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KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
APRIL 10, 2008
ORLANDO, FLA. - AIRED ON SPIKE TV

WHAT HAPPENED: 1ST HOUR

-The show opened with a video recap of a single storyline from last week (rather than seven or eight), which was the addition of James Storm and Matt Morgan to the Lockdown co-main event tag match. The Impact opening then aired.

-Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show using their indoor voice as pryo blasted from the rafters. Tenay hyped that Kurt Angle vowed to get Samoa Joe put into writing that if he loses at Lockdown, he'll leave wrestling forever.

-Team Tomko walked to the ring - Tomko, Team 3D, James Storm (w/Jackie), and A.J. Styles. Brother Ray took the mic and told Tomko he's the team leader and doesn't need to speak. Ray said the plot Christian and Matt Morgan put together doesn't impress him and will backfire in their faces. He called Christian "a skinny, insignificant, little man." He said they pissed them off. He called Morgan a "seven-foot tall frickin' moron." He said Lockdown will be the last time he laces up boots. He said Kevin Nash and Sting are the reason WCW went out of business. "You two have been bleeding the wrestling industry all your careers, bullying guys, bullying promoters," he said. The crowd chanted "Shut the f--- up." He said tonight they will do something for the first time - they'll step foot into the ring with the greatest tag team of all time, Team 3D. Ray took the tag title belt off of Tomko's shoulder and held it into the air. Tomko didn't like that and yanked it back from him. Before their argument could develop, the lights went down and Christian Cage stepped out onto the stage with his teammates, Sting, Nash, Rhino, and Morgan.

Christian said the Ray may accuse Nash and Sting of not paying their dues, but he said Ray needs to stop complaining. "Brother Ray, you're like Hillary Clinton in a fat suit," he said. West added, "I think Brother Ray's better looking." What an ass. Christian said he had a better analogy: "Hillary Clinton has bigger balls than you." West said he doesn't know how he'd know that. Christian told Tomko he told him never to think, and the way things played out last week proves he was right. He said he's always a step ahead, and that step is Morgan. He said at Lethal Lockdown, Team Cage will leave Team Tomko for dead. He closed, "If you don't know, now you know."

Styles yapped, "Shut up! Don't bring it, sing it!" Team Christian charged to the ring. Team Tomko bailed. Tenay, to even things out said, said Styles "mangles the English language worse than President Bush." These attempts at political humor aren't working, and the stuff on Hillary was heavy-handed because it went after her looks, not her foibles or policies.

-Crystal interviewed Samoa Joe backstage. Joe, wearing a suit, said he'd sign the contract in blood saying if he loses to Angle, he'll walk away from "not just TNA, but pro wrestling."

[Commercial Break]

(Quarter 2...)

-Borash approached Kurt Angle backstage and told him that Joe is willing to sign his vow to quit. Angle said saying it is one thing, but doing it is another. He said he beat Joe three out of four times. He said the time he beat him was a fluke. Angle said Joe won't agree to quit when he only has a 25 percent chance of winning. Angle asked Borash what was weighing on his mind. Borash asked if he had seen the videos he went in from California. "He's a different guy; he's like a man possessed," he said. Angle said in three or four weeks he can't master what he's spent his life learning. He said he isn't training with the best fighters because he's the best fighter. He said he'll make Joe tap out for the last time at Lockdown.

-A vignette aired on Consequences Creed. He was working out in an old brick warehouse. He said life requires people to deal with the consequences of their choices.

1 -- JIMMY RAVE (w/Lance Hoyt, Christy Hemme) vs. CONSEQUENCES CREED

Hoyt grabbed at Creed's ankle a couple minutes into the match. Creed got schoolboyed by Rave as a result for a near fall. Creed came back with a CreeDT for the win.

WINNER: Creed in 3:00. Eh, I'm more into Creed beating a jobber in his debut, especially one who's not especially compared to him.

-Crystal interviewed Black Machismo and So Cal Val. Machismo talked about his match at Lockdown, saying he's not worried because his best friend will be in there with him. Speaking of whom, Sonjay Dutt, of course, walked in walked off within seconds with Val to go shopping. Machismo showed signs of being a little suspicious of what's been happening.

[Commercial Break]

(Quarter 3...)

-Tenay and West were joined by Jim Cornette on commentary. They promoted the line-up for Lockdown. Cornette said Morgan made a deal with Christian, which is okay with him, but he wishes he knew ahead of time. He said he can't be a wrestler and a member of management at the same time, so as of that day he was no longer his administrative assistant. He said Morgan is capable of a lot inside the ring, so Heaven help Team Tomko.

-Crystal asked Morgan backstage about no longer being part of TNA management Morgan said it's hard to sit back and watch what's going on inside the ring when he knows he can beat 100 percent of the wrestlers. He said it's time to shine and after Lethal Lockdown, everybody will know why they call him "the most genetically jacked, athletically stacked giant going today." Some voice coaching would do him good. When he hits the high pitches and gets whiny, it really, really works against everything else he has going for him.

-A video feature aired on the "relationship" between Scott Steiner and Petey Williams, including the various S&M tactics Steiner has been using to "initiate" Petey while he's wearing skimpy wrestling trunks. Is TNA blind to the undertones of all of this, or is that part of the "fun" of this odd dynamic between these two?

2 -- SCOTT STINER & PETEY WILLIAMS vs. MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS

The Guns double-teamed Steiner with kicks, then went to work on Petey. Rocka Khan walked out as they cut to a break. Have minutes 3, 4, and 5 of any match ever aired on Impact?

[Commercial Break]

Steiner saved Petey from getting pinned by Shelly after a frog splash at 8:00. Sabin kicked Steiner out of the ring. The Guns appeared to have Petey done with a double-team move, but Petey kicked out. Sabin slidekicked Steiner out of the ring, but Steiner avoided a dive to the floor. Petey then gave Shelley a Canadian Destroyer for the win.

WINNERS: Steiner & Petey in 9:00.

STAR RATING: *3/4 -- Lots of good athleticism.

(Quarter 4…)

-Steiner told Petey after the match that tonight is his last initiation. He said, "One more and you're part of my Freak Club." It's kind of like Mr. McMahon's "Kiss My Ass Club," but different. Steiner pulled scissors out of a black bag and pointed at Petey's hair. Petey jumped back at first, but then agreed to let Steiner cut his hair. Steiner gnawed his way through Petey pony tail with the scissors. Then out came the clippers. He shaved Petey's head nearly bald. West said, "Sometimes you've got to break somebody down to build then up." Tenay said Steiner vowed to "make Petey a man" and "now he's part of the Freak Club." Afterward, Steiner said he looks good. He is better off without the pony tail. Pretty much all men are. Steiner put the chain Egyptian head dress on Petey's head. Petey stood on the second rope and flexed. West called him, "Little Petey Pump." Based on this angle, I would have guessed that was a name Steiner had already reserved.

[Commercial Break]

-Tenay and West talked over replays of Steiner clipping Petey's hair. Then they threw to a historical recap of the Angle-Joe feud dating back to late 2006. A video aired of various people commenting on the Joe-Angle match including Frank Trigg, Mike Carlson or Fighter Magazine, Nash, and Cornette. Joe then said the only outcome he sees is Angle passed out mid-ring.

-Angle walked out to his full ring intro wearing a suit. He said Lockdown is the biggest match of this career. He displayed the contract for Joe to sign vowing to quit pro wrestling if he loses. He said this will seal the end of his biggest threat.

WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR

Joe then came out, also wearing a suit. Angle apologized for interrupting his training, but he wanted him to put his promise into writing. He said if he loses, he doesn't quit just TNA, "but the whole professional wrestling industry, period." Joe said he plans to live up to his word. He said if he doesn't win, he won't step into the ring for TNA or any other pro wrestling company. (There was a distracting long hair on the mic.) Joe signed the contract. Then they had a staredown.

[Commercial Break]

-Crystal interviewed Gail Kim and ODB backstage. Not one of ODB's better promos. It felt rushed and was unconvincing, as she said she's going to rip the veil off of Ryesha's head and find out how ugly she is, but said she'll still win ugly contest with her because she's not just another ugly face.

3 -- ROXXI LAVEAUX vs. ANGELINA LOVE (w/Velvet Sky)

Sky practically made an X-rated movie as she lifted her skirt and rubbed her crotch seductively against the middle rope for an extended stretch of time as she entered the ring. Early in the match Tenay plugged TNA's text messaging service. Roxxi won after knocking Love into Sky, who was standing on the ring apron arguing with the ref.

WINNER: Laveaux in 3:00.

-Borash interviewed Super Eric. Eric denied being Eric Young and called Borash "a bulgy-eyed young man." He said his goal is to rid wrestling of all villains, starting with Black Reign. He closed with: "When the world begins to frown, look to the sky. Fear is temporary, heroes are forever." It was intentionally corny.

(Quarter 6…)

[Commercial Break]

-Another "Rough Cut" video aired with B.G. James and Kip James. B.G. said Kip has to be willing to take the big step and talk to him, but it doesn't seem like he's willing. Kip said when he's done, B.G.'s career will be over. B.G. said he's already a psychological wreck. He said growing up with three older brothers, he's been fighting all his life. B.G. said he fears for his physical being. Kip said when he done with Brian, he's going to become World Champion.

4 -- BLACK REIGN vs. SUPER ERIC

Reign yanked Eric out of the ring by his leg to jump-start the match. He threw him into the ringpost as the crowd chanted "Super Eric." In the ring, Reign dominated early, but Eric came back with a "super dropkick" off the second rope followed by a Death Valley Driver for the win.

WINNER: Young in 2:00.

-After the match, Rellik (you know, the guy who did jobs on TV in his first dozen matches on Impact a few months back) joined Black Reign in attacking Eric. Kaz made the save. Rave and Hoyt joined the heels. They handcuffed Young to the top rope. Young broke the cuffs. Tenay and West went bonkers in response. Eric and Kaz then cleared the ring.

-A video package aired on the Booker T/Sharmell vs. Robert Roode/Peyton Banks feud.

[Commercial Break]

(Quarter 7…)

-A video aired hyping the Queen of the Cage match at Lockdown. They had soundbites with each of the women involved in the match and little biographical sentences on each of their personalities.

-Tenay and West threw to a video on the Joe-Angle match and the ten-man tag match.

-Crystal interviewed Sting and Nash backstage. Sting said Ray's comments hit home and got his attention. He said he came back because Nash is family and TNA is his home. He said, "It's the only thing I know. Where else am I going to go?" He said, "Ray, you're marking out for yourself, and you want to question my intentions." He said he will make his intentions clear on Sunday and he will never question him again. Nash said they're different people. "You and I kind of differ quite a bit. Your intentions are honorable, but quite frankly, I'm here for the money. Always have been. Overpaid? I'd rather be overpaid than underpaid. Do you know how you get paid? By being a main eventer." He said this keeps him in the spotlight and after this match, he'll go where the money's at. They're talking about things that the tiny percentage of viewers who read websites and wrestling books know about, and an even smaller percentage care about. If the best TNA can do with Sting and Nash is play off of their backstage reps after all of these years, they need new writers. It's just so played out and clubhouse boorish.

[Commercial Break]

(Quarter 8…)

5 -- STING & KEVIN NASH vs. TEAM 3D

West and Tenay talked about history being made as it's the first-ever match between these two teams. Nash went after Devon at the start with his signature corner attack. A minute into the match, Tenay plugged GTTV on Spike TV with a sneak peak at the new TNA Impact video game. West said he's seen a sneak preview and he's so impressed with it. Sting tagged in. Devon took over offense. Sting called out Ray. Ray tagged in and shoved Sting. Sting spit at Ray in return, then went on a rapid-fire attack with chops and kicks and then a bite in the corner. Sting went for a corner splash, but Ray moved. They cut to a break at 2:00.

[Commercial Break]

Ray had Sting in a headlock mid-ring after the break. They showed a clip of Ray bashing Sting's head into the ringside steps during the break. Sting hot-tagged Nash at 6:00. He gave Ray a big boot. He gave Devon a big sideslam. The crowd "ahhhed" before each of Nash's moves which was pretty funny. Sting and Nash double-teamed Team 3D. Sting put Devon in a Scorpion Deathlock and Nash chokeslammed Ray. Tomko and Styles jumped Sting and Nash, prompting the DQ call.

WINNERS: Nash & Sting via DQ in 8:00.

STAR RATING: 3/4*

-The rest of Team Tomko and Team Christian ended up in a big schmoz brawl. The heels did a terrible job feeding Morgan when he got in the ring. He slid into the ring and had to stand there and look around before any of the heels charged at him. They need to watch some "Dusty vs. Four Horsemen" videos. Jackie jumped on Morgan's back. He flipped her over. Morgan pressed Jackie and threw her onto Devon and Tomko on the floor. Christian brawled with Storm into the crowd as everyone else brawled at ringside. In the ring Rhino gave Styles a Gore. Tenay said it's "wild and out of control, but can you imagine when these ten square off with weapons inside the six sides of steel?"

-A music video hyping Lockdown and reviewing this Impact closed the show.

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