By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
JANUARY 22, 2009
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

[Q1]

-After a recap of last week's return of Brother Ray, the show title was: "The End of the Originals." The TNA Impact opening then aired.

-Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show and hyped the matches including two tag matches that flashed by faster than I could take in and also Kurt Angle vs. A.J. Styles in a tables match. I think every match had some sort of excessive needless gimmick. That was a bad case of TNA's old habit of information overload at the start of a show.

1 -- SONJAY DUTT (w/So-Cal Val) vs. SHEIK ABDUL BASHIR vs. ALEX SHELLEY vs. CHRIS SABIN - Four-Way X Title match

West set the table talking about the dynamics in this match. He said the Gunns need to work together to keep the X Title. He said Dutt has never won the X Title, the only one in the match. Shelley set up the obligatory dive to the floor at the two minute mark of an X Division match, although he was cut off before executing it. Tenay explained the ludicrous rules which is whoever scores the pin becomes X Champion. They make such a big deal out of having to win a tournament over the course of several weeks to earn an X Title shot, and then they just toss this ridiculous match without any build-up onto the opening segment of the show. The Guns worked together, as did Dutt and Bashir. At 4:00 Sharmell walked to ringside as the non-stop action in the continued. Dutt scored a near fall with a DDT seconds later. Tenay noted that Shane Sewell is the ref and he had friction with Booker T at the past PPV. West said she's not even watching the action, she's watching Sewell. Shelley gave Dutt a leverage roll-up for the pin.

WINNER: Shelley in 5:00 to retain the X Title.

STAR RATING: * -- Just a big glob of athleticism that unfortunately added up to nothing. They were still explaining the rules half way into the match, and then Sharmell came out, distracting even further from the match which never had a chance to feel like anything but a rapid-fire exhibition of inconsequential holds.

-Sharmell told Sewell at ringside afterward that he has to go see Booker backstage.

-A commercial aired for Spike TV's airing of the Brock Lesnar vs. Randy Couture fight on Saturday night. The rating that draws is going to be really interesting.

[Commercial Break]

[Q2]

-They went to Jeremy Borash holding the mic as Booker and Sharmell talked with a nervous Sewell. Booker had to talked down a bit by Sharmell when he began to lose his cool early. He told Sewell he had to ask him a favor. He said he is the referee in his match later. He said he likes him and he's going to give him a pass and set him up, whatever that means. He said he needs the match to come down to he, Scott Steiner, and Petey Williams. "We need some clean-up service, man," he said. He actually broke a bit into Randy Savage non-sense, like when Black Machismo spoofs him talking in nonsense sentence fragments. Booker asked Sewell if he understood him. Sewell just got that sad puppy dog look and hung his head and walked away without saying a word.

-A TNA vignette aired with wrestlers saying a bunch of cliches such as "the feeling of being in control" and "great power creates great envy" and "in my world, there are no handouts" and "building strength form within, ending with the "Cross the Line" catchphrase.

-Kurt Angle led the MEM out onto the stage. Sting and Scott Steiner followed Angle to the ring. Why does Angle get to step onto the stage first, with everyone else following two seconds later? I mean, Sting's the World Champ. Angle said with Team 3D in Japan and Mick Foley over in Europe promoting TNA, justice will have to wait until next week for them, but they'll take care of Petey and Styles this week. He warned Petey that he'll be alone in the ring against then when the dust settles. He told Petey, "As Mick Foley says, have a nice day." Angle then blamed Styles for him being put through the table. He said, "Payback is a bitch." He said after putting Styles through the table, the MEM is going to put him out permanently. He said at Against All Odds, he said, "Team 3D, who died and make you the bookers? Who gave you the power to call the PPV matches?" He said there's no way he's wrestling Brother Devon and no way Sting is wrestling Brother Ray, so they stick their challenges up their fat asses. Sting stepped up to Angle said "Excuse me, Mr. Godfather, but I'l speak for myself. Since this is all about respect, with all due respect, nobody is going to tell me who I can and cannot wrestle." Angle said, "Excuse me?" Sting whispered in Angle's ear. Then Jim Cornette stepped out onto the stage. He has his own intro music now. It sounded like it'd be for the old Awesome Kongs tag team back in WCW 17 years ago.

Cornette said it's not going to be two singles matches, it's going to be a four-way match for Sting's World Title with Angle, Ray, and Devon as challengers - first man to get the pinfall is the TNA Champion. He explained that the best way to win a four way is for two wrestlers to team together and take out two other wrestlers, then one guy sacrifice for the other. Cornette said we know Ray and Devon can work together, but can Sting and Angle team together. He said there might just be a death in the family at the PPV.

[Commercial Break]

-A video package aired on the MEM-Petey Williams feud.

[Q3]

-Lauren inteviewed Petey, who's still dressed totally as Scott Steiner, too. Petey said he knows Scott has made a career out of bullying people around from production assistants to Ric Flair. He said Scott can't bully him around. Good basic old style promo. Sometimes the basics like that work better at setting up a match than other convoluted angles.

-Tenay interviewed Team 3D via satellite from Japan. Team 3D won the IWGP Tag Team Titles in Japan. He said only one other American tag team has won those belts in the last 15 years. The showed freeze-frames of them holding the belts in the air, and stated it was courtesy of TNA Global Impact airing on March 2 on Spike TV. Ray said winning the New Japan World Tag Team Title belts at the Tokyo Dome is like winning World Tag Titles in the U.S. at Madison Square Garden. Way to put over an arena they've never held an event in and might never hold an event in. He just undercut the prestige of the TNA Tag Team Titles, which have never been in that arena.

West told them about Cornette's decision earlier to book them in a four-way match for the World Title. Instead of being happy, Ray asked who made that decision and said, "I guess that's why Cornette does what he does and why we do what we do." What that means isn't clear. Ray said he and Devon will do what they have to. Ray expressed disappointment with Sting not stepping in and stopping the attack on him by the other MEM members. "Why Sting? Why did you let it continue?" He then said if he has to fight his brother to get to him, it won't be the first time. Devon added it won't be the last. This is bad planning because Cornette set up the match as a situation where obviously friends work together to take out the two enemies, the figure it out from there. Ray is making it sound like he has to beat up Devon before he can his hands on Sting, which just makes no sense if you think about it as if it were a real fight situation, which is how wrestlers should react to stips. Tenay asked who's going to win the World Title if it comes down to the two of them. The connection went out just as Ray said it was obvious and was about to say which of them it was.

[Commercial Break]

-Borash interviewed Booker T, Sting, and Steiner backstage. Borash asked Sting about his heated exchange with Angle. Sting said they haven't forgotten what this is all about. It's about respect. Steiner called Petey "Make Believe Muscle." That's great. Steiner said Petey cost him a lot, so he's going to pay a lot. He said he won't be responsible for what happens in the ring tonight. Booker repeated "respect" a few times.

-A video package aired on Soujourner Bolt. She said her mother raised her to be confident and she's never lacked self-esteem. Borash said she made an early impression and they realized "there's something very, very different about this girl." (That reminds me of the video package they did on Joe where Borash said, "That's when we realized there was something very, very different about this boy.") She said she's a real wrestler. Borash said Bolt shows confidence, not arrogant. He said she quickly earned Kong's respect. Terry Taylor said she's almost in your face with who she is. She leaned into the camera and told every little girl who dreams of becoming a wrestler, if you want it, work for it, and if they want to be the best, meet her in the ring. She then asked the producer if they were done, and then walked off. Good video package, which mixed the background that could make her seem likable with the attitude that makes her a heel.

2 -- SOUJOURNER BOLT vs. ODB

SoJo, as West called her, jumped ODB from behind to jump-start the match. At 1:00 SoJo missed a dive off the ropes and splatted on the mat. Tenay said after this match, they'll hear from The Governor. Awesome Kong jumped into the ring and attacked ODB as she went on sustained offense. Raesha Saeed and Rhaka Khan joined Kong as Kong gave ODB an Implant Buster. Roxxi and Taylor Wilde ran out and made the save.

WINNER: ODB via DQ in 2:00.

[Q4]

-Lauren interviewed The Gov, complimenting her on her portrayal of Sarah Palin, saying it was good enough to fool the Beautiful People. The Gov said the BPs took it like real sports considering they fell in cow poo. As she laughed about "making fools of them," they dove into the picture and attacked her and tossed her around the backstage area. They bashed her with a two-by-four, a trash can lid, and other objects. Security intervened as they choked her. Cute Kip beat up security and then told the BPs to let her go. He yelled, "She's had enough!"

3 -- ERIC YOUNG & PETEY WILLIAMS vs. SCOTT SETEINER & BOOKER T (w/Sharmell)

Booker opened against Young. Four minutes later, Booker finished him with a Scissors Kick. They cut to a break after Young's elimination.

[Commercial Break]

[Q5]

Petey took a beating, but survived for several minutes. At 10:00 he came back with a dropkick to Steiner's back as he was leaning on the second rope. He followed with a flying forearm and a DDT off the ropes for a near fall. Petey signaled for his Canadian Destroyer, but Booker kicked him the face. Steiner gave Petey a fallaway slam, then lifted his shoulder before the three count and tagged Booker in. Booker also lifted Petey's shoulder before the pin. Referee Sewell got upset. Tenay said the beating went too far. One could say they've "crossed the line?" Booker then did pin Petey after a Scissors Kick.

WINNERS: Booker & Steiner in 12:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4

-Afterward, when Sewell tried to raise Booker's arm, Booker slapped him. Sewell went into vibration mode and then jumped Booker. Steiner jumped him from beind. They double-teamed him, including a Bookend by Booker T.

[Commercial Break]

-A video package on the break-up of Abyss and Matt Morgan.

-Matt Morgan and Abyss made separate ring entrances. Lauren interviewed them. Morgan said it's no secret that he has a bad temper. Actually, no, that's not really well known. He said he lost out on an NBA contract and an NFL contract "due to my crappy attitude." He said even worse, he probably lost his best friend due to that attitude. The crowd let out a sarcastic "awwwww!" He said the reason he came out there is he wants to be a man and apologize face-to-face. He said the only thing he can do is beg for his forgiveness. He called him "Abby." He even has a pet name for him! He said he feels "with every ounce of his beating heart" that they will some day become TNA Champions. Abyss had a little orgasm of excitement and smiled. He extended his hand. Abyss shook it. They hugged. Of course, the crowd hated it.

[Q6]

Abyss then said, "It's okay, Matt. I accept your apology." He said he has a bad problem with is temper, too, which is why goes to therapy. He said maybe they can begin going to therapy together. He said he'll ask his therapist for a special two-for-one coupon. He told Lauren that he has his whole family back - his best friend Matt and his girlfriend Laure standing next to him. He picked her up and spun her around. West worried he was about to Black Hole Slam her. She looked like she was going to throw up. Abyss asked if she was okay. She said she was fine. Abyss has a character that could be very easily blown badly, but he pulls it off pretty well. It helps that it's pretty much an exaggerated version of his real personality in a lot of ways. Morgan is coming along, too, on the mic and how he carries himself. This segment had some corny aspects to it, but it also worked.

[Commercial Break]

4 -- MATT MORGAN & ABYSS vs. BEER MONEY INC. (James Storm & Robert Roode w/Jacqueline) - First Blood Match

They brawled at ringside at the start, and then worked their way into the ring where it settled into Roode vs. Abyss. Abyss kicked Roode between the legs from behind and then threw him into a chair wedged into a corner of the ring. At 3:00 Morgan lifted Storm for a slam, but Roode nailed Morgan with a tag title belt. Morgan went down. West said it's a perfect weapon with all of the wedges to it. Abyss went after both Roode and Storm, and then missed a cahrge into the corner. Storm kicked Abyss in the back of his head. Abyss fired back with a sudden chokeslam. Roode and Storm suplexed Abyss. Morgan took a chair from them and swung and missed both heels. He stood between them, but then turned heel by bashing Abyss over his head instead. Roode and Storm looked surprised. Abyss bled from the blow.

WINNERS: Beer Money Inc. in 6:00.

-Morgan looked down at him with disdain. He then stomped on him in the corner as Tenay said their friendship is history. Morgan tossed aside security who intervened. They showed a close-up of blood pouring from Abyss's head like a faucet. Morgan bashed Abyss over the head with a stiff, unprotected chairshot. Seriously, why is that still allowed by any national promotion anymore?

[Q7]

[Commercial Break]

-Abyss threw a fit backstage, yelling and tossing things around.

-They went to Tenay and West at ringside. Tenay said the feud finally reached the exploding feet. West said he can't believe Abyss is still on his feet after those chairshots. That's West questioning the booking, I think, wondering why with all that's known about chairshots, they wouldn't be sold for longer at the very least.

-A video package aired on the Kurt Angle-A.J. Styles feud including clips of Karen Angle.

-Borash interviewed Angle backstage. He said he's given Styles too many passes. He said he could have ended his career before, but took it easy on him. He said he's taken so much from him, including his title. He said he'll do to him what he did to Jeff Jarrett, closing with, "But you had a hell of a run, kid."

-Kurt Angle's ring intro took place. Then A.J. Styles. No promo from Styles on this show to build up the main event. Strange.

[Q8]

5 -- KURT ANGLE vs. A.J. STYLES -- Tables Match

After a minute of Angle controlling Styles with a headlock, Styles escaped and dropkicked Angle to the floor. He followed with a flying forearm to the floor. Styles set up a table at ringside. Angle rolled into the ring to avoid Styles, and then they cut to an early break at 3:00.

[Commercial Break]

Angle gave Styles a released overhead suplex. Then he slid the table into the ring. West talked about the steel ledges and legs under the base of a table, saying it's so much more dangerous than a lot of people realize because it can slice you right open. Angle set up the table, but Styles kicked it out of the way before Angle could suplex him onto it. Styles crotched Angle over the edge of the table that was setting sideways. West said, "Mama Mia!" Tenay gave us the cliche: "He turned him into a soprano." Styles made a full-fledged comeback and showed fire. Angle, though, gave him an uppercut out of nowhere and sent him onto the ring apron. Styles came right back with a springboard flying forearm again. Styles set up the table again. He positioned Angle for a Styles Clash. Angle, instead, lifted him. Styles turned it into a sunset flip. Angle slipped right into an anklelock. Styles shot back with a Pele kick to knock Angle to the mat. Styles put Angle on a table, then climbed to the top rope. Angle met him at the top, but Styles popped him right back down. He flew at Angle on the table, but Angle moved, so Styles landed on the table. Angle gave Styles a suplex through the table for the win.

WINNER: Angle in 12:00.

STAR RATING: **3/4

-Afterward, Angle attacked Styles and crushed his ankle in a chair. Styles screamed in agony. Angle then put Styles in an anklelock. Angle walked out in a wide-eyed trance. Tenay said he wants to take away his livelihood. West said, "Stop. Please stop!" Angle walked up to the announcers and stared at them for a second, then grabbed a mic. When they showed fear, he asked what they were afraid of. He said, "Tonight is the beginning of the end of TNA." He said they're taking everyone out one by one starting next week, "marking our territory Main Event Mafia style." He stood on the announce table and said, "Look, Mama, I'm on top of the world!" That image closed the show.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Entertaining, newsworthy show. Excessive gimmick stips, but a fast-paced show with a healthy dose of in-ring action. The Morgan turn was well-done. Angle's declaration at the end was a good lead into next week. The Sting-Angle confrontation was done well as a start to Sting's full-fledged break from the group. Booker was the weak link this week, as his character has really gone off in a weird direction that seems to entertain him more than is merited. West remains really strong on commentary. Lauren has become a strong interviewer, too. Abyss was strong on the mic and in his post-match tantrum, but he should be selling chairshots longer or, better yet, not taking them at all. Morgan's coming along, but he still seems to brag himself up too much. Actually, that'll work well now with him as cast appropriately as a heel. The opening X Division match was fast-paced, but frenetically numbing. I'd give MVP nods to Angle for his mic work and main event performance. Score: 7.0.

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