By: Daniel Wilkenfeld, PWTorch Contributor

Where We've Been: So Jeff Hardy is your new WWE champion. Wow. Hardy finally winning the belt was no doubt a powerful moment, and got me to thinking about who TNA had at the ready for the feel good title win to drive the fans crazy. I've got (almost) nothing. After years of grooming Samoa Joe as the next big thing, they had him win the match under the hyper-predictable career vs. title stipulation. I don't hear anyone in the crowd clamoring for a Rhino win, and it would be his second win anyway. AJ already had his feel-good triumph as a face at Hard Justice 2005, and has since been beaten by Sting an approximate 752 times. The X Division should be tailor-made for promoting new talent, but has been famously languishing for years. Having a cult favorite in your pocket to whom one can give a big win to rev up the crowd strikes me as critical, but there isn't much there. The only ideas I can come up with so far are Eric Young, Homicide, and possibly Hernandez (though I don't know if the crowd will be fully behind the latter two's single pushes). The top of the card is supposed to arise by crowd determined mid-card favorites, but right now there's just no there there.


The Show: Main Even Massacre


[Opening Credits]

(1) RHINO vs. LANCE ROCK

Rhino starts things off with a Belly to Belly Suplex, but when he tries to follow up with a Gore Rock blocks it with a quick kick to the head. Good. Lance Rock deserves better than a complete squash. Rock floors Rhino with a big right hand for two and works a Chin Lock. He tries to whip Rhino into the corner, but The Manbeast comes back with a clothesline. He hits another Belly to Belly Suplex and follows up with a GORE for the win.

Winner: Rhino in 2 minutes. So it was a slightly modified squash.

After the match Rhino calls The Front Line to the ring. Ray and Devon are noticeably absent. Rhino says that when they got involved in this war they knew it would be bloody, but that they're still not going to forget what they did to "Bubba Ray" last week. Can he call him that? I thought Vince had it copyrighted. If you watch this promo closely, Alex Shelley can be seen posing in the background—it's somewhat amusing. Rhino reminds us that he beat Sting two weeks ago, but says that when he faces him at Genesis, he'll maul him. The Main Event Mafia upped the ante last week, but The Frontline will raise the stakes again this week. AJ tells us that Steiner and Booker T have been given Morgan & Abyss as punishment for last week (by whom?), and that what the MEM did to Ray is nothing compared to what he and Joe will do to Sting & Nash in Six Sides of Steel tonight. Joe says that when they stand opposite them in the ring, the one thing they'll know is that Joe is gonna kill them.

In addition to the two tag matches, later tonight we'll have the last two quarter-final matches in the X Division Championship Tournament, ODB & Roxxi vs. Raesha Saeed & Rhaka Khan (based on something that happened in the prerecorded ODB's Angle), and we're going to hear from Jeff Jarrett. I appreciate their telling us that ODB's Angle is prerecorded—it actually clears up a logic hole from a couple weeks ago, when they had a graphic ready for a seemingly spontaneous encounter.

JB is in the back with Kurt, who says that tonight he'll pay tribute to Jarrett's career, since after Genesis it'll be over. He has a special guest, but we'll have to wait till after the commercial to find out who it is. Bang Bang.

[Commercial Break]

Not-Crystal is in the back with The Motor City Machine Guns; she points out that they're probably distracted from their feud with the MEM by their spots in the title tournament. Sabin reminds us that he's been champion four times. Shelley says that they'll face each other in the finals, and that while Foley wants them to destroy each other, it'll just insure that one of them gets the title. In Detroit people aren't talking about the auto bailout, but which of the sons of the Motor City will win the X Division Championship.

(2) CHRIS SABIN (w/ALEX SHELLEY) vs. SONJAY DUT (w/SOCAL VAL)

I think Sabin brought the slightly more useful backup. We start off with a moment of chain wrestling, till Dutt backs Sabin into a corner. Sabin comes back with a side kick, but when he tries to springboard off the ropes for some offense Sonjay catches him. Sheik Abdul Bashir, wrapped in a towel drenched in Shane Sewell's blood, is sitting in the entranceway. The crowd is split three ways between Sabin, Dutt, and apathy. Sabin tries to rally, but Dutt takes him down with a Hurricanrana for two. Dutt rams his head into the turnbuckle, and probably does other stuff while we cut to reaction shots of Bashir. I hate reaction shots during matches. Great, now we have one of SoCal Val. We come back to the ring just in time to see Sabin rally with an Inverted Atomic Drop and a Springboard Clothesline for two. Sabin takes Dutt up for the Cradle Shock, but Dutt slips out and rakes the eyes. Sonjay goes for some move, which is preemptively reversed into an attempted Tombstone, which is re-reversed into a Tornado DDT for two. Dutt hits a Seesaw Kick and a Leg Drop in the ropes for two. Dutt tries to hit a slingshot move, Sabin catches him an attempted Cradle Shock, Dutt slips out and goes for a Hurricanrana, but Sabin successfully reverses it into a Cradle Shock for the win.

Winner: CHRIS SABIN in six minutes. *1/2

Various women tell us to Cross The Line.

"Sarah Palin" is still trying to make The Beautiful People look more "gubernatorial." They remind her that she already made over their wardrobe, but she says they need to take care of their hair and such too in order to look more like Barbara Bush. Kip feels his role as "fashionist" is threatened, but when he tries to talk sense into The Beautiful People they explain that they have to listen to "Palin" in order to make it to the White House. Kip walks out in disgust.

[Commercial Break]

Christy Hemme is on ODB's Angle, and it somehow comes out that Christy's not wearing underwear. ODB wants Christy to revisit her earlier days as a Girl on a Trampoline on The Man Show. Christy talks about how fun that was and how great Playboy was too. ODB has some inappropriate question about Hugh Hefner, then expresses annoyance that a Playboy Bunny thinks she can wrestle just because she can lace up a pair of boots. She thinks that there's too much of that in this business. Christy agrees, and says that that's why she feels blessed to be in TNA where she can train and learn to become a wrestler. ODB starts to give Christy props for stepping in the ring with Kong, when Saeed and Khan come from out of nowhere and level both ODB and Christy with a two by four and a trash can.

Mick Foley is chillaxing in the MEM locker room, where Nash is massaging his (Foley's) shoulder. Mick is concerned that they let things get a bit out of hand last week. Brother Ray challenged Kurt to a wrestling match, not a gang!@#@. Angle says Mick's being a bit harsh, seeing as the match devolved into a street fight. He asks Mick what he could have done, but Mick thinks he could still have faced Ray one on one. Kurt stresses that this business is about fellowship and brotherhood, and so it's not possible to separate him from his stable. Mick asks them to promise there won't be any more beatings, and they reluctantly agree. Everyone has a drink as they toast "the brotherhood."

[Commercial Break]

Mick Foley tells us to Cross the Line at Genesis.

On this week's Rough Cut, Robert Roode talks about growing up in Canada. He had a supportive family, and devoted himself entirely to hockey. They show some early TNA footage of him, and I didn't remember that he was apparently a cheap Batista knock off. Then he switched over to wrestling, and it felt like he was meant to be there.

(3) SCOTT STEINER & BOOKER T (w/SHARMELL) vs. ABYSS & MATT MORGAN

Sabin jaw jacks with some fans on the way to the ring. Remember when Christian challenged for the Legends' Championship, and it seemed like it might actually be worth something? Those were good days. Abyss starts things off going for a punch, but Booker ducks and lays into him. Abyss reverses an attempted Irish Whip and takes Booker down. Booker comes back with some strikes, but Abyss reverses with another clothesline. Booker's had enough, and tags in Steiner. Morgan decides that he wants in as well, so he makes the tag. The crowd is moderately behind him. He powers Steiner into the corner, but Steiner rakes the eyes and lays in with some chops. Morgan comes back with some knees to Steiner's chest, then floors him with an elbow and a Side Slam. A Leg Drop gets broken up by Booker at two, and things break down.

[Commercial Break]

Booker & Steiner have somehow isolated Abyss in the ring. Booker nails a Superkick, which doesn't even get two. He tags in Steiner as we replay the heels taking control during the break with a kick from the outside to Abyss's head. Back live, Abyss takes down both Booker and Steiner with a Double Clothesline and makes the tag. Morgan floors Booker with a Scoop Slam and hits Steiner with a Carbon Footprint, but the ensuing cover is broken up at two. Abyss takes the interfering Booker to the outside, whipping him into the guardrail as Morgan takes on Steiner in the ring. Sharmell tries to interfere with Abyss, and when he turns around she pretends to have been hit. As Abyss and the ref check on her, Booker slips back into the ring with a lead pipe. He nails Morgan with the pipe and a Scissors Kick, then makes the cover for the win. I'm fairly confident Steiner was the legal man.

Winner: BOOKER T & SCOTT STEINER in nine minutes. * (This could be generous, but I hate gratuitously messing with * fractions.)

Jeff Jarrett is anxious in the back, as Kurt is up after the break.

[Commercial Break]

We see a promo of Brutus Magnus training, interlaced with gladiators fighting. As gimmicks go, I could get behind a modern-day gladiator.

Kurt Angle comes down to the ring, with his new DVD in hand. But Kurt's not here to talk about himself, but someone who's twice the man he is. He recaps Jeff's career, from his start in Tennessee to the "WWF". So now they're going to be sued by Vince and some pandas. Kurt has to pause for cheers after he mentions Jarrett's tag team title reign with Owen Hart. When Kurt goes over all the legends Jarrett beat for his world titles in WCW, I don't think he bothers to mention Booker T. Then Kurt goes over some of TNA's hallmark achievements. He says that just when it seemed like Jeff couldn't do anything more, he came out of retirement at Bound for Glory and screwed Angle out of his match. That brings us to Genesis where, after 25 years of triumph, Jeff will drown in a pool of his own blood. He says the wrestling community can definitely survive without Jeff, but can CODE: SCREW YOU TNA, THAT'S NOT COOL (for those who have missed it, I refuse to cover the details of promos involving Jarrett's kids)(Mike Tenay asks why Kurt would always go in that direction, which is a good question). Jeff comes out onto the ramp (without a mic), and says that he's heard that garbage for the last time. He tries to rush the ring, but BG James and a cadre of TNA officials hold him back. Angle tries to meet him halfway, but even more security shows up to keep the two of them far apart.

[Commercial Break]

JB and BG James are in Jarrett's office, and he's still not happy. Mick comes in, but right now Jarrett doesn't want to talk to any friend of Kurt's. Jeff storms out, and BG says that this is half Mick's false.

(4) KIYOSHI vs. CONSEQUENCES CREED
Tenay tells us that Kiyoshi was The Great Muta's tag team partner. Kiyoshi starts things off with a Side Headlock; Creed powers out, dropkicks Kiyoshi's knees and then drops onto Kiyoshi's back for two. He tries to Back Body Drop Kiyoshi over the top rope, but Kiyoshi lands on the apron, flips back over Creed into the ring, and hits a Butterfly Suplex for two. Kiyoshi knocks Creed down and hits a Seated Clothesline for two. Kiyoshi works a Nerve Hold, which challenges the Chin Lock and the Bear Hug for the title of "Dullest Move in Professional Wrestling"; Creed powers out, but Kiyoshi hits what would be a Jaw Breaker except it's to the back of Creed's head. He beats Creed down a bit more for two. He Body Slams Creed in the center of the ring, before whiffing on a Kamikaze Headbutt. Is it racist to call it that when it's done by a Japanese person? Creed comes back with some clotheslines, a Polish Hammer, a Standing Ensuguri, and a Rolling Clothesline for a long two count. Creed look for a CreeDDT, but Kiyoshi reverses into some sort of Power Slam for an even longer two count. He whips Creed into the corner—Creed tries to jump onto the turnbuckle, but Kiyoshi is there to knock his legs out from under him. Kiyoshi finishes him off with a Moonsault (that only sort of grazes Creed).

Winner: KIYOSHI in six minutes. *1/2 This would have gotten a bit more if it weren't for a bit of sloppiness at points.

In the back, Love and Sky are not happy about their new look, without makeup. (I'm sure Barbara Bush never wore makeup.) In case you're curious, it turns out Velvet Sky doesn't need a lot of making up anyway. Palin tells them they have to choose whether they want to be wrestlers or world famous role-models, and they seem excited at the prospect of the latter. This bit has officially overstayed its welcome—particularly the parts without Cute Kip.

We have the ticker on the bottom telling us what's coming up when.

[Commercial Break]

We recap the aftermath of Ray vs. Kurt last week. We're told that Ray has been put out indefinitely, which finally brings Rachael around to this angle (on the assumption that he's not really hurt).

We go to a sit-down interview Tenay had earlier with Shane Sewell. Isn't he still suspended? It doesn't seem fair that he has more TV time when suspended then, say, Homicide. He explains how his career as a wrestler ended when he injured his neck in Puerto Rico, and was told he would risk paralysis by continuing. Sewell says he doesn't remember what he was thinking at Final Resolution, but he can't stand being physically provoked. He doesn't want to lose his job, but if he has to leave, it won't be peacefully.

[Commercial Break]

We see a clip from Kurt's DVD where he talks about how he wants to do MMA.

(5) ODB & CHRISTY HEMME vs. RAESHA SAEED & RHAKA KHAN
I think Christy has new music. She and ODB rush the ring. Christy pairs off with Saeed and ODB with Khan as they take the fight outside the ring. Christy drops Saeed chin first into the barricade and returns to the ring to help out ODB, who's being choked out by Khan. I really don't like watching Khan. Everything she does just seems awkward somehow. Hemme goes to the top rope—Saeed tries to knock her down, but Chirsty just kicks her off the apron. She finishes off Khan with an FFG.

Winner: CHRISTY HEMME & ODB. SQUASH. After the match, Awesome Kong comes in through the crowd and floors both Hemme and ODB with a Double Clothesline. She nails each of them with an Implant Buster, but before she can follow up, Suicide hits the ring. A confused Kong gets out of Dodge. The lights go out, and when they come back Suicide is gone.

The MEM tells us to Cross the Line.

JB is in the MEM locker room with Sting and Kevin Nash. JB wants to know whether they've given up their quest for respect with the way they treated Brother Ray last week. A disgusted Sting says that he doesn't feel like answering. Nash takes the mic, and says that he's always respected Sting, and doesn't appreciate JB doubting him. He reminds the Stinger that they invited Team 3D to join them, and not only did they refuse, but they ambushed them with night sticks. He says he'll need Sting's help in the ring, and so Sting reluctantly takes up his black baseball bat.

[Commercial Break]

JB is in the back with Mick Foley, and is a bit confused about how Mick went from having Angle threatening him at Final Resolution to joining a toast in the MEM locker room a few minutes ago. Mick understands that Kurt sometimes says things he doesn't mean, so he's giving him a pass. JB wants to know which side Mick's on. Foley says that he's considering his options, in part because he's taken more guff from Alex Shelley in a few weeks then he has from all the members of the MEM in over 20 years. He's also looking out for business, and the MEM have a proven track record. JB asks whether this means Mick is okay with what happened to Ray last week—Mick's countenance suddenly gets darker as he explains that he is very not okay with it, but that he has the MEM member's word that it won't happen again.

(6) AJ STYLES & SAMOA JOE vs. KEVIN NASH & STING (Six Sides of Steel)
Joe pairs off with Nash and Sting pairs off with AJ right at the opening bell. Nash goes to escape the cage quickly, but Joe pulls him back. He knocks Nash down and helps AJ fling Sting into the steel. They switch off opponents, and AJ gets a two count on Nash as Joe elbows Sting's head. Joe chokes Sting in the corner, then floors him with a Discus Punch in the center of the ring for two. AJ comes over to help with a Double Back Elbow for two.

[Commercial Break]

If you're wondering whether winning by escape requires one or both partners escaping, you're not alone. When we get back, Sting is nailing mounted punches in one corner as Nash pounds down Joe in another. Nash floors Joe with a Big Boot, and Sting tosses AJ into the cage. The crowd is split between AJ and Sting—poor Joe. Joe reverses Nash's strikes, then drops a Senton Splash and a Knee Drop. Sting goes over to break up the cover, which lets AJ recover enough to floor Sting with a high dropkick. Joe works over Nash with mounted punches in the corner, then starts to climb. Nash meets him and pounds Joe's head against the wall. Joe falls to the ring, where he alley-oops AJ onto Nash's shoulders, from which AJ is able to scamper over the top of the cage. Apparently only one person needs to escape, as they're playing AJ's music.

Winners: AJ STYLES & SAMOA JOE in eight minutes. ** The match was relatively well-worked, did what it needed to do, and had a moderately innovative finish (that sadly felt like it came a bit out of nowhere).

Nash and Sting start double-teaming Joe inside the ring. AJ tries to come back in to help, but they swing the cage door out and into him. It turns out Joe doesn't need the help, as he fights through both Sting and Nash. The MEM hit the ring, with Angle wielding a chair. Joe punches the chair back into Kurt's head and takes down Booker and Steiner. Eventually the numbers game catches up to Joe. With Sting on the outside, Steiner locks the cage door shut and beat down Joe with the chair and a lead pipe (I missed where it came from). They wrap the chair around Joe's elbow and hit it with the pipe. The final image is The Front Line desperately trying to scale the cage as the MEM keeps them at bay and Angle cinches in the Angle Lock on Joe.

Where We're Going: So Foley's allegiances are ambiguous. I feel like the ambiguity would be a little deeper if I thought it was humanly possible to get Mick Foley booed. They're barely managing to get Booker T booed, and he never came off the top of a cell or wrote three autobiographies. If Mick were to go to the MEM, it would just turn them face; they could split the MEM, nWo style, into a Sting/Foley axis and an Angle/Booker axis, but they don't quite have enough people to really pull it off (and it would further validate Angle's claims that The Front Line can't beat anyone at full strength). So presumably Mick is just fooling with them. Normally I'd bemoan the predictability, but with the personalities involved they should be able to overcome the lack of plot twists with strong character work and promos.

Star of the Night: Mick Foley, I guess? There weren't any real stand-out performances, so Mick gets it on account of his consistently solid mic work.

Overall: This show felt like a step down from the past couple weeks. Other than the CODE: SCREW YOU TNA, THAT'S NOT COOL and "Sarah Palin" businesses nothing overtly sucked, but there wasn't anything to get particularly excited about either. It was fairly thoroughly middling. C+

Daniel is a graduate student at The Ohio State University. He apologizes to anyone who somehow avoided Armageddon spoilers till they read this column. Complaints can be addressed to dawilk316@gmail.com

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