By James Caldwell, PWTorch.com assistant editor

TNA Impact on Spike TV
March 5, 2009
Taped Mar. 2 in Orlando, Fla.

We start with a video package recapping the Main Event Mafia "I'm all in, Kurt!"

Jarrett office: Jeff Jarrett announced that Kurt Angle has been suspended one week without pay for his actions last week during the TNA Title contract signing. Jarrett was speaking in very disjointed corporate-speak tone, either on purpose or because the premise of this is ridiculous. Jarrett said they have donated Angle's salary to a very worthy cause. Yes, the Danny Bonaduce child actor trust fund. Off to the show...

Announcers: Mike Tenay and Don West were back at the commentator table. Tenay stared a hole through West, who started to apologize about hurting fans, family, and friends. He's looked in his heart and he wants to take...nothing back! Haha! West went from remorse to cutting a heel promo on Tenay, who looked off camera with a whimper. Wait, Tenay is supposed to be the babyface with his goofy facials and annoying tone? Tenay still had a bone to pick, but West sent us to the ring. Typical TNA booking where the "babyface" is actually presented as an ultra-jerk, like Samoa Joe and A.J. Styles.

Impact Zone: Mick Foley came to the ring and brought out TNA World champ Sting, who saved Foley last week with a baseball bat smash on Angle. Tenay gleefully talked about the Main Event Mafia's implosion. Foley publicly thanked Sting for saving him last week. Then, he talked about dropping the elbow of a lifetime back in WCW. Foley said maybe it was the right move at the right time and that elbow changed his life. Cue up a random Impact Zone fan shot. Foley said all of his success goes back to 18 years ago. Now, he would like to save Sting. And he hopes they have seen the last of Sting in the Mafia after Destination X because TNA needs Sting back. Why? Everyone needs Sting back.

Sting thanked him for all the kind words and coming from him, it means a lot. Hm... Sting said he has unfinished business with the Mafia. Foley said the Mafia is using Sting. Suddenly, Mafia's music hit and out they walked except for Kurt Angle, who's suspended.

Kevin Nash did the talking, asking Foley if he thinks he has it all figured out after having a cup of coffee around here. Nash told "Steve" that Foley is office. He's a stooge trying to run the boys. Lord help us. Sting said that ticks him off right there. He said he doesn't have a problem with Nash, Steiner, Booker, or Sharmell. Sting said his beef is with Angle, who spit in his face. Nash told "Steve" that he's looking at them right now. They all knew Angle was a hothead when they got into this, but when it comes time to war, he wants Angle by his side and he wants Sting too. Nash said they all want Sting vs. Angle to be fought with honor and respect, then the belt stays home in the Mafia no matter who wins.

Backstage: Kurt Angle was shown walking around in the building. Tenay said he's suspended and not supposed to be here.

[Commercial Break]

Rough Cut: Wrestlers focused on the highspots from the Ultimate X match. Chris Sabin's most memorable moment was the second one where he yanked and yanked and yanked on the X Title belt that was secured by electrical tape, then he took a hard flatback bump and hurt like heck.

Backstage: Lauren was with Jay Lethal and Consequences Creed, who were dressed in sharp suits. Creed said they received a bonus from Jeff Jarrett to get dressed. Lethal started doing a Ric Flair limousine-riding promo, but he snapped out of it back to Randy Savage. He said they have some ladders to climb. So, Jarrett felt sorry for the sloppy X Division wrestlers and decided to buy them some threads?

Impact Zone: Kiyoshi showed up with two guys called No Limit, the former NJPW Jr. tag team champions who lost the belts to Shelley & Sabin in January. Don West said Global Impact 2 is coming soon. Apparently this is the set-up for Shelley defending the X Title against Kiyoshi in a random, no-hyped match.

1 -- X Division champion ALEX SHELLEY (w/Chris Sabin) vs. KIYOSHI (w/No Limit)

Tenay used the first moments of the match to complain about Kurt Angle. West said there's no way you can keep Angle out of the building tonight. He suggested Sting doesn't want out of the Mafia, but he wants Angle out of the Mafia. Hey, look, there's a match in the ring. Tenay: I hate the Mafia. West: I like the Mafia. Hey, there's a match, fellas. Shut up! We have a stupid announcer storyline to build up. West: I wish you would just call the match and realize I'm right about the Mafia. Tenay: I wish you would let me call the match instead of being a jerk. Kiyoshi sold a right knee injury at 3:00, then Shelley nailed a cradle driver for a two count. Shelley nailed a top rope frog splash for the win.

WINNER: Shelley in 5:00 to retain the X Division Title. (*)

Post-match: Lights went down and out. Suicide suddenly showed up. Don West was so pissed off about this guy showing up after the wrestlers wrestle their hearts out and Suicide attacks them when they're worn out and tired. Thank goodness for West. He said he would like to see Suicide in a match to see if he would still be so tough. Suicide knocked down the Guns, then grabbed the X Division Title and looked it over. Thank goodness for West attacking a ridiculous storyline. He suggested Suicide actually do something for once. Tenay agreed with West. Only question...who the heck is in the Ultimate X match?

Backstage: Kurt Angle was in the Mafia locker room. Scott Steiner asked Angle what he's thinking by showing up tonight. Angle said he's not going to listen to Jarrett and Foley, some washed-up has-beens. Nash said Angle didn't listen to them last week and see what happened. He told Angle to go home. Angle said he's really here to have some fun. He's not uptight! Booker told Angle that Jarrett gave his money to the Frontline to buy some new threads. Angle, still happy, said he's going to reclaim his property.

[Commercial Break]

Video package: Petey Williams and Lance Rock are gone from TNA. ... Backstage: Lauren brought in Beer Money, Inc. to talk about a recession going on and them needing to have some compassion on TNA wrestlers. Roode said these wrestlers can work somewhere else. Go work in a soup kitchen, man. Storm said LAX does not understand English and one of them is going home for good tonight.

Announcers: Tenay and West hyped some stuff. West gleefully talked about Angle being in the building tonight. Tenay put on his favorite mad face. LAX then showed up still holding their Feast or Fired briefcases...from like a year ago. Hernandez said neither one of them are going home tonight. He said LAX becomes World tag team champions again tonight. That was random.

Backstage: Booker T was on the phone with someone talking about tough love. He said he's not a criminal anymore. Booker said he's going to set him up (probably A.J. Styles) and the person will show up to take him out. Booker snapped into Black Snow mode to send it to break.

[Commercial Break]

One Night with ODB: More clips of wrestling fans. They went from a redneck fan smashing beer to a "suit" speaking from a conference table. Shark Boy cut a promo wanting to go crab-digging. ODB announces her suitor at Destination X.

Backstage: Kurt Angle was choking out Consequences Creed, then he landed a chair shot to the back. Angle wanted his clothes back, then he scared away TNA security. Angle told them to tell Jarrett that he's getting him next.

2 -- BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (ANGELINA LOVE & VELVET SKY w/Cute Kip) vs. SOJOURNER BOLT & RHAKA KHAN vs. ROXXI & TAYLOR WILDE (w/fake Sarah Palin) vs. Knockouts champion AWESOME KONG & RAISHA SAEED

Tenay: I hate you for stabbing me in the back after I took you under my wing despite how green you are. West: I hate your opinion, call the match. On cue, backstabbin' Madison Rayne walked down to ringside after turning on Taylor last week.

[Commercial Break]

Tenay still has a bone to pick with West for embarrassing him on national TV. Action broke down in the ring with women flying everywhere. Suddenly, governor Palin entered the ring and gave Angelina a knock-out slam. Roxxi then scooped up Angelina, but Madison entered the ring and came off the top rope with a dropkick on Roxxi. Angelina then planted Roxxi face-first into the mat for the pin and the win.

WINNERS: Beautiful People in 7:00. Hectic flesh-filled match to give Tenay and West some more talking points to complain about each other. Wasn't about the match or the finish, but the fringe stories that received more focus than the wrestling action. (1/2*)

Backstage: Jeremy Borash brought in Jeff Jarrett to discuss Kurt Angle disobeying him. Jarrett said there sure will be some consequences. He slammed the door to his office and disappeared.

[Commercial Break]

Video package: They recapped A.J. Styles's vow to step up and be Legend, but Booker T isn't going to move out of the way so fast. All of Booker's items were taken. Styles is a punk. Booker doesn't like him.

Impact Zone: Booker T came to the ring with Sharmell and Scott Steiner. Booker is pretty upset with losing his Legends Title. Mike Tenay said Booker is just upset that Styles is one step ahead of him. West made a better argument for Styles being a punk resorting to sneak attack. Got to be rough that the Frontline has Mike Tenay defending them. Booker talked about redneck A.J. Styles, then said he has one thing to say: I was wrong. You see, he was trying to show Styles some tough love, but Styles showed him something: how to be humble.

Booker said he wants to bring Styles out here and just squash the whole thing. Styles brings the title belt back, he doesn't press charges, they shake hands, and Booker thanks him for making him a better man. Booker smiled a little. He said Steiner isn't even going to do anything. Just come on out, A.J. After a pause, Booker became upset and finally told him just to hurry on up. Styles's music hit, but Styles snuck in the back door to attack Booker. Steiner and Booker doubled up on Styles until he snuck out of the ring. Can we just watch Styles wrestle?

Suddenly, random security in riot masks showed up. They cuffed Styles, then Booker got his title belt back. Steiner was still in the ring for some reason, then one of the security dudes took off the riot mask to reveal Samoa Joe. Joe sneak-attacked Steiner, then pulled out his "tribal knife" to threaten Steiner's life. Bad idea to zoom in on the knife. Looked like a piece of paper. So bad. TNA security eventually convinced Joe not to kill Steiner. West screamed at Tenay for condoning the Frontline but saying the Main Event Mafia is like the anti-Christ.

[Commercial Break]

Parking garage: Styles was led away to a random police car that could also serve as a rental. Booker shouted at Styles, who was then led away. More arguing between Tenay and West. West was dumbfounded by Tenay's logic. Tenay said you get your revenge in the ring. West was so appalled by Tenay's logic of settling issues in the ring. "I just can't look at your face!" West shouted. He dropped his headset and walked off the set, then Tenay tapped his finger on the announce desk in frustration.

Suddenly, Kurt Angle brawled with Jay Lethal from the back to the Impact Zone. Fight moved into the ring where Angle nailed the Olympic Slam in center ring. He then took Lethal's jacket as Tenay complained about Angle's actions being as disgusting as West's.

[Commercial Break]

Dr. Stevie session: Abyss talked about Tom & Jerry. They're always fighting and scratching and getting after each other. You see, at the end of each show, they're friends. Abyss said they're not actually fighting in each episode, but they're playing. Stevie then leaned forward and said he wants to know about Abyss's weapons. Abyss said no more weapons! "Between you and my girlfriend, Lauren, I'm cured. Totally cured! No worries."

3 -- MATT MORGAN vs. SHANE SEWELL

Morgan, the king of copying other gimmicks, did the Scott Hall "oooh" finger-wag toward Shane. Meanwhile, Tenay complained about his feelings being hurt by West. TNA management's Jim Cornette has taken back the Legends Title, by the way. Back to the match where Shane used ref Hebner's easily-distracted eyes to land a low blow on Morgan, but Morgan blocked a top rope splash. Morgan then gave Shane the Hell-evator slam for the pin and the win.

WINNER: Morgan in 5:00. Babyface tries to cheat and he loses, as TNA's writing continues to show contempt for the default good guys. Shane's program has quickly faded into not being relevant. (*)

Post-match: Matt Morgan cut a promo about himself after grabbing some thumbtacks and spreading them around the ring. Morgan challenged Abyss to his very own match by stooping down to his level: a match of 10,000 tacks. He said he's finally going to make Abyss tuck his head between his legs and make sure he never come back.

Backstage: Lauren was with Eric Young, who's the last man standing to have a suit bought for him. Young said he got this sweet suit at Salvation Army. See, he used Angle's paycheck to buy a surround-sound system for his game room. Angle is welcome to play anytime, though. Angle suddenly jumped Young and ripped off his Salvation Army suit, but Young fought back. Tenay demanded a show-down tonight between Angle and Jarrett.

[Commercial Break]

Backstage: Jim Cornette was trying to talk down Jeff Jarrett from confronting Angle. You're office, not active! The wise sage, Mick Foley, sat idly on the couch to give his words of wisdom that once a wrestler, always a wrestler. Sting then walked in and told Jarrett to let him have this fight with Angle in two weeks at Destination X. Jarrett said he'll make sure he leaves a piece for Sting at the PPV.

4 -- TNA tag team champions BEER MONEY, INC. (JAMES STORM & ROBERT ROODE w/Miss Jackie) vs. LAX (HOMICIDE & HERNANDEZ -- TNA tag team title match vs. LAX's careers

LAX in control going into break with Hernandez border-tossing Homicide over the top rope onto the heel tag champs.

[Commercial Break]

They returned from break with Beer Money in control. Tenay said Homicide was stabbed in the back by James Storm. Literally? Like, he busted out Samoa Joe's paper weapon and shanked him? Not quite. Tenay is just upset with West. Hernandez took a hot tag at 7:00 and cleaned house on the tag champs. Hernandez tossed Roode across the ring, then Storm took a shoulderbreaker. Roode then took a sit-out powerbomb for a two count. Off the Wagon challenge broke down on the floor where the champs accidentally clotheslined themselves before Hernandez came flying over the top rope with a splash onto Roode and Storm.

Homicide chased Jackie around ringside. Back in the ring, Hernandez spit beer in Storm's face, which the ref saw. He didn't call for a DQ, though. Roode then showed up with a steel chair in hand and he cracked it over Hernandez's head for a DQ. Action broke down post-match and Homicide took a chair toss to the face. Suddenly, Team 3D's music hit and 3D stormed the ring to save LAX.

Ray took a mic and said Beer Money has been issuing an open challenge to any tag team. He talked about BMI trying to take away the ability of certain wrestlers to pay their bills or put food on the table or earn a living. Beer Money just nodded along saying that's what they intend to do. Ray then challenged Beer Money to a tag title match. Are 3Ds careers on the line?

WINNERS: LAX via DQ in 9:00. Just a set-up for the tag title match at the PPV. Match was standard tag team fare. (*1/2)

Impact Zone: After Tenay recapped the Destination X PPV line-up, Kurt Angle showed up in street clothes. He addressed his "boss" to show up and fight him. Angle said if Jarrett wants to suspend him or take money out of his pocket, then Jarrett needs to defend himself. He said is sick, twisted, and over-the-top demented. Cut backstage to show Jeff Jarrett taping his wrists to prepare for Angle.

[Commercial Break]

Impact Zone: Jeff Jarrett's music hit and Jarrett walked out on stage wearing black tape on his wrists ready for a street fight. Jarrett stormed the ring and the fight was on between the two. Jarrett clotheslined Angle to the floor, then took him to the Impact zone stands. After the traditional slam-into-the-PPV-poster spot, Angle ducked a punch and crotched Jarrett across a railing. Jarrett had his shine, then Angle tore up Jarrett in the stands. The brawl moved to a back door exit where Jarrett threw Angle through the exit door and closed the door, taking the victory today.

Team 3D and Mick Foley suddenly emerged to congratulate Jeff, who received a random "thank you" chant. Foley and Team 3D then stood in the ring with Jarrett and they did a curtain call to close the show. Touching.

We welcome your 0-10 score and comments on this show for an "Impact Reax" feature in the Torch Feedback section of PWTorch.com. To contribute your thoughts on Impact, click here.

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