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By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
MARCH 20, 2008
TAPED IN ORLANDO - AIRED ON SPIKE TV

-The show is titled "Strange Bedfellows."

-Jeremy Borash stood outside of an office door labelled "James E. Cornette." He said it's just four weeks until Lockdown. He plugged Kurt Angle's first in-ring workout, TNA Knockouts wrestling, Booker T welcoming Sharmell back, and a special guest with A.J. Styles. Christian emerged from the office with a big smile on his face. Cornette the stepped out and said Tomko would be facing Rhino later.

-The TNA Impact opening aired, then Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show.

-A smiling Booker T came to his full ring intro. He wore his signature colorful, baggy suit. Tenay said his lovely life is fully recovered and it's time to welcome her back to the Impact Zone. The ring had a cheesy party table set up with streamers and champaign. Sharmell then came out in a black dress. The crowd chanted "Welcome Back!" Booker said he wanted to say in front of the nation and God that he will never put her in harm's way again. He told her he loves her three times.

Robert Roode's music interrupted. West said, as if swallowing a mouthful of insects and worms, "Not now! Good gawd!" Roode told Booker not worry. He said his queen wouldn't be put in harm's way - at least tonight. Booker asked what his punk ass was saying. Cornette stepped out and said when he took this job with TNA, he promised he'd try to make sure everybody had a level playing field. He said during his match with Roode, an unadvertised person came out and whipped Roode and Banks. Cornette said that didn't bother him much because they both deserved it. He said, though, that same person whipped the referee, ring announcer, security guards, and him. He said, "I didn't like it one little bit." Booker got bug-eyed. Cornette said it'll get settled once and for all as he'll get a match against Roode in the six-sides of steel. Tenay interjected that Roode won't be able to run. Cornette said it will be Roode & Peyton Banks vs. Booker & Sharmell at the PPV. Sharmell looked worried. Booker protested. Cornette left the ring quickly. Tenay said Booekr is PO'd. Booker knocked over the party table. Cornette said if he's got that much energy, he's putting him in a match against someone with more women trouble than Elliot Spitzer - A.J. Styles one-on-one later.

-Crystal interviewed Styles backstage. Styles threw a fit and said this is crap. He said he's just been minding his own business and had a special guest to bring out later. "I wasn't supposed to be booked tonight! Nngghh!" he said. Team 3D barged in. Brother Ray told Styles to relax. He said Styles is part of the family now. Ray said Tomko came to them last week and struck a deal for them to all team up together at Lockdown. Ray was wearing t-shirt with a giant black and white picture of Road Warrior Hawk. He said they would become a well-oiled machine fighting as one. He called Kevin Nash "old" and "decrepit." Ray told Styles they'd be there later for his match against Booker.

[Commercial Break]

-Crystal interviewed Eric Young and Kaz backstage. Kaz said Young's alter-ego thing is working well for him. He said he's proud of him. Eric said since "Super Eric" is in the building, he feels safer. Kaz played along. Young said he's ready as long as "Rellik - that's killer spelled backwards" and Black Reign don't show up because he's still scared of those guys. It is funny that Young says Rellik is "killer" spelled backwards every time he says his name.

1 -- PETEY WILLIAMS & SCOTT STEINER (w/Rhaka Khan) vs. KAZ & ERIC YOUNG

They showed footage from the TNA Today internet show that Steiner dunked Petey in a bucket of ice water to initiate him after last week. Young collapsed in fright and clutched his heart when his pryo blasted, as always. At 3:00 Kaz knocked Steiner down with a spin kick, but Petey surprised him with a Canadian Destroyer attempt, but Kaz countered with a back dropdown spike. Black Reign and Rellik stepped out onto the stage. Reign said, "Evil always triumphs." Steiner gave a back slam off the top rope to a distracted Young. Afterward, Steiner handcuffed Petey and put a black bag over his head. It would have hilarious if the Hardcore Holly-Cody Rhodes gimmick had gone this direction.

WINNERS: Steiner & Petey in 4:00.

STAR RATING: 1/2*

-Tenay plugged that next week's Impact would be live and "our biggest ever."

[Commercial Break]

-Tenay had a sitdown interview with Christian and Rhino. Tenay said Rhino was at first against participating. Tenay said if Christian, who requested this interview, betrays him and it's a set up, that's the last time he'll ever be on his interview set. What a threat! Christian addressed Rhino. He said he's had time to reflect on the people he's stepped on to get to the top. Christian said it didn't bother him, but he noted that he sent his daughter birthday cards every year and he's bee there for him during his drinking years. He said he needs Rhino to be a part of Team Cage. Rhino asked him if it was some kind of a joke. Rhino said he could handle Christian hurting him, but not his family and friends. He said he's never told this story before, but one time his daughter was watching TV and saw Christian bloodying him up in the ring. He said his daughter then said with a confused look and a tear in her eye, "Why is Uncle Christian hurting my daddy?" He asked him how he's going to fix things with his daughter. He stood up and walked away. Anytime Rhino's not yelling at the top of his lungs, it's a good week.

2 -- TOMKO vs. RHINO

A minute into the match they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

Styles interfered with a flying forearm to Rhino just as Rhino set up an early Gore. Tomko then nailed Rhino with a clothesline for the win.

WINNER: Tomko in 6:00.

-After the match, the fans at ringside told ref Earl Hebner that Styles was hiding under the ring. Hebner found Styles under the ring. Tenay said Hebner should reverse the decision. Styles pleaded innocence. Tomko jumped Rhino from behind and Styles joined in. Christian ran to the ring to make the save. He knocked both Styles and Tomko off of Rhino. After clearing the ring, Team 3D attacked them from behind. Nash made the save with a chair. The four heels fled the ring. Cornette yelled for everyone to "pump the brakes." He said since Team 3D wants to get involved in everyone's business, he's booking them against Christian & Rhino in a cage later. Tomko protested. Tenay said that's Christian's chance to prove his loyalty to Rhino.

[Commercial Break]

-They went to another date with So Cal Val and Black Machismo. Machismo said the menu is a bit pricey. She said nothing matters except that they're together. Machismo ordered a water. Val did, too. Machismo confirmed it was free. (This is a riff on Randy Savage being notoriously cheap.) He asked for a kid's menu. Sonjay Dutt served them menus. Machismo asked if he works there. He said when he's not wrestling, "anything to help the cause." What does that mean? Machismo asked if he could hook them up with a discount. Dutt complimented Val's appearance, saying she looked stunning. To be continued next week.

3 -- SONJAY DUTT (w/So Cal Val) vs. HOMICIDE (w/Hernandez, Celinas)

Dutt threw an armdrag, then bragged to Val at ringside who reacted as if she were impressed. Dutt went for a springboard dive, but he slipped on the top rope and favored his knee. Homicide laid back. Dutt then surprised him with a small package for the win. Dutt strutted around the ring and smiled at Val. She smiled back. Dutt advanced to the Xscape X Division Cage Match at Lockdown along with Curry Man. Homicide got so upset, he threw Dutt into Hernandez's arms, and then Hernandez gave him a big Border Toss.

WINNER: Dutt in 3:00.

-Crystal interviewed Booker T and Sharmell backstage about Cornette booking them in a match against Roode and Banks. Booker said he doesn't know what's going on, is out of his freakin' mind, and can't think straight. He said he promised not to put his wife in harm's way. "I don't know what's wrong with Jim Cornette," he said. He said if Roode even looks at his wife, he'll mess him up real bad. He said tonight he'll be in the ring with a living legend, so he better bring his A-game. Great promo from Booker with perfect inflection for the situation.

[Commercial Break]

-The third "Rough Cut" video aired on B.G. James and Kip James. They talked more about being forced together again. B.G. said they couldn't compete with what A.J. Styles was doing. He said they just said "suck it" and were done. He said fans were expecting them to be the same as they were ten years ago. Kip said he sent subtle hints over and over about stepping up his game to B.G. B.G. said he had other priorities, such as being with his wife and three kids and pets. Kip said you don't just blow off your partner. B.G. said he thought they bot had matured. B.G. said he thought their relationship was better than ever. Kip said eventually he has to say "enough is enough." Kip said he's upset he had to carry him or carry at least 60 percent of the weight. To be continued.

WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR

-West plugged upcoming events. Tenay reset what was left on the show.

-A.J. Styles walked out wearing his crown to introduce his special guest. He said it's one of the most beautiful, intelligent women he's ever met. He introduced Karen, who walked out to ringside. Styles showed her to a front row seat. She smiled, he smiled, everyone was happy.

4 -- A.J. STYLES vs. BOOKER T

Back and forth early on. Roode stepped out to watch and cheer on Styles. Karen looked on concerned as Booker took control of the match. At 2:00 they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

Sharmell at ringside cheered on as Booker scored a near fall against Styles. Booker went for an axe kick, but Styles avoided it and countered with a Pele kick. Banks went after Sharmell at ringside. Sharmell came right back with a series of straps. Banks fled. Banks has a long way to go before she seems natural in a worked fight. Really awkward. Styles yelled at Sharmell. Booker small packaged Styles for the win. Styles noticed Karen's chair was empty. He wondered where she went.

WINNER: Booker T in 9:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2

-Crystal interviewed Awesome Kong and Ryesha Saeed. Saeed said she has a new message from Kong. She read a sheet of paper that said Gail Kim and ODB's stupid plan a Destination X failed. She said it was doomed from the beginning. She said they tried to steal from Kong what she has earned. She will destroy anything in her path. She said they are marked for destruction.

5 -- ODB & GAIL KIM vs. ANGELINA LOVE & VELVET SKY

Tenay plugged that next week's TNA Impact will be the biggest in history. He said fans will have a hand in deciding who will face Kong for her title. He said voting will start online at the beginning of the show. ODB got in early offense. Kim tagged in and continued, but eventually the Beautiful People took over on Kim for sustained heel offense. ODB got a hot tag and powerslammed Love for the clean win.

WINNERS: ODB & Kim in 5:00.

STAR RATING: *

-Afterward, Roxxi Laveaux walked to the ring. Love and Sky fled to the back to avoid her wrath after last week's prank on her.

-Backstage, Borash walked into Kurt Angle's locker room. Angle grabbed Borash and said no more fun, no more games, no more b.s. He said they're only weeks away from Lockdown. (Technically, we're "weeks" away from the Super Bowl 100 and WrestleMania 50.) Angle cut a completely serious promo with 100 percent intensity. He said Joe can train all he wants, but it won't matter because he's never been more focused in his entire life. He said he'll demonstrate that tonight when he punishes four human beings. Angle could draw some money sticking with that persona, although he couldn't be that intense every single week without it getting numbing.

[Commercial Break]

-A video feature aired with MMA writers talking about Joe vs. Angle as if it were a legit MMA fight.

-Angle put on an MMA display with no boots, taped feet and hands, and his singlet dropped down his waist at the start. Ephram Sims was his first sparring opponent. He forced a tapout with an arm triangle side choke less than a minute in. Next in was John Davis. Tenay noted the MMA camps that each fighter was training at. Angle forced a tapout with a heel hook. Frank Ciazzo was in next. Tenay plugged that Frank Trigg would be on Impact next week to talk about Joe's training. Angle made Ciazzo tap quickly again with a guillotine. Cory Chavis was in last. Angle headbutted him on the opening handshake and then pounded away at his head with one stiff blow after another with the ref stepping in to stop the fight. This is an interesting approach to take. It's good to get across Angle's seriousness headed into the Joe defense. The problem is nothing Angle did in his "MMA sparring sessions" was any different than what he's allowed to do in a regular match. Why not take that same approach in every TNA match? They showed Chavis bleeding on the mat, still knocked out.

-Tomko said he should have been a team leader all along. He said he's proud of his team, whereas Christian has Rhino and Kevin Nash, who is washed up. He said until now he didn't have a problem with Nash, but inside that cage, they will. Devon actually spoke and said that pack is going to be at Lethal Lockdown. They all laughed when Devon suggested they add Curry Man, Shark Boy, or the Motor City Machineguns to their team. Devon said, "Beat us if you can, survive if we let you!" Tomko again showed that he has the mic skills to be a leading main event breakout act if TNA books him as such.

[Commercial Break]

-A video aired on the background of Rhino and Christian with the vintage footage of them working indy shows pre-WWE and pre-ECW.

6 -- CHRISTIAN & RHINO vs. TEAM 3D

Rhino chased Devon at ringside when Ray caught him with a clothesline. I'm not sure Rhino should run on camera. They cut to a break at 2:00.

[Commercial Break]

Tenay said Angle was so pleased with how his training session went, he's going to have another training session on Impact live next week, but his sparring partners will be Styles and Tomko. Christian came back against Devon in the ring at 7:00. Each hot-tagged his respective partner. Rhino went to work on Ray and Devon at once with high backdrops. Tenay said Karen wants a sitdown interview next week with him to address her relationship with Kurt. Chaos continued in the ring with Rhino scoring a near fall on Ray. Christian pounded away at Devon in the corner, but Ray lifted him onto his shoulders and set up Devon for a top rope clothesline. Christian punched out of it and rolled up Rey. Rhino shoved Devon off the top rope with a headbutt to Ray's crotch. Christian slingshot bodyblocked Devine at ringside. Rhino then gave Ray a Gore. West's voice was so hoarse he could barely shout "Gore!" three times. As Rhino went for the pin, Tomko yanked the ref out of the ring and then attacked Christian and Rhino. The ref called for the bell. Nash entered the ring and made the save, but Team 3D and Tomko soon overwhelmed him. Shark Boy and Curry Man made the save. The Machineguns also charged out. Tomko gave Shelly a nasty shoulderbreaker. Curry Man took a 3D from Ray and Devon. The did the same to Christian as the bell rang over and over. Why does that never work at stopping the heels in their tracks? Team Tomko stood mid-ring with their arms raised. Sting's music then played and his video aired. West said, "Could this mean what I think it means?!" Tenay said indeed Sting on the biggest Impact in history next week. Great final teaser. That's the right way to use Sting. As we reported months ago, Sting's contract with TNA expired and his new deal calls for greatly reduced dates where he'll be used more as a special attraction. He's going to be mean more in five meaningful appearances per year than 40 where he becomes "just another wrestler."

WINNERS: Christian & Rhino via DQ in 10:00.

STAR RATING: **1/4

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