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KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
MAY 22, 2008
AIRED ON SPIKE TV - ORLANDO, FLA.
WHAT HAPPENED: 1ST HOUR
-The show opened with Jeremy Borash sneaking up behind Brother Ray and Devon poking their heads into a locker room saying they had each other's backs. Ray discovered Borash and shoved him away
-A video package aired on last week's show, from Gail Kim hurting her knee to Kurt Angle's soap opera promo offering Karen a chance to return to his side to Black Machismo proposing to So Cal Val and Sonjay Dutt's jealous reaction. The show is titled "Kurt & Karen: The Beginning or The End?" - logical for TNA to build a show around that when every quarter hour indicator for months has been the soap opera drama is turning away viewers.
-Mike Tenay and Don West introduced and previewed the show briefly.
1 -- BROTHER RAY vs. HOMICIDE
Good to see Homicide get to show off his singles match skills. He went after Ray fast and furious at the bell. Ray was overwhelmed and swatted him away as best he could. Homicide kept going back after him, including using an eye rake. He mounted Ray in the corner and threw a barrage of skull punches and then played to the crowd. Ray caught a charging Homicide with an elbow and then set up a powerslam. Homicide slipped out, but charged into an extended boot. Talk about one wrestler "creating movement" for another, who's barely doing anything. Ray went for a top rope senton, but Homicide moved. Homicide fired back with three running clotheslines to stagger Ray but not drop him. A top rope dropkick finally took Ray off of his feet. He followed with a flying head scissors off the top rope followed by a Gringo Stunner. When he made the cover, Devon entered the ring and hit Homicide with the kendo stick.
WINNER: Homicide via DQ in 3:00.
-Afterward, Hernandez made the save before Devon could put Homicide through a table. Instead, Hernandez set up a powerbomb of Devon through the table. Booker ran in and jumped Hernandez. Tenay said that must've been whom Ray and Devon were talking to backstage at the start of the show. Ray beat on both LAX members with a kendo stick. Homicide came up bleeding. The segment ended with Booker, Ray, and Devon holding their arms in the air.
-Borash met up with Karen Angle backstage. Borash annoying called her "sweetheart." He excitedly began telling her about how happy he was that she and Kurt were back together. Karen told him that before he gets too excited and makes a fool of himself, realize this is the wrestling world he lives in and to "expect the unexpected." He wondered what she meant by that. Karen walked away and Awesome Kong and Ryesha Saeed handed Borash a statement to read. Borash said the note offered $25,000 to wrestle a fan.
[Commercial Break]
-A commercial aired hyping Slammiversary in Southaven, Ms. at the Desoto Civic Center with tickets starting at $20.
-A video package aired on The Beautiful People.
-Lauren interviewed ODB. Lauren still sounds like she's reciting lines and not talking, but she's at least good at reading her lines. ODB said her boobs are real - "100 percent vodka, baby" - unlike The Beautiful People. She promised to stick her flask between Angelina Love's cheeks. Then she grabbed her boobs. From seeing ODB at a local indy show interacting with friends, she's barely turning up the volume on her real personality when she does these promos.
2 -- ANGELINA LOVE (w/Velvet Sky) vs. ODB
West said, "I'm just daydreaming about boobies filled with vodka." Good line. And probably completely, totally true. She poured booze into her mouth from her flask, then blew it into Love's face. Love fired back with a boot to her face. Tenay and West reacted to Kong challenging a fan to a fight. Love locked on a sleeper early. ODB eventually backed into the corner hard to force a break. ODB overhead slammed Love and then spinning side slammed her for a near fall as fans chanted her name. Sky KO'd ODB with her flask out of nowhere. Love made the cover and scored the pin. Afterward, Sky pulled out clippers and was about to shave her, but Roxxi Laveaux made the save. She was double-teamed briefly, but she made a comeback on her own. She then picked up the clippers. The ref pulled away the clippers and Love rolled out of the ring. West said the ref Rudy Charles should have let her do her thing. Roxxi gave the ref a Voo Doo Drop. That's one of those examples where there should be ramifications for abusing the ref like that, but instead it'll be ignored and mean nothing other than a quick little pop.
WINNER: Love in 2:00.
-They showed Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash walking together backstage.
[Commercial Break]
-West and Tenay were shown on camera. They hyped Matt Morgan vs. Robert Roode and another singles match to be qualifiers for the King of the Mountain, plus Kong's fan challenge. A video package aired on the King of the Mountain history including clips of Jeff Jarrett and Angle winning in the past. The narrator explained the rules. TNA is so mentally exhausting to watch. Illegal defense rules in the NBA were easier to understand than TNA's constant stream of stipulations and gimmicks in their concept matches and tournaments.
-Samoa Joe and Nash walked to the ring. Joe said when he and Nash selected the four entrants in the tournament, they wanted the best and the baddest. Regarding his first pick, he said some might call him the best wrestler on the planet, and he thinks he's at least damn close, and that's A.J. Styles. The crowd chanted "A.J., A.J." He said his second and third picks were veterans who have been champions wherever they've gone - Rhino and Christian Cage. The crowd chanted "Instant Classic" even before Joe announced his name. Tenay said that proves Joe isn't picking easy competition. Joe finished by revealing Booker T to be the final pick. Nash seemed surprised and upset. Apparently he felt the description of Booker was leading toward him being picked.
Nash held a mic and asked, "What the hell?" He asked Joe how he can watch his back if he's not in the match. Joe said he didn't overlook who he is and what he's accomplished. He said the fans don't pay to see him protected by a friend. He said he wants to stand on his own. Nash asked Joe if he knows everything about being a champion after just two months. He said he has a problem when someone doesn't do what they're told. Joe walked closer to Nash. "You see, when you don't do what you're told, the machine breaks down," Nash said. "When the machine breaks down, we break down. Joe, I ain't gonna allow that." He walked out of the ring as Joe asked for further explanation. West said there's been an obvious communications breakdown.
-Borash interviewed Angle and Frank Trigg backstage. Angle said his wife is going to get her husband back. "She really won the prize with me," he said. Angle and Trigg walked up to urinals with Borash holding the mic up as they continued to talk about Karen coming back to the house. Angle said the house is a mess and the yard needs to be mowed. Trigg asked why Borash was there, following them around. Angle said that's just J.B. being J.B. Tenay said Borash might be taking this "investigating reporter" thing too far.
[Commercial Break]
-Lauren interviewed Jay Lethal, So Cal Val, and Sonjay Dutt. Val said Rock 'n' Rave Infection asked to audition to play their wedding. Christy Hemme came out wearing a revealing top and sang seductively. Val and Lethal weren't pleased with the tone. They called her on lip synching, too. They insisted their instruments are real. Dutt said they got Ace Young, an American Idol finalist, to perform for them. He said he'd be on Impact last week. Lethal told Lance Hoyt he can't smoke. They had a brief brawl.
-A video aired of Abyss in his padded cell again. He said he wanted the voices in his head to stop. He rocked and said it's time for him to go home.
[Commercial Break]
-Lauren interviewed Roode backstage. She said he should be happy Jim Cornette chose him to be part of the KOTM tournament. Roode said maybe it's time to smile. He smiled. Lauren said he's a handsome guy. Roode snapped back and said it took Cornette too long to realize his potential. He said he's been spinning his wheels for four years. He said it's about time he gets a World Title shot. He turned to talking about Booker T. He said he finally has come to understand what he's been preaching to him the last six months. "And you're welcome," he added. He then talked about Morgan. He said the business is controlled by your brain, not your biceps, so he said he wasn't qualified to be in the same ring as him. He said this could be his only shot at the TNA World Title, so at Slammiversary everyone will find out it pays to be Roode. "You can bank on it," he concluded. Good promo from Roode. He hit all the points well.
3 -- ROBERT ROODE vs. MATT MORGAN
Tenay plugged part two of his sitdown with Sting. He said he just got handed a note that Styles will face Booker in the TV main event in a KOTM qualifier. Roode avoided a big boot and began working over Morgan's leg. Morgan began to no-sell Roode's offense at 2:00 just like Road Warrior Hawk back in the day. He followed with a headbutt just like Missing Link. Then he hit a side slam like Triple H and he stood and postured just like Triple H does. Morgan was forced to break in the corner. He didn't like that, so he lifted referee Earl Hebner and dropped him. Hebner didn't punish him at all. Instead, he got up and counted Roode scoring a pin on Morgan with his feet on the ropes for leverage.
WINNER: Roode in 3:00.
-They showed a smiling Kurt Angle walking toward the entrance tunnel to meet with Karen.
[Commercial Break]
WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR
-The second hour began with Young searching Memphis for Elvis. He got fooled by a cardboard cutout in a display window. He talked with a guy sitting in a park area with a backpack on. He explained to Young that Elvis died in 1977. Back in the arena, Tenay said Young won't rest until he finds Elvis. West then threw to a video package on "When the Angles Turn" storyline. I hope TNA looks at the "minute by minute" ratings breakdown of this opening five minutes of hour two. Or more so, I hope Dixie Carter is not insulated from it.
-Kurt Angle then walked to the ring. He said it is his "honor and privilege to welcome the most wonderful woman in the world, his wife until death do they part, the beautiful Miss Karen Angle." She walked out to what appeared to be a stripper audition video. Angle beamed as she walked to the ring to her own intro music. West said Angle is excited because she will mow the lawn and clean the house. Angle told Karen they can put their problems in the past and move forward. Karen wasn't impressed. She was distraught. Angle said he knows she watches Dr. Phil and gets all caught up in the drama. He said he's who he is and always will be. She said that's why it will never work. She said she came here hoping to make things work, her voice cracking terribly. A few plates broke in my house. Angle begged her not to say the D-word. He promised to change for her. Karen said he is not capable of changing. More plates broke. Angle asked if she's seeing A.J. She said he's been there for her and he understands her. She cried. Angle got on his knees and begged her to give him a second chance. The crowd chanted, "We Want A.J." He begged her. She thought about it, then left the ring without saying another word. The crowd applauded. Angle shouted, "Do it for the kid! I can't live without you. I'll do anything, Karen." She kept walking.
[Commercial Break]
-Borash interviewed Kong and Saeed backstage. He said there will be lawsuits if the fan match happens. He said he wouldn't have any part of it. Saeed said there are no opponents left, so they have a release form. They threatened Borash if he didn't go through with it.
-A video package aired on Petey Williams, describing him as rising from "the ashes of mediocrity" and a "lost soul" in need of a scholar and sculptor like Big Poppa Pump. They showed clips of the bizarre initiations Scott put Petey through. It went on to hype Petey vs. Kaz at Slammiversary to find out "who is truly destined for greatness."
-Lauren interviewed A.J. Styles. She said she's heard Tomko isn't happy with him choosing a replacement partner while he was in Japan. Styles said he had to find a partner, and Super Eric was there when Tomko wasn't. He walked in, arms crossed, and said it was a couple times too many. Styles asked him where he'd been. Tomko said he's been stewing for him losing their tag titles. Styles stood up to him and said his attempts to intimidate him anymore. He said don't listening to others. Tomko said he's heard that before and he respects that. He told him to be his own man by himself. He walked away.
[Commercial Break]
-Tenay interviewed Sting in part two of their sit-down interview series. Tenay said the past couple of years, personal issues have kept Jarrett from appearing on TNA. He asked Sting if he's talked to him. He said a few times here and there briefly, but not at length. He said, "He is definitely missed around here." He said he would never with upon anyone him going through what he's gone through. He talked about losing his wife and now taking care of his three daughters. "He's got a lot of weight on his shoulders." Tenay asked for early memories of Jarrett in Tennessee. Sting said he remembered him as a little blond-haired kid running around the house. Sting said Jeff was goo-goo eyed when he and Jim Hellwig showed up all jacked up.
-Borash stood mid-ring where the penalty box was set up at ringside. Borash explained the rules of the King of the Mountain match. Kong and Saeed came out to the ring. They forced Borash to see if any fan wanted to try to win 25,000 dollars by stepping into the ring with Kong. A woman in the crowd volunteered. Borash asked her her name. She acted really shy as she said her name and where she's from. Borash asked if she knew what she was getting into. Tenay said Borash better get her to sign that release because "TNA is at risk." West said he can't wait to see this.
[Commercial Break]
4 -- AWESOME KONG vs. MELISSA THE FAN
West said with gas prices the way they are, 25K doesn't go very far. Kong beat her up from the opening bell, then gave her a nasty looking Awesome Bomb for the quick win. Melissa didn't move afterward. Tenay said she looked seriously injured.
WINNER: Kong in 1:00.
-Lauren interviewed Team 3D. Brother Ray said what they did was payback for being screwed out of the tag team titles. He said they did what Team 3D does best - beat the crap out of people and leave them in a pool of their own blood. He stroked Lauren's face and said she seemed turned on by the whole thing. He said Styles should be concerned because he has to face Booker. The camera panned down to Booker sitting on a bench behind them. He said he's been there six months and this is the kind of respect he gets. He said he's the most decorated champion in history. He complained about the carpet in the locker room. He said tonight Styles will be a stepping stone on his way to King of the Mountain. He said he will prove why he is heir to the throne. He went back to complaining about the quality of the lockers. He said he's stick of being treated this way. He tipped over a shelving unit.
[Commercial Break]
5 -- BOOKER T vs. A.J. STYLES
Tenay said they'll hear from Nash next week, plus the Interview with the Icon will continue with Sting talking about his rivalry with Ric Flair and Flair's recent retirement. Booker took control early. Styles got in a minute offense before Booker took over again and settled into a chinlock with his knee locked into Styles's back. Styles elbowed out of it. Booker hit Styles with a spin wheel kick. Booker settled into a armbar while torquing his head under his knee. Styles popped his head out and punched out of the armbar. Booker kneed him repeatedly, but got taken down with a dropkick after a leapfrog. Styles hit a springboard forearm for a two count. Tomko walked to ringside. When Styles went for another springboard move, Tomko knocked him off the top rope. Booker finished Styles with the Book End for the win.
WINNER: Booker T in 4:00.
STAR RATING: * -- Good start to a good match. TNA shouldn't be scared to let a match of this caliber last longer than four minutes. At least they didn't try to sneak a commercial break into the middle
-Afterward, Styles shoved Tomko. They cut to a final break.
[Commercial Break]
-After Tomko shoved Styles to the ground, Styles attacked him. Team 3D attacked Styles. Booker went after Styles. Tomko pulled out a chain and wrapped his fist, then KO'd Styles with it. He shoved the ref aside. Booker pushed him out of the ring. Styles's forehead bled as the heels took turns punching and kicking him. They stuck with the beating for a couple minutes as the blood began to cover Styles's face. Tenay called for help. Karen ran to the ring and covered Styles, cradling his head and getting his blood all over her hair. She rubbed blood from his eyes and yelled for the heels to stay away. She slapped Ray, then rolled out of the ring as Ray threatened her. Ray dropped an elbow between Styles's legs, then Tomko continued to beat on him. This was reminiscent of an NWO beatdown on a babyface back in the day. West called for Keith Mitchell in the truck to go to a break or something. Karen walked back out onto the stage and Kurt Angle followed. He ran to the ring with a chair in hand. All of the heels backed of. West said even for Angle this is going too far. Karen checked on Styles. Angle grabbed her by the hair and pulled her off of Styles. He didn't like how close she was to Styles. Tenay said this isn't the time or place and he doesn't know the truth. Styles slowly sat up. Angle got upset and side-swiped Styles in the head with a chair. The other heels entered the ring and held Karen as Angle screamed that it's her fault. Send feedback on this article to pwtorch@gmail.com and we'll regularly publish reader feedback in the "Torch Feedback" category on the Main Listing.
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