By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
MARCH 14, 2009
AIRED MY NETWORK TV

[Q1]

-The show opened with clips of the John Cena-Vickie Guerrero-Edge-Big Show angle. They added whimsical love music when Cena told Vickie he loves her, almost making it seem cartoonish or slapstick. The Smackdown opening then aired.

-Jim Ross and Tazz introduced the show. They hyped a rematch between Undertaker and Vladimir Kozlov and a segment where Matt Hardy "tells all."

1 -- EDGE vs. KOFI KINGSTON

They went into this match cold. No explanation for why the World Champion was wrestling mid-carder Kofi. Nothing from Kofi about what this match meant to him. Why not have some backstage interviews with the wrestlers as they approach the entrance tunnel, with Edge saying this is a waste of his time and he'll beat Kofi in less than two minutes, then have Kofi talk about this being an opportunity of a lifetime, he's called his entire family to watch this chance against the champ, what an honor it is to be given a chance to prove himself, and an acknowledgment that he may not be ready yet, but he's going to try to shock the world and get revenge on Edge for knocking him out of the Elimination Chamber match. Just a little something like that to give viewers a connection to the each wrestler's state of mind headed into the match? Ross quickly did run down Kofi's motivation to get revenge on Edge for costing him his spot in the Chamber. Tazz said Kofi has a score to settle with Edge, but it might not be a good time to mess with Edge with all going on in his personal life. Ross said maybe it's a good week to face Edge, who might have not had much sleep since Monday night's humiliation. There was so much backstory to this match, they could have headlined with it (or started the second hour with it) and built it up beforehand, actually teasing that Edge is so flustered from what happened on Raw and Kofi so motivated for revenge that there could be the Upset of the Year later on the show. After a little over a minute, Edge bailed out of the ring to regroup. Ross said we'd see after the break if Kofi could regroup. I assume he meant Edge was going to regroup.

[Commercial Break]

Edge had control after the break. They showed that Edge backdropped Kofi over the top rope to the floor during the break. Ross called this a great opportunity for Kofi. Tazz said, "To say that Kofi is angry wouldn't really explain Kofi's feelings about Edge. He told me he wants big-time revenge on Edge." The announcers are doing a nice job here, but it would have meant so much more if all of this was established beforehand and reenforced by the announcers rather than basically introduced five minutes into the match. Kofi made a comeback at 5:00 and dove onto Edge at ringside. Back in the ring Kofi went into his finishing sequence leading to a near fall. Kofi mounted Edge in the corner and punched away at him, then hit a huracanrana out of the corner for a two count. Edge tossed Kofi out of the ring and pursued him gingerly. Kofi threw Edge head-first into the ring steps at 8:00.

[Q2]

Kofi hit a top rope crossbody, channelling Ricky Steamboat for another two count. Edge caught Kofi with a big boot seconds later. Both men were down and slow to get up. Kofi went for a kick, but Edge countered into a sharpshooter. Ross referenced Bret Hart. Kofi crawled toward the bottom rope, but after about 15 seconds he tapped out. Edge held his belt in the air afterward, but seemed physically and emotionally spent.

WINNER: Edge in 10:00.

STAR RATING: **1/2 -- Really good ten minute TV match. Good, believable near falls and nice pace throughout.

-A clip aired of the Triple H home invasion angle with Rand Orton's wife screaming. Ross then hyped the tag team championship match up next.

-A commercial aired for John Cena's "12 Rounds" movie. With all that Cena's said about Dwayne Johnson abandoning wrestling, I'd love to see Fox offer Cena a lead role in a "24" spin-off series with a big money guarantee and see Cena turn it down. Or have Cena really catch on as a movie star and be touted by Hollywood press as the next big action star, but have Cena begin turning down $5 million movie offers because he loves his WWE fans too much and the 330 days on the road schedule well into his 30s. Although part of Cena's problem with Johnson is declaring he'd never walk away completely from WWE and pro wrestling, but pretty much severing that connection short of his induction speech for his father at the HOF. If Cena walked away from WWE's full time schedule, but remained actively involved in special events, comeback matches, and positive campaigning for the company, he'd be above criticism for being a hypocrite. I actually suspect Cena would be very vocally supportive of WWE if he were to be tempted into a full time acting career, but the tough call would come if Hollywood types advised him strongly to distance himself, as Johnson was told to do, in order to reach his potential.

[Commercial Break]

2 -- JOHN MORRISON & THE MIZ vs. CARLITO & PRIMO COLON (w/The Bella Twins) -- World Tag Team Champions

They aired a brief video recap of this feud including the Bella Twins. Carlito went for an early small package on Morrosn for a two count. He then got another two count with a backslide. A frustrated Morrison backed into the corner to regroup, then took over with some aggressive elbows and knees. Tazz said, "I would pay really big bucks to see you in Morrison's tights." (My hunch is most people would pay not to see that.) Ross said he does a lot of celebrating on WrestleMania weekend, so he'd consider it then. Carlito hot-tagged Primo at 4:00. When Ross referenced his colors, orange and black, Tazz said there's nothing wrong with orange and black. Those were his signature colors back in the day, which he fiercely protected from other wrestlers using. Morrison caught Carlito by surprise with his finisher after Carlito knocked Miz out of the ring after Miz knocked Primo out of the ring.

WINNERS: Miz & Morrison to retain the World Tag Team Titles at 6:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Basic solid match. Too short for a competitive tag match between the two championship teams, although booking the champions against one another on TV and treating it as just another match defines down the value of tag team titles in general, so they as well just go six minutes.

-Another clip aired of the Triple H home invasion.

[Q3]

[Commercial Break]

-More highlights aired of the Triple H home invasion angle, including Orton's interview leading up to it. We're still waiting for a good explanation of Orton breaking his agreement with Triple H.

-They showed the beginning of R-Truth's rap routine. He didn't go through the crowd, but rather down the entrance ramp.

[Commercial Break]

-The WrestleMania 25 video aired to AC/DC's theme song.

3 -- MVP & R-TRUTH vs. CHAVO GUERRERO & SHELTON BENJAMIN

I'm still waiting for MVP's actual babyface turn. One of the most absurd non-happenings in WWE this year is the total lack of payoff to MVP's losing streak ending, and him just arbitrarily being slotted as a babyface without any turn or explanation for why, after all that time insulting fans and proclaiming himself better than everyone else, fans are supposed to cheer him. Truth and Chavo opened the match. Back and forth action early, with everyone tagging in early.

[Q4]

Shelton gave Truth a gut-buster for a one count. Shelton applied an abdominal stretch. Truth escaped with punches. MVP went on a flurry at 5:00, including his signature elbow drop for a two count. Chavo distracted MVP from ringside, so MVP armdragged him into the ring. Chavo backdropped a charging Truth over the top rope, then MVP turned to punch Chavo out of the ring, but Shelton then snuck up on MVP and scored a win after his Pay Dirt finisher. A fan held up a sign that said, "R-Truth is False." Oh-kay.

WINNERS: Shelton & Chavo in 6:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4

-A commercial aired hyping Smackdown's 500th Episode, a special "Road to WrestleMania" edition.

[Commercial Break]

-Matt Hardy came out. He stood center-ring and said the black cloud continues to loom over Hardy's head. He said that would continue until Jeff agreed to fight him. He said tonight he's going to force him to listen to him. His shirt said: "A Royal Way of Life." Deep. Matt complained that when he was injured, nobody cared about him or his injury, but everyone wanted to know about Jeff when he was hurt. He said Jeff has refused to responsible for his actions and everyone expected him, Matt, to come in and pick up the pieces. He said he suffered an unfortunate string of misfortunes. He listed the hit and run, the stairwell incident, and the pryo mishap. Matt said maybe it was just one person responsible. He said it was one day in particular that he'll remember very strong, shortly after he had been suspended. He said he and his girlfriend Beth had decided to leave his house, and while he was gone, he had to make a call and tell Jeff that his house is on fire.

[Q5]

Matt got emotional as he talked about Jeff losing all he worked so hard for - his recordings, his art work, and his dog Jack. It's pretty sick, actually, that they intermingle the reality of the house fire and his dog dying with the fictional staged hit and run, stairwell incident, and pyro mishap. Matt held up the remains of Jack's dog collar. Matt said he found it after the fire and he decided to give it to him when the time was right. He said he wanted to give it to him as a token of his love for him, "my brother, Jeff Hardy." Jeff walked out to the ring. He paced circled around Matt, welled up with emotion. He yanked the mic out of his hands. "This is so hard to believe," he said. "You're behind all of this. The stairwell, the car crash. You tried to blow me up." He told him not to bring up his house and his dog. "You want to hurt me, Matt. You hate me, don't you? But you hate yourself more than you could ever know because you're sick, you're twisted, you're demented, and so am I." Jeff tackled Matt to the mat and punched away at him. The crowd, which had to be somewhat creeped out by the whole thing, cheered, but not with the type of pop you'd expect with all of that build-up of Jeff refusing to hit his brother. Matt fell to the floor and declared, "I love you! I'm sorry, Jeff." Matt retreated and continued to apologize as Jeff gathered his emotions in the ring. Matt stopped and briefly smiled. Ross acknowledged what he thought might have been a smile.

[Commercial Break]

-Highlights aired of the Matt-Jeff angle.

4 -- MICHELLE MCCOOL & MARYSE vs. MARIA & MELINA

After Maria and McCool wrestled for a minute, each tagged out to her partner. Melina pinned Maryse a minute later with a small package.

WINNER: Maria & Melina in 2:00.

STAR RATING: 1/4* -- Ridiculously short, once again.

-After the match Maryse went after McCool. McCool fought back and dragged herinto the ring. They rolled around on the mat. Maryse eventually fled the ring as the ref held McCool back.

[Q6]

-Backstage Edge vented to Chavo about what happened Monday. Edge said he's a loving, faithful, devoted husband, so he can't believe Vickie would cheat on him. Chavo said he knows Vickie's M.O. better than anyone. He said she's calling him all the time. Edge asked if he and Vickie are being inappropriate. Chavo got defensive and said he doesn't even know her that well. Edge threw him against the wall and asked if everyone was conspiring against him. He got angry and said no one will take the championship from him.

-Ross plugged the Money in the Bank Qualifying match between Finlay and The Brian Kendrick next. Nice of them to mention it.

-A video package aired looking back at WrestleMania 20.

[Commercial Break]

-WWE Fact: "WWE is available in more television households in China than the MLB and NFL combined."

5 -- FINLAY (w/Hornswoggle) vs. THE BRIAN KENDRICK (w/Ezekiel Jackson)

Finlay controlled early until Jackson distracted him at ringside and Kendrick took conrol. Kendrick hit a top rope dropkick at 2:00 for a two count. Finlay came back second later and hit the Celtic Cross out of nowhere for the clean win.

WINNER: Finlay in 3:00.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Well, the MITB match is more of a reward for tenure in the company than a mix of young, up-and-coming wrestlers perfectly suited for a ladder match format who are looking for a big breakout moment in their careers. Kane, Mark Henry, Finlay... Can't they give them commemorative watches instead? At least there's Kofi, C.M. Punk, MVP, and Shelton Benjamin to retain some of the signature flavor of the match as the elevator to the top. Which wrestler in the field of eight has been positioned in a way where getting a World Title shot would be both welcome and credible? Nobody who has that underdog favorite label has any sense of momentum right now. Even Christian has been losing clean to Jack Swagger. Disappointing field this year.

[Q7]

[Commercial Break]

-A "12 Rounds" vignette aired hyping the antagonists in the movie.

-Ross and Tazz were shown on camera as they hyped the WrestleMania 25 line-up. It included "breaking news," as Ross put it, that Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy had been signed.

-Undertaker's ring entrance took place.

[Commercial Break]

[Q8]

6 -- UNDERTAKER vs. VLADIMIR KOZLOV

Taker paced in the ring as Kozlov's entrance began. Ross said Kozlov has never lost on Friday Night Smackdown on MyNetwork TV. Kozlov got in most of the offense early, including some headbutts to Taker's chest that sent him to ringside. Kozlov followed him to the floor, but Taker reversed-whipped him into the ringside barrier. Taker charged with a clothesline and sent Kozlov into the crowd. They cut to a break at 2:00.

[Commercial Break]

Kozlov came back with a scoop powerslam at 6:00. Kozlov settled into a chinlock. Tazz said Kozlov's offense isn't poetry in motion, but it's effective. Ross said, "Some might say that Kozlov's offense is bowling shoe ugly, but extremely effective. Nothing pretty about Kozlov's offensive approach." He touted his undefeated record on Friday night. Tazz said Kozlov has downed some top players in WWE. Taker made a comeback at 9:00. He hit a corner splash and then snake eyes. Kozlov fired back with a battering ram counter. Taker kicked out at two, then sat up dramatically. "Good Lord!" said Ross. Taker got up and punched away at Kozlov. Taker walked the top rope and came off with a forearm. He then signaled for a chokeslam and hit it. He then did the throat-slice gesture and finished Kozlov with a Tombstone.

WINNER: Undertaker in 12:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- That's the end of Kozlov's streak. This was a show full of matches that should have meant a lot more, but they were lazily throw together without notice, without enough hype, without enough context, and therefore relatively little impact. Taker's win over Kozlov could have meant much more and been so much more dramatic had they set the stage better. This philosophy of packing a show with supposed marquee match-ups to draw ratings, but doing nothing to give them the maximum impact because you don't want to distract from hyping the PPV matches as the focus of everything, is self-defeated and inefficient. WWE could cut back on these marquee match-ups by 60 percent, have them last longer in most cases, and fill the rest of the show with showcase squash matches and pre-big-match promos and video packages to build anticipation and context so the winner actually gained something from the wins and viewers felt they were watching something that meant more. In the end, marquee matches would seem to mean more and thus PPVs would benefit, too.

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