CALDWELL'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 1/8: Angle vs. Brian, Jarrett cries, B.G. cries, Foley's gray tooth, nefarious means for tag title switch
Jan 11, 2009 - 4:11:23 PM
by James Caldwell, Assistant editor
TNA Impact on Spike TV
January 8, 2009
Taped Dec. 16 in Orlando, Fla.
Report by James Caldwell, PWTorch assistant editor
We start five hours of TNA TV watching today with a preview for tonight's show and some plugs for the Genesis PPV on Sunday. First thing's first tonight, as we need to determine the X Division Title opponents.
1 -- ALEX SHELLEY (w/Chris Sabin) vs. ERIC YOUNG -- semi-final X Division Title tournament match
Shelley was on the offensive early on here, smashing Young into the guardrail on the floor. "Double Impact," as Don West called it. By the way, Shane Sewell is the referee for this one. That came into play later when he missed outside interference from Sabin, who kicked Young in the face after an awkward moment following a roll-up attempt by Young. Shelley then smashed Young with the Sliced Bread #2 on Young for the pin and the win. Announcers were too busy plugging everything left and right to offer a complaint about the outside interference. It's just become the norm in TNA to where no one even bats an eye when rules are broken.
WINNER: Shelley in 5:00 to advance to finals vs. Sabin. Who cares. TNA spent eight hours on the post-match, so this match didn't even matter to set up the X Division Title match at the PPV.
Post-match: Ref Shane tried to leave, but Sheik Abdul Bashir showed up on the stage to tease and mentally distress Shane, who tried not to fight back. Sheik eventually jumped him and threw Shane into the ring to take a beating. Shane shook and shimmied and convulsed before exploding on Bashir with a flying forearm. Camera zoomed in on Shane's eyes, then he delivered a crotch chop to Sheik and tossed him to the floor. Shane smashed Bashir with some sick right hand blows before throwing him back into the ring. Sheik begged off, then scrammed out of the ring to avoid Shane. Bashir sarcastically waved bye-bye while ref Hebner held Shane back.
Jim Cornette then showed up and entered the ring to ask Shane what the heck he's doing. He told Shane he's a ref, not a wrestler. Bashir re-entered the ring to gloat and smile about Shane getting a new one ripped by Cornette, who reminded Shane that the next time he snapped, he would have to fire Shane. "C'mon, Jim, think this thing through!" Tenay shouted, probably with a very comically stern look on his face. Cornette then fired Shane and Bashir smiled it up.
Cornette cut a promo on Bashir, talking about Bashir egging Shane on. Cornette said he's tired of Bashir using him, and Shane is only fired for three days. Because as of Sunday at Genesis, Shane is back on the TNA payroll as a wrestler. Shane liked that. Bashir was a little hesitant to follow where Cornette was going. Cornette then booked Shane vs. Sheik at the PPV. Instead of doing it in the parking lot or at the hotel, they're doing it Sunday at Genesis.
Backstage: The Main Event Mafia was shown walking around.
[Commercial Break]
Impact Zone: Kurt Angle led the Main Event Mafia to the ring for some more talking. Booker T randomly had a cigar/unfiltered cigarette hanging from his mouth. A little product placement, as they are heading to tobacco country on Sunday. Kurt Angle started things off talking about the owner (Jeff Jarrett) and executive shareholder (Mick Foley) being taken out at the PPV on Sunday. Cut backstage to show Foley and Jarrett watching on a monitor with Jeremy Borash.
Angle said they're going to run this company how they see fit. Their vision will become a reality on Sunday. Angle said he thinks Jarrett is sick in his head to stick B.G. James in the ring against him tonight. He said there will only be two left at Genesis: you and me. Angle said he's high right now. Well, feeling pretty high. Sorry, had a flashback to Angle's first TNA press conference about popping 40-50 pills in the morning while with WWE. Angle said Jarrett has No Way Out at Genesis. His whole world will come to an end.
TNA World champ Sting then grabbed the mic to talk for the first time in a while. He said he never had a problem with Rhino before he joined "them." He said it's still all about respect and dignity. That's the only thing any of them in the ring ever wanted. Sting said there's a big war going on and the war is going to end at Genesis. Actually, Revelations. Nevermind. Sting said one thing is for sure: Showtime, Rhino.
Let's give Nash the mic. Nash addressed Sting and said he doesn't think the war is going to be over at Genesis. He told us a short story about his pops telling him not to put off today what you could do tomorrow. Nash appeared to be slightly inebriated. He said they've taken out Petey, Brother Ray, and Joe. So, he would like to make a decision tonight to take out everyone now and not wait until Sunday.
Let's get Steiner in here. Foley hit them first, so that was his first mistake. Thanks, Scotty. Cue up Booker T for an African-accent-edition promo. He said they're coming for Foley and Jarrett. Whoops, now it's Harlem Heat accent. Booker asked if they can dig that.
Backstage: Reaction from Foley and Jarrett, who paced around the office while Borash stacked the deck. Jarrett said they're going to survive - Brother Devon and A.J. Styles interrupted. Ray said they're going to survive by sticking close to them. He gave Foley his old red flannel shirt and Foley said, "Testify." Styles said Jarrett took a chance on TNA and A.J. Styles, so he wants to return the favor by having his back tonight.
[Commercial Break]
Video package: They went to Sarah Palin leading the conservatively-dressed Beautiful People through some sort of farm area. Palin suggested they shovel horse dung. Velvet wanted to barf, so Angelina held her hair back.
Impact Zone: Madison Rayne, who we profiled earlier this week, came to the ring for a Knockouts squash match against Kong. Madison took a deep breath on the entrance stage while Tenay said it was good news: TNA debut and bad news: Kong. Out came Kong, with her "Kongtourage." Kong was back to the long-gaze-into-the-8x10-photo gimmick. This time, Christy Hemme was the target of her gaze.
2 -- TNA Knockouts champion AWESOME KONG (w/Raisha Saeed, Sojourner Bolt, Rhaka Khan) vs. MADISON RAYNE -- non-title match
West said Madison Rayne wants to be the next Taylor Wilde to surprise Kong, or at least hang around in the ring against Kong. Madison had some early offense, but Kong brushed off the steady stream of kicks before nailing the Awesomebomb for the decisive victory.
WINNER: Kong in 2:00. Squash to set up Kong vs. Hemme, which isn't happening now. Madison has a good look to her and could be used if given a character or direction to work with. (n/a)
Backstage: Lauren was with Abyss, who appears to have "grown" into his jumpsuit. Abyss was grabbing his hair in quiet frustration before addressing Matt Morgan. Abyss said it's not good. His bff is mad at him and the only way to make things right is at Genesis. He told Roode and Storm not to mistake his kindess for weakness. See, Morgan is mad at him. And he will fight to make sure Morgan isn't mad at him anymore. Abyss said the old Abyss might come back out at Genesis. Do you know what I mean, Lauren? Lauren freaked out, which upset Abyss. He said he doesn't know if he could handle his girlfriend and his best friend mad at him at the same time. That was hilar.
[Commercial Break]
Backstage: Lauren was with LAX. Homicide and Hernandez are chillin and waiting back to find out who they're cashing in their briefcases against. Lauren wanted to know if it's the end of LAX with them having singles title matches via Feast or Fired. Homicide said you can put those rumors to rest because LAX is strong.
Elsewhere backstage: Sabin and Shelley were with Borash to talk about them facing each other for the X Division Title on Sunday. Sabin asked if the bond between them is more important than the X Division Title. Sabin said a whole lot of nothing, then Shelley tried to make some sense. He called Mick Foley by the unmentionable Duke "the Dumpster" Droese label, then said their bond is greater than TNA, pro wrestling, or the X Division Title.
Foley interrupted and said he heard a few of those zingers in his good ear. Hardy har har. He said he won't let them stink up his PPV and he knows they are capable of totally stealing the show. If they lay down or stink up the show, they will be on a one-way bus back to 0-16 Detroit land. And they'll never get another title shot again.
[Commercial Break]
Beer Money Rough Cut: Robert Roode said his goal is to become World Champion, as should be the goal for everyone in this business. He wants to be in the biz as long as possible, but he doesn't want to over-stay his welcome. Roode said his life is dedicated to wrestling. Cut to James Storm riding around on the farm with her little girl. Total babyface moment. Roode said he wants his legacy to be someone who was remembered. Storm said after his last match, he would like for people to think he wasn't that flashy, but he was a tough s.o.b. and entertained.
Impact Zone: TNA tag champs James Storm and Robert Roode came to the ring for singles action. Matt Morgan was out as the opposition. Wasn't Matt Morgan involved in an eye injury angle? Morgan came out alone, then Abyss followed out reaching to him for guidance and support. Morgan shouted down at him to behave.
3 -- MATT MORGAN (w/Abyss) vs. ROBERT ROODE (1-0) (w/James Storm and Miss Jacqueline)
Things quickly broke down as Abyss tried to help out Morgan, then the ref turned his attention to Abyss, allowing Jacqueline to get involved in assistance to Roode. Don West had a fine moment of explaining that heck, if TNA is going to be so lax with rules and on-air management is too incompetent to establish and uphold rules, then Beer Money is going to do whatever possible to keep the belts and offer no apologies. I'm exaggerating and being facetious, but that's essentially what West was conveying.
At 3:00, Roode came crashing down to the floor and he favored his left knee. Storm tried to check on Roode, who needed medics to come ringside to check on him. Morgan, like a jerk babyface, demanded Roode get back in the ring. Ref called for the bell and Dave Penzer picked up some face time to announce the match has been stopped. Morgan wins via ref stoppage. Afterward, Abyss tried to congratulate Morgan on the victory, but Morgan wanted nothing to do with it.
WINNER: Morgan via ref stoppage in 4:00. Set-up for the next segment... (n/a)
[Commercial Break]
Impact Zone: Consequences Creed and Jay Lethal showed up to sheepishly cash in the Feast or Fired briefcase for a tag title match. I know C.M. Punk used a similar situation to beat Edge for the World Title in June, but WWE effectively masked Punk's situation, while TNA inadvertently presented Creed and Lethal as cowards.
4 -- TNA tag team champions BEER MONEY, INC. JAMES STORM (1-0) & ROBERT ROODE (1-1) (w/Miss Jacqueline) vs. CONSEQUENCES CREED & JAY LETHAL -- TNA tag title match
Storm, in blue jeans because he wasn't prepared to wrestle, played the babyface role of taking a two-on-one beating while Roode tried to work out his knee to get back in the ring. Creed tried to splash Storm on the floor, but Storm yanked him down. Lethal then nailed a suicide dive on Storm while Roode kept trying to get himself back in the action. Meanwhile, Abyss and Morgan remained on stage since they get the tag champs at the PPV. Jackie distracted the ref, then Roode managed to crotch Creed to set up Storm's offensive attack.
[Commercial Break]
Storm, in his blue jeans, continued on the offensive with more help from Jackie. Roode decided to check himself out of the action as Storm nailed the Eye of the Storm for a nearfall. Lethal then blocked a backcracker and hit the Lethal Combination. Jackie tried to get involved again, which set up more distractions. Roode tried to use the case on Lethal, but Lethal nailed him in the knee. Lethal then picked up the case and smashed Storm in the face for the pin and the win. Afterward, Morgan was frustrated while Abyss comically tried to calm him down. Creed and Lethal then celebrated their victory by nefarious means.
WINNERS: Creed & Lethal in 11:00 to capture the TNA tag titles. Something about the Frontline capturing gold by nefarious means is just not-cool and shows how weak they are. It's like when Michael Scott on The Office tells a really bad joke that gets a laugh because it's Scott and his greatness, then Dwight Schrute tries to copy him and it comes across so much worse and lame because it's Dwight. Frontline copying Mafia's nefarious-victory-strategy is just lame as a copycat strategy. On another note, Abyss is just great right now playing this lost-sheep role compared to Morgan's "don't get your undergarments in a wad" character. (*1/2)
[Commercial Break]
Backstage: Frontline was celebrating the tag title victory. Lethal name-dropped a ton of 1980s wrestlers, then Creed thanked all of the other Frontline members for their support. ODB just stepped out of the shower, or simply decided she wanted to put a towel on her head. Consequences was a little too excited. He and Lethal finished each other's sentence that the Consequences are Lethal. Devon, Styles, and Rhino stood by as the elder statesmen, which Devon plays well in the role.
Elsewhere backstage: Borash interrupted B.G. and Jeff Jarrett sharing a moment. B.G. said someone has to shut that piece of crap Kurt Angle up. He stammered through a promo with tears about needing to do this for Jarrett and his wife. He's got to do, this man. B.G. gave Jarrett a half-bro-hug, then walked off.
[Commercial Break]
Video: Angelina and Velvet were still shoveling with "Sarah Palin" while Lauren held the mic. Angelina complained about their dress and being stripped of their make-up and touching the marks. Palin said they are used to getting by on their looks, but that doesn't work in Washington, D.C. Next week, they are signing the official documents to make them members of their cabinet. Cue up the shouting and screaming and celebration before Beautiful Peeps fell into the most important s--- in the world that makes Panda Energy fund TNA. (Reference to TNA's parent company having a business where they cow manure into energy.)
Impact Zone: B.G. James came out first for the match against Kurt Angle. Instead of going to the ring, he opted to hang out by the Impact Zone tunnel to wait for Angle. Apparently there isn't a monitor at the gorilla position for Angle to see that. Angle then came out and B.G. jumped him from behind to jump-start the action.
5 -- B.G. JAMES vs. KURT ANGLE
B.G. had his moment to shine on the floor, but Angle cut him off and opened B.G.'s forehead to draw some blood. Let's grab a break.
[Commercial Break]
James kicked out of the Angle Slam after the commercial, which shocked Angle. Angle then nailed a first German suplex, followed by a second attempt, but B.G. broke free with elbow smashes to the face. James wanted a powerbomb, but Angle blocked and rolled into an anklelock. B.G. tried to fight the hold, but Angle grapevined that sucker and B.G. was forced to tap out.
WINNER: Angle in 10:00. B.G. had a fine showing against Angle, who needed a dominating victory to set up the match against Jarrett at the PPV. They had the built-in storyline of James being motivated to fight for his friend in order to make up for the fact that James had no business holding his own in the ring against Angle.
Post-match: Mafia came to the ring wanting to beat the crap out of B.G. after the match. They introduced a chair after Angle landed some straight blows to the face. Angle stomped on B.G.'s ankle while it was inside the chair. Jarrett and Foley then stormed the ring to clear the Mafia and check on Brian. Angle raised his arms in victory while Jeff called for some help.
[Commercial Break]
Impact Zone: Back from break, Jarrett was in the ring sitting down on a chair while the Frontline circled around him. Jarrett quietly said this was between himself and Angle, and it had nothing to do with Brian. He said he has prided himself on doing things the right way as the leader of TNA. Foley clapped. Styles, Devon, and Rhino chit-chatted. Jarrett said it's character, but this Sunday, all he can think about is beating the (Panda Energy input) out of you. Jarrett stood up and looked into the camera while Foley tried to calm him down.
Jarrett went to the corner trying not to explode, then Foley took the mic and propped up B.G. for sacrificing for his friend. He feels a little shame, man. Two weeks ago, he stood right here and told the Mafia that he's crossing the line at Genesis. Foley said he looked up and saw his face in High-Def on a graphic and he couldn't help but think he looked pretty bad on that screen. Foley said the tooth that is grayed at the bottom of his lip is the same tooth that was hanging through his nose ten years ago in one of the most famous matches in wrestling. (Foley in the Cell vs. Taker.)
Foley cut a someone-help-me-pat-me-on-the-back promo about himself, the hardcore legend, coming home on Sunday. Foley said he'll draw strength from Brother Ray and at the PPV, he'll be as good as he ever was. Tenay solemnly said Genesis is only three days away. "Damn! I can't wait for this Sunday," West said to close the show leading to the PPV preview video package.
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