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KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
SEPTEMBER 5, 2008
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

[Q1]

-Clips aired of Sting's show-closing promo last week, focused primarily on his dissing A.J. Styles and the rest of the younger spoiled brats. It closed with Jeff Jarrett's music, but his name was not mentioned because only video packages can acknowledge his name, not the announcers who host the show. The show's title: "Sting vs. The Fans."

-Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show. Tenay said they'd have fallout from Sting's comments last week, plus Sting would speak out again this week - with fans as the target. West plugged Styles vs. Christian Cage as the TV main event.

-Kurt Angle walked out to his full entrance, wearing a suit. A clip aired of Angle giving Kevin Nash a low-blow and suplexing him to win a spot in the Seventy-Two Ways to Gloryliciousness match. Booker T's ring intro then took place, with Sharmell accompanying him. Angle said he and Booker are what a real World Champion is supposed to look like. "We carry ourselves with dignity, honor, and respect - traits you will never have, Samoa Joe," said Angle. He added that everything Sting said last week was directed at Joe, a disgrace to the TNA World Title. Booker said Angle is right on the money. He said Sting spoke the truth about "today's wrestlers, a bunch of spoiled brats who have earned nothing." He said he and Angle are two champions and two distinguished gentlemen. He said at No Surrender the title will end up on either his waist or Angle's after an old-fashioned man-to-man face-to-face battle. Angle agreed. Angle said they're going to take the winner of Christian vs. Styles and take that person out right away. He said then they'll search the entire arena and stick the guitar up that "country hick's ass." He then vowed to humiliate Joe "like the punk that you are."

Christian Cage, off of the Missing Person's List, stepped out for a featured promo on the stage. He told Angle that he's looking at the man who is going to enter the Seventy-Two Ways to Gloryiciousness match, not Styles. He said No Surrender (copyright Sen. John McCain) is in his backyard. He vowed to become a three-time World Hvt. Champion. Booker threw a fit, telling him to wait a minute. He called Christian a "poohplut" or something. Christian didn't understand, either, and made a great facial expression and mouthed, "What?" Christian called Booker "Whoopi Goldberg" (because he has dreadlocks) and asked if he's fearing losing his spot. Angle said they can do this the easy way or the hard way, and it's up to Christian. How charitable. Christian asked him what the hard way is. Angle pulled off his jacket. Tenay let us know, "It looks like we're about to see the definition of the hard way from Kurt Angle." What would we do without Mike to let us know things like that. We'd be so confused. Angle and Booker ended up double-teaming Christian for a few seconds until Styles made the save. Tenay said it was ironic that Styles was saving his scheduled opponent later in the show. Angle said from ringside he and Booker might stop both Styles and Christian from making it to No Surrender.

Jim Cornette stepped out and scolded Angle and Booker for stirring trouble. He said if either of them interfere in the Styles-Christian match, they both lose their spot in the Seventy-Two Ways to Gloryliciousness match. That means someone else will interfere. Christian offered a handshake to Styles. Styles paused, then shook his hand.

-Jeremy Borash interviewed Joe backstage. He asked him if after last week, the mentorship of Kevin Nash to him is over. Joe said Nash has preached to him about not losing his temper, but he went and lost his temper. Joe said Nash put his hands on him, so next time he sees Nash he's going to put his hands on him. Joe said regarding Sting demanding respect, "For once in your life in TNA, earn your respect." He told him that he takes money out of his pocket and the other boys and even the fans. He said whatever he has to say to the fans he can say to him, too.

[Q2]

[Commercial Break]

-Another "Rough Cut" on Consequences Creed aired. Terry Taylor said signing him after his debut was quick and easy. Creed said the first time he was on TV, he's never been more excited. Friends talked about how exciting it was to see him on TV. Taylor said he's an engaging young man who loves what he does. He said he's in an environment that promotes growth, so there's no limits for him. Creed said he wants to learn from the X Division guys and the veterans (because they're two separate entities?).

-Lauren interviewed Sheik Abdul Bashir. Well, she actually lectured him on not appreciating his TNA opportunity and instead said he is using his exposure to express disdain for the U.S. (Doesn't TNA play his videos? Does he control the show format?) He said he isn't to blame. He said through hard work, he's reached an ungodly level of success. He said he's given unionized Americans his work, but unfortunately a few years ago some horrible heinous act that he knew nothing about took place and then - just like that - America took all of his hard work away from him. He said he's now determined to take back what's his. He said he doesn't mind torturing innocent civilians along the way. He spoke in Farsi and then concluded, "You tell Lady America I don't love her anymore."

1 -- SHEIK ABDUL BASHIR vs. CONSEQUENCES CREED

The bell rang to start the first match of the show 25 minutes into it. Bashir dominated early. Creed made a comeback, but missed a corner splash. Bashir then scored the pin with a schoolboy and his feet on the middle rope for leverage. The ref restarted the match because the fans told him what happened. That would have been ridiculously short. Creed went for a sunset flip, but Bashir held onto the top rope. The ref kicked Bashir's hands free from the top rope and then counted three.

WINNER: Creed in 3:00.

STAR RATING: 1/4* -- No better way to get a guy with a corny gimmick to begin with over with the fans than have him benefit from two teacher's-pet like decisions by the ref.

-Afterward, Bashir argued with the ref and slapped him. The ref, Shane Seoul, fired back with a barrage of punches. He ripped off his ref shirt and clotheslined a stunned Bashir over the top rope to the floor. The crowd popped. Ref Earl Hebner walked out to try to calm down the ref, who had the build of a wrestler.

-Borash interviewed Kevin Nash. He said there's no doubt he's been a career guide for Joe, but he said last week there's no doubt he lost his temper around Joe. Nash agreed he did. "I fractured a six month relationship; I hope I can get it back," he said. Borash asked if he can still talk to Joe. Nash laughed and said he'd like to, but he said after what happened, he doesn't think Joe will listen to him. Nash said he's heard what Sting has had to say and there's some truth to it, so if Joe won't listen to him, maybe he'll listen to Sting.

[Commercial Break]

[Q3]

-Lauren asked James Storm and Robert Roode what their huge announcement is. They were standing in front of a video game with the Impact logo on it. Roode said it was just announced that Beer Money Inc. have been made the last two characters in the TNA Impact videogame. The Wall Street millionaire then celebrated like a little boy on Christmas morning. He turned and bounced in excitement as Storm patted him on the ass. Just totally strange. Storm then said he drinks too much to play videogames. Roode said they'll get royalties from it. Super Eric, Shark Boy, and Curry Man entered the picture. Super Eric said they're going to be sure they're ousted from the videogame. Roode said he'll do what it takes to prevent that. Curry Man said to Roode that moderation is key. Storm told him to jump back into his bad Japanese movie. Shark said the reason Storm drinks is to try to forget the time Storm and Roode got drunk and played Kissing Cowboy on a hill somewhere.

-Tenay and West were shown on camera. They promoted the rest of the show including Abyss wrestling for the first time in six months.

-A video package aired on Abyss. The narrator said Abyss no longer fights for himself, but not fights for the justice of others.

[Commercial Break]

-Lauren interviewed The Beautiful People and Kip James. Kip told Lauren to show more respect to the Beautiful People. Velvet Sky said she and Angelina Love have a special challenge for Taylor Wilde. They want to humiliate her, so it's going to be Taylor vs. Love in a first-ever Beautiful People Beauty Pageant including a talent competition, evening gown contest, and swimsuit challenge. Kip said he had some outfits for Love to try on.

-A vignette aired on the Knockouts Division. No Gail Kim this week. She was edited out.

[Q4]

2 -- SHARK BOY & SUPER ERIC vs. BEER MONEY INC.

They showed that Curry Man was seduced by Christy Hemme in a back alley area. "I hear you love it rough, and I love it rough, too," she said. "Reary!" said Curry. Tenay said Christy will have to wrestle at No Surrender in a six-person match due to orders from Cornette. A minute into the match, Rock & Rave Infection were shown attacking Curry in the back alley. The heels isolated Shark. Eric charged into the ring after being taunted. The ref ordered him to get out. Shark, meanwhile, got superkicked by Storm and then Roode hit the Payoff suplex bridge for the win.

WINNERS: Beer Money Inc. in 2:00.

-As Beer Money celebrated, Homicide and Hernandez attacked them. West said it's great to have Homicide back. Hector Guerrero and Selinas joined them in the ring to celebrate the attack.

[Commercial Break]

3 -- ABYSS vs. JOHNNY DEVINE

Before the match, they played up that Abyss's opponent was a mystery. Brother Ray and Devon came out and offered up Devine, who wasn't clued in ahead of time and wasn't pleasted. Devon and Ray distracted Abyss, then Devine surprised him with a shot to the head. Abyss no-sold it and tossed him to the floor. Devine nailed Abyss with a stiff chairshot. Abyss just punched the chair and knocked it into Devine. He followed with the full throttle chokeslam. Abyss grabbed the chair and was about to hit Devine, but he stopped short. Ray and Devon attacked him. The ref tried to order them out, but they just tossed the ref out of the ring. Then Devon hit Abyss with a trash can. Matt Morgan ran out for the save. He gave Devine a running big boot to clear the ring of all heels. Morgan threw a chair to Abyss. Abyss held it, then dropped it.

WINNER: No decision.

-Lauren tried to interview ODB, but she was apparently cramping from eating beans. Lauren followed her into the men's room where she kicked out two men. She went into a stall where a lot of bathroom noises took place. She stepped out seconds later with a newspaper. Lauren acted like it smelled really bad and asked her if she was going to wash her hands. How about something else? The whole time spent in the bathroom stall was about ten seconds.

[Q5]

[Commercial Break]

-Tenay threw to Lauren who was chasing down Sting's rental SUV as he arrived at the arena. She asked him for details on what else he wants to get off his chest. He walked right past her with his bag and a baseball bat and said nothing.

4 -- ODB vs. RYESHA SAEED

Tenay said Jim Cornette banned ODB from ringside. ODB and Saeed brawled at ringside at the start. Saeed got the better of ODB for a minute, but ODB soon made a comeback. A few minutes into the match, ODB took a few swigs of pomegranate juice from her small metal juice chiller, then finished Saeed with a running powerslam for the win.

WINNER: ODB in 4:00.

-Afterward, ODB tried to rip off Saeed's mask. Tenay said ODB wanted to "solve the mystery of Ryesha Saeed." What mystery? She wears the mask for religious reasons, which makes ODB a real dick for trying to rip it off. West actually said as much, but added that "everyone is curious what she looks like." People are curious what Don West would be like if he were silent, but I wouldn't endorse people wrapping his head in duct tape in some sort of attack. ODB dragged Saeed to the back. Seconds later, ODB returned to the arena with Saeed's mask in her hand. Awesome Kong attacked ODB from behind and rammed her into the ringpost. Just a Booking 101 note here: It's most effective when a babyface tries to rip the mask off of a heel for there to be a motivation that fans can sympathize with, such as the heel is really a suspended wrestler or the heel hides foreign objects in the mask for headbutts. To have a babyface, unprovoked, try to rip the religious "mask" off of someone is really lame.

[Q6]

[Commercial Break]

-Back from the break, Kong continued to beat on ODB in the ring. Roxxi ran out for the save. As Roxxi and Kong swung chairs at one another, Saeed returned to the ring wearing her mask and joined Kong in a two-on-one attack on Roxxi. This is more time than they usually dedicate to a women's angle. Kong gave Roxxi a powerbomb onto a chair in center-ring.

-A brief vignette aired on Kurt Angle, touting his Olympic background and nine concussions, and then closed with the catchphrase nobody really gets: "TNA, Cross the Line." Which line? What does it represent?

-Lauren interviewed The Beautiful People and Kip James backstage. Angelina gave Kip, Lauren, and Sky a preview of her beauty pageant outfit. It was oddly spliced a couple of times within the 12 seconds it lasted.

[Commercial Break]

-Tenay and West promoted the No Surrender line-up one match at a time. Then they threw to a video package on the Christian Cage-A.J. Styles relationship. It's amazing how much nonsense is spewed in these highfalutinly scripted cliche-ridden narrations.

-Jeremy Borash interviewed Styles backstage about facing Christian. Borash asked if he could concentrate on facing Christian with everything that happened last week with Sting. Styles asked him why he even brought it up. He said he was an idiot for listening to him when he should have put his hand down his throat. Styles said Sting talks about the younger generation being spoiled, but respect is earned. He said: "Wasn't it you who jumped on the bandwagon when TNA got on Spike TV? You're not different than Booker T or Kurt Angle. Who do you think helped get us there? You should be thanking me." He went on a rant about how he should call his wife and kids and thank them for what they put up with in his absence and how they drive him to the hospital for MRIs. "I'm on the road all the time earning my paycheck, and what are you doing?!!! Sitting at home doing nothing. If you want respect, you have to earn it." He then addressed Christian and said he respects him, but he will beat him and go on to become World Champion. Wait, all this time that Styles had a schoolboy crush on Karen Angle, he was married with kids at home? Seriously, that doesn't make Styles out to be a very honorable person if while he was leaving his wife at home alone with their kids, he was flirting with Karen. TNA bookers need to create in-house bios for wrestlers on notecards and be sure what's said about them, what storylines they've involved in, what they say on promos, and how they act is consistent from week to week. Styles can't be married with kids one week, but a few weeks earlier acting like a bashful, smitten bachelor. Also, Styles got so upset in that promo, it was almost uncomfortable to watch. He made good points about Sting's schedule versus his, and how he was part of the core who built up TNA to be at a point where it could overpay Sting to never deliver ratings, rarely deliver a promo where he seems interested in what he's saying, and walk through routine matches. But that's an issue Styles should have with management. But I do get that the majority of Styles's outrage isn't based on the differences in schedule or pay, but Sting's newly expressed lack of appreciation for what the younger guys do, so on that level it works.

[Commercial Break]


5 -- A.J. STYLES vs. CHRISTIAN CAGE

West said the TNA videogame comes out in a few days and he said nobody is more excited than Styles who was hands on in the development of the game. At 3:00 they cut to a break after several minutes of back and forth action and some dives out of the ring.

[Commercial Break]

The first convincing near fall came at 10:00 after a surprise Pele kick from Styles. Christian came back by ducking Styles and hitting a quick elbow to the chest off the second rope for a two count.

[Q8]

Styles set up a superplex, but Christian shoved him to the mat and then hit a frog splash for a two count. Christian went back to the top rope, but Styles caught him up there and backdropped him to the mat. He followed with a Spinal Tap attempt, but Christian rolled out of the way. Christian went for an Unprettier, but Styles escaped and shoved Christian into the ref. Frank Trigg ran into the ring and hit Styles from behind with a kendo stick. Christian didn't see Trigg's interference, but did get up and give Styles an Unprettier for the win.

WINNER: Christian in 14:00.

STAR RATING: **3/4

-A video aired on the man who's name will not be spoken by announcers, Jeff Jarrett, who talked about founding TNA with his father. More references to the loss of his wife Jill to cancer and then scenes of the "mysterious guitars" showing up. It ended with the question: "Has the King of the Mountain Returned?"

-Sting entered the ring. He said last week he expected to be booed out of the building when he said what he said, but "much to my surprise - my pleasant surprise, I might add - I didn't get booed, I got cheered. I'm blown away by that. I want to say thank you to you wrestling fans for that." He said he knows they want to bring respect back into the business. Some fans cheered. "Without you, there is no wrestling. Without you, there is no TNA. Without you, I know there is no Sting." He said he wanted to revisit Victory Road one more time to talk about Booker T being attacked by Samoa Joe. He said there was a percentage of fans who wanted to see Booker taken out by Joe. Some fans cheered. He said there were fans who wanted to see Styles take Angle out. He said there are a percentage of wrestling fans who can be part of the show, but they can't be the show, so he's drawing a line in the sand and "if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything, so where do you stand?" Huh? Samoa Joe then walked out through the crowd to the ring.

Joe said if he wants to know where he stands, he'll let him know loud and clear by putting his foot on his throat. Sting said he'll give him his back just as he did for Styles. Sting handed him the bat. Then he turned his back and said there are a percentage of fans who want to see him do it. Joe said, "Much like your respect, I don't need your damn back." Good line. Joe said much like his past, when he turns his back on the future, he's sure to regret it. Kevin Nash walked to the ring. Tenay asked, "Who's side is he on? Sting's or Samoa Joe's?" Nash told Joe he might be the last guy he wants to see right now, but if he wants to do it, do it man on man without the weapons. Joe moved at Nash, but Sting cut him off and hit him with the bat and a Scorpion Death Drop. Jeff Jarrett's music played. Tenay called it "very familiar," but again didn't say his name. Sting said, "Okay, Jeff, you've got my attention. Maybe next week we can talk, Jeff. I'm ready." Tenay finally said the name: "I know Jeff Jarrett and I know he has never backed down from a challenge in his life. How will Jeff Jarrett answer Sting? We'll find out next week on Impact."

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