By James Caldwell, PWTorch.com assistant editor

TNA Impact on Spike TV
March 19, 2009
Taped Mar. 16 in Orlando, Fla.

Caldwell's Show Analysis: TNA effectively set up Sting vs. Mick Foley as the headline match for the TNA Lockdown PPV in April. Aside from that, they delivered what would have been an embarrassing "biggest TV match ever" main event match if not covered by a gigantic storyline. Considering the numerous subtle and not-so-subtle references to WWE, WCW, and ECW during this show combined with the TV main event, it felt like 1998 all over again.

We start with a video package for the "I love you, Man" movie. After an impression of Andre the Giant, Impact finally started. Remember the Destination X PPV? Yikes. They opened the show with a video package recapping the few highlights available. Voice-over man said Sting proved he is the top wrestler in TNA. Cue up video of Jeff Jarrett helping Sting score the pin over Kurt Angle at the PPV. That really showed 'em.

Impact Zone: Mike Tenay wanted to know how Main Event Mafia will react to the PPV. On cue, Main Event Mafia came to the ring to open the show. Suicide joined the Mafia? Naw, it was Scott Steiner with a stitched-face hood to "sell" Samoa Joe's attack at the PPV. Angle was in a suit, Sting was dressed to wrestle, and Steiner, Nash, and Booker were in track pants and jackets. Angle did the talking and said there was a screwjob bigger than Montreal at the PPV when Jarrett raised Sting's hand in victory. He said you can't screw a worker and he's a worker.

Sting took the mic and said Angle has accused him of being disloyal for the last time. He said he has no problem with the Mafia, but Angle himself. Sting said he owes Angle nothing after ending the story on Sunday. Nash decided to step in before things escalated out of control. He gingerly took the mic with his good arm and said he agrees with Sting that he owes Kurt nothing. Can't take this seriously with Steiner standing there with the dumb hood on. "Nothing, Nothing" was the chant from the audience. First good chant ever in Impact Zone.

Nash told Sting that the heat's on Kurt, but they've seen Mick Foley raise Sting's hand two PPVs in a row. He said Sting needs to prove something to them. Sting told Nash that it's just the two of them talking here. They did the Wolfpack signal. Back to WCW Thunder '98 for the Red & Black vs. Black & White? Sting wanted to know what he has to do to prove himself to Nash. Angle said he has a great idea for them to team up against Jarrett and Foley tonight. Whaddya say, Sting?

Jeff Jarrett's music interrupted before Sting could answer. Jarrett walked out and said Angle doesn't have authority to book matches around here. Only members of management have that power. Angle laughed at that idea. Angle said Jarrett doesn't want to book the match so he can protect Sting. He accused Sting of not having an ounce of integrity because if he's going to screw Sting, he's going to screw him to his face. That's just wrong. Angle said Sting's a liar. Plain and simple.

Sting said he would love the opportunity to be in the ring with Angle again, but the truth is that Foley is on the inactive list. He wrestled his last match. Foley's music had something to say about that and out walked Foley for some more talking. Foley told Angle he kicked him in the nuts and he hit Sting with a chair. For that, he's sorry, but when did Sting make the decisions around here concerning his future? Foley never said he had his last match here in TNA. He proved he can stand ringside and watch a match. By goodness, I stayed awake! Foley said deep down inside, he's not an enforcer or businessman. He's a wrestler. Every once in a while, wrestlers wrestle. Foley said he's all in for tonight.

Jarrett tried to slow Foley down on that business. "Whooaoaooaoaoholdoholdonwhwooaoaoaoaholdon." Jarrett told Foley this isn't what he wanted when he came to TNA. Angle: "Whooooaoaoaoaaawhoa." Is this what you want, Jeff, or what Foley actually wants? Foley played monkey in the middle as Jarrett said there's a locker room full of guys waiting to beat up Angle tonight. Angle said he doesn't want to give them the rub; he wants Jarrett. Or, are you playing the role of inactive wrestler tonight? Angle told Jeff to man up for once in his life. Crowd told him to hurry up...er...man up. Jarrett to Kurt: "You want me? You got me. One way or another, this thing ends tonight." That didn't sound right. Tenay said the dream tag match happens tonight.

[Commercial Break]

Video package: From out of the shadows, the mysterious and dangerous Suicide prevailed in Ultimate X to capture the X Division Title. "What is next for this anomaly?" the voice-over man asked.

Impact Zone: Motor City Machineguns came to the ring sporting some new toy belts around their waists. They won the IWGP Jr. tag team titles two months ago, but this is the first time they've worn the belts on Impact TV. On cue, No Limit came out as the opposition after Guns won the belts from them in January. Tenay said Global Impact 2 from January will air on Spike soon.

1 -- IWGP Jr. tag team champions MOTOR CITY MACHINEGUNS (ALEX SHELLEY & CHRIS SABIN) vs. NO LIMIT (w/Kiyoshi) -- non-title match

Announcers hyped the main event tag match of Angle & Sting vs. Jarrett & Foley tonight. Foley's first TV match and Jarrett hasn't wrestled on free TV in over two years. Rapid fire action throughout this match. All four men were in the ring at 5:00 when Guns set up a double-team Sliced Bread. Naito rolled through on a top rope huracanrana with a roll-up pin on Sabin for the win.

WINNERS: No Limit in 6:00. Good rapid-fire action. What you would expect from an X Division-style match without any hype because TNA needs 15 minutes to set up Mafia vs. Team Jarrett. (*1/2)

Post-match: TNA tag champs Beer Money, Inc. stormed the ring and beat up both the Guns and No Limit before clearing No Limit out of the ring. Roode then called out Team 3D and told them to hurry on out here. 3D came out with the IWGP Hvt. tag title belts. Roode said let's get real for a second. He said they respect 3D and recognize them as the best ever. Ray write this script? Roode said the fact is they are the TNA tag champs and they've proven themselves. Yet, to this day, they get disrespected. People look at them as if they're a joke or a flash in the pan. Roode, the future Mafia leader based on this promo, said they'll put the belts on the line against 3D in the cage at Lockdown in Philly. Roode said when they beat 3D and retain the belts in their own backyards (no ECW namedrop, wow!), then and only then, will Beer Money get the respect deserved.

Ray sarcastically thanked Roode for speaking the truth that they're the greatest tag team ever. Where's Mike Tenay to insert some more histrionics? Ray said since they'll be in Philadelphia, they need to do it the right way. Ray said they will put the IWGP tag titles on the line, too, to find out the real World tag team champions. Ray reminded them that Philadelphia is home to the most-violent tag team ever and they will become the 22-time World tag team champions. No physicality. Nice touch.

[Commercial Break]

Jarrett's office: Jeremy Borash plugged hot news on TNA Mobile while Mick Foley just chilled in Jarrett's office chair. Borash plugged a hot celebrity involved in Lockdown. Eric Young check. Jarrett suddenly interrupted Borash's plug and yelled at Foley for acting like a fool out there. He said he didn't ask Foley to show up in TNA to wrestle. Foley laughed at Jarrett flying off the handle. He told some stories about the crappy promos he's been forced to cut. Foley said he got involved in TNA because he loves wrestling. Foley entered promoland and said he just wants a taste of the wrestling pie before he gets back behind the desk. He told Jarrett to find the ol' "fire in the gut" Jarrett in the main event tonight. Foley said everyone's a World champ and this could be a greatest-ever Impact main event. It's good business, Jeff. Foley told Jarrett to lighten up and have some fun. Jarrett was non-committal.

[Commercial Break]

Video package: They recapped the painful ODB segment from the PPV where Cody Deaner won the date with ODB.

2 -- TAYLOR WILDE & ODB vs. Knockouts champion AWESOME KONG & RAISHA SAEED

Announcers hyped the main event some more. Kong hoisted Wilde for a press-slam, but Wilde slipped down Kong's back and rolled her up for the pin and the win. Post-match: Kong attacked Wilde before going after ODB. Suddenly, Cody Deaner hopped the guardrail and defended ODB's honor with his fists out ready to fight Kong. Deaner's character reminds me of the old school MADtv sketch where Michael McDonald plays the redneck in the bar who talks big, calls everyone "turkey," then fights by sliding down the dude's leg to the ground. Just throwing it out there.

WINNERS: Wilde & ODB in 3:00. Match to get the Knockouts some TV time and set up the next Knockouts feud after Sojo was discarded by Kong at the PPV.

Backstage: Samoa Joe was shown preparing for violence. He has Sheik next.

[Commercial Break]

Backstage: Borash sat down with Angle for a man-to-man chat. He likes to think of himself as Angle's best friend since he came to TNA. Borash said he took notes during Angle's PPV match and he had an epiphany. He said Angle knocked out Jarrett, spit in his face (giggles from Angle), Foley gets the Angle Slam, Angle kicks him right in the balls, then Sting, the opponent, nearly gets his head bashed in with a steel chair. Borash recapped everything: knock out, spitting, Angle slam, groin shot, steel chair to the face. Borash said after all that, none of Angle's actions had anything to do with him losing? Angle said he had to do all that because it was three-on-one. He had no other choice!

3 -- SAMOA JOE vs. SHEIK ABDUL BASHIR

Joe flew into the ring and started beating the crap out of Bashir. Ref Rudy Charles got in Joe's face for not giving Sheik a fair fight, so Joe smashed Rudy in the face for a DQ. Joe then took Sheik to the floor and smashed him into the announce table before hauling him away in the rear naked choke. Fans in the building were shown with their hands on their hips. Um...that's it.

WINNER: Sheik via DQ in 0:15. See Joe run. See Joe attack. See Joe leave. (n/a)

[Commercial Break]

Backstage: Beautiful People indoctrinated Madison Rayne into their group. ... A video package aired on the A.J. Styles vs. Booker T feud.

Impact Zone: Jim Cornette stood mid-ring and introduced the new Legends champ, Styles. Just remember, if you're keeping track at home, Cornette does not have authority to book matches per the definition of "TNA management" in the opening segment. Cornette said the Legends Title started as a vanity title, but when Booker signed the contract for Destination X, Styles won the title and the $200,000 trophy title belt. Styles admitted Mafia ran over the Frontline (now called the Originals apparently) for five months, but they got a piece back with the title victory. He said the belt won't represent the Mafia or money, but hope, faith, and respect. He said he'll grant anyone a title shot because he's the one, only, and original A.J. Styles.

Booker T's music didn't like that, so out walked Booker with Sharmell. Let's see what Hollywood role he's auditioning for this week. Tenay was upset with West for defending Styles's title victory. Booker went into rapid-fire accent mode speaking 150 MPHs. Styles stood there taking it all while Booker said he's first in line for the re-match. He wasn't so nice in asking for the re-match, then Styles said he has no idea what Booker just said. Styles made himself clear that a... deserving wrestler...will get the title shot. Ooos from the crowd. He said Booker is a paper champ who doesn't deserve it. Styles got in Booker's face before Sharmell stepped in said Booker will get the title back and on his own time. Sharmell led Booker away while Booker smirked toward Styles.

[Commercial Break]

4 -- MADISON RAYNE (w/Beautiful People) vs. THE GOVERNOR "SARAH PALIN"

In typical BP match fare, Velvet Sky interfered until their team lost when "Palin" scored a pin on Rayne. Post-match: Of course, Beautiful People got the advantage in typical BP fare and they pulled out some clippers from their bag and clipped Palin's hair.

WINNER: Palin in 3:00. Just a fill-in-the-blank-on-the-run-sheet match to get more Knockouts on the show. Wrestlers who could have been inserted in this slot: Eric Young, Jay Lethal, Abyss, Matt Morgan, LAX, Rhino, or Shane Sewell. In other words, folks who need major TV time to develop main-event-level characters, folks who were in a crappy PPV match, or folks who are on an every-six-weeks TV basis. Male under-card on the TNA roster is very thin. (n/a)

Lockdown promo: They showed Mick Foley, Sting, Jeff Jarrett, Kurt Angle, and A.J. Styles walking in and around the Lockdown cage to promote the April PPV.

Impact Zone: Announcers plugged the TV main event tag match again. Tenay suddenly received word that Joe had taken Sheik backstage for some violence. West just shook his head in disbelief. They cut backstage where Joe had Sheik hanging upside down from the ceiling with a chain. Joe told Sheik to go back where he came from and tell everyone that if they get in the way of his Nation of Violence, then they will have to deal with him. Joe placed his paper knife next to Bashir, then stuck it in his mouth as he begged off. Joe then grabbed a Kendo stick and started whipping Bashir across the back. This was not pleasant TV. Joe is the worst kind of character possible right now: too disturbingly violent to be cheered but too much history as a babyface to be booed. Can't be lukewarm to make money in wrestling.

[Commercial Break]

Rough Cut: They focused on Brother Devon of 3D. Devon said he wanted to be a wrestler from a young age. They showed Johnny Rodz, who trained Devon. He said Brother Ray met up with him at Rodz's school before going to ECW. Devon then came in to ECW to be a Mike Tyson-like character and they hooked up. Devon said Ray is the perfectionist hard-ass who wants everything in the ring perfect while Devon is softer and is okay with being constructive with suggestions.

Impact Zone: Ring introductions took place for the main event tag match. Jenna Morasca was shown sitting ringside. She's Foley's gal pal.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- JEFF JARRETT & MICK FOLEY vs. TNA World Hvt. champion STING & KURT ANGLE

Jarrett started the match while Foley waited for his turn. During the break, Tenay was informed by Jim Cornette that there will be a 20-man gauntlet on next week's show to determine the team captains for the Lethal Lockdown match. Wait, Cornette doesn't having booking power. Wait, Tenay said he was informed by Cornette, so that doesn't necessarily mean he booked it. Wait, who's TNA management again? Foley finally took his tag and Angle knocked him to the floor. In the confusion with Mafia's security, Angle smashed Foley to the floor with an Angle Slam. Team 3D then ran down to ringside and fought security to the back.

[Commercial Break]

Back to in-ring action where Foley was hurting badly as Angle worked over Foley in the ring. Sting demanded a tag from Angle or demanded that Angle just end the match to take Foley out of his misery. Angle opted to kick Foley one more time and continue his attack. Angle eventually shoved Sting off the ring apron before Jarrett stormed the ring as the illegal man. Tenay made the point while TNA booked the incompetent ref angle with Slick allowing Jarrett to compete despite not taking a tag. Slick got what was coming when he was bumped in the corner.

With the ref down, Angle tried to use a chair, but Jarrett kicked the chair away. Jarrett then grabbed his guitar and measured Angle, but Sting re-entered the ring and stole the guitar. Angle bailed from the ring, then Foley grabbed the chair and cracked it over Sting's head. Foley made the pin for the win. Jarrett was dumbfounded. Foley smiled a crazed smile. Jarrett over-sold the whole deal while West speculated that this was Foley's plan all along. Angle was confused. Jarrett raised Foley's hand while still confused and Foley kept smiling.

WINNERS: Foley & Jarrett in 11:00. There might have been 30 seconds worth of wrestling action in this "greatest TV main event ever" match-up. Pretty sad state of affairs when TNA is depending on Jarrett, who's in and out of the ring, and two-and-a-half broken-down wrestlers as their top stars. I say two-and-a-half because Sting's knees are messed up, Foley looked like a near-cripple, and you never know what to believe with Angle. (1/2*)

[Commercial Break]

Post-match: They recapped the finish, then Sting took a mic and addressed Foley. If you wanted back in the game, Mick, all you had to do was ask. Sting said he's not sure if it was a good book or movie that inspired Foley, but he is inspired now. Two chairs to the back of his head is enough. Sting said it's ironic that Foley said on Hardcore History that he made Foley's career, but now he's going to end Foley's career. He said they go back to school for old-time's sake at Lockdown. Lights, camera, action - it's Showtime, Mick. Angle smiled.

They cut backstage where Jarrett told Borash not to ask him what's up with Foley. Jarrett ranted and raved about not having a clue. Borash turned to Foley, who was loopy sitting in Jeff's chair. Foley said he's proud of what he did and if it inspired Sting, then awesome. He said he didn't want Sting deciding when he should be pinned by Angle in the match and he's tired of Sting trying to decide the course of his career. He vowed to tear Sting apart at Lockdown to end the show.

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