Marc R. Warzecha, PWTorch contributor

Breaking Wire Newsbits:

…NANCY GRACE CELEBRATES MIRACULOUS 1,000TH DAY OF NEWS BREAKING RIGHT BEFORE SHE GETS ON THE AIR…(Media News)…

…SIGNATURE PHARMACY REQUIRES NO SIGNATURE …(Irony News)…

…CONFUSED HULK DENIES NICK RACED TO FRIEND'S BEDSIDE…(Hogan Knows Best Spoiler News)…

Wire full coverage:

BATISTA'S STATEMENT EDITED BY WWE
Sept 4, 2007

On Batista's official website, Demon-Wrestling.com, he issued a statement denying he was ever a customer of Signature Pharmacy and that ESPN was inaccurate in its report.

Batista attempted to be as honest as possible in his original rough draft of the statement. He did not want to embarrass WWE by lying, as so many WWE Superstars recently did.

WWS has obtained a copy of the original rough draft – before it was edited by WWE.

The edited wording remains here in italics:

"I categorically deny a report on ESPN.com, and repeated by other media outlets, that I am or ever have been a customer of Signature Pharmacy of Orlando, an on-line pharmacy company that is a target of an investigation by the Albany, New York District Attorney's Office. Don't get me wrong. I do use steroids. I use the hell out of steroids. I love steroids. How the hell could I look like this if I didn't?! It's not humanly possible.

I just didn't buy them at this place.

Once again though, just to be clear: I love steroids. I owe them a lot. A great career, money, women…

Thank you steroids. Thank you for everything.

But I digress, I am being tested regularly by the WWE, and I am in full compliance with the WWE Wellness Program. Seriously, I am. Can you believe that?! I look like THIS and I'm in compliance with the program!

Folks, this is a program a talentless guy like me can work with. If you saw my match at Summerslam you know that if I ain't got this body, I got nothing.

I regret the inaccurate reporting, and I will do all I can in the future to stop any publication or anyone from making such false accusations, by switching solely to HGH that I get from my private mark Doctor.

Thank you.

GUY WHO WORKS AT CINNABON FEELS SORRY FOR NICK DINSMORE
Sept 5, 2007

Some guy who works the 4:30am to 1:30pm Mon/Tues/Thursday shift at the Indianapolis International Airport Cinnabon felt sorry for Nick Dinsmore yesterday.

Nick Dinsmore – recently released from his WWE contact – stopped at the Cinnabon at 5:38am.

This dude who works there recognized him right away.

"I said, 'You're the retarded guy from WWE!' He shoots me this dirty look and says, 'I'm not really retarded, okay?'

"I apologized. I'm sure he's not really retarded although he seemed a little slow to me. I know it was 5 in the morning but still.

"So I try to be nice and say, 'you sure are good at being a retard.' He got super pissed and asked me what that's supposed to mean. Before I could answer he tells me it doesn’t matter anyways cause he just got fired.

"I felt really sorry for him. I said, 'Wow. Now you gotta go through your whole life as the guy who used to be a retarded pro wrestler.'

"He grabbed his Caramel Pecanbun and Chillatta and told me to f*** off."

PRESSURE GROWS AS TNA MOVES TO TWO HOURS
Sept 5, 2007

TNA and Spike TV have reached an agreement that will expand TNA Impact to two hours.

Jeff Jarrett, Vince Russo, Dutch Mantell, and the rest of the TNA creative team are already hard at work trying to come up with a new excuse for TNA's continued lack of success once they move to two hours.

The two hour excuse has worked well for a while now and the creative team will be hard pressed to find another excuse soon that is as effective, especially since so many excuses have already been used in TNA's past.

Some of the former excuses included:

-Needing to move away from an all PPV format

-Needing a weekly TV show

-Needing monthly PPVs

-Needing to get off of Fox Sports Net

-Needing Spike TV

-Needing Vince Russo back

-Needing a top tier star like Sting

-Needing a top tier star like Kurt Angle

-Needing to get on the road for some PPV's

-Needing mainstream publicity from Pac Man Jones

-Needing WWE to take a massive PR hit on a global scale to provide an opening for TNA to break through

The leading front runners for new excuses include needing Brock Lesner and more WWE stars, and/or the wrestling industry as whole being in a down cycle as a result of the steroid scandal.

Email me at: TorchWarz@yahoo.com

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