By James Caldwell, PWTorch columnist

WWE's ECW on Sci-Fi TV Report
December 30, 2008 - Year 3, Week 30 (Week 134 overall)
Taped in Manchester, N.H.
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist

The show started with Howard Finkel doing a voice-over welcoming us to the Dirt Shirt. Live in the ring were the two Slammys won by John Morrison & The Miz. The camera then focused on Miz & Morrison sitting in their director's chairs in the ring to do something huge with the live Dirt Sheet. Morrison said they bought everyone in this building...NEW CARS!!! Grisham was confused on commentary. Miz said that's not true, as they are delivering something bigger and better - the Dirt Sheet.

Morrison repeated they are the greatest tag team of the 21st Century and Miz added that in the Best of 2008 WWE Magazine, they were named best tag team of '08. Miz proceeded to issue his 2009 resolution of giving a hat to everyone in the world. Morrison vowed to star in a kung-fu movie, have abs 11 and 12 pop out. Suddenly, there was disagreement over going to the Royal Rumble and winning the deal to go on to WrestleMania. They had a mini-argument leading to some new year's resolutions for other folks.

Miz said Evan Bourne vows to move out of his mom's basement. Morrison said Cena vows to take acting lessons so his next movie isn't as bad as The Marine. Batista will start wearing a helmet to the ring. Triple H will buy a family-sized nasal douche. Finlay will stop wearing tighty-whiteys. This led to a discussion on leprechauns, leading to Hornswoggle stomping out to the ring with Finlay following close behind.

Finlay took the mic from Morrison and let Hornswoggle talk. Hornswoggle screamed out something, then Finlay said what he meant was...a big right hand punch to the face. Miz and Morrison then fought back and beat down Finlay until Horny disappeared under the ring to hide. Boogeyman's music suddenly hit and he came out from under the ring to chase off Miz and Morrison. Grisham said Boogey and Horny must be neighbors underneath the ring. Welcome to ECW.

[Commercial Break]

1 -- ECW champion MATT HARDY vs. MARK HENRY (w/Tony Atlas) -- non-title match

Grisham said everyone has been looking forward to this re-match tonight. Really? The match was set up as Henry trying to earn a #1 contender opportunity despite Jack Swagger being the #1 contender to Hardy. Match was Henry dominating early on, then he gingerly placed his rear on Hardy's chest via the Yokozuna Banzai Drop and scored a two count when Henry put his foot on the bottom rope. Hardy coughed it out, then cut to break.

[Commercial Break]

Back from break, Henry wanted a big seated splash in center ring, but Hardy rolled out of the way and started to build his offensive attack with elbow smashes from the second rope. He then hit a side effect and made a cover for a two count only. Hardy came up calling for the Twist of Fate, but he had to knock Atlas off the apron. The distraction then led to Jack Swagger storming the ring and delivering a gut wrench powerbomb to Hardy. Swagger bounced in the ring, then stared back at Henry, who wasn't pleased with the interference. Swagger left, then Henry punted Hardy in the gut before giving him the World's Strongest Slam.

WINNER: Hardy via DQ in 8:00. Match was better than pre-match expectations, and they included a nice progression with Swagger and Henry as the two top contenders to Hardy's title. Swagger continues to be great in his subtleness. (*1/2)

[Commercial Break]

Video promo: They aired a carnival vignette from Kizarny, who toured the carnival for us while talking carney jibberish. Showtime on Friday Night Smackdown.

In-ring: Great, Paul Burchill has joined the ECW brand. Katie Lea led him to the ring and he was sporting a different look of being a muscled-up dude with a beanie on his head and a more pronounced sneer. You can dress him up differently, but he's still the same Paul Burchill. D.J. Gabriel and Alicia Fox then danced their way to the ring as the opposition.

2 -- PAUL BURCHILL (w/Katie Lea) vs. D.J. GABRIEL (w/Alicia Fox)

Battle for England tonight. Today's Fun Striker Fact: Alicia gave Gabriel the DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) video game for Christmas. Not sure what Katie got her big brother for Christmas. Burchill quickly went to work on Gabriel and cut off his comebacks repeatedly. Gabriel started a comeback at 4:00 with elbow strikes before grappling him for a slingshot into the corner. Burchill then came back with a clothesline to the back of the head. Both men struggled to recover, then Gabriel wanted the second rope European uppercut, but Burchill yanked him down to the mat. He then growled and grappled a very limp Gabriel, but Gabriel was playing opossum and he rolled up Burchill with a bridge pin for the win.

WINNER: Gabriel in 6:00. It's a Burchill match, so what you would expect with slow, methodical offense and a lot of growling and mad facial expressions. Burchill had all of the offense, so we didn't get to see much from Gabriel here other than his smarts. (*)

[Commercial Break]

Buy-the-DVD promo: They showed the same video package from Raw promoting Mr. Kennedy's "Behind Enemy Lines" DVD based on the tons of weapons and such.

Backstage: Boogeyman sang a lullaby to the little worm hanging in his hand, then he snapped it up and ate it. Hornswoggle then ran around him in circles in anticipation of the main event tag match. The camera focused on Boogey savoring his snack.

Raw Rebound: They focused on Shawn Michaels making the ultimate sacrifice of allowing JBL to smash him with the Clothesline from Hell to win the #1 contender fatal four-way match.

[Commercial Break]

3 -- World tag team champions THE MIZ & JOHN MORRISON vs. FINLAY & BOOGEYMAN & HORNSWOGGLE -- No DQ match

Horny quickly became involved to run shenanigans against the champs that sent them rolling to the floor where Boogey landed a double clothesline. Suddenly, Boogey tried to yank Miz under the ring, but he escaped only to take a mini-suicide dive from Horny. Finlay then had his legs taken out from under him and Miz clotheslined him hard to the floor. Back in the ring, the champs began an offensive assault on Finlay while Boogey foamed at the mouth looking for a hot tag. Grisham with a PSA for kids at home not to eat worms, but gummy worms are okay. Thanks Todd.

Boogey broke up the champs's offensive attack, then Finlay got a surge of offense to clean house himself without needing to tag. Suddenly, Morrison snuck up behind Finlay and rolled him up for the pin. Afterward, Boogey attacked Morrison on the floor and tossed him back into the ring for a Celtic Cross to get some measure of revenge. Finlay then brought some kids into the ring to dance it up with Horny to close the PG ECW show.

WINNERS: Miz & Morrison in 6:00. That was the most fan-friendly No DQ match in wrestling history. Perhaps this will lead to Hornswoggle turning on Finlay after Finlay continues to lose matches by not trusting him with a tag and trying to do everything himself. Or perhaps they'll continue the rinse, repeat song-and-dance with Finlay and Horny. (*)

We welcome your 1-10 score and comments on this show for an "ECW Reax" feature in the Torch Feedback section of PWTorch.com. To contribute your thoughts on ECW TV, click here.

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