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ECW Report
Taped in Columbus, Ohio
Report by Dominick Mayer, PWTorch.com Contributor

Title sequence. J.R. and Matt Striker are handling commentary duties for the evening, which is pretty much a dream team.

Morrison and Miz make their way out to the ring. Morrison's not wearing the fur coat; he's just shirtless. Morrison shushes the crowd. Miz brings up his loss to Evan Bourne last week, and proclaimed his athletic superiority. Miz has gotten better, I'll give him that, but saying he's superior to Bourne is still way off. They roll a clip of Ricky Ortiz helping even the sides last week. They make fun of Ortiz's hair, and talk about how they should be main-eventing pay-per-views. You know what? If they'd have been around about eight years ago, they could have. The ongoing Vince McMahon Crusade to Destroy Tag Team Wrestling has made sure they have no future together.

After Miz and Morrison complain a bit more, Teddy Long comes out in the most hideous suit jacket I've ever seen. I'm sorry, I live in Chicago, and I've seen my share of unbelievable outfits, but that is just ridiculous. Long puts over the Superstar Initiative, and Morrison responds by bringing up Braden Walker. Wow. I'm honestly surprised that they'd already acknowledge that, especially when Harris was once quite the TNA star.

Long mentions that Bourne isn't present tonight, meaning this show is already going to suffer a little bit. Ortiz comes out, talking in the third person and challenging either of the men in the ring. Long announces tonight's match: Miz vs. Morrison. I don't know if planting the seeds for a breakup is a good idea; Morrison could hang in the upper midcard, but Miz needs a little more time before he's ready to go solo. Long then announces that the winner will, immediately after the match, face the undefeated Ortiz.

[Commercial Break]

A recap video airs of the Bourne-Kane match from Raw last night. Bourne gets the hero's treatment at the beginning, but Kane's late-match dominance gets about as much time. They recap Mysterio's run-in, too. I don't understand the purpose of this; all this really does is further the Kane-Mysterio feud, which is completely irrelevant to ECW fans.

Backstage, Teddy Long asks Ortiz if he's ready for stiffer competition tonight. This leads to Tiffany showing up, and Ortiz making a double-entendre regarding the rally towel in his pocket. Why? Tiffany suggestively puts the towel around her neck.

[Q2]

Finlay and Hornswoggle come out, followed by Bam Neely, sans Chavo, who seemingly got murdered at the end of Smackdown last week.

1 - FINLAY (w/Hornswoggle) vs. BAM NEELY

J.R. mentions that Chavo hasn't been seen or heard from since Friday. Haven't the writers learned anything from the bomb that was the Mysterio death storyline? Shouldn't they be looking for their employee? I know with Undertaker storylines, you're supposed to take things at face value, but this is getting out of hand, especially since Edge disappeared. Meanwhile, Finlay and Neely are brawling back and forth. Neely isn't bad at the big man style, but he's a little bit on the chubby side. Finlay takes a running boot into the stairs. Back in the ring, Finlay hits a swinging neckbreaker for two. Striker points out that Finlay modifies his neckbreaker with a forearm. It's those little touches that make his commentary work so great. Neely locks in a Boston Crab, but Hornswoggle distracts him out of it. When Neely throws Hornswoggle, Finlay gives him the shillelagh for the pin and the win.

WINNER: Finlay in 3:00. Fine for what it was, but Finlay should be in the main event picture, or at least working with younger talent like Bourne, Ortiz or even Miz. You know, anything that doesn't involve him wrestling Mark Henry ever again.

[Commercial Break] A commercial airs for the Jericho-Michaels match at No Mercy. I'd just like to point out that one of the "ladder match" shots with Michaels is him dropping the big elbow on Vince McMahon at Wrestlemania XXII. That wasn't a ladder match, it was just a garbage brawl that ended up involving a ladder.

J.R. plugs ECW starting at 8 central, 9 eastern starting next week. Expect a ratings drop next week; I hadn't heard about this until right now.

Maryse makes her entrance, proving that the brand split really has no purpose at all anymore. Michelle McCool comes out with what might be the strangest braided hair I've ever seen. Striker: "J.R., do you agree that Michelle McCool has spearheaded a revolution in the Divas division?" If you want to argue semantics over the term "Divas division," then he has a point, but that's a bit much.

[Q3]

2 - MARYSE vs. DIVAS CHAMPION MICHELLE MCCOOL – non-title match

Michelle gets off to a fast start, but Maryse takes her down with a clothesline outside. Striker and J.R. give Maryse a mostly undeserved rub by mentioning other great French-Canadian athletes. Maryse locks in the incredibly suggestive looking camel clutch. When you stare at the audience while making submission hold faces, it's bound to look questionable. Michelle gest a burst of offense, and hits a running modified snapmare for two. The crowd seems to be more into this than the abusive one at Unforgiven was. Maryse takes what looks like a bad bump on Michelle's boot out of the corner. She throws picks Michelle back up, and gives her a spike DDT for the pin and the win.

WINNER: Maryse in 4:00. Pretty good match, actually. Is it just me, or does Maryse look like a more proportioned Trish Stratus? Also, her pin is perfect for her character, but I don't like it, on the basis that they're trying to push female wrestlers as strong role models for a family audience, but there's really not much less sexual tension involved. At least the pillowfighting has stopped.

Striker and J.R. run down the No Mercy title matches.

Mark Henry comes out and reminds the crowd that he wasn't pinned in the Championship Scramble. The crowd chants for Matt Hardy, who we've seen neither hide nor hair of all night. Incredibly short promo, given that this is the other half of the ECW main event at No Mercy.

Another plug for the Miz-Morrison match tonight, with the winner taking on Ortiz.

[Commercial Break]

Mike Knox comes out for some reason. Is it just me, or does his beard grow by 20% each week? Chase Stevens is already in the ring to be fed to the caveman.

3 - MIKE KNOX vs. CHASE STEVENS

941 Knox with a bicycle kick, an avalanche and a big powerslam to kick things off. Then, a running knee and a massive clothesline. Knox is working rather stiff with Stevens here. Knox with his finisher, that I can't quite remember the name of, for the win.

WINNER: Knox in 2:00. Just a squash. Post-match was more important anyway.

They recap all of Knox's offense, which is basically the entire match. Jack Swagger then comes out and does some more damage to Stevens with an underhook powerbomb. Tommy Dreamer comes out to make the save. When Knox makes his presence felt, Swagger gives Dreamer the same treatment. I'm sorry, Swagger needs to stop smiling, or he'll never be able to be a convincing heel. Or a face, for that matter. Striker says that he's never seen Dreamer manhandled like that, which clearly means he hasn't been watching Dreamer in ECW for the past six months.

Miz and Morrison are headed to the ring, next.

[Q4]

[Commercial Break]

Did You Know: 20 WWE books have made the New York Times best-seller list.

Smackdown Rebound: Vladimir Kozlov continues to resume the push he was supposed to get over a year ago.

Miz comes out with a different hat for the main event. Striker recycles a joke about it from a few weeks ago. Is it me, or is Striker not doing as well as normally tonight? Maybe it's his being paired with J.R.

4 - THE MIZ vs. JOHN MORRISON

A lot of chain wrestling early on. I will say, whenever this team ends, a one-on-one feud will be good for both. Then, I say Miz stays on ECW and competes with Matt Hardy, while Morrison moves to Smackdown, turns face and takes on Shelton Benjamin, The Brian Kendrick and MVP. The fight spills to the outside, and we cut to commercial. That was pretty uneventful stuff, thus far. Also, this means that Ortiz is getting a quick pin on whoever wins.

[Commercial Break]

[Q5 – over-run]

Miz with The WWE Post-Commercial Chinlock (patent pending) on Morrison out of the break. Morrison takes over on offense, grounding Miz. Still pretty slow stuff. Not much time left for this. Miz takes a drop toe hold into the corner, but Morrison gets caught using the ropes for a pin. Morrison with a combination neckbreaker and legsweep for two. Miz goes for the Reality Check, but misses. Morrison gives him a knee for two. Miz with a 180 legdrop off the second rope for two. Miz puts Morrison on the top rope, and the two exchange punches. What happened next, I'm not sure, but it looks like something went awry. Basically, Morrison went to shove Miz off and they both fell to the mat awkwardly. The ref counts both men down at ten.

WINNER: No Contest in 10:00. It picked up at the end, but it looked like something didn't quite go right with that final sequence.

Ortiz runs down and gives both Miz and Morrison the Big O to close the show.

Comments? Feedback? Email me at mayerdom@hotmail.com.

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