By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
JANUARY 9, 2009
AIRED ON MY NETWORK TV

[Q1]

-They opened cold with Jim Ross and Tazz on camera. Ross solemnly announced that, as reported on WWE.com, Jeff Hardy and his girlfriend had been in a car accident. Ross said he was fine - batter and bruised, but fine. He said they'd hear from him later in the program. Now, I have no issue with this compared to the stairwell attack, and in fact, I'd say this angle may be an acknowledgment that the stairwell attack storyline was out of bounds. Reporting that someone is in a car accident, hit and run especially, and reporting that he's only battered and bruised, is much different than hinting on a Sunday morning that Hardy is hospitalized after being found passed out in a stairwell. The stairwell angle cashed in on the way deaths of WWE wrestlers had been previously reported, and WWE.com's careful selection of language with the stairwell report included nothing to rule out a drug overdose. Hardy has been painted as a tragic figure with his house burning down, personal drug issues in the past, and two strikes against him already within WWE. This "hit and run" angle doesn't cash in tastelessly on Hardy's real life drug issues or the drug-related deaths of past WWE wrestlers. This is how the angle should have been done the first time, and shows how WWE can incorporate such drama into a storyline without incorporating "death teases" as part of it.

Ross then previewed the Triple H challenge of having to wrestle three matches with three special stips in one night. They went to a replay of what caused that - Triple H demeaning G.M. Vickie Guerrero last week. After the clip aired, Ross said, "Obviously our General Manager didn't appreciate Triple H's sense of humor." I challenge Ross to find a woman with a sense of humor about being mocked in front of millions for buying plus-sized clothes and having "child-bearing hips."

1 -- TRIPLE H vs. JOHN MORRISON - Tables Match

Triple H appeared to be chomping on gum when the match started. If someone else with less seniority than him did that and Triple H saw it on a monitor backstage, that's the type of thing he'd rip on them for because it shows a total disregard for any realism or respect for the business. What athlete would enter a fight chewing on gum? Morrison opened with a knee to the gut, but Triple H came right back with a high knee. He clotheslined Morrison over the top rope to the floor and threw him into the ringpost. He quickly set up a table at ringside. Tazz said he's moving quickly to get a win since he has to wrestle two more times. Ross said, "I'm sure our general manager could care less if The Game was able to continue here tonight." (He meant "could not care less.") Triple H went for a suplex on the table of the ringside steps, but Morrison escaped and dropped Triple H face-first over the steps. Ross said Morrison reminds him of a young Rick Rude. In the ring, with a table propped in the corner, they countered each other's attempts to throw one another into the table to break it and win. Triple H hit a spinebuster at 3:00 and then slid another table into the ring. Morrison blocked a superplex attempt by Triple H, but Triple H tossed Morrison seconds later off the top rope through the table at ringside to win.

WINNER: Triple H in 5:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Good short tables match.

-Afterward, The Miz yelled at Triple H from the ring apron. As Triple H punched him to the floor, Chavo Guerrero jumped him from behind and threw him through the table in the corner. He shouted, "Who's the gopher now?!" They showed Vickie watching on a monitor backstage.

-Ross plugged Undertaker vs. Shelton Benjamin was next.

[Commercial Break]

[Q2]

-Vickie told Triple H backstage he still has a handicapped match and last man standing match coming up. She sarcastically wished him luck.

2 -- UNDERTAKER vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN

Why is Undertaker wrestling a meaningless early-show unadvertised match against Shelton? Someone of Taker's stature should be saved for more special occasions, and any TV appearance should be hyped more than this, especially against a U.S. Champion. Ross wondered whether Taker "would be a striker tonight or look for the submission" tonight. At 3:00 Taker walked the top rope and came off with a forearm, then clotheslined him over the top rope to the floor. After a sponsored replay of the move, they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

After the break, Taker remained in control. Tazz called it a one-sided match so far. At 7:00 Shelton clipped Taker's knee to reverse momentum. Shelton began controlling Taker on the mat, working over his legs for a couple minutes. At 10:00 Taker thrust Shelton over the top rope with his leg, then rammed him into the security wall at ringside. Taker hit the guillotine legdrop on the ring apron, followed by a two count in the ring. Shelton came back with another kick to Taker's knee. When he mounted Taker in the corner, Taker lifted him for a Last Ride instead. Shelton escaped and DDT'd Taker instantly for a two count. Shelton hit a Stinger splash in the corner. On the second attempt, Taker grabbed him by his throat and chokeslammed him for a near fall. Tazz noted he's enjoying the match. Ross they're seeing the "gold-plated side" of the U.S. Champion. A minute later Taker came back with a Tombstone for the win. Ross said there's no bigger favorite heading into the Royal Rumble than Taker.

WINNER: Undertaker in 13:00.

STAR RATING: **3/4 -- Really good match.

[Q3]

-Tazz solemnly said up next they'd have exclusive footage of the police interviewing Hardy and his girlfriend after their crash.

[Commercial Break]

-Ross and Tazz were shown on camera. They talked about the "hit and run accident." Ross threw to "exclusive police footage." They showed dashboard footage of the police arriving on the scene. Hardy and his girlfriend were shaken, but on their feet next to their car that was in a ditch. Hardy talked about someone running them off the road. The cop didn't know who he was as he asked him name and didn't react when he was told. Hardy said they were driving 35-40 while the other driver was going 60 MPH. The officer called for an ambulance. That was well done, actually. It was reasonably realistic and not overplayed.

-They went to Edge arriving backstage at the arena. Tazz asked him about Hardy's accident. Edge wanted to know why he was asking about that. Edge said the dark cloud from 2008 followed him into 2009. He said things like that sometimes just happen. He said he's going to keep Jeff and his girlfriend in his prayers.

-They showed the Bell Twins walking to the entrance tunnel backstage.

-A segment aired hyping "Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia."

[Commercial Break]

[Q4]

3 -- MICHELLE MCCOOL & VICTORIA vs. THE BELLA TWINS

McCool did some push-ups early to show off. She bailed out to ringside a minute in, but a Bella tossed her right back into the ring. When Victoria tagged in, she dominated for several minutes, but missed a moonsault at 4:00. A Bella then used an Oklahoma roll for the win.

WINNERS: The Bella Twins in 4:00.

-Afterward, McCool attacked Victoria for losing the match. She gave her a Styles Clash, then rolled out of the ring.

-They showed Triple H backstage heading toward the ring for his handicapped match. Ross wondered aloud whom Triple H would face next.

[Commercial Break]

4 -- TRIPLE H vs. THE MIZ & CHAVO GUERRERO

Miz brought his Slammy Award trophy to the ring along with the tag title strap. Early frequent tags gave the heels the advantage over Triple H. Vickie was shown watching pleased on a monitor backstage. Triple H avoided a Chavo frog splash at 3:00. Miz tagged in, but Triple H gave him a neckbreaker and a running clothesline for a two count.

[Q5]

Triple H followed with a spinebuster, but he favored his left arm afterward. Miz reached for a tag, but Chavo dropped off the ring apron and left Miz to fend for himself. Triple H surprised Miz with a Pedigree for the win. Tazz wondered how much was taken out of Triple H in the first two matches.

WINNER: Triple H in 4:00.

-Vickie appeared on the big screen and congratulated Triple H. "Two down, one to go," she said. She then announced his opponent in the Last Man Standing match would be The Big Show. Ross and Tazz expressed their obligatory amazement at that decision.

-Tazz plugged the Hardy interview regarding the accident and exclusive cell phone audio.

[Commercial Break]

-A training video aired of Vladimir Kozlov. He narrated it by talking about how Russian training begins at an early age. He did neck strengthening exercises on the mat, then head butted the punching bag and tossed it around. He said he is still hungry for competition.

-Back in the ring, MVP stood in his "VIP Lounge." MVP half-heartedly introduced his segment with catch-phrases, but he seemed nonchalant and disenchanted. He introduced his guest, Mr. Kennedy, who had been running down his movie in previous weeks. Kennedy thanked MVP for having him as a guest. Kennedy told MVP, "You're not mad at me." MVP said he is. They went back and forth. Kennedy then said he's mad at himself for making a fool of himself by losing every week. Kennedy snuck in another plug for his movie. He said in recent weeks he's been trying to inspire MVP to "stop whining all the time." In the middle of their argument, several repo men walked into the ring and began taking his furniture and other set pieces. Kennedy said things are bad right now, "but trust me, they could always be worse." Kennedy danced out of the ring. Then Boogeyman's music played and MVP looked around in a panic. Boogeyman snuck into the ring and gave MVP a pump-handle slam. MVP rolled out of the ring before he could be wormed.

-Ross plugged the tag team title match up next.

[Commercial Break]

[Q6]

-WWE Fact: WWE television programs can be seen in 465 million homes worldwide, more than the NBA, Major League Baseball, and the NFL combined.

-The Raw Rebound aired focused on the Shawn Michaels-JBL storyline.

5 -- CARLITO & PRIMO COLON vs. THE BRIAN KENDRICK & EZEKIEL -- WWE Tag Team Title match

Ezekiel got in some sustained offense early. When Kendrick tagged in, Carlito and Primo took control, inlcuding hitting a nice leapfrop/dropkick combo. Ezekiel took control again when he was tagged back in at 5:00. Primo hot-tagged Carlito at 7:00 who went to work on Kendrick. Kendrick scored a very near fall a minute later after Kendrick knocked Carlito into Primo on the ring apron. Carlito struck back with a Back Stabber for the three count. Tazz slipped in the Word of the Week Challenge, "Sham-Wow," when commenting on being right on his prediction for this match.

WINNERS: Carlito & Primo to retain the WWE Tag Team Titles in 9:00.

STAR RATING: **

[Q7]

[Commercial Break]

-Ross and Tazz were shown on camera recapping the Hardy accident. They went to "exclusive cell phone footage" of the accident. It looked like something that you'd see on TMZ of a bystander capturing amateur footage. It was pretty much the same as the dashboard footage from the police car at first. Unless that's going somewhere, that was pretty pointless. They went to a prerecorded statement from Hardy, who said he, his brother Matt, R-Truth, and Hurricane Helms were all having a good time at a party. He said they were driving home, about an eight mile trip. He said a car behind them ran them of the road. He said he's shocked and thankful that they weren't seriously injured. He said his back and shoulder is a little banged up. He said he won't be at Smackdown next week, but he will be at the Royal Rumble to defend his WWE Championship against Edge.

-Ross and Tazz hyped the Rumble line-up.

-The Big Show's ring intro took place for the main event Last Man Standing match.

[Commercial Break]

-As Big Show's intro music played, Ross and Tazz narrated footage of Triple H's first two matches earlier in the show.

6 -- TRIPLE H vs. THE BIG SHOW - Last Man Standing match

The match began with 18 minutes left in the show. Big Show outpowered Triple H early and knocked him around the ring with forearms. A minute into the match they cut to an early break.

[Q8]

[Commercial Break]

Show remained on offense after the break. The methodical beating continued, culminating with a Big Show flying shoulder spear to Triple H's gut. The ref reached a count of seven before Triple H got to his feet. Big Show dropped Triple H repeated with a series of headbutts. Tazz said Triple H should stay down. Ross said that's not The Game's style. Triple H avoided a corner charge and then hit a Pedigree out of nowhere at 12:00. Tazz predicted Triple H was going to win, which pretty much eliminated any chance of a Triple H win. Triple H got up a seven and Big Show at nine, barely beating the count. Triple H avoided some Big Show swings, as Show showed signs of fatigue. Triple H returned fire and connected, then hit a knee lift and a another Pedigree attempt. Big Show powered out of it with a backward drop. Both men were down again at 13:00. Triple H stood at nine, but fell out of the ring. Show went after him on the floor. Triple H shoved Big Show head-first into the ringpost. The ref counted to eight before Big Show stood. Triple H dove at Show on the floor, but Show caught him and slammed him onto the announce table. The ref's count reached 9.9 before Triple was able to stand again. Show gave Triple H his KO punch, and that did it. The ref reached ten.

WINNER: The Big Show in 16:00.

STAR RATING: **1/2 -- Pretty one dimensional early, but the final five minutes - despite the oft-momentum-halting ref counts - was relatively dramatic. Overall, a more than passable TV main event.

-The show closed with Big Show standing next to Vickie on the stage staring at a still-KO'd Triple H.

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