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KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
APRIL 28, 2008
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA. - AIRED ON SPIKE TV
WHAT HAPPENED: 1ST HOUR
-The show opened with Matt Morgan walking backstage and telling Lauren to watch him prove what it takes to get famous around there. Kip James walked past him. Morgan jumped him from behind. He called him an old man and told him to get up while throwing him down. He gave him a running kick to the face with the bottom of his boot. He said, "Let the games begin tonight!"
-A video feature aired on last week's edition of Impact. Then the Impact opening aired followed by Mike Tenay and Don West introducing the show and hyping Samoa Joe's first title defense. West said it's a match you only see on PPV, but tonight it's free.
-Booker T then came out to his full ring intro with mic in hand. He said he had a lot on his mind and called Sting to the ring. He said they go way back and watched their company crumble before their very eyes. He said they always each other's backs. He said last week he got a hot-head and lost his temper and apologized. He asked Sting to accept his apology. Sting shook his hand. James Storm, Jacqueline, and Robert Roode walked onto the stage and interrupted.
Storm said this is all so touching. He said they were listening to them reminisce about "the '80s." He said, "You guys just need to get married on national television." He said Sting's facepaint is ready for "Showtime" and he said Booker's weave has never looked better. Roode said his "drunk cowboy friend" is telling them that last week on Impact they promised to fight, so whether they like it or not, this week they're going to fight.
Jim Cornette interrupted and said he's the one who makes matches around here. He told Roode he's dressed nicely, like an executive from a massage parlor. I didn't know anyone knew what a massage parlor exec dressed like. Maybe Cornette has more experience with that than most others. He said he's come up with a concept for Sacrifice, a "Deuces Wild Tag Team Tournament." He said, "It's very simply this." He then went on to explain the convoluted rules. He said eight teams will compete on TV the next two weeks in elimination tag matches. Then, the four teams will join eight other wrestlers and team up at random. He said Sting and Booker may be partners or may be opponents. He said since it will be a surprise that night, there will be no time to pay anyone off. He said the winners will become the tag champs. Talk about one of the WCW concepts from 15 years that did not need to be unburied, it's the random Lethal Lottery concept. Ugh. Cornette then announced Storm & Roode vs. Sting & Booker later. The heels weren't happy, but Sting & Booker were pleased.
-They went backstage to Jeremy Borash chasing down A.J. Styles. He said he and Tomko will win their match next week and move on to Sacrifice to become the tag champs. Borash said "JC" is mixing things up and they won't even know who their opponents are. Styles didn't know what Borash meant by J.C. Styles said Tomko is in Japan now, but when he gets back, they walk through anybody and everybody. Styles kept peering into a room. Borash asked what that was all about. Styles said it wasn't his business. Karen Angle walked out. Borash squirmed and said this isn't a good idea. She said she made a fool of herself at the last PPV and she doesn't belong here at Impact. Styles said she belongs with him. Borash asked what Angle will think when he sees this. Karen said he won't find out. Borash said the secret is safe with him. So TNA has spent years bending over backwards to always have a reason behind cameras being present for everything that airs, and now they've got Karen ignoring cameras and Borash not even acknowledging the obvious to her - which is he has a mic in hand and there's a camera five feet from her filming everything that just happened for TV?
1 -- TEAM 3D vs. RELLIK & BLACK REIGN -- Deuces Wild Tag Qualifier
Tenay and West began explaining the tag tournament concept, noting that the winning team will have to win three matches in one night. West, by the way, exclaimed mid-meeting when this was being explained, "I don't get it!" when the original concept was explained, according to the latest Wrestling Observer. So this is actually a simplified version of the concept. My guess is the previous version involved a psychic, astrological signs, sexual history, back hair, and shoe size to determine who'd team with who the night of the PPV. I shouldn't give them any ideas. Of course, two minutes into this match, they cut to a break as Team 3D tried to double team Black Reign, but ended up arguing with each other, giving Reign a chance to jump Devon from behind.
[Commercial Break]
Tenay said the second qualifying match would feature the Motor City Machine Gunns vs. Rhino & Christian Cage. Devon gave Rellik a superplex off the top rope. A 3D by Rellik led to the pin.
WINNERS: Team 3D in 10:00.
STAR RATING: *
-Backstage, Lauren interviewed the TNA Knockouts in the make-up room. They were noisy and boisterous as invitations were handed out. Christy Hemme said they must be an invitation to her concert. Angelina Love said maybe he had something creepy in mind. We have no idea who "he" was as that wasn't established. ODB said, "I'll take greasy over skanky any day douche." Velvet Sky retorted, "Don't you have a house on wheels to get back to?" Oh, snap.
[Commercial Break]
-Borash kneeled next to Kurt Angle backstage. Angle said he already knows his question before he could ask it. He said he never loses to the same man twice. He said he's studied the Lockdown tape. He said after beating Joe tonight, at Sacrifice he'll successfully defend his title against Rick Steiner. Borash said, "You mean Scott Steiner." Angle said, "Whatever." Borash then told him that A.J. Styles showed up and invited Karen Angle, who is here also. Angle's concentration broke and he stormed away to go looking for them.
-Tenay and West were shown on camera for the first time. Tenay said the last thing Angle needs is distraction, and Karen is that. Tenay didn't make any funny faces as West yelled about the Joe-Angle match. Then Tenay threw to a video on the Joe-Angle feud. Good video package.
-Tenay caught up to Joe at a training session with Kevin Nash in an empty ring earlier. Nash said he's not going to let himself down. He said now he's the champion and the work really begins. A winded, sweaty Joe said Angle is going to fall short and next up will be Steiner.
[Commercial Break]
-A video package aired on the tag team title situation, specifically the chaos resulting from some people mistakenly thinking Super Eric and Eric Young are the same guy. Say what you will about the push of Eric Young, but there is nobody more fit to portray this type of character than Young is. He's just stellar in his role.
-Lauren interviewed Eric Young and Kaz backstage. Young said it's a crazy rumor that he's Super Eric. He said his mother told him not to be a liar so he's not going to be one. Kaz said he busted his ass to be a tag champion and doesn't want this to ruin it. Young asked if they're still partners. Kaz said he can't stay mad at Young, but he asked him not to screw things up again. Young stammered and said he'd do whatever it takes. Kaz told Young to call Super Eric and tell him to please stay away from the Impact Zone. Young said he's tough to get ahold of because he's a super hero, but he said he'd call him. They shook hands to remain partners.
2 -- MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS vs. CHRISTIAN CAGE & RHINO - Deuces Wild Tournament Qualifying Match
Shelley won "paper, rock, scissors" so he started the match against Christian. Sabin and Rhino eventually tagged in. Christian knocked Sabin off the top rope, then Shelly kicked Christian to the floor. Shelly followed with a somersault flip dive onto both Christian and Rhino. They actually got four minutes into this match before cutting to a break.
[Commercial Break]
Shelley eventually hot-tagged Sabin who went on a flurry against Christian. Christian came back with an implant DDT on Sabin for a near fall at 11:00. Sabin avoided a Christian splash. Rhino, though, gored Shelley and Christian surprised Sabin for the win.
WINNERS: Christian & Rhino in 12:00 to advance to the Deuces Wild Tournament.
-The TNA Knockouts were shown heading to the ring. Tenay said the invitations were from Cornette.
[Commercial Break]
WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR
-Jim Cornette explained to the TNA Knockouts he was booking a TNA Knockout Makeover Battle Royal. He said the match begins as a battle royal, and then when it's down to two women, a ladder gets introduced. A contract will be hanging above the ring and the woman who gets the contract gets a TNA Knockout Championship match against Awesome Kong (who was watching this from the stage alongside Ryesha Saeed). Cornette said the runner-up will get a "little makeover." He said he knows their idol is Britney Spears, so he's giving the runner-up a head shaving. The women threw fits. Cornette said, "Oh yeah, peeled like an onion, slick as an egg." There's no obvious candidate to get shaved.
-Lauren interviewed Booker and Sting backstage. She said Cornette has gone nuts because now Booker and Sting could end up on different teams at Sacrfice and end up facing each other. Booker said it's all about winning. He said Roode and Storm are facing two living legends. Sting pointed out that if they're not on the same team at Sacrifice, they may not both win. Booker asked if he could handle it. Sting said he could. That was just oddly scripted.
3 -- BOOKER T& STING vs. ROBERT ROODE & JAMES STORM (w/Jacqueline)
They cut to a break at 3:00 after Booker began to get double-teamed by the heels.
[Commercial Break]
At 10:00 Booker hot-tagged Sting just as Storm tagged in. Sting fended off both heels with punches and Stinger splashes. He faceplanted Storm for a two count, interrupted by Roode. Booker returned to the ring to knocked Roode out of the ring, but Jackie grabbed Booker and tripped him. Sting, meanwhile, set up Roode for a superplex. Storm, though, powerbombed Sting to the mat in the process which in theory hurts more than if Sting landed on his back as part of executing the suplex. Sting got up first, but Roode threw him to the floor immediately. Roode almost hit Storm with a beer bottle. The two heels argued. Sting gave Storm the Scorpion Death Drop for the win. Afterward Storm and Roode argued, as is normal after almost all TNA tag matches.
WINNERS: Sting & Booker in 12:00.
STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Decent match.
-Angle walked in on Styles and Karen sitting together. He tipped over a coffee table in anger and asked Karen if she was there to get back at him. Angle said after he wins the title, they can talk about her coming back home, but only then. Styles tried to defend Karen, but Angle got in his face and told him to get his ass out of there and take Karen with him. Styles stared down Angle and then walked out with Karen.
[Commercial Break]
-Backstage, Lauren interviewed Cornette who rolled up a big sheet of paper. He said it was a secret. Cornette said TNA has too many spoiled wrestlers who need paid vacations and catering and things like that. He went off about what things were like in his day. He said he knows the wrestlers hate him. He said he hears their whispers behind his back. Cornette said someone stole a quart of strawberries out of his office fridge and he'll find out who it was. There's an inside joke in there somewhere. Cornette said he'll have news about a new concept match for Sacrifice at a later time. He said he's the puppet master. Lauren said he's starting to sound a little evil. He said she's new and she'll soon learn he's just a good Christian businessman who likes the wrestlers to tow the line. He let out a hysterical laugh and walked away.
-Tenay previewed Angle vs. Joe with talking points. Kurt Angle's ring entrance then took place, followed by Samoa Joe's.
[Commercial Break]
4 -- SAMOA JOE vs. KURT ANGLE -- TNA World Hvt. Title match
The match began right after the break 35 minutes into the second hour, leaving plenty of time for a full-fledged PPV quality match. Tenay said at Lockdown they had an epic encounter for the ages, and now the rematch on Impact. Joe checked Angle off the ropes, sending Angle hard to the mat and then out to ringside. West said this quick rematch puts Joe in the position of establishing that there is no doubt he is the deserving World Champion. At 3:00 Angle raked Joe's eyes to reverse momentum, but when he dove toward him in the corner, Joe moved. Angle went shoulder-first into the post. Joe followed by diving through the ropes with a shoulder tackle of Angle at ringside. They cut to a break.
[Commercial Break]
Joe dominated after the break for a few minutes. This was, by the way, back to usual for these two after the MMA-style detour at Lockdown. At 10:00 Angle went on offense with a chinlock with a knee to Joe's back for leverage. Joe powered up and out with elbows. Angle fired right back with an overhead released suplex. At 13:00 Angle ducked out of the path of a charging Joe, who fell to the floor. He favored his left knee afterward, so Angle went after it with a series of kicks. They cut to another break
[Commercial Break]
They showed that during the break, a trainer and Kevin Nash checked on Joe at ringside. Nash encouraged Joe to return to the ring. West noted that Nash said "us" and "we" as in, "Do it for us, don't let us down." Tenay said Nash feels like TNA fans, one with Joe. Angle had Joe in the figure-four. Joe reached the bottom rope to force a break. Angle continued to try to work Joe's leg, then gave Joe an Olympic Slam at 20:00. Angle followed with a top rope moonsault attempt, but Joe rolled out of the way. Joe went for a rear naked choke, but Angle avoided it and slipped on a quick anklelock. Joe attempted to escape, but Angle shifted his leverage and locked it on. Seconds later Joe countered Angle off balance and applied his rear naked choke. He rolled his eyes into the back of his head so they were all white. Angle grabbed the bottom rope to prompt the break at 22:00. Joe went for an enzuigiri, but Angle ducked and the ref was hit instead. Angle gave Joe a suplex and then tried to wake up the ref. He applied another anklelock. Joe teased tapping, but instead flipped over and kicked Angle away. Steiner surprised Angle from ringside with a shot to the head with a pipe. Joe then gave Angle an awkward looking powerslam and the ref came to and counted to three.
WINNER: Joe in 23:00.
STAR RATING: ***1/2 -- Good match, but it never felt like it kicked into that top gear of intensity. It was close at times, but it didn't feel like either wrestler brought his A-game.
-Afterward, Steiner walked into the ring, stood over a KO'd Angle, and told him never to disrespect him. He then turned to face Joe. Joe held his title belt as Steiner cut a promo in Joe's face. Joe slapped the sunglasses off of Steiner. Cornette walked out and threatened to fine Steiner six months pay. He can do that? Why doesn't he do that more often? Cornette said at Sacrifice this will be settled with Joe vs. Angle vs. Steiner in a three-way for the title. Send feedback on this article to pwtorch@gmail.com and we'll regularly publish reader feedback in the "Torch Feedback" category on the Main Listing.
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