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Where We've Been: Special TNA Spin Edition
So I didn't get to review Slammiversary, but it was a show with some moderately high highs and some extremely low lows. All that really matters for tonight is that Joe retained his title with the "help" of Kevin Nash (who was really just taking revenge on a grumpy Booker T) and AJ Styles beat Kurt Angle. That brings us to today's Impact Preview. From where I sat (the couch), it looked a lot like AJ beat Kurt cleanly with a Styles Clash after Karen didn't hand Kurt a chair. From where TNA sat, Karen "cost Kurt the match." So instead of crediting a top present-and-future star with an upset win, we're apparently giving the credit to an aging star's wife. I find this move questionable. I also question how not handing Kurt Angle a chair counts as costing him a match, though I guess I should appreciate that, by this logic, I've cost Kurt several dozen matches in the last year alone. It's nice to be involved. The other interesting element of spin in tonight's Impact preview is that, despite the fact that there's a scheduled World Heavyweight Championship Match between two of "TNA's young lions", my TNA.com RSS feed is headlined by Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky. Poor Kaz.

The Show: I Put a Hit Out on My Wife
The show is dedicated to Kevin "Angus" Sinex, who I assume was the victim of the freak accident Sunday. Anything I say here would run the risk of sounding sarcastic, so I think we'll just move on.

[Intro]

AJ Styles is facing Kurt Angle in a lumberjack match, and Robert Roode & James Storm get a random shot at the tag titles.

(1) SAMOA JOE defeats KAZ

Wow, they're not even pretending Kaz can win. How awesome would it be if he did? It could be like Forman-Frasier, or Hall-1-2-3 Kid. Kaz, realizing he won't get in any offense at the end of the match, hits some kicks early. Nash is watching backstage. Joe gets fed up selling for Kaz, so he eats him. A non-chalant cover after a clothesline gets two, but Kaz rolls Joe back for a quick two count. Joe comes out swinging, but Kaz takes him down with a Neck Breaker. Joe gets up swinging again, and this time Kaz dodges all of his punches one by one. That was actually really cool. He takes Joe down with a Springboard Back Elbow, and a Springboard Leg Drop gets two. He bounces off the rope and into a Snap Slam by Joe for two. Joe follows up with a Power Bomb, and when Kaz gets a shoulder up at two Joe turns it into an STF. Kaz reaches the ropes, and uses the separation to go to the top rope. Joe catches him with a Pele to the top rope, and follows up with a Muscle Buster Attempt. Kaz slips out and hits a Spinning Neck Breaker for a long two count. Kaz charges Joe, who Back Body Drops him out of the ring. He lands on the apron and tries to come back in with a Slingshot DDT—Joe catches him and puts him on the top rope for the Muscle Buster. He hits it, and that's all she wrote. That was a fun little match.
After the match, Booker comes out onto the ramp.

[Commercial Break]

Booker congratulates Joe for just beating Kaz and winning a trip to Universal. He lets Joe know that these people don't give a damn about him, but they do care about how Joe screwed him at Slammiversary. Booker calls him a paper champion and wants to know what's up with Nash getting involved on Sunday. Before Joe can explain, Booker corrects the record to point out that he doesn't care. The crowd thinks Booker sucks. Now Booker wants to know if Joe can look himself in the mirror and tell himself that he beat Booker T. Again he doesn't wait for an answer. Booker should really stop asking questions if he doesn't care. Booker says he's going to go back to his locker room, and his door is going to be wide open, since his locker room doesn't have a door. Ouch. He says he'll be waiting for Joe to come by and show what sort of champion he really is.

Not-Crystal says that a lot of people think Kurt got what he had coming on Sunday. Kurt says that's why he hates women. They don't know anything about what he does. When has Not-Crystal ever laced up a pair of boots? The only reason she's there is because Spike TV thinks that hot women equal ratings, which is also why he's just been informed that Karen Angle has been signed as a talent. Now that means that he can't hit her on camera because of Spike TV's "no man-on-woman violence" policy. Could he have before? I'm not sure why Spike would disapprove more to beating up TNA employees on camera than, say, random civilians. Anyway, Angle agrees that men shouldn't women—which is why he's put a "hit" on Karen. Any of the women in the back who want a piece of her are invited to take her out. By the end of the night Kurt expects both Karen and AJ to be comatose.
So now Kurt hates all women? He has almost a Kane-like capacity for getting stuck with ridiculously bad gimmicks.

[Commercial Break]

June and July are going to see TNA host the World X Cup, and we're going live to JB with the captain of Team International—Daivari. I didn't know they'd signed him. He's ready to take out Teams Mexico, Japan, and TNA. I guess Cornette was serious two years ago when he said there'd be no more Team Canada. Daivari lists his teammates, none of whom I've heard of (though one of their last names is Kozlov). After the interview ends, Raesha Saeed comes by and announces another Kong beat-down tonight, and says that Kong is tired of being gentle.

(2) THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS defeat DOI & YOSHIMO

Shelley and Doi start things off with some chain wrestling, and then Sabin and Yoshima due some cool speed-wrestling. Sabin tags back in Shelley, and they hit some double-team moves before Yoshimo hits a cool wrap-around Octopus. Sabin comes to break things up, so they toss him from the ring and start some awesome double-team work of their own, including a sort of Drop Toe Hold into a Dropkick, and one move where one of them hangs Shelley in the ropes as the other one hits a Somersault Dive off the top rope. Wow. Shelley eventually gets in Sabin, who hits Atomic Drops onto both opponents, before baiting Doi into dropkicking Yoshima. A Tornado DDT off the top gets two. Shelley comes in, but a miscommunication leads to him being knocked back out. Yoshimo traps Sabin with a Reverse Tarantula, which would be more impressive if we didn't know Candace Michelle could do it. One of them hits a ridiculous dropkick off the top rope for two before The Guns retake control with some new double-team move, and finish things off with Stereo Superkicks for the win.

JB is in the back with Karen Angle, and she's sure that for their children's sake he's not going to carry through on the hit. The Beautiful People come into view, and they've heard a rumor that she's getting paid double what they are. Karen says that's none of their business, but they beg to differ. They say that there's a pecking order in TNA, which says that it's Beautiful People first, and then everyone else. They start to prepare the paper bag treatment, but AJ Styles appears and grabs the bag. Velvet Sky points out how lucky everyone is that Saint AJ is always there to save the day, but AJ says that he and Karen don't want any trouble. That being said, The Beautiful People should tell Kurt that anyone who wants to get to Karen has to go through him first. That shouldn't be so hard, since he's not allowed to hit back, but it seems to be enough to scare off The Beautiful People. They say they're above this "High School Musical" drama anyway. Wow—I wonder if whoever wrote that line ever expected that professional wrestling would have to cite a made-for-TV Disney Channel movie to seem culturally hip.

[Commercial Break]

Not-Crystal is in the back with Kevin Nash, and she wants to know why controversy always seems to find him. Nash says that Booker's been wrestling a long time, and he knew that when he touched Nash he was inviting him into the match. Not-Crystal asks if that's confirmation that Joe is still champ because of him. He says that she can draw her own conclusions, but she won't let up without a direct answer. He starts to reply, when we hear Joe's voice. Joe is walking to the ring, and he thinks it's odd that the most opinionated man in professional wrestling doesn't have anything to say. He invites Nash down to talk to him. Nash comes down, but suggests they talk in the back. Joe says anything Big Kev has to say he can say in front of the Impact Zone and the world. He tells Joe he has Chlamydia. No, not really, but how awkward would Joe have felt if he had? Nash says that maybe Joe should just thank him for helping him keep his title. Joe thinks it would be more appropriate for Nash to thank him for letting him ride his coattails for months. Nash reminds Joe that he's Kevin freak'n Nash, and the crowd seems to agree. Nash is ticked now, and says that he didn't want to say this, but Joe can't beat Booker T. It's not because of anything physical, but because they've only been feuding fifteen minutes and Booker's already gotten into his head. That's a fair point really. Joe tells Nash where he can shove his opinions and predictions, then storms off. That was a strong segment.

[Commercial Break]

JB is in the back, looking for Kurt Angle. He finds him in a darkened conference room with Scott Steiner, Petey Williams, and Rhaka Khan. Steiner shoves JB out of the room. Wouldn't it have been easier to find a room with a lock than negotiate in a darkened conference room?

(3) LAX (w/HECTOR GUERRERO) defeat ROBERT ROODE & JAMES STORM (w/JACQUELINE)

Salinas is on location doing a knockouts' photo shoot. Roode takes down Homicide with a Gut Wrench to start, but Homicide comes back with a Headlock Takedown and they do some chain wrestling. The crowd is predictably behind LAX. Storm comes in, but unfortunately for him so does Hernandez. He tags back in Homicide a few seconds later, I assume so that the match takes longer and they get more screen time. I really like Homicide and all, but I'm pretty sure Hernandez could beat Roode & Storm in about twenty seconds flat. There's some risk that Homicide will still win the match too quickly on his own though, so Hernandez argues with the ref long enough for Jacqueline to get involved and choke out Homicide. It's not enough though, as Homicide retakes control and tags back in Hernandez. Sure enough, he decimates Roode & Storm in 15 seconds, hitting a big Power Slam on Roode that Storm has to break up at two. Hernandez tosses Storm and, once again worrying that things are unfair, has a random chat with the ref for no obvious reason. Roode goes for the Payday, but Hernandez fights it off. Meanwhile, Jacqueline hands James Storm a belt. He wraps it around his boot, buckle facing out, and when Hernandez goes to hit the Border Toss on Roode Storm Superkicks him with the belt and Roode falls on him for the win. Wait, what? Did Robert Roode just score a pin fall win on Hernandez? Well, so much for getting Rachael to watch with me, which, last I checked the ratings, cuts TNA's demographic roughly in half.
Hector Guerrero tries to get the ref to reverse the call.

[Commercial Break]

They're still fighting in the ring, as apparently the ref has restarted the match. This was actually a clever play by TNA, as with Rachael's return they can now advertise that their viewer-ship doubled in ten minutes. Hernandez is apparently finally taking things seriously, as he's just killed both Roode & Storm. Storm foolishly tries to hit a Cross Body Block onto Hernandez, who catches him and hits a Sit Out Power Bomb for the win. I think that actually was about twenty seconds after all.
After the match, Roode floors both members of LAX with a steel chair, and they handcuff them and Hector to various turnbuckles. Rachael rightly points out that it's a little odd that they had three pairs of handcuffs on them. They steal belts from the ref and some fan in an LAX shirt and then lay in with some lashes. So if they needed to steal the belts, they clearly weren't planning this all along—so why did they have those cuffs? That should totally be Eric Young's new mystery to solve.

Some women are brawling in the back.

[Commercial Break]

They've finally started numbering Bound for Glories, and it's about time.

(4) GAIL KIM defeats VELVET SKY

They brawl to the ring before the first entrance ends. Kim is on fire till she gets caught on the apron with an Eye Rake and then dropkicked to the floor. Sky starts working over the injured knee, driving it into the ring-post. She works over the knee for a couple minutes in the ring. Kim eventually reverses a Figure Four into an Indian Death Lock, so Sky grabs the rope. Kim starts hitting some offense, including a stiff kick with the injured leg that didn't seem to bother her any. She also hits a sweet Float Over Neck Breaker from the top rope, but when she tries to follow up with a Leg Drop off the top Sky dodges. Velvet uses her newfound advantage to go for the paper bag, which proves a shockingly ineffective wrestling strategy, as Kim hits a Union Jack for the win. Kim puts the bag over Sky's head. That probably makes more sense than doing it during the match.

We recap the beating of LAX moments ago. They go to Not-Crystal in the back with James Storm and Robert Roode. Roode invites retaliation, and Storm says that they can't be beat as long as they have the money and the beer. LAX might talk about being from the street, but he's from the hills of Tennessee and is used to driving around with a shotgun in the back of his truck. He's sorry about their damn luck.

[Commercial Break]

(5) ALEX KOSLOV defeats CURRY MAN

Since Curry Man is on the TNA roster, he's representing Team TNA. Alex Koslov and Curry Man have a quick dance off. I didn't make that up. Curry Man bounces Koslov off the ropes to nail a Suplex for two. Koslov goes for a Slingshot…something, but Curry Man rolls out of the way and Koslov lands on his feet. They fight to the apron, where Koslov hits an Eye Rake. He knocks Curry Man down to the center of the ring, and hits a big Slingshot Splash for three.

JB tries to interview Sonjay in the locker room, who has no comment. It does put the camera conveniently in place when Joe comes in to talk to Booker. Joe says he's never run from a fight, and Booker can have his title shot at Victory Road. Booker says that he doesn't like Joe, but he can respect what Joe just did. He is making this too easy though, as he's given Booker a title shot in front of all his friends and family, whom he has no inclination to disappoint. He says that after Victory Road it'll all be over and there'll be no hard feelings. Joe agrees, and as he leaves he tosses Booker a key—this locker room does smell like piss, so since Joe's done he can use his.

[Commercial Break]

They air an ad for Victory Road that explicitly bills Sting.

"The Guru" Sonjay Dutt is out, and he has a mic. I thought the heel turn would be the end of this "guru" garbage. He dedicates this match to SoCal Val, and invites her to celebrate his victory with a big post-match kiss.

(6) SONJAY DUTT defeats CONSEQUENCES CREED

For some reason I'm oddly excited to see Creed back. I honestly don't know why, though he is pretty good. Dutt hits an Arm Drag to start, and Creed comes back with some punches and the splits. Sonjay whips Creed into the corner; he starts to Spider Man off, but Sonjay ducks. Creed stops himself, and then hits a Cross Body Block for two. Sonjay gets up and hits a Slingshot Dropkick for two. He charges Creed in the corner with an elbow, but when he goes to try again Creed explodes behind him and nails him with a clothesline in the opposite corner. Dutt regains control with a low blow, and hits the Hindu Press for the win. At least they said it was the Hindu Press—it was a 450 Splash, which isn't quite what I remembered. I'll have to youtube his older matches later.
As soon as the bell rings, Lethal runs out and beats Dutt out of the ring. He announces that they have a match next week at the site of their bachelor party.

[Commercial Break]

The lumberjacks, Team 3D, Tomko, Christian Cage, Rhino, and Matt Morgan surround the ring. Frank Trigg is on commentary, which is usually fairly pleasant.

(7) KURT ANGLE defeats AJ STYLES

They chain wrestle to start, with AJ getting the better of things. Kurt takes a breather, but picks the wrong side of the ring and gets beat up and tossed in by Christian & Rhino. Angle charges AJ, who cleverly tosses him back out on the Christian & Rhino side of the ring. Kurt comes back in and tries to Hip Toss AJ out of the ring, but AJ lands on the apron and comes back in with a Flying Forearm for two. Kurt gets up and powers AJ onto the heels' side of the ring, but Team 3D prove no match for The Phenomenal One. AJ comes back in. Kurt shoots him off into the ropes and goes for a dropkick, but AJ grabs the top rope and rolls Kurt up for two. A high dropkick gets two before Brother Ray, not taking any chances, breaks up the count. Kurt tosses AJ out to the heels' side of the ring, but Christian & Rhino come around to make the save. Rhino eats a double-team Neck Breaker, but he buys AJ enough time to get back into the ring.

[Commercial Break]

Rhino's been taken to the back, and AJ is just retaking control from Kurt when we come back from commercial. He hits a clothesline in the corner, and then some new sort of Pump Handle Bomb I don't remember ever seeing before for two. He hits a Hip Toss and a Hurricanrana, but the ref is distracted by the lumberjacks and only turns around in time to count two. He gets Kurt up for a Torture Rack and brings him down with a Slam for two. Team 3D have had enough, so they get on the apron and distract the ref while AJ gets another cover. AJ goes to deal with them, which lets Angle hit the Olympic Slam for the three count.
Much to the delight of the crowd, after the match Team 3D set up a table in the ring and lean another against the corner. They set Christian up on the table, when Abyss's remixed music hits. For some reason Team 3D and Kurt Angle stick around to chat, so Abyss crushes them. Tomko almost slams Abyss through the table, but Abyss turns things around and Choke Slams him through instead. AJ and Kurt fight back into the ring, and AJ knocks Kurt down with a Pele. He shoves Kurt into the table in the corner, which doesn't break. That cannot be good for his neck. He sets the table up and lays Kurt on it, but when he goes for a Splash from the top rope Kurt proves to have been playing possum. AJ goes through the table, and Kurt gets an amused look as he drops the straps for an Angle Lock. Karen Angle comes down and taunts Kurt, begging him to hit her. Awesome Kong's music hits, and Kurt looks sickly happy. He gives Karen the thumbs up/thumbs down, and Kong whacks her on the head. Kurt holds up Kong's arm as they survey the damage they've done.

Where We're Going: The Booker T-Samoa Joe program is now locked in through Victory Road, and after a grand total of about an hour it's already the best feud Joe's been in since Joe-Angle c. December 2006. Nash's point about Booker's advantage being entirely mental was an extremely clever. It would have been absurd to try to sell Booker T as a bigger in-ring threat than Kurt Angle, so instead they're explicitly building the feud around the one area where Booker still excels, the mic. Usually the risk in building a feud entirely around a heel's mic work is that the match that's built up will pale in comparison to the build-up itself (see, for example, pretty much any main event during JBL's ten month title reign). However, in this case the active Houston crowd should more than make up for any in-ring deficiencies (see, for example, pretty much any main event during John Cena's seventy-nine month title reign). The locker room interaction was odd—I'm honestly at a complete loss as to where this is going, and, for once, it's not because all the possible endings are horrid. I really just don't see what's going on between Joe and Booker, which is neat.

Star of the Night: Samoa Joe gets it hands-down. A quick yet fun outing against Kaz, a stellar promo with Nash, and an intriguing promo with Booker T make tonight's call easy.

Overall: I like these fast paced shows, and I like where they're going with Booker-Joe. The early bits with Kurt were off, but the payoff of Kurt raising Kong's hand at the end of the show was probably worth it. A-


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