By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
JUNE 5, 2008
AIRED ON SPIKE - TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.

WHAT HAPPENED: 1ST HOUR

-Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show as the camera panned the crowd. They hyped the scheduled matches. There was no introductory video and no "episode title" to the show. That's a significant format change for the show, as it's been a long time since they went right to a match.

1 -- BOOKER T & JAMES STORM vs. RHINO & CHRISTIAN CAGE

During ring intros, clips aired of how each wrestler qualified for the KOTM. This match featured all four wrestlers who had qualified for the KOTM match in a tag match. Late Christian sling-shot himself onto Storm at ringside. Rhino avoided an axe kick from Booker, then hit a Gore. At that point, Team 3D jumped Rhino. West said Team 3D always have the back of Booker T to protect him headed into Slammiversary.

WINNERS: Rhino & Christian in 5:00. The announcers said the match was thrown out, but I assume they meant the heels were DQd.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Fine for what it was. Not enough time to develop too much of a storyline.

-Afterward, Team 3D brought a table out. Styles ran out and made the save before they could put Christian or Rhino through it. The faces cleared the ring of the heels. Tenay said it's a surpise to see Styles come to Christian's aid after their history. Styles grabbed the mic and told Christian they're not even close to even. He said it wasn't long ago they were like family. He said he just wants them to be on the same page. Styles said at Slammiversary he's going to "beat the piss" out of Angle. He told "you four idiots" at ringside to send that message to him. He said he's not out to beat him, he's out to hurt him. He said he's going to take care of his "new butt buddy, Tomko." (That boy might have some repressed issues.) Jim Cornette stepped out and announced that a special enforcer in his match against Tomko later would be Kevin Nash.

-Jeremy Borash interviewed Samoa Joe warming up in the ring earlier in the day. Borash asked if he trusts Joe as a special enforcer since he's seemed to be a little leery of him lately. Joe said he's been a bastard, a son of a bitch, and a mean person, but he's never been stupid. Joe said Nash taught him to respect who he has to, but never trust anyone. He said no matter what Nash's intentions are, he will prevail. He said later he will ask him what his intentions are, and based on his answers, "we will see where we stand." That was one of Joe's better promos. He was sweating and breathing hard from his in-ring workout and it added a "real sports" feel to it because it was in the context of him training, and the content was good because he didn't come across as subservient to Nash, but at the same time acknowledging he's learned lessons from him about how the industry works and how to look out for himself.

[Commercial Break]

-Lauren interviewed The Beautiful People backstage. Lauren said they don't pay her enough to deal with them. Velvet Sky asked her where her paper bag was and called her leatherface. She had her hold up their collector's edition trading card "right in front of your crater-filled face." She said: "I have pimples on my backside more appealing than the marks that come here every week and fantasize about being with us.." Love said they put Sky in a street fight with "One Dirty Butch." She said Sky won't even break a sweat because "Beautiful People don't sweat." They're hilarious and one of the more convincing acts in pro wrestling. She said they are beautiful, but they fight ugly. Sky said everyone can look, but nobody can touch. Then she kissed the camera lens. Awesome Kong and Ryesha Saeed walked into the interview set. Ryesha said tonight Kong will find another victim and no more games, "Kong will cripple them."

2 -- VELVET SKY (w/Angelina Love) vs. ODB

ODB brought a spit cup to the ring instead of her signature flask. She patted her boobs and her butt after entering the ring. ODB threw her spit cup contents at Sky. They brawled to ringside and into the crowd. Back in the ring Sky applied an abdominal stretch and then bit ODB's hand. ODB broke free and threw Sky into the corner and crushed her. She followed up with some hard chops and an overhead fallaway slam. When Love stood on the ring apron, ODB dropkicked Sky into her. Then she hit a powerslam for the win. Afterward, Love surprised ODB from behind with a face plant. Then she trash talked her. Roxxi ran out to make the save. Gail Kim then charged in to add a couple clotheslines. A new woman charged to the ring, a Rosie O'Donnell look-alike. She T-Bone suplexed Roxxi and DDT'd kim. Love pulled out a paper bag and put over the head of kim. It had a "prettier face" drawn on it.

WINNER: ODB in 5:00.

STAR RATING: *

-They went to Borash at the bachelor party for Jay Lethal. He called out for "Lanny" (Randy Savage's brother, Lanny Poffo.) He said he knew he set it up. Storm showed up drunk. B.G. James led the crowd in a toast of sorts. He said Lethal has to learn to keep his mouth shut and take orders now that he's getting married. Then Shark Boy showed up and did his Steve Austin impersonation.

[Commercial Break]

-West plugged upcoming TNA live event dates.

-They went to Eric Young searching Memphis for Elvis again. He was at Graceland and said he sensed he was close to finding him. This was at the start of Q3. Watch for the quarter hour ratings to come in. Young left behind tickets to Slammiversary and said he knows he'll show up.

-They went to Tenay and West at ringside. Tenay touted that Slammiversary would be their six year anniversary show. They ran down the line-up: Kaz vs. Petey Williams, Team 3D vs. LAX, Black Machismo and So Cal Val get married, A.J. Styles vs. Kurt Angle, and the King of the Mountain match.

-Part three of Mike Tenay's sitdown interview with Sting aired. Sting reminisced about his matches with Ric Flair over the years. He said Flair put him on the map. Sting said Flair gave more to wrestling than anyone. He compared himself to Flair and Brett Favre and said "maybe three's a charm." It's too bad Sting hasn't really caught on more during this TNA stint because his retirement tease should mean more.

[Commercial Break]

-A video package aired on the King of the Mountain match with real-sports-like soundbites with each of the competitors talking in their normal indoor voices about strategies in the match.

3 -- CURRY MAN vs. JIMMY RAVE (w/Christy Hemme) vs. CHRIS SABIN vs. JOHNNY DEVINE vs. KAZ

At 2:00 Devine leaped off of the King of the Mountain penalty box with a flip onto Kaz and Sabin at ringside. They cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

They showed that during the break, Rave pinned Curry Man after a Rock the World finisher, so Curry had been in the penalty box and Rave "qualified" to win by hanging an X above the ring. Rave climbed the ladder to hang the big red X above the ring to earn a shot at the TNA World Hvt. Title next week on Impact. Sabin springboarded off the top rope and hit the ladder, knocking Rave to the mat. Sabin pinned Rave, sending Rave to the penalty box for two minutes. Kaz threw a ladder at Sabin as he was climbing the other ladder, knocking Sabin down. They set up ladders side-by-side and each climbed the aldder. They exchanged punches at the top and both fell down. They continued to fight using the ladder as a weapon. Sabin hit a hesitation basement dropkick on Devine in the corner as the cut to another break at 10:00.

[Commercial Break]

WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR

After the break Sabin and Shelley fought on top of the penalty box. Sabin lifted Kaz onto his shoulders. Kaz escaped and set up an overhead suplex or Flex Capacitor off the top. Sabin blocked it. Sabin dove off the top onto Curry Man in the ring. Devine threw a ladder at Kaz, but Kaz catapulted it into Devine's face. He then set the ladder on the top rope and hit Rave with it below (although it didn't actually seem to make much contact) for the win. That made Kaz eligible to win and sent Rave to the penalty box. Devine schoolboyed Kaz quickly to become eligible, while sending kaz to the penalty box. It was down to Sabin, Curry Man, and Devine in the ring with the other two in the box at 15:00. Devine leaped back off the ladder and hit Sabin with an elbow, then climbed the ladder. Curry finally got up and climbed behind Devine and gave him a Spice Rack to score the pin to become eligible. Kaz beat up Devin in the box. Curry tried to climb the ladder with the X as Kaz and Rave's time in the box expired. Kaz charged into the ring and quickly met Curry at the top. He knocked him down and hung the X to win.

WINNER: Kaz in 17:00.

STAR RATING: *** -- For a spotfest stunt match, well done and a pleasant surprise on TV for Impact viewers who like that style action and don't order the PPVs. It was probably a more exciting, certainly more death-defying (for better or for worse) match than what the heavyweights are going to deliver in the KOTM match at Slammiversary with the same rules

-Another video package aired on King of the Mountain with more soundbites from the contestants.

-Borash went ringside where there was a line of women volunteering to take on Awesome Kong. Borash said he recognized some of them. Amber O'Neal from Greensboro, N.C. was first. Becky Bayless from New York City introduced herself. He then noticed Daphne from his WCW. He asked her what she's been up to. She said she's been wrestling all over the world. Borash asked Kong and Saeed if they had a preference of which of the three to face. They chose Daphne. Borash had her sign the indemnity waiver. She had all of two second to read the six pages of so long document.

[Commercial Break]

4 -- AWESOME KONG vs. DAPHNE -- $25,000 Open Challenge Match

Kong just destroyed her for three minutes, in the ring, at ringside, and back in the ring. Daphne was basically a rag doll. She held her by her legs and whipped her into the security railing. They showed the other two women, who Tenay said were pro wrestlers themselves, watching and gasping at ringside. Kong finished her with the Awesome Bomb.

WINNER: Kong in 3:00. I liked the concept of professional women wrestlers showing up to try to cash in on the challenge. The facial reactions of the two not picked helped add drama to the beating Kong dished out to Daphne, who took good bumps for her.

-They went to another video where Abyss said repeatedly "three more days," advertising that he'd be at Slammiversary.

-They went to Tenay and West at ringside who reacted to the Abyss video.

-Lauren interviewed Kevin Nash backstage. He said everybody needs a gameplan in the KOTM match. She asked what his gameplan would be. Joe walked in and demanded to know what his plans were. Joe said he never asked him to get involved in his match. He asked if he has his back or is getting back. He wanted to know if he's still upset with him not picking him for the KOTM match. Nash told Joe he doesn't blame him for not putting him into the match. Nash said Joe is his investment. Joe demanded to know how Nash expects him to pay off. Nash said he's so tired of this. He said week after week he's done nothing except what's right for his career. "That's right, your career!" He said lesson 69 is paranoia will make him crazy and make him lose that belt. He told him to "sh-- or get off the pot." Nash handed him the bat, turned his back, and told hiom if he wants to end it, end it. Joe swung Nash back around, handed him the bat back, and said he doesn't need the bat and he certainly doesn't need to hit him from behind. Good segment. The Joe-Nash relationship has been fleshed out weekly in a way that really makes sense and is intriguing. You know Nash has to turn on Joe at some point, but you don't know when or how and ultimately why. The mix of Joe being paranoid of Nash's reputation for looking out for himself and playing politics plays well off of Joe being new and somewhat paranoid himself about being screwed in real life, also.

[Commercial Break]

-Another segment aired of Borash at the Bachelor Party the night before. Dutt pulled a slip of paper out of an envelope and revealed that Koko B. Ware would be a groosman at the wedding. Dutt read a note that also said George "The Animal" Steele would be there. Another note said Kamala would be there. Dutt pulled off his shirt and patted his belly. Others at the party did the same thing. He said it was time for the stripper to show up. "Kip James, come on out here!" Funny. Kip walked out and began to a pole dance. Dutt put a dollar bill in his tights. Shark Boy threw up in a potted plant off to the side. It's not often you see a man put money in another man's underwear who's doing a pole dance on a pro wrestling show. Tenay said that was a disturbing site.

5 -- LANCE HOYT & KIP JAMES & JAMES STORM (w/Jacqueline) vs. MATT MORGAN & LAX (w/Selinas, Hector Guerrero)

Kip's new nickname is apparently "Megastar," as Dave Penzer called him that. Tenay said he was just handed a note from Cornette's office. He said Mickie Knuckles, the name of the new affiliate of the Beautiful People, will team with Love & Sky against ODB & Kim & Roxxi. Jackie interfered against Homicide at ringside with a series of knees. Selinas made the save. Storm scored a two count on Homicide in the ring. At 5:00 Morgan got a hot-tag and he went to work on all of the heels. Morgan walked the top rope and did Undertaker's move on Kip. Morgan's gimmick should be The Plagiarist because most every move and mannerism seems distinctly taken from other wrestlers moreso than the average wrestler. Hernandez and Homicidedove onto Storm and Hoyt at ringside. Kip caught a charging Morgan with a big boot, but Morgan came back with his spinning face plant for the win.

WINNERS: Morgan & LAX in 7:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4

-Borash interviewed Scott Steiner, Petey Williams, and Rhaka Khan. Steiner asked Borash who Kaz has ever beaten. Borash said he won the Terror Dome match at Sacrifice last month. Steiner called it a circus act. He said he and Petey are 100 percent wrestlers. Petey was about to talk, but Borash said they were out of time. Petey yanked the mic from him and began saying, "As long as the camera's in my face and I've got the mic, the people have no choice but to..." They cut to a commercial. That was pretty funny. Steiner is always a riot on promos, and Petey's coming into his own with this pairing.

[Commercial Break]

-Tenay hosted a video conference between Kurt Angle and Karen Angle. Angle was in Hollywood for a movie shoot and Karen was in Pittsburgh. Angle said he gave his wife everything she could ever want and she never appreciate him. Karen said Kurt gave her all of those things and more and she's grateful for the life he has given her and their children. She said the one thing she wanted the most was time with her. Angle said, "Love is a very tricky word, isn't it." He said he loves her, but he loves his career more. He asked her what is wrong with that. She said Kurt loves himself and his career more than his wife and children. Angle said, "Explain to me why that is so wrong." Funny. Karen said there is nothing left to explain. Kurt said she should have never cheated on him with Styles. Tenay asked if he has any proof of that. Kurt told Tenay to shut up and said he probably slept with Karen, too. Karen thanked Tenay for pointing out that Kurt has no proof. She said nothing ever happened. He told her to shut up and raised his voice. He said all she had to do was come clean and everything would have been fine. He said she crossed the line and went too far. He vowed to break every bone in Styles's body until the truth comes out.

-Borash interviewed Styles backstage. He was fuming after watching that exchange on a monitor. Styles said he has never been with Karen. Borash said nobody believes that because of how they are around each other. Styles said he's done explaining himself. He said he's endured pain and bloodshed because of Angle's twisted imagination. He said he took him down, but he got back up, and at Slammiversary he will take Angle down and Angle will not get up.

[Commercial Break]

-Tenay introduced another clip of the bachelor party. Ace Young stood on the stage with Black Machismo. He had everyone turn to see cake being rolled into the room by Borash. Out of the giant cake popped Christy Hemme. Christy, Rave, and Hoyt then tried to begin performing, but ODB walked in, grabbing her crotch and slapping her ass. She rolled in a big gift box. out of it came a gigantic snake. Dutt held it. It was real. Dutt then said Jake the Snake would be the at the wedding, too. They did a convincing job making it seem like a drunken bachelor party, and it had a purpose to it - to announce the Macho Man-era WWF stars who'd be at the wedding on Sunday.

6 -- TOMKO vs. A.J. STYLES

Kevin Nash came to ringside first as the special ringside enforcer. Styles flipped over the top rope onto Tomko as he walked to ringside. West went nuts and said Styles is reborn. Styles showed aggression in the early minutes. Tomko eventually tried to shove Styles away, but Styles charged right back at him and pounded away at his back with forearms. Tomko backdropped Styles over the top rope. Styles clutched his left arm in pain.

[Commercial Break]

Styles leapfrogged Tomko after the break, then hit a high dropkick. They went to a clip from during the break of Tomko concentrating on Styles's arm. Styles continued his comeback with some flying forearms. He showed good fire and had the crowd behind him as he set up a Styles Clash. He turned to notice Robert Roode heading toward the ring. Nash blocked Roode, but the distraction led to Tomko escaping and slamming Styles for a near fall at 8:00. Booker tried to interfere, but Nash stopped him. Styles then DDT'd Tomko and followed with a Pele Kick. He followed with a top rope frog splash for a three count.

WINNER: Styles in 10:00.

STAR RATING: *3/4 -- Styles is a really hot babyface right now in TNA in terms of his character moving to a new level after being a joke for so long.

-After the match, Booker and Roode interfered. Joe and Rhino made the save. A chaotic brawl broke out, with Joe beating up Booker in the ring. Nash, though, swung a chair at Booker, but Booker ducked and the chair hit Joe. Tenay said that had to be an accident. Joe got up clutching his left arm and yelled at Nash, "What are you doing?!"

-They cut abruptly to a video package hyping Slammiversary with video clips of the angles leading up to each match.

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