By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
DECEMBER 4, 2008
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

[Q1]

-The show was titled "All Hail the Governor."

-They went backstage to Team 3D telling the TNA Front Line group that they'll be by their side, but they must stand up for themselves. It almost sounded contraditory. Brother Ray say they represent the new generation and progress, and that's why the Main Event Mafia are scared of them. He revealed his selfish motivation that they must fight to represent the people who pay their checks. Jeremy Borash, holding the mic, nodded in agreement.

-The TNA Impact opening then aired. Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show as pryo blasted. They previewed Booker T vs. Samoa Joe in a Legend's Championship Street Fight plus Rhino vs. Sting.

-The Main Event Mafia walked out. Their logo is now just an "M" with the word "Mafia" underneath. Kevin Nash opened by telling Team 3D that he doesn't give out compliments very often, "but you duped the Main Event Mafia." (This is the first time Nash led the promo for the MEM instead of Kurt Angle.) He said for some reason they decided not to join them and instead join The Frontline. He said they share a lot in common. "We're both arrogant, we're both assholes [which was bleeped], and we're pretty much just worried about ourselves," he said. He said they'll lie to get what they want. He said it's time to brush aside what happened last week, consider last week a mistake, and give them 60 seconds to step out and join them. "After that, consider your death certificate signed." Tenay wondered if Team 3D had any second thoughts over the past seven days.

Team 3D stepped out onto the stage and introduced themselves as the partners of A.J. Styles & Samoa Joe at Final Resolution. Angle shook his head in disgust. He said Nash is right. "We are arrogant, we bad guys, but not when it comes to doing the right thing, and standing side-by-side with the Frontline was the right thing to do," said Ray. He added that Styles and Joe represent everything that is right with the wrestling business, whereas the MEM represent all that is wrong. "You raped every single company you ever worked for," he said. Ray said they hope they never turn into egomaniacs like them. "You broke the code," he said. "You know the code I'm talking about. You broke the code of the boys, the guys that go out there every single night and bust their ass for these fans." He said if the MEM stay in power, there will soon be no TNA. He said the Frontline are going to take them out one at a time. The Frontline walked out and mingled with the fans.

Angle spoke up and said that it's real cute what they're doing. Rhino interrupted from the crowd and said Final Resolution will be the end of Kurt Angle in TNA. He told him he is "one Gore! Gore! Gore from the unemployment line." He said to see how serious he is, look at what he does to Sting later tonight.

-Borash stood backstage and announced that the TNA Mobile service is now free for everyone and anyone. He then began to interview the Beautiful People. Kip interrupted him mid-question and excitedly said Sarah Palin is about to arrive. Angelina Love said they're about to christen her the latest member of the BP. Their screams annoyed Borash. Love said, "Do you think she's going to bring Todd? He's so hot!" Lauren and Borash sneered as they walked away.

[Commercial Break]

[Q2]

-Borash interviewed Booker T and Sharmell backstage. He asked them about their alliance with the BP and also why would he defend his made-up title in a street fight. Sharmell said Booker hired the BP to protect his most prized possession - her. He asked if it'd be two-on-one, and whether that's fair for ODB. Sharmell asked, "Is her gorilla-like hygiene fair for the rest of us? Have you smelled ODB?" Booker spoke in an accent and said he will defend the title against anyone he wants at anytime. He broke into his old promo style and ended with a "sucka!" That whole thing felt strange, but not really in a good way. It felt scripted and went too long.

-TNA reminded us this is a wrestling show with some clips of actual wrestling in a "Cross the Line" commercial.

1 -- SAMOA JOE vs. BOOKER T (w/Sharmell) -- Street Fight for Legends Title Belt

Tenay explained the stipulation, crediting TNA management for having the foresight to anticipate the intensity of this match and make it a street fight. Fair enough. At least they tried to explain one of their many excessive and arbitrary stipulations tacked onto their everyday match-ups on TV and PPV. Booker threw some knees early. Joe cae back with several hard chops that dropped Booker. They fought to ringside. As they brawled in the crowd, they cut to a commercial at 2:00.

[Commercial Break]

Booker had control at ringside with a number of elbows and knees. Joe was left in a heap against the ring steps, gasping for breath. Booker rolled him back into the ring. Joe came back at 8:00 and hit a snap powerslam for a two count. Booker went for an axe kick, but Joe avoided it and then applied the rear naked choke. Sharmell distracted the referee as Booker tapped out. The Beautiful People ran out and sprayed something in Joe's face. He released his grip and rubbed his eyes. He stumbled into perfect position for the axe kick, which Booker delivered and scored the pin. Tenay said Booker's deal with the BP paid immediate dividends. Angelina Love, Velvet Sky, and Cute Kip smiled on the entrance stage while wearing Sarah Palin shirts.

WINNER: Booker T in 9:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Some solid action in terms of the knees and elbows. More intense, realistic fighting than usual from Booker. The finish was overly complex.

[Q3]

-Borash interviewed the MEM in the locker room. Steiner said the Dudleys haven't done what they've done, and they're just fat. Steiner lost his compsoure and as he walked away he apparently bumped into something or tripped and then yelled like Jackie Gleason in the Honeymooners. Sting broke character briefly and smiled, then asked if he was okay. Angle stuck around to chat with Borash. He said he's got something to say right in front of Jeff Jarrett.

[Commercial Break]

-Tenay said if Angle loses to Rhino, he's gone from TNA for good. Then he threw to Lauren interviewing Samoa Joe backstage. Joe had a towel covering his hanging head. Team 3D walked into the room. Brother Ray told Lauren to stop consoling him. He asked Joe if he's going to sit there sulking about a loss. Ray yanked the towel off of his head. Joe stood up, hyperventilating, practically in tears. Ray said it's not about the battle, it's about winning the war. "Big deal, you lost a match," said Ray. "Are you going to win every single match you've been in?" He asked him how many times Ric Flair has been World Champion. Joe said 16. Ray said that means he lost it 15 times. Ray said they've been tag champions 20 times. He said that means they lost it 19 times. (Wait a second! Neither Flair nor Team 3D are current champs, so they've lost their titles 16 and 20 times respectively, not 15 and 19 times.) He said they come back swinging each time, even hungrier. Ray said Joe might be the last of the old school legit son of a bitches they've ever met. He told him to forget about the loss to Booker. "No big deal," he said. (Had Joe lost clean, this might make some sense, although saying "no big deal" about a loss is pretty counterproductive to getting people to care about individual matches on TV or PPV. Just as puzzling, though, is Joe's sulking? He got sprayed the eyes, so it's hardly some huge blow to his ego or stature.

-"ODB's Angle" was next. ODB interviewed Roxxi and Taylor Wilde. She wore a t-shirt that said, "Dorks are Hot." She swore indiscriminately throughout her answer. Taylor said she's into designing her own clothes and playing "some percussion" (and apparently emulating late-'70s make-up). ODB said, "I play some instruments. I like the rusty trombone and skin flute." Taylor asked why she's not her usual self. ODB said it's that time of month, but then complained about the Beautiful People making her match against Sharmell a three-on-one. She said she likes three-on-ones every Friday night, but not in the ring. Taylor and Roxxi said they're down for a fight. Then they cut away from this apparently impromptu agreement on the part of ODB, Roxxi, and Taylor to stand together and immediately they had a graphic on the screen promoting the six-woman tag match at Final Resolution. Well, that was fast. Tenay and West promoted other matches on the PPV line-up.

-Lauren followed Beer Money Inc. as they followed Abyss backstage. Abyss threw Jame Storm against the wall. Robert Roode put Jackie in front of him for protection and said they come in peace. Storm explained that when the bottle hit him in the back of his head, it wasn't his fault. He was going to offer him a drink, but he was clumsy and it slipped out of his hand. Roode tried to get Abyss to take one drink to calm down. Abyss said his therapist says that's a bad thing. Abyss said he wanted to go to the Drunken Clam from "Family Guy," though. Roode and Storm got excited and said they'd take him there. They pulled a beer out of a cooler and gave it to him. They also poured him a shot of whiskey. He took the shot and swigged the beer. He asked for "more of the stuff in the little glass."

[Commercial Break]

-Six minutes of in-ring action 45 minutes into the show.

-In the parking garage, Lauren stood by with the BP. Out of a limo came a Sarah Palin impersonator. They bowed and said, "We're not worthy." Palin said, "This must be the Impact Zone, then," in a strong Palin-like accent. She said Cute Kip looked like "another Joe Six-Pack." Kip tried to tell Love something, but she ran to catch up with Sky and Palin.

-A video package aired on Awesome Kong vs. Christy Hemme. They went to clips of a training session between A.J. Styles and Hemme in a ring.

2 -- AWESOME KONG (w/Raisha Saeed, Rhaka Khan) & SCOTT STEINER vs. A.J. STYLES & CHRISTY HEMME

Tenay said this will be man vs. man and woman vs. woman exclusively. At 2:00 Kong flew at Styles and Hemme, who ducked. Kong flew over the top rope to the floor. As Styles stood on the ring apron, Kong clotheslined Styles's leg. Steiner then took over in the ring, then did some push-ups.

[Commercial Break]

Styles came back with a Pele kick. Christy and Kong tagged in. Christy leaped onto Kong's back and choked her. Styles slingshot crossbody blocked Steiner on the floor as Kong took over in the ring. Kong sat out on a sunset flip attempt by Christy, but Christy moved. Styles lifted Christy into the air so she could get extra leverage in DDTing Kong, which led to the win.

WINNERS: Hemme & Styles in 8:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4

[Q5]

-Backstage Angle approached Foley backstage, who was wearing a "Bruce Springsteen" jacket. Angle said they already have a problem, let's not make it any worse. He said he's in this situation because he screwed him at Bound for Glory. He said the only reason he's not crippled right now is he gave him a pass, but if he screws him at Final Resolution, he will cripple him. Foley said he won't allow him to imtimidate him. He said Angle fired the first shot, and he merely retaliated. Foley said he will make sure it's just him versus Rhino. Angle said he'll have someone there to watch his back, but it won't be a member of the MEM.

[Commercial Break]

-Beer Money Inc. continued to get drunk with Abyss backstage. Abyss sat in a chair swigging whiskey as Beer Money Inc. cheered him on. "I've never felt this way before," said Abyss. "Is this okay? Is this supposed to feel like this?" Storm told him to enjoy the ride. Abyss asked Storm, "Do you think I'm still going to be a top guy around here?" Abyss found their jokes hilarious. Storm told Jackie, "Show Mr. Monster how much you like him." Jackie resisted at first, then kissed him quickly. They cheered as Jackie immediately seemed to regret it. Abyss asked, "Does this mean I'm not a virgin anymore?" He turned to Lauren and said that kiss meant nothing and doesn't change anything between them. Tenay said, "Beer Money, quite frankly, getting Abyss hammered."

3 -- JIMMY RAVE & SONJAY DUTT (w/So-Cal Val) & SHEIK ABDUL BASHIR vs. CONSEQUENCES CREED & JAY LETHAL & ERIC YOUNG

Bashir walked over and demanded a headset from West or Tenay. They weren't wearing headsets, but West reached under the announcer desk. He said he's not in this match because Young isn't in his league, nor is referee Shane Sewell. Tenay asked if he was going to walk out on his two partners. Bashir said he is on a one-man mission. He stood at ringside and continued to comment on the match. He said the ref was an accomplished wrestler in Canada and Puerto Rico, but in the United States he's "just a referee" so if he gets in his way, he'll "slap the piss out of him." At 4:00 Creed rallied and finished Rave with his TKO finisher for the win.

WINNER: Young & Machismo & Lethal in 4:00.

-Afterward, Bashir attacked Young at ringside. He slapped Young. Young fought back and hip tossed Bashir onto the ramp. He grabbed Bashir's belt. Bashir retreated. Young held the belt up in the ring with Creed and Lethal celebrating next to him.

[Q6]

-A video feature aired on TNA's Feast or Fired match. They opened with Chris Sabin saying: "Ah, Feast or Fire, the magical time of year where grown men in tights get together and wrestle over briefcases on poles. I can't think of any time of year I look forward to more." The narrator explained the rules of the match. Creed said, "It's just like roulette and I always bet on black." Oh my God, who wrote that line? That's more dated than Creed's gimmick. Not even slightly clever. Soundbites aired with Rave, Homicide, Alex Shelley, and Lethal.

-Borash interviewed Sting backstage in the MEM locker room regarding facing Rhino in a non-title match later. Sting said he has a lot of things going on in his life and that's why he's gone out on the limb as he has. He said at Final Resolution he'll be in the ring with people who he can trust because he's known them for 20 years or more. He paused briefly when he said "trust," as if he weren't so sure. He said he hasn't had a problem with Rhino before tonight, but he knows he has to go out there and do what he knows how to do - which is wrestle. "Nothing is going to stop me from finishing what I know needs to be finished," he said.

[Commercial Break]

-A video package aired on the formation of the MEM.

-Back to the BP and the Palin impersonator in Booker T's locker room. Love said after their win at Final Resolution, this locker room will be theirs. She said she has velvet paintings like those on the wall back in Alaska. Booker T walked in wearing nothing but a towel. Palin said, "You must be Booker the T. They grow such big wrestlers around here. I mean, I have field dressed moose smaller than you." Booker told Kip to get them all out of the locker room. Kip told them them to leave. Tenay said if Cute Kip is the voice of reason, we're all in trouble.

-Another Rough Cut video aired on LAX. He said Hispanic fans thank them everywhere for representing them in U.S. wrestling. Homicide said people from London were dressing like them, so it's not about being Hispanic. "Always be humble and never, ever forget where you came from," he said. Hernandez said their goal is to be the best Hispanic tag team that ever was.

-A graphic on the screen read: "In six minutes, Angle confronts Jarrett for the final time?" Abyss answered his cell phone backstage. It was Matt Morgan. Abyss said he was at the gym. He said they should invite him to have a drink with them. Storm said they're out of alcohol. Abyss pointed out all of the alcohol bottles around that hadn't been opened yet. Storm bashed Abyss over the head with one of the bottles, then told him to be sure to tell Matt that they're not going to take their titles. Wow, that was really mean of them. I mean that seriously. Fans will want to pay to see Abyss (and Morgan) get revenge for that.

[Commercial Break]

[Q7]

-A video package aired on the Angle-Jarrett feud.

-Angle walked to the ring and immediately asked Jarrett to come out. Jarrett walked out to his intro music holding his signature guitar in his hand. Tenay said Angle wants another shot at Jarrett so badly that he didn't hesitate putting his career on the line against Rhino. He told Jarrett and the fans to enjoy themselves tonight and celebrate that this may be his last Impact ever in TNA. Jarrett smiled wide. "Because the more you celebrate, the more focused I become," said Angle. "It's not a normal kind of focus. It's a sick, twisted, demented focus." He said when he trained for the Olympics, he was an animal and all he did was think about winning the Olympic Gold Medal. He said his focus is about one thing - Jarrett. He said he's more focused on him than anything in his entire life. He said a little over two years ago he signed with TNA. He said since then they've done nothing but butt heads. He said it's well known, all over the Internet and the newspapers. He said he has come to realize that Jarrett is jealous of Angle's success. He said he dodged him every step of the way so he wouldn't have to get in the ring with him. But when he finally got him in the ring, Foley screwed him at Bound for Glory. He said that's why he's there tonight - to tell everyone that will not happen again at Final Resolution. He said he would destroy Rhino and taste his blood. Then he vowed to take Mick Foley - "I don't care how crippled he already is, when I'm done with him, I'll make sure he's sucking air through a respirator." He said then it'll be just them.

He said he knows about his life at home and his beautiful children. He said he knows they miss their mother, he misses his wife, but he feels no remorse. He said when he's done with him, he'll own his company, his family, and him. He said this isn't about wrestling anymore. He said he's never been so out of control that he doesn't know what he's going to do when he's in the ring with him. "That's all I wanted to say, Jeff," he concluded. Great delivery by Angle. Jarrett said if he's going to try to take down his company, his career, and his family, there's only one way he's going to do that - and that's over his dead body. Jarrett's music played as the two stared each other down from 100 feet.

-Lauren interviewed Rhino backstage regarding facing Angle at Final Resolution. He said he just heard every word Angle said to Jarrett. Rhino said it made him think of his family and his daughter. He said Jarrett's daughters mean the world to him. He said when you drag them into it, you cross the line. He said Angle has broken "every code in the book between the boys." He said he went out of the realm of wrestling, "and it's almost become barbaric." He told Sting to take a good look at him because tonight he does not know what he is capable of doing.

[Commercial Break]

-Borash interviewed Team 3D and the Frontline backstage. Borash reiterated the ridiculous stipulation that if they win their match at Final Resolution, Styles becomes World Champion. Styles said since he's met Joe, they've been like brothers. He said it's always been he, Joe, and Christopher Daniels. He said they're like a family. He said he never thought he and Joe would be on the same team with Team 3D. He said they did the right thing, and that's how you become a legend, an icon. He said if Sting doesn't want to pass the torch, they'll take it from him. He said he will walk out as World Champion. Borash asked Joe for his thoughts. Joe said, "J.B., that's all there is to say, man."

[Q8]

4 -- STING vs. RHINO -- Non-Title Match

Rhino beat up Sting in the corner in the opening minute. He set up an early Gore. Sting bailed out to ringside. Tenay plugged the Impact post-show show at Spike TV's website. Rhino charged at Sting at ringside, but Sting side-stepped him and threw him into the guard rail. Rhino came up bleeding. They cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

Sting pounded away at Rhino's bloody face in the corner after the break. The camera zoomed in on blood spots in the corner of the ring. Angle ran to ringside. Styles followed. They both acted as cheerleaders on opposite sides of the ring. When Angle stepped onto the ring apron, Rhino punched him to the mat. However, Sting knocked Rhino down immediately and applied the Scorpion Death Lock. Styles chased down Angle and yanked him to the floor. Sting released the hold to argue with the ref. Rhino surprised him with a Gore. The ref counted to three. Rhino stood in the ring with Sting's title belt held over his head.

WINNER: Rhino in 8:00.

STAR RATING: 3/4* -- Not much to it, but it served its purpose smartly, which was to give Rhino some credibility going into Final Resolution as someone who could beat Angle. The bleeding was a bit gratuitous and incidental for a non-grudge match. They could have accomplished the same thing without the blood. As so often is the case with TNA, if two teaspoons of sugar is yummy, then six teaspoons must be even better. It also didn't make sense for Rhino to hold Sting's title belt over his head after the match. That's an image you want to save so it has maximum impact for the times when you're teasing the image of the babyface challenger for the World Title becoming champion. There's a sense sometimes of TNA just throwing every little trick out there every chance they get as if they never understood the original intent and context of these little tricks.

-A video package aired promoting Final Resolution.

FINAL THOUGHTS: This show has more focus than it has in a while. The X Division is still a sad shell of what it could be, Cute Kip continues to hurt more than he helps the Beautiful People act, and Taylor Wilde is no Gail Kim, but in the main event picture, they've created two distinct sides with strong reasons to boo the heels and cheer the babyfaces, which has long been a key factor missing in TNA that's held them back from getting to the next ratings level.

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