KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
JANUARY 28, 2010
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.

[Q1]

-The show-opening vignette focused initially on Mick Foley confronting Eric Bischoff and Bischoff firing him at the end of the show, followed by Ric Flair. (Average age of those three is over 50, by the way.) Next up was A.J. Styles letting out a "whoo!" Flair said he'll be "the next Ric Flair." Then Hulk Hogan told Flair that he runs the show, not Flair. They went to the Angle-Styles match highlights followed by the Montreal Screwjob copycat finish with Angle spitting at Hogan. The show is titled: "Screwed."

-The Impact opening aired followed by Mike Tenay and Taz introducing the show was pyro blasted and the camera panned the Impact Zone crowd.

-As Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan walked out, Tenay said regarding them, "There's going to be change, we've already seen it. There's going to be controversy, we've already lived it." Bischoff pointed to a sign that said, "4 Sides 4 Life." Hogan called out Foley. Taz wondered why he was there if he was fired last week. Foley walked out. Hogan thanked him for coming out. He said things are going so well, he wants to nip things in the bud. He said he wanted to work out problems between Bischoff and Foley. Bischoff said it's not a situation because took care of it last week by firing him after he beat him half to death. "I've never had chance to work with Mick Foley or Cactus Jack or whatever you are right now, brother," said "Hollywood"... errr... Sterling Golden... errr Hulk Hogan or whatever it is he's called right now. He said he sees a lot of good things in him "that are right on the money." (Like what?) He also said he sees things that need to be dialed in. He said he can be turned into an asset. Bischoff protested, saying Foley could have hospitalized him.

Foley said he didn't touch Bischoff last week. He said if he had, he would have done more damage than a little cut on the forehead. Bischoff claimed Foley was a liar. Hogan told Foley to work it out or walk out. Hogan paused. They played his music. Hogan then finished with the final line telling him to work it out with Bischoff. Awkward finish there. [c]

-Backstage Bubba the Love Sponge told Jeff Jarrett not to do him wrong. Jarrett said after seven-and-a-half years of ups and downs, he gets what he's saying and they can work things out.

-Christy Hemme introduced Ken Anderson. He scolded her for not calling him Mr. Ken Anderson. He said he has to do everything himself, including announce himself and, this week, book himself since he wasn't scheduled for a match. He issued an open challenge to anyone in TNA. He said deep down he's begging and praying to God that it's Abyss who accepts his challenge. He said at the end of the night the only name anyone will remember is "Missssteeeerrr Anderson... Anderson."

[Q2]

-Tenay and Taz were shown at ringside. They pushed an eight-card stud tournament at Against All Odds, and the winner becomes the no. 1 contender. Qualifying matches will take place on Impact.

1 -- DESMOND WOLFE (w/Chelsea) vs. SEAN MORLEY -- Qualifier

There are too many bald or nearly bald wrestlers in TNA right now. Wolfe would be better off with his old Nigel McGuinness hair to stand out from this crowd which also includes Daniels, Hernandez, Homicide, and Tomko. This is a bad visual match for Wolfe, who looks small next to Morley, and nobody sees Morley as anything more than a bland mid-card mainstay who lost almost every match he had in the 2000s. Wolfe finished Morley clean with the Tower of London.

WINNER: Wolfe after a Tower of London in 3:00.

-Jeff Jarrett walked into an office with Bischoff and Hogan. Bischoff asked Jarrett where his attorney is. Jarrett apologized for the attorney bit a couple of weeks ago. He said over the last seven or eight years he's done some things to break people's trust, but he wants to make up for it. He said he'll start at the bottom of the ladder and work his way up. Bischoff said he had an idea. He said Kennedy was looking for an opponent, so he wants to trust Jarrett to have a phenomenal match with Ken Anderson. Jarrett seemed bothered by that. He said he hadn't wrestled in seven months, so it might be too much too soon. Hogan said it'd be best for TNA. He said he'd go get ready. Bischoff wished him good luck. Hogan told Bischoff he's stiff and told him to bring it down a notch. [c]

-A recap aired of the Angle-Styles finish and Angle's subsequent tantrum.

-Backstage Styles and Flair enjoyed the company a blond woman. They were picking out Styles's next expensive suit. They should finder shorter women in shorter heels, as Styles was shorter than her.

[Q3]

2 -- DANIELS vs. HERNANDEZ - Qualifier

Hernandez tossed Daniels over his head by his head in a nasty looking spot that was a testament to the strength of the human spine. Tenay and Taz talked about this match also having ramifications on the TNA Top Ten, a ranking system that Bischoff and Hogan will use going forward. Hernandez won clean after a back and forth match. Daniels took some nice bumps to put over Hernandez's power.

WINNER: Hernandez in 5:00.

-Tenay hyped Jarrett vs. Anderson. They showed the Nasty Boys and Team 3D on split screens. Taz said Tenay gets to mediate their discussion in the ring next. [c]

-Mid-commercial they showed the Beautiful People helping one another stretch.

-The Nastys came out first, followed by Team 3D. Brother Ray said they waited until they were in Japan to trash their locker room, and then they jumped them from behind like a couple of punks. He said last week they got even and wrapped steel chairs around their heads. Ray asked, "Where the hell have you been for the past ten years?" Security came out to hold Ray back from going after the Nastys. Jerry Sags they've been nasty, they were born nasty, they'll always be nasty, and they'll die nasty, "unlike you two bozos."

[Q4]

Devon said while they've been sitting on their "fat asses" for the last ten years, he and his brother have been winning world tag team titles around the world. Brian Knobs listed The Road Warriors, The Steiner Brothers, The Hart Foundation, Scott Hall & Kevin Nash, and Harlem Heat as legendary tag teams that "have felt the wrath of the Nasty Boys." Boy does that date them as being very, very old. He said Team 3D is now on the Nasty's chopping block. He said on Valentine's Day they'll be knocking their stinking teeth down their throats and beating them up like they beat everybody up. Knobs seems near cardiac arrest while cutting that promo.

-Christy Hemme interviewed The Beautiful People backstage. They said Angelina Love is "so 2009" and they are moving on to bigger and better things.

-They showed Jarrett lacing up his boots for his first match in seven months. He took a deep nervous breath. [c]

-Bischoff met with Lashley backstage. He told him they appreciate him deciding to make TNA a priority, "but you're fired." Bischoff stood up and got angry and ordered security to drag him out of his office. Bischoff chuckled and said, "Taking out the trash." Taz said, "Kudos to Eric Bischoff. If you don't want to be here, let 'em go."

3 -- THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE vs. TARA & AWESOME KONG & HAMADA

Taz said, during the BPs ring entrance, that this is the time each week when he wishes to be reincarnated as the second rope. A few minutes into the match, Tenay said Hogan has called Earl Hebner into his office later. Kong beat up Rayne, then tagged Hmada in, who went to work on all three BPs, kicking each as they took turns attacking her. Tara then slammed Lacey after which Hamada hit a moonsault. As the ref escorted Tara out of the ring, Rayne hit Hamada with the ugly stick for the pin.

WINNERS: The Beautiful People in 5:00.

STAR RATING: *

[Q5]

-After the match the BPs beat up Tara and Hamada with their ugly stick. Angelina Love made the save.

-Backstage Hogan said "all the boys" are talking about Earl Hebner ringing the bell so soon. Hebner said when Angle hit the mat on the reversal, his hand hit the mat. Hogan said something is wrong because it wasn't time to ring the bell. He said there's a pattern. He said 12 years ago he rang the bell and it wasn't time, and now he's done it again. He said he's his friend and he demands the truth. Hebner said, "Vince didn't screw Bret, Shawn didn't screw Bret, Bret didn't screw Bret, I screwed Bret." He said he did the same thing to Angle last week because Flair cut him a big check. Hogan said that was unacceptable. He said it's unprofessional and disgusting. He told him he's suspended. He told him to "pack his crap" and "get out of his sight."

-Flair and Styles hang out on the couch together. When four women walked in, Styles got very excited and popped off the couch. He asked Flair if they were ready to get the party started. Flair picked one of them women to hang with. The other three hung on Styles. Flair let out a few "whoos." Taz said he has to start hanging out with The Champ.

-Sponge told Foley things aren't looking good regarding Bischoff rehiring him and he wants to let him know that right away. Foley said he's more optimistic and believes that after meeting with Bischoff later, they'll each have a deeper understanding of one another. Foley said: "I drive a 2002 mini-van, I don't owe anybody a dime, and I don't need anybody or anything. No matter how you look at it, Bubba, the glass is still half full." That is the right way to live (well, unless it comes at the expense of tipping well, paying your share of the bill, and being there for your family instead of earning an extra buck any chance you get). [c]

-Kurt Angle walked out and talked about his disappointment with A.J. Styles. "I'm confused, disappointed, and most of all, pissed off." He said their match was supposed to determine who the greatest wrestler in the world was. He said the match would be talked about for future generation. He said Styles could have told his grandkids about the match, but instead he disappointed the great TNA Castmembers... uh, wrestling fans. Angle turned to the fans who applauded themselves. He said Styles went from a hero everyone looked up to a "punk ass bitch" in one night. He was bleeped. He said in their rematch, it turned into an Earl Hebner Screwjob. He said he didn't see that coming. He told Styles that Flair doesn't care about him, he just wants to screw him of his innocence. He said Flair is the dirtiest player in the game. He said he has a qualifying match in the Eight Card Stud Tournament. He said he'll win the tourney and then he'll face Styles one more time. He said he won't get past the greatest wrestler who ever lived again.

As Angle wrapped up, Hogan's music played and he walked out. Hogan said if there weren't lawyers and it was 25 years ago, he'd have handled his spitting on him differently. He said what he did was unacceptable, especially because what he accused him of wasn't true. He said if Angle did anything like that again, he'd be looking for work. Angle admitted what he did was wrong and he apologized. They shook hands. Hogan's music played and he left the ring. Syxx Pac charged into the ring and attacked Angle. Scott Hall joined him a few seconds later and stomped on Angle.

[Q6] [c]

-They replayed the Syxx and Hall attack on Angle. Then they cut backstage to security ordering them out of the building. Hall said, "See ya' next week."

-Tenay asked Taz if you wanted a TNA contract, could you take a worst path than Hall and Syxx have chosen.

4 -- BRIAN KENDRICK & ALEX SHELLEY & CHRIS SABIN vs. GENERATION ME & AMAZING RED

Lots of rapid-fire moves for a few minutes. Kendrick stole the pin from Shelley & Sabin, so there was no post-match celebration. Taz and Tenay played up tension, but also noted that Kendrick got a big win over the X Division Champion.

WINNERS: Kendrick & Shelley & Sabin when Kendrick pinned Red in 3:00.

-Afterward, the British Invasion trio attacked Red. Brutus Magnus handed "Big" Rob Terry grabbed the brief case, apparently wanting to turn it in to beat Red for his X Title right then and there. Magnus said and Terry looked mad. They cut to a break before it was resolved. [c]

5 -- AMAZING RED vs. DOUG WILLIAMS

This impromptu X Title match was joined in progress. Williams cashed in the briefcase for the title shot. Big Rob was making unhappy faces at ringside.

WINNER: Williams in an est. 2:00.

[Q7]

-They showed Jarrett warming up in the locker room. [c]

-Foley met with Bischoff in his office. He asked Bischoff if he paid someone to open him up, or did he do it himself and self-mutilate himself. Bischoff ignored the question, telling Foley to let the past go. Foley told an odd story about cleaning up poop in a tunnel than working for a company run by a guy like him. Bischoff said he may not want to work for him, but two guys who are close to him do - Abyss and Jeremy Borash. He said he has their careers in the palm of his hands. He told Foley to reconsider his attitude toward him, and "have a nice day." Bischoff told the camera man to follow him "because that's what you're paid to do." Bischoff walked into Styles's locker room where Flair and Styles were partying with the four girls, strutting around. Bischoff congratulated Flair because "Hulk and I are stuck with you." He said he must have a great attorney who got his contract secured before he and Hogan arrived. Bischoff said he may have thought he had 30 days off for a planned vacation, but he has news for him because Against All Odds is coming up, and in the new regime, everyone has to be ready 24/7. He told him to rethink his travel plans. Styles told the ladies they had nothing to worry about. Flair seemed bothered, but then snapped out of it and decided to party again.

-Tenay pushed the Mr. Anderson vs. Jarrett main event as a split screen showed both heading toward the entrance tunnel. [c]

-Mr. Anderson made his ring entrance first. Taz said he seems brash, cocky, and perhaps overconfident. Tenay said Hogan has labelled him as having unlimited potential. He said Mr. Anderson doesn't feel pressure from those expectations. He reached up and a mic dropped down. He introduced himself and his music played again. Jarrett walked out without intro music. Tenay said that he heard from the truck that Bischoff had Jarrett's music pulled. Taz said intro music helps amp up a wrestler and get them mentally in a groove.

[Q8]

6 -- MR. ANDERSON vs. JEFF JARRETT

After some methodical back and forth action, they cut to a break at 4:00. [c] Afterward, Anderson worked over Jarrett at ringside. He rammed his forearm and hand into the steps at ringside. Taz wondered about Jarrett's ring rust and cardio conditioning after a six month layoff. He said working out on a cardio machine is nothing like wrestling night in and night out. Tenay hyped a new Impact pre-show and post-show Thursday nights at the TNA website. Jarrett made a comeback at 12:00. He blocked a Mic Check and set up a Stroke, but Anderson gave him a low kick and rolled up Jarrett for the win.

WINNER: Anderson in 12:00.

STAR RATING: *3/4

-As Anderson celebrated, they showed Bischoff backstage smiling and saying, "This is great." Anderson announced himself as the winner. Taz wondered if Jarrett passed Bischoff's "gut check test." Anderson then attacked Jarrett after the match. He gave Jarrett a Mic Check in the ring. Bischoff looked at the monitor and said, "Jeff, it's going to be a long, hard climb to the top of my mountain." The treatment of the Bischoff and Jarrett characters changes from week to week in a herky-jerky manner. Bischoff is coming off as an evil movie villain now, but it was just a couple weeks ago Jarrett was said in the midst of a rant that he had to push himself in TNA because there wasn't enough talent in the rest of the roster to fill a cup of coffee. Is everyone booking this show tone-deaf, or are they trying to make everyone unlikable, or are they trying to change what viewers think of them every week without rhyme or reason? Hogan seems to be consistently a good guy, but by associating with Bischoff it brings him down since he has the power, apparently, to keep Bischoff from doing heelish things such as threatening the jobs of Borash and Abyss in order to keep Foley in line. The whole thing is just a mess to try to reconcile. Not compelling or intriguing; more like frustrating and mind-numbing.

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