KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
MARCH 8, 2010
LIVE FROM PORTLAND, OR.

[Q1]

-As Undertaker made his ring entrance, Michael Cole introduced the show as cable's no. 1 rated program. He talked about the Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker feud. Taker stumbled a bit on his lines early, talking about how Michaels's obsession with ridding himself of the dark cloud hovering over him because he was his 18th WrestleMania victim will cost him the ultimate price. He said after WrestleMania there will be no tomorrows, no celebrations, no sense of triumph. He said instead that same dark cloud will hover above his head the rest of his life. He said it brings him no joy to say it, but the fact is in three weeks, Michaels's career "will rest in..." Michaels's music then interrupted and he walked onto the stage.

Michaels said Taker doesn't get to finish his line. Not yet, at least. He said the other night as he went to sleep, he was angry and full of rage, but then he woke up and the rage was gone. He said he had an epiphany. He said the reason he cost him the title in the Elimination Chamber was because he had to. He said Taker interfered in his match last week, but he didn't have to. He said that's when it occurred to him that for the first time ever inside his cold black heart exists fear. Undertaker told Michaels to choose his next words very carefully. Michaels shouted, "Fear!" He said he's the only one who knows how close he came to ending it all for him last year. "That's why you asked me to put my career on the line," Michaels said. "You thought you could intimidate me. You thought I'd say no. But I didn't." He said he wouldn't put everything on the line if he didn't think he could beat him. He said nobody lives a perfect life. "Nothing lasts forever. Nothing!" he said. "And at WrestleMania I'm going to prove it."

Taker said, "Is that right?" He said he can't tell if he's looking at a man who exudes all this confidence, or if he's actually looking at a man full of pitiful desperation. Michaels shook his head and said he's not desperate. He said last year he'd have taken anything - a countout win, a DQ win - to have his hand raised in victory. He said this year with so much on the line he is proposing no countout, no DQ. He said the only way to win this match is by pinfall of submission. He assured Taker he'll kick his feet down his throat and defeat him. Taker said, "So it shall be, Shawn. You have chosen your own demise." He said he can look in his eyes and see the fire and passion and will. He said he can look into his soul and honestly see that he thinks he can defeat him at WrestleMania. "I guess that's what kinda makes you the Showstopper, the Main Event, hell, Mr. WrestleMania," he said. "No, not this year! Shawn, in my opinion, you may be the greatest who ever stepped foot in this ring. I'll give you that. But listen to me now. On March 28th, I will open the gates of hell and I will unleash a fury that no mortal man has ever seen to make sure that at WrestleMania your career is over."

Michaels replied: "You keep telling yourself that, Undertaker. After WrestleMania, that dark cloud is going to come back, but this time it's going to be hanging over you." Taker's eyes bulged. Michaels said that dark cloud is going to follow him everywhere he goes. He said it'll be an image that haunts him the rest of his life, and it'll be an image of him ending his WrestleMania undefeated streak. Michaels's music played and he left the ring. Cole wondered Michaels if he was trying to convince the world or himself that he can beat Undertaker. They did the shot of Taker on the big screen over the shoulder of Michaels as he backed up the rampway, looking back toward the ring at Taker.

-They showed the skyline of downtown Portland. Cole and Jerry Lawler then hyped the Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes and Vince McMahon vs. John Cena matches.

[Q2] [c]

1 -- MARYSE & ALICIA FOX & KATIE LEE BURCHILL vs. GAIL KIM & EVE & KELLY KELLY

Cole talked about Kim's athletic background as she opened against Fox. Fox took control and tagged in Maryse. Jerry Lawler: "I lived with Kelly Kelly for about four months. Yeah, until she found out I was there." Cole divulged the secret fact that Eve is an expert at solving the Rubix Cube. The At 3:00 chaos broke out with a six-way fight. Maryse settled into a battle with Eve. Eve dropped Maryse off the top rope and held onto her arm and rolled into a submission win. Cole played up Eve's "incredible roll."

WINNERS: Eve & Kelly & Kim in 3:00.

-Lawler hyped that Triple H would address Sheamus's attack last week. Cole plugged guest host Chris Angel would be up next, "the escapeologist."

-The cut back to Hornswoggle and Chris Angel. The Bella Twins walked in and said they're big fans of his show in Las Vegas. They asked to be his guest assistants on his show. He said he doesn't use twins. Well, he could use each of them half of the time. Angel "pulled a string into his mouth of and out of his eye socket." The bella twins were freaked out. Beth Phoenix walked up to them and said if anyone is going to be Chris's assistant, it'll be her. She said she could sing his intro onto the stage. He said he's heard of her singing. She sang and Angel begged her to stop. He then hypnotized her with a snap of his fingers into being a mute.

-They showed ShowMiz heading toward the entrance tunnel. Cole plugged the WrestleMania preview tag match. [c]

[Q3]

-Miz talked on his way to the ring. He asked if Truth & Morrison "really" earned the right to face them at WrestleMania. "Not since the British Bulldog & Lex Luger joined forces to bore millions at WrestleMania 11 has a team of so little credibility been such a great opportunity." He said it's an insult to them. He said they'd rather face the Bushwackers because at least they're an actual team. He shamed the locker room for not being worthy adversaries. "We are walking miracles," he said. "We are precious commodities. We are endangered species. Look at these two Superstars standing in the middle of the ring. Get a good hard look because we are the last truly great tag team in the WWE."

2 -- BIG SHOW & THE MIZ vs. JOHN MORRISON & R-TRUTH -- Non-Title Match

Morrison came out to his music, followed by R-Truth. Cole listed a bunch of team names Morrison and Truth have tried to come up with. They knocked Miz out of the ring and then gave him a stereo slidekick when he tried to get back in. He flew back into the ringside barrier. The ref called off the match. Big Show went after Truth, but Morrison shoved Show into the ringpost. Morrison and Truth gave Show a double DDT onto the mat. Then they turned to Miz and gave him a double suplex drop onto the ring barrier. Lawler said maybe there is another team that can hang with ShowMiz.

WINNERS: No contest in 1:00.

-Morrison re-entered the ring and said he just showed them that they're a real tag team. Truth said, "That's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the..." And the crowd finished with: "Truth!"

-Cole plugged the Orton vs. DiBiase & Rhodes match. Lawler plugged Vince vs. Cena. [c]

-A video package aired on the Vince McMahon/Batista vs. John Cena feud.

-Josh Matthews interviewed Cena backstage. He asked Cena about being left speechless. Cena said that's because what Batista said was correct. He said he hasn't beat him yet. He said there's not much of an argument there. "Apparently he's got my number," he said. He said the only thing he can do now is go out there and beat Vince McMahon. Matthews asked if he expects Batista to get involved. Cena said he's counting on it.

-Evan Bourne thanked Angel backstage for the chance to wrestle William Regal for a spot in the Money in the Bank match is a dream come true. He said he's his favorite guest host. Skip Sheffield walked in and introduced himself. Regal walked in and said to Bourne, "See you in the ring, sunshine." Bourne said, "I'll be there, waiting for you and your lavender." Sheffield asked Angel to show him one of his mind tricks. Regal said he's easily impressed, such as automatic water dispensers at airport bathrooms. Angel agreed. He asked Regal to write a number on a pad. He wrote down 56. Angel then read his eyes and managed to narrow it down to a number between 51 ad 60. He read each of the numbers aloud, then determined it was 56. Sheffield was impressed. He told Regal he owes him a Travis Tritt CD. The crowd laughed.

[Q4]

-They showed the exterior of the Rose Garden. Then a clip aired from the Elimination Chamber match when Rhodes tossed a steel pipe to DiBiase to use against Orton.

-As Rhodes and DiBiase made their ring entrance, Orton jumped them from behind. He entered the ring first as DiBiase and Rhodes recovered at ringside. [c]

3 -- RANDY ORTON vs. CODY RHODES & TED DIBIASE

Lawler seemed to genuinely crack up Cole - maybe his first genuine laugh on Raw ever - when he said there are two keys to success in life. "One, don't tell everything you know." He stopped. Cole said, "And..." Lawler said "Don't tell all you know." Cole then said he got it and laughed. I think it was actually genuine! This is big news. A non-manufactured moment on Raw commentary (or Cole has become a better actor). Rhodes and DiBiase took turns against Orton. Orton held his own. At 4:00 they cut to a break. [c] Orton was on a roll when they returned live. DiBiase and Rhodes knocked Orton to the floor at 8:00. They went after him at ringside. Rhodes threw Orton head-first into the steps, then threw him into the ring.

[Q5]

Orton made a comeback at 11:00. He powerslammed DiBiase and Rhodes. He showed babyface-style fire. He pounded DiBiase in the corner. He looked up at the WrestleMania 26 sign. Cole explained that Orton hasn't forgotten that DiBIase and Rhodes cost him his chance at the WrestleMania main event. As Orton set up an RKO, DiBiase surprised him with a Dream Street for the pin. DiBiase and RHodes gave Orton an RKO afterward. Rhodes shouted at Orton, "So much for a leader." They posed like Orton in mocking fashion.

WINNERS: DiBiase in Rhodes in 12:00.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Good match. Rhodes and DiBiase had to win this one or else there was no point to continuing this feud. If they couldn't beat Orton two-on-one, what's the point of going forward with it?

-They showed Batista backstage watching a monitor. Matthews approached him and asked him about Cena saying he's counting on him to get involved in his match against Mr. McMahon later. He said he thinks Cena is getting paranoid. He said the match has nothing to do with him. He gave Matthews his word as WWE Champion that he will not get involved in his match. He told him to tell Cena "good luck." He said it seems like he could use a confidence boost.

-Cole plugged McMahon vs. Cena was up next. [c]

-Cole plugged the WWE.com tribute to women's wrestling history as part of Women's History Month.

-As Triple H's ring entrance began, Cole said viewers are watching the "longest running weekly episodic television show in history." He said Triple H is one of the reasons why. A video package aired on Sheamus-Triple H. Triple H listed all of the things he did to Sheamus. (Boy, Triple H talks like Raven. It's uncanny.) Sheamus interrupted him and walked out. Sheamus said he'll make his statement at WrestleMania if Triple H has the guts. Triple H said, "You've had a hell of a first year." He said it might be the greatest first year in the history of the business. (If we're counting WWE main roster careers, C.M. Punk is right there.) He said he's never been to WrestleMania, though. He said his accomplishments mean nothing until he does it at WrestleMania.

[Q5]

Triple H said when he first got to WWE he was on a rocket ship to the top and was undefeated. He said he was going to make a name for himself against a huge name at WrestleMania. "You know what happened?" he said. "I got crushed. And I went down into a pit of obscurity and I had to scratch and claw and dig myself out of the hole until I became the guy." He said now he's the guy everyone wants to step into the ring against to make a name against. He said those who succeeded launched to great heights. "Ask John Cena. Ask Batista," he said. But he said the longest list is the guys who failed at WrestleMania and went back to obscurity and "just a footnote in the history of WWE." He said it's a hell of a gamble. He told him he has to be willing to lay it all on the line for one shot. He told him before he takes that gamble, he better be sure.

Sheamus contemplated the words of Triple H and stepped backward. Then he leaped at Hunter. Hunter was ready and clotheslined him over the top rope to the floor. Sheamus yanked Triple H by his leg out of the ring and took control. He went for his running thrust Pump Kick, but Triple H ducked. They tumbled over the ringside barrier. Triple H tackled Sheamus from behind. Sheamus came back briefly and threw Hunter into the announce table head-first. Sheamus threw Hunter into the ring. Triple H gave him a spinebuster. Sheamus bailed out and retreated. Cole set the stage for their match at WrestleMania. Lawler said it'll be an epic confrontation. Cole asking if Sheamus is smart to put it all on the line for his one shot at immortality at WrestleMania. [c]

-Santino Marella introduced himself to Angle backstage. He said he is Italian and he comes from a long line of magical people. He showed him a trick of breaking his thumb off at the joint. He asked Santino to hide a knife under one of four cups while he turned his back. Angel then read which cup it was under based on feeling vibes from Santino's hand on his shoulder. He smashed the three without the knife. Santino said his heart was racing. [c]

4 -- EVAN BOURNE vs. WILLIAM REGAL (w/Sheffield) -- Money in the Bank Qualifier

Christian joined on commentary. Health Slater, his Rookie, stood behind him. Christian talked about the history of the MITB match at WrestleMania. Regal tossed Bourne around for a minute, but after Regal bragged to Sheffield at ringside, Bourne made a comeback and finished Regal suddenly with a shooting star press. Christian said he plans to launch himself to the WWE Title or World Title after winning MITB.

WINNER: Regal in 2:00.

[Q7]

-Cole listed all of the wrestlers in the MITB match. He said Shelton is in his fifth MITB match.

-A video package aired hyping Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels. [c]

-A video clip aired of Steve Austin giving Stunners to both Brock Lesnar and Goldberg at WrestleMania 20 in 2004. Then they announced that Austin would be guest host next week. That should help WWE battle TNA's assumed follow-up on the debut of RVD and "return" of Jeff Hardy after disappearing after Jan. 4.

-Cole and Lawler hyped the WrestleMania 26 line-up.

-A video package aired on the Vince-Bret feud. These video packages are TNA's best friend. [c]

[Q8]

-Cole and Lawer announced that next week would feature WrestleMania Rewind matches booked by Steve Austin: Cena vs. Show from WM20, Michaels vs. Jericho from WM19, and Triple H vs. Orton. Also, the official contract signing between Vince and Bret with Steve Austin overseeing things. If WWE had offered that line-up this week, everyone would be saying they were hot-shotting to compete with Impact. Now, it looks like they might be trying to crush Impact next week, but at least TNA knows what they're facing even though they're taping the show Tuesday.

-Chris Angel came out to a big pyro show. He walked out and looked comfortable, like he's performed in front of big crowds before. He asked Portland, "How the hell are we doing tonight!" He said he's honored to be on Raw. He asked if they were ready for him to "present the main event." He introduced John Cena first, then Vince McMahon. Angel seems "small" during ring announcements, in the sense that his voice didn't project well and was high-pitched and he just didn't ooze charisma at all for someone who is a big-time magician.

-McMahon addressed Bret Hart up in Calgary. He told him to enjoy the match. He said no disrespect to Chris Angel, but the result of this match won't be an illusion, because the reality is he'll be defeated 1-2-3. Why haven't Cole and Lawler said yet how ludicrous it is that McMahon thought he'd have a chance against Cena? By saying nothing, it infers they're thinking this is a reasonable one-on-one match. Anyway, McMahon revealed it's actually a handicapped gauntlet match.

5 -- JOHN CENA vs. VINCE MCMAHON & VLADIMIR KOZLOV & DREW MCINTYRE & MARK HENRY

Cole explained that McMahon apparently can tag himself in. Kozlov charged out and powered Cena to the mat. McMahon tagged himself in and made a cocky cover. Cena kicked out. McMahon then called out another opponent. McIntyre came out next. He continued the beatdown of Cena, giving him his finisher. McMahon tagged in again and made the cover, which was one of the most awkward in history. Cena kicked out. Jack "Remember Me?" Swagger charged out next. They cut to a sudden break. That may have been placed there due to Impact cutting to a break at the same time. [c]

Back from the break, about a minute after the TNA Impact main event began, Cena had Swagger down. Swagger surprised Cena with an amateur takedown and then hung him upside down in the corner. McMahon asked to be tagged in after Swagger's corner swing splash. Swagger, though, asked to give Cena one more move. McMahon smiled. Swagger hit another corner swing splash. McMahon tagged in and made the cover, but not before gloating. Cena kicked out. McMahon tried again. Cena kicked out again. Next out came Mark Henry.

[Q9]

After a powerslam by Henry, McMahon went for a cover. Cena kicked out again. McMahon jumped to ringside and grabbed the ring bell. He announced that the match is now a no-DQ handicapped gauntlet match. Cole said, "I guess when you're the boss, you can do what you want." McMahon handed Henry the bell and ordered him to hit Cena with it. Henry refused. Batista came out and speared Henry. He then kicked Henry in the head, sending him to the floor. Cole said Batista broke his word. Kofi Kingston's music played and he made the save. He pounced on Batista in the corner. Batista powerbombed Kingston out of the corner. Cena recovered and went on the attack on Batista. McMahon had the ring belt in his hand. He tried to hide it as Cena approached him. McMahon threw it to the floor and begged off. Cena lifted him and set up an Attitude Adjustment. Batista, though, speared Cena first, then gave him a Batista Bomb. McMahon then made the cover and scored the pin. Batista stood over Cena as the show ended.

WINNER: McMahon et al in 13:00.

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