judo throw than a pro wrestling armdrag and applied an armbar afterward. Festus came back with a flying shoulder tackle, or a "corn-fed missile," as Styles called it. Festus finished Burke with a strange crotch splash followed by his flap jack style finisher. Festus's wrestling style fits his persona perfectly.

WINNER: Festus in 3:00. It's odd to see WWE booking SD wrestlers to come in and squash competitive mid-card ECW wrestlers like this; first Richards and now Burke.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- C.M. PUNK vs. BIG DADDY V (w/Matt Striker)

Shelton Benjamin joined Styles and Tazz on commentary. Oh no. Shelton uttered before the match began, in regards to Punk almost winning last year's MITB match, "So close only counts in horseshoes, okay?" Not only did he say a cliche that was banned by the Pro Wrestling Commentator Association of America in 1993, but he tripped over his own words saying it. Styles asked Benjamin who he'd rather face at WM. Benjamin said he could beat either, but Daddy V would really shake things up and make it interesting. "Seriously, can you imagine Big Daddy V climbing the ladder. I don't think they make ladders that can support that kind of weight," he said. Hey, I wrote that earlier. Is he reading over my shoulder or are my observations that obvious. I thought so. Daddy V brushed off some early Punk karate kicks, then slammed him to the mat and chopped his chest. Benjamin said Punk should throw in the towel. Benjamin began going over his highlight reel from last year's match and said he'll prove he's the Gold Standard at WM again. Punk came back with a running kneelift after avoiding a corner splash. He followed with another high knee lift followed by a bulldog attempt. Daddy V brushed him off. Punk kicked his leg and tried to lift him. Daddy V resisted. Punk hit an enzuigiri and then tried to lift Daddy V. He collapsed under his weight. Ough. A crushed Punk rolled away to catch his breath, then avoided a charging Dadd V. Ref Scott Armstrong counted him out despite Striker trying to awaken him with a water bottle. Striker charged in after Punk, so Punk gave him the GTS. Punk pointed at Benjamin, who frowned and sneered back at him to end the show.

WINNER: Punk via countout in 4:00. Decent action for those two.

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