ECW on Sci-Fi TV report
September 1, 2009
Report by Dominick Mayer, PWTorch specialist

Title sequence.

Striker plugs the biggest match of the night, which is apparently Undertaker-Michaels from WrestleMania 25. At this point, they weren't making it clear whether they were just recapping or actually showing the whole thing.

Shelton Benjamin is on his way out in the arena. We flash back to last week's tag team match, where Zach Ryder and Shelton collapsed during the tag match. Ryder is on his way out as the opposition.

1 -- SHELTON BENJAMIN vs. ZACH RYDER

The match starts out fast with Ryder going on the attack. He flings his headband at Shelton and then headbutts him. Shelton gets a hard release T-bone suplex and a clothesline in the corner. He misses with a stinger splash, and Ryder gets a slow spinning neckbreaker. Ryder goes at Shelton with stomps. Ryder applies a chinlock, which pops the crowd for Shelton. Shelton pulls Ryder into electric chair position, but Ryder breaks free and hits a flying leg lariat for two. Back to a chinlock on Shelton. Shelton breaks free and gets a gorgeous cross body block out of the corner. Shelton with a high back body drop. Shelton gets the stinger splash and a modified backbreaker. Ryder tries to throw him out of the ring, but Shelton skins the cat and hits a springboard neckbreaker. Rather than going for a pin, Shelton sizes Ryder up, and when he turns around Shelton gets the Pay Dirt for the pin and the win.

WINNER: Shelton Benjamin in 4:00. Excellent short match, which kept the action going fast and nonstop. Really surprised by the ending, though, because (a) they just started this feud off and (b) given how hot Ryder has been lately, I'm surprised to see him lose clean in four minutes. Shelton looked absolutely great, though.

Ringside: Matthews talks up the Sheamus-Goldust feud. Tonight: No DQ, no countout match between Sheamus and Goldust. It's the main event tonight.

[Commercial Break]

A drum roll brings in Tony Atlas, who's apparently the announcer for the Abraham Washington show now. Oh, dear. Atlas should just retire. Washington comes out, and at least he's really kicking up the obnoxiousness this week. Atlas is pretty funny playing the announcer. The crowd is even louder against this than usual. Washington says he's actually happy to be in Cleveland. Even that makes the crowd boo. For the first time, Washington finally brings up Arsenio Hall, who he's been ripping off for weeks anyway. He talks trash about "Coming To America." I'm not even gonna say it. He brings up LeBron James, which gets more boos. Also, scratch what I said about Atlas earlier. His fake laughter is worse than Michael Cole's.

Washington brings out Gregory Helms, who kind of looks like a snake oil salesman with his hair in a ponytail. Washington's going to get to the hard-hitting questions, and so he brings up that Helms is the Hurricane. Helms points out how weird it is that Washington watched him change in a phone booth (valid point), and Helms is just Helms. He brings up being the longest-running Cruiserweight champion ever, and talks about his neck injury leading him to a broadcast position. Washington then brings out Paul Burchill and Katie Lea for a counterpoint. Tony Atlas hits on Katie Lea. That's a win. Burchill says Helms is a joke, a fraud, and an embarrassment. He's getting an Austin "What?" for this promo. Helms plays this stone-faced, and Hurricane appears on the Titantron to say that next week he'll be back on ECW to challenge Burchill. In the arena, Helms just grins at Burchill, as Atlas continues to laugh obnoxiously. Burchill accepts the challenge and walks off. Abraham Washington sends the show out to more boos, as Helms just looks steely. Another week, another crap segment. Furthered the Burchill-Helms/Hurricane angle, but just when you thought the Washington show couldn't get any more obnoxious, they added Tony Atlas doing some hideously awful fake laughing.

Cut to a video package about the Undertaker. Other current wrestlers talk up the myth and legend of the Undertaker. This is what they need to do with Michaels too, instead of terrible DX skits. This week's weren't too horrible, I mean in general. Tonight: Encore presentation of the Michaels-Undertaker match.

Backstage: Vladimir Kozlov and Ezekiel Jackson are on their way out for tag team action, next.

[Commercial Break]

In the arena, time for legitimate wrestling. The designated jobbers are already in the ring.

2 -- VLADIMIR KOZLOV & EZEKIEL JACKSON vs. MIKE TOLAR & JIM PARKS

Kozlov starts things off. He gets a release suplex and then tags in Jackson. Jackson gets a double backbreaker and then tags Kozlov back in. One crowd member tries to get a USA chant going, to no avail. I think Jackson's American. Jackson gets a delayed vertical suplex. This has all been on Mike Tolar, by the way. Parks gets sent to the floor hard courtesy of Jackson running him into the ringpost. Jackson gets the uranage on Tolar, and Kozlov demands a tag. Kozlov comes in, and gets his own version for the pin and the win.

WINNERS: Kozlov & Jackson in 2:00. About the same as the squashes both men had, by which I mean it was slow and kind of dull, but put both over as imposing big men.

Post-match: Regal puts Tolar in the Regal stretch to show it off. Then, Christian makes his way out, mic in hand. Regal invites him into the ring with all three men. Christian says he will, but not by himself. Tommy Dreamer comes out as the cavalry. Regal laughs off Dreamer's presence. Christian realizes it's still two-on-three, so Dreamer busts out the kendo sticks, and it's on. Kozlov and Jackson come down for a fight, but get cracked by the sticks. Christian goes after Regal, who ducks out. Dreamer and Christian take the ring and send the Ruthless Roundtable running.

A video package airs on Michaels like the Undertaker one before the break. There you go. Now get this on Raw, and we're golden. Up next: The special encore presentation.

[Commercial Break]

Tiffany is backstage to introduce the encore presentation of the Michaels-Undertaker match. This package was actually really cool, though it still didn't do justice to how great this match was. By far the best of this year, and I can't see anything topping it. Now I wanna watch it again.

Next: Goldust-Sheamus. They even get the split-screen walk down the hallway to lead in.

[Commercial Break]

Next week on ECW: Christian and Dreamer vs. Kozlov and Jackson.

Sheamus comes out for the main event. Striker plays up how he's never been in a match like this. Goldust comes out quickly and without too many dramatics.

3 -- SHEAMUS vs. GOLDUST

They lock up immediately and shove each other about. Sheamus tries a shoulderblock, but Goldust doesn't flinch. Sheamus forces Goldust into the corner and screams at him some. They exchange slaps, and Goldust gets a missile dropkick. Sheamus heads for the back, but Goldust clotheslines him onto the ramp. Time for a break already.

[Commercial Break]

Out of the break, Goldust is stomping on Sheamus' head. Goldust hits a running clothesline that sends both of them to the floor. Sheamus gets his head slammed onto the barrier, then he's thrown back into the ring. He runs Goldust into the ringpost and takes a breather. Goldust is down on the floor. Sheamus comes out and bodyslams him onto the floor, hard. He drops a few knees as well. Of note: Both of these guys are working really stiff tonight. In the ring, Sheamus gets a two count. Goldust goes for the dropping uppercut, but Sheamus cuts him off and puts him in a bow and arrow around the ringpost. Sheamus applies a surfboard, but Goldust breaks free, only to have Sheamus tackle him back down and put him right back in it.

They exchange punches for the boo/yay chant, and then Goldust gets a flurry of offense, ending in an atomic drop and a bulldog. Sheamus kicks him in the leg, and then the face. Goldust rolls Sheamus up for a near two count when Sheamus tries to pick him up. Goldust gets a tilt-a-whirl slam, but is slow to get the pin and only gets a nearfall. Sheamus heads for the floor, but Goldust gets a running lariat off the apron. Sheamus takes Goldust into the post again, and takes a breather in the ring. Goldust runs him into the post back on the floor, and works him over in the corner. Goldust goes for a bulldog, but Sheamus throws him and kneels on his throat in the corner. Goldust gets the dropping uppercut, but Sheamus kicks him in the stomach and takes him down. Sheamus gets the uranage backbreaker, called the Irish Curse according to Striker, for the pin and the win.

WINNER: Sheamus in 14:00. Good match. The ending felt a bit abrupt, but it had to happen as it did. I hope Goldust doesn't get de-pushed after this, though, as this feud has been as much a push for him as it's been for Sheamus. Sheamus still needs some work on his pacing, but overall he looks strong. I'd also like to note that an undercard feud with potential got a chance to shine in the main event. Take note, other shows.

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