KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
FEBRUARY 18, 2010
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

[Q1]

-Eric Bischoff got out of a limo while talking on his cell phone. He told the unidentified person that if anyone can sign him, he can. "Be sure to tell him TNA is heaven compared to that cesspool he's used to working in," he said. He assured the person he had the show under control. He hung up the phone, chuckled, and said, "Let the games begin."

-A video package aired highlighting the Against All Odds PPV on Sunday night beginning with the surprise appearance of Jimmy Hart. Then extended clips of The Pope vs. Mr. Anderson in the finals. Then they went to the Samoa Joe vs. A.J. Styles match with Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair getting involved.

-Then came the big announcement from Dixie Carter that TNA Impact is moving to Mondays. Hulk Hogan was shown saying, "We are making history... TNA is on a roll, so put your seat belts on because the ride is really getting ready to take off now."

-The Impact opening aired, which still features Jeff Hardy sitting on top of the cage from the Jan. 4 show.

-Out came "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero. Mike Tenay and Taz marveled at his accomplishment on Sunday. He did a mid-ring promo bragging about his "arrival." He said, "Pope is pimpin'." Pope's got a good chance to be a breakout star, but talking about "pimpin'" (and I know it doesn't exactly clash with his gimmick) could pigeonhole him as a Godfather knockoff or just a lousy stereotype. He said he's now the no. 1 contender to the TNA Championship. He said the only thing standing between him and his "biggest bling" is A.J. Styles and "Dick" Flair. "It's okay, because Ric is a dick." He told Flair, "You will never ever be the charismatic, pimptacular, hand-clappin', foot-tapin', pimp-slappin', blingin' attire, always on fire Pope that is D'Angelo Dinero!" He said at Lockdown he will enter into the cage as a challenger, but be declared by his world, "by his congregation," the new TNA World Heavyweight Champion. Flair's music began and out walked Flair, Styles, and several women.

Flair asked Pope, "Can you read or write?" He asked him to read the label on his suit. "It says Armani. Armani is an Italian designer that makes clothes..." He then turned to tell an audience member to keep his mouth shut. He said, "My name is Ric Flair. It has been and always will be. And you, when you were six years old, were praying to God at night to grow up at night and be just like me. Isn't that right?" He added, "I was bling before there was bling." Flair said he's exhausted trying to keep up with Styles, who is a wrestling and party machine. He said because he is the TNA Heavyweight Champion, he is the greatest wrestler alive. Pope told Flair to listen good because he doesn't like to repeat himself. "You're name may be Ric, but in Pope's eyes, you're still a dick." He said he dress up Styles with shades and dyed hair, but at the end of the day "he's still a piece of crap." Flair told Pope they have a failure to communicate. "You are a street club, hub cab steelin', low-ridin' driving son of a gun," said Flair. He said Styles has more money invested in his suit than Pope's parents have in green stamps. Pope said the women next to Styles are too exhausted to saying anything because they've been riding the Starlight Express all night long." Styles looked upset at the suggestion.

Styles grabbed the mic and said Pope is a nothing going nowhere. Pope said he's everywhere. Pope slugged Styles, saying he's on him "like white on rice." Flair intervened and helped Styles beat down Pope. Flair put Pope's ankle in a chair and stomped on it. Styles then slipped on the figure-four leglock as Flair held Pope's arms to add torque. Good opening segment. Credit to TNA for featuring Pope's tournament win as the top story of the week. It's nice to see Flair being used in a way that's got him excited and engaged. I'm still not 100 percent sold that Styles if the right person for the role of Flair's mentor. He's not bad, but it still feels like a stretch. I'd still rather see Styles headlining the X Division (as a face or heel, either way) if the X Division were pushed as an equal division to the Heavyweights. He's the guy who could be the anchor that division needs to get over as a full-fledged draw.

[Q2] [c]

-Tenay and Taz recapped the Styles-Flair segment. They also talked about the pending move to Mondays.

1 -- TARA vs. DAFFNEY

Tenay and Taz teased that a former TNA Champion would be returning to Impact tonight. They also plugged the Impact post-show featuring Jeremy Borash interviewing Hulk Hogan and Dixie Carter. Tara got in most of the early offense. Daffney took over and pulled hair, and then hit her at ringside with a tool box. Dr. Stevie came out and yanked the chair away from Daffney as she continued to beat up Tara. Referees checked on Tara, but she didn't respond.

WINNER: Tara via DQ.

-Mick Foley walked into Bischoff's office. Foley apologized for what happened at Against All Odds. Bischoff said he has nothing to apologize over. Bischoff said, "Effort counts for everything." He said he wants to show his appreciation to Foley, so two interns are going to take a couple measurements and see if they can get him up to date and current with his wardrobe. Foley said he still has his sports coat from his wedding. Bischoff said that was out of style back when he bought it. "We'll buy you all custom stuff, all from ATM Eric," said Bischoff. Foley said, "This is cool." The professional dressers followed Foley out of his office. Bischoff then dialed up his cell phone again. "Get Abyss in my office," he said angrily. "I want to see him now." [c]

[Q3]

-They showed an angry-looking Kevin Nash arriving at the arena backstage.

2 -- SAMOA JOE vs. ORLANDO JORDAN

Jordan came out with a male and female valet. The male looked like a gay magazine model. Taz wondered if one of them was a man, as apparently he's only used to seeing manly manly men in his life. A crawler on the bottom of the screen kept reminding viewers about their move to Mondays. As Samoa Joe's music played, Bischoff scolded him backstage for not getting the job done against A.J. Styles. He asked him where his Samoan Pride is. He said his next opportunity is against Jordan. "I dare you to impress me!" he said. Jordan tried to jump Joe before the match, but Joe turned him into the corner and pounded away at him. Jordan took over offense. Tenay and Taz thought Joe looked like he was somewhere else. He made a comeback with a few clotheslines. He hit a running knee in the corner to Jordan's chin. After some punches (most of which clearly missed, and in postproduction they didn't think to edit it out), the ref scolded Joe (for showing too much light?). Jordan ducked a follow up punch and drove Joe to the mat off the top rope for the pin out of nowhere.

WINNER: Jordan in 3:00.

-Abyss told Jeremy Borash backstage that he was worried about meeting with Bischoff. [c]

-In a cutaway during the break, they showed the Motor City Machine Guns speculating about who the former champion would be who was returning. Alex Shelley guessed it was Petey (Williams).

-Bischoff scolded Abyss for not using the bat as a weapon against Foley at Against All Odds. Abyss said he didn't want to hurt Foley too badly. Bischoff said he warned him that there'd be ramifications. Abyss said he did use the tacks at the end. "I gave him brutality, just like you asked?" he said. Bischoff said he didn't ask him to use tacks, he asked him to use the bat. Bischoff said Foley was out on a shopping spree and Hulk Hogan was taking care of other business, so he's in charge. He said his first order of business is to take off his mask. Abyss said, "This mask is who I am, it's what I am. Please, no!" Bischoff said he's a whole new level of ugly, and they'd reveal that to the world tonight. Bischoff said maybe next time he asked him to do something, he'll do it. Bischoff said security won't let him flee the building, either.

-Christy Hemme interviewed Eric Young backstage. Young said Syxx-Pac and Scott Hall are spineless slugs trying to find their way into the building, but that would make Nash happy so he can tell them what he's feeling face-to-face (to face).

-Clips aired of the Dixie Carter and Hogan announcement of Impact moving to Mondays.

[Q4] [c]

-Bischoff brought the barbed wire baseball bat to Jeff Jarrett backstage in a paneled locker room that Bischoff referred to double-wide and trashy. He ordered him to use the bat against Abyss later. "Don't disappoint me," said Bischoff. Jarrett nodded and said, "All right."

3 -- DOUG WILLIAMS & BRIAN KENDRICK & THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS vs. GENERATION ME & AMAZING RED & KAZ

Kaz was the returning former champion. This ends one of the most ill-conceived gimmicks ever, that being "Suicide." Taz and Tenay said Kendrick is so self-absorbed, he keeps to himself and never hangs out around catering or other backstage areas. The crowd went berserk for the wildest several minutes of athleticism they've seen in a while, including some cool mat moves and a bunch of flip dives over the top rope to the floor. It still blows my mind neither major promotion gets behind some of these athletic smaller wrestlers and puts them in a position to draw money in well-defined feuds with something on the line. They put them in "spotfests" with no context or meaning and then blame them for being nothing more than "spotfest wrestlers." In the end, Kaz slingshot DDT'd Williams for the win.

WINNERS: Kaz & Red & GenMe in 4:00.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Very high-energy, athletically innovative series of spots that had the crowd going mad.

-They showed Abyss trying to get out of the arena, but a referee told him he has a match scheduled next. Abyss asked against whom. The ref said he didn't know. [c]

[Q5]

4 -- ABYSS vs. JEFF JARRETT

Jarrett scored early with some offense including a dropkick followed by a strut. When it spilled to ringside, Abyss got the better of Jarrett. Abyss grabbed a chair and brought it into the ring. He propped it into the corner. The barbed wire baseball bat sat in the corner near them. Abyss threw Jarrett into the ring and seemed tempted to use the barbed wire, but thought better of it. They hit simultaneous clotheslines mid-ring and both were slow to get up at 4:00. Bischoff stepped out to watch the match in person with his arms crossed. Jarrett sat up and noticed Bischoff. Tenay said they'd find out when they returned to Impact whether he'd use the bat. [c] Jarrett threw Abyss head-first into the steel chair wedged into the corner. Bischoff mouthed that he should use the barbed wire baseball bat. Jarrett grabbed the bat and called for Abyss to stand. Abyss noticed the bat and cowered. Jarrett had second thoughts and turned back to Bischoff. "Do it, dammit," said Bischoff. Jarrett threw it to the floor. "Oh, man," said Tazz. Bischoff held up the mic and said he knew he couldn't trust Jarrett to get the job done. Bischoff then called for wrestlers from the back - Homicide, Raven, Tomko, Desmond Wolfe, and Rhino - to charge to the ring and attacked both men. The crowd chanted "Foley, Foley, Foley."

WINNER: No contest in 12:00.

[Q6]

-As Bischoff was about to unmask Abyss, Hulk Hogan's music played. Bischoff stopped and waited for Hogan to walk out. Hogan told everyone, "I've got this." He sternly told Abyss to go back to his office. Abyss staggered to the back. Hogan then walked to the back as Bischoff looked a bit nervous in the ring and told his henchmen wrestler he's not sure what's going on. [c]

-They replayed the Jarrett-Bischoff-Abyss-Hogan angle from the previous segment.

5 -- THE BRITISH INVASION (Rob Terry & Brutus Magnus) vs. BEER MONEY INC. (James Storm & Robert Roode)

Tenay and Taz said that Rob Terry captured the Global Championship in Wales last month. A few photos were shown. Beer Money clotheslined Terry over the top rope to the floor, then launched Storm onto him at ringside. Storm gave Magnus a kick to the back of his head followed by their DWI finisher for the win.

WINNERS: Beer Money Inc. in 3:00. Again, how does any fan understand why all of these TV matches between evenly matched teams are three minutes, but on PPV they're between 8-15 minutes?

-Afterward Magnus chewed out Terry. He said he's a disgrace to the British Invasion and his new Global Title has cut the circulation off to his head. He told him he is his superior and then slapped him. Magnus said the Global Title should belong to him. He took it and ordered Terry to leave the ring. Terry clotheslined him and held the belt in the air.

-They showed Nash pacing backstage. [c]

[Q7]

-Abyss was pacing and expressing sheer panic as he talked to himself. Hogan walked in and said, "That's it! I'm done with this crap with you! Sit down!" As Bischoff tried to follow behind, Hogan said, "Not now, Eric. Get out!" Hogan said he's sick of seeing him shake and chase his tail and be afraid of his own shadow. He said it stops right now. He said Superman has a cape. Hogan said Popeye has spinach. Hogan asked Abyss if he's really a monster. Hogan said, "The monster that I am is called Hulkamania; it is bigger than you can ever be. Do you understand that?" Abyss said, "Yes sir." Hogan said he will never cower or shake again. He then presented Hogan with his Hall of Fame ring. "This is my life," he said. He said it's the only thing that has never left him and always been with. "This is the only thing that never left me. THis is the only thing that's always been there. This is the only thing that ever loved me. I destroyed my body for 30 years selling out every huge venue in the world to earn this ring. I am so crippled up I can barely get out of bed in the morning. Do you understand that this is my life?" Abyss said it encompasses Hulkamania and the world.

Hogan told him to put his hand out. Hogan put the ring on his finger. Abyss's reaction was hilarious as he gasped with a feeling of being overwhelmed. He told Abyss that ring will protect, love, and guide him and make him "the God of wrestling." He said from this point forward he will be ten times stronger than he, Hulk Hogan, ever was. He said he will be greater than anything that has ever walked in the ring. He asked if he feels the destiny. Abyss yelled with Hulk and then assured him he wouldn't let him down. Hogan left. Abyss said that ring stands for every Hulkamaniac in the ring ever, and now it stands for The Monster Abyss. He let out a barbaric yell. If they're going to transition Abyss into something other than a comedy figure (which he's very good at playing, but it's hardly a top main event character long-term), this could set that in motion. I'm intrigued to see how Abyss recasts himself.

-Taz said he couldn't believe Hogan just gave Abyss his Hall of Fame ring. He said Abyss certainly felt empowered. "I would not want to get in the way of Abyss right now," Taz said.

6 -- DANIELS vs. KURT ANGLE

They showed a close-up of Angle's cut forehead at Against All Odds at the hands of Mr. Anderson. Daniels was aggressive early, but Angle applied an anklelock a minute in and forced a tapout.

WINNER: Angle in 1:00.

-Angle took the mic in hand afterward and said he had some words for Mr. Anderson. He said he's man enough to admit when he gets beat, and he beat him. He said he cheated to win, but that's not what pissed him off. Angle held up a military tag replica. He said they put their names on them in the military so in case they die in battle, their commanders can I.D. them and send them home to their loved ones. The crowd chanted "USA! USA!" He said he's had a real difficult year and a half. He began to cry as he explained that he went through a hard divorce and then shamed his kids getting arrested. He said he was accused of things he didn't do, but nevertheless was arrested. He broke into a full sob as the crowd chanted, "Angle! Angle! Angle!" He thanked the fans. "I needed that," he said. He said he sat in the jail cell and didn't know what was happening to him. He said he prayed to God and wanted to know why this was happening to him. He said when he posted bail, he had an appearance at an Army Base in Ft. Hood, Texas and met some amazing people who changed his life. He said he met soldiers and family members of soldiers who died in battle. He said he had one soldier come up to him and say he read about him in the newspaper, but he believes in him. He said he wanted to give him the Army Tag to remind him of who he is. He said there was an inscription he wanted to read to the fans. He read the message that said all soldiers are valuable, but the one who is the warrior will bring the others back. He said that when Mr. Anderson spit on that tag. "You didn't spit on me, you spit on those soldiers, and you spit on the United States of America." He said because of that, he's going to make him suffer and "bleed until every last drop is out of your body." He said there is no coming back once you go down this road with Kurt Angle. "Mr. Anderson, I will see you in hell." I liked the promo until the very end where he made a promise as a babyface he just isn't going to keep because in six months Anderson will still be in TNA wrestling someone else and Angle will have been a failure at living up to that threat. He could have stopped short of going that far. It was overkill. The rest was a money promo that defines Angle's character and his feud with Anderson in a way TNA rarely achieves. Mr. Anderson's music played as they cut to a break.

[Q8] [c]

-Mr. Anderson did mock crying from the stage holding his special mic. He said he was just sucking up to each and every one of the fans. He made puckering noises. He said he just wants a pat on the back. "Oh, look how sensitive I am. Look how caring I am." He said that "hunk of garbage around his neck is nothing but a utensil to cut you up, man." He said he did just that and made him bleed. He told him to "come get you some." Angle made his way to Anderson on the stage. "Come on, daddy, just a little bit closer." He then charged at Angle, but Angle got in early offense. Anderson, though, outpowered Angle without cheating and took him to his knees. Strange that they didn't have the heel cheat a little with a low blow or a mic shot to take over control. Instead, he beat Angle down and then kneeled next to him and said, "Welcome to Total Nonstop Anderson." You knew that was coming. [c]

-Jeremy Borash chased down Samoa Joe outside the arena. He asked him if he lost because of the issues he's having with Eric Bischoff calling him a loser. Joe was almost hit by a white van. Several people jumped out of the van and pulled Joe into the back and kidnapped him. They went back to Tenay and Taz. They wondered who just abducted Joe. Tenay asked who could be behind that.

-Nash and Young walked to the ring for the show-closing statement, which they did a poor job hyping into something that was worth staying tuned for. Nash got a perm. Nash said he doesn't remember when or where, but 17 or 18 years ago he picked Scott Hall and Sean Waltman to be his friends. He said he also bought a black suit about ten years ago because I knew I'd putting one of them in the dirt real soon. He stared down the camera and paused between sentences. He said he's not sure what's worth in the business, broken bones or broken hearts, torn tendons or the torn relationships in families. He said for three weeks, Hall and Waltman have found their way into the building. He said he's done everything he could in his career to keep them employed, but he carried them on his back for the last time. He told them if they can find their way into the arena, find their way all the way to the ring to face him. He said, "This business chews up people and spits them out. I'm still standing." He said he'll be waiting for him. "I'm the gray-haired big son of a bitch standing in the middle of the ring." Then in the crowd appeared Hall and Waltman. Young slid out of the ring and went after Syxx. Hall stepped onto the ring apron, then in the ring. He threw his toothpick at Nash. Nash punched him. Hall bumped onto his back. Security entered the ring and held them apart. Tenay yelled for security to turn them loose and he said the crowd agreed with him. Hogan stepped onto the stage with his arms crossed, watching the ruckus in the ring. Tenay said you have to wonder what's going through the mind of Hogan. Nash said, "Next week it's on!"

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