by Greg Parks, PWTorch.com Contributor

ECW on Sci-Fi review
March 17, 2009
Taped 3/16/09 in San Antonio, Tex.
Aired on Sci-Fi Network


-Hornswoggle and Finlay were shown walking the halls backstage, when they ran into a St. Patrick’s Day-themed Teddy Long. Finlay said there are only two things Finlays do on St. Patty’s Day: fight and celebrate. And they’ve been celebrating all day long. He looked down and Hornswoggle was nowhere to be found. Finlay said there’d be trouble with Horny on the loose.

-ECW Open.

-Todd Grisham opened the show by plugging an episode of The Dirt Sheet with Miz & Morrison.

1- CHRISTIAN & MVP vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN & MARK HENRY

They talked about Christian winning the battle royal for a slot in the MITB match last week. Grisham mentioned that Benjamin’s U.S. Title will be on the line this Friday against MVP on Smackdown. Those two began this tag match. Shelton backed MVP into his corner and laid shoulders into MVP’s gut. Henry headbutted MVP when the ref’s back was turned and Shelton only got two on a pin attempt. They went to break after MVP kicked out.

[Commercial Break]

Montel Vontavious Porter was in a Henry bear-hug out of break. Shelton tagged in and applied a rear chin-lock. MVP fought out, but walked into a knee-lift. The sad part is, we’re probably going to get two more weeks of some combo of tag matches/triple-threat matches with this combination of eight guys, since WWE seems to think that’s the only way to build to this WM match. Christian finally tagged in and as expected, cleaned house. He monkey-flipped Shelton out of the corner, but Shelton landed on his feet. Christian then hit a springboard sunset flip. “Fulcrum Prison Blues” is apparently the name of Christian’s flip kick while he’s in the ropes. At least, according to Striker. MVP and Henry met in the ring and brawled. Christian knocked Tony Atlas off the apron and Shelton hit Paydirt on Christian for the win.

WINNERS: Benjamin & Henry, at 8:58. Surprised Christian took the loss there. But I should probably stop being surprised at those things. It’s not like he’s the doormat at Vince McMahon’s house or anything.

-They showed a character profile of Danny Fisher’s wife in “12 Rounds.”

-Finlay was roaming around backstage looking for Hornswoggle. He asked a techie, then DJ Gabriel and Alicia Fox, who were busy jamming on their iPod. They hadn’t seen him.

-The WWE Rewind plugged Evan Bourne’s return. It’s up next.

[Commercial Break]

-A Wrestlemania XX video package aired.

2- JAMIE NOBLE vs. EVAN BOURNE

I’m drooling as I imagine what would happen if this match got 15 minutes. Matt Striker got an Iceman King Parsons reference in. The man amazes me. The match was to fast for my poor fingers to keep up with. Tyson Kidd & Natalya were shown watching the match backstage. Noble grabbed Bourne’s arm and threw him into the middle rope. Clothesline by Noble, followed by a leg-drop. Modified Camel Clutch applied by the Hanover, West Virginia native. Hard knee to the head by Bourne, followed by a clothesline. Hurricanrana then a jumping back-kick. Standing moonsault got two. He came pretty close to not jumping high enough on the moonsault. Another kick to Noble’s head, then he hit a perfect Shooting Star Press (eat your heart out, Paul London) for the win.

WINNER: Bourne, at 2:58. Eh, it was just kinda there. Yeah, right- it was 2:58 of awesomeness.

-Finlay continued his trek to find Finlay. He finally came upon him standing on a table, throwing food at Katie Lea. Apparently, she was stuck in concrete and couldn’t run away.

[Commercial Break]

-Tony Chimel (who looks like he’s gained some weight- in the face, at least), introduced Jack Swagger. Well, I’m guessing it’s gotta be either Tommy Dreamer or Bourne for Wrestlemania. Swagger did his mic work from the top of the stage. He said he’s not competing tonight but as a service to the fans, he thought he’d come out so the people can bask in the glow of the two-time All-American. Oh, and he’s our current ECW Champion. Then his music started to play. Thanks for coming, Jack.

-Teddy (still in costume) was backstage with Tiffany. She pitched the idea of an all-Divas edition of ECW that will help promote the Divas Battle Royal at Wrestlemania. He liked it. Paul Burchill and Katie Lea barged in and they wanted a piece of Finlay and Hornswoggle. Long told Burchill that Finlay loves to fight, so he should just head to ringside and Finlay will find him.

-Tonight, still to come, is The Dirt Sheet.

[Commercial Break]

-We got a video package of the happenings from last night between John Cena, Big Show, Edge and Vickie Guerrero. Complete with soap opera music in the background. This Friday, all of the combustible elements are expected to be on Smackdown.

3- PAUL BURCHILL vs. FINLAY

European uppercut to Burchill early on. Hornswoggle jumped on the announce table and wanted Striker’s headset. Finlay threw Burchill over the top rope and to the floor. Back in the ring, Burchill took control with a chin-lock. And then another one. Thrilling stuff. Burchill and Finlay collided near the ropes and Finlay rolled to the outside. Burchill jumped over the top and Finlay pulled the apron cover out and Burchill crotched himself on it. That’s a new one. It didn’t take long after that for Finlay to finish off the former Pirate with a Celtic Cross.

WINNER: Finlay, at 3:06.

-The Dirt Sheet is up next.

[Commercial Break]

-The Dirt Sheet intro aired and the men were in the ring, a Bella at each side. This should be interesting- when these are good, they’re OK, and when they’re bad, they’re unwatchable. Morrison made fun of Texas. Miz introduced their “girlfriends.” Miz called the one at his side “Twin A”- she said she was Brie. She couldn’t answer why she chose them over the Colons, so Nikki interrupted and said they like winners. They showed video of them beating Carlito & Primo this past week on Smackdown. Brie did not seem impressed. Miz introduced their guests, the Colons. Then the duo put on the butt masks with the afros that they’ve been donning lately. The men rapped as Carlito and Primo, but luckily it didn’t last long as the REAL Colons came out. They instructed stagehands to bring out the set to Carlito’s Cabana.

Miz & Morrison made farting sounds when they introduced themselves as the Colons. Carlito told them they looked better with the masks on. Primo welcomed Miz & Morrison to Primo’s Cabana, but Carlito slapped him and said Carlito’s Cabana. They said Miz & Morrison were their not-so-special guests tonight. Primo and Carlito offered up a special challenge for Wrestlemania where the two teams would clash with both sets of titles on the line. Carlito said the winners would become unified tag champs. Wouldn’t a GM or someone have to approve a unification of belts? Miz accepted and said they’d prove that they’re the greatest tag team of the 21st Century. Primo tried to spit an apple into Morrison’s face- John ducked and it hit Brie. Nikki was behind her laughing. She saw this and shoved her sister down. Nikki tackled Brie and they started a catfight. Both teams separated the girls and the Colon’s music played. Was that a real, main-event segment, with two traditional tag teams, hyping a tag title match at a PPV? Pinch me, I must be dreaming.

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