By Jon Mezzera, Torch Specialist

RAW HITS

None: Raw was terrible. It was bad from top to bottom, one of the worst ever. A few individual performers (Hornswoggle, Ron Simmons) might have been good enough to get Hits, but what they were involved in, and the over all quality of the show, are keeping them from the Hit Column. Even a solid match like the Mixed Tag Match was just too random (I’m a fan of Shelton Benjamin, but he lost clean to Jeff Hardy, so why is he still in a position to go after the Intercontinental Championship?) and sloppy (the moves between Hardy and Benjamin were not as crisp as last week) for me to give it a Hit (although not bad enough to not get a Miss). I had such a bad headache by the end of the show (mostly from the show) that I can’t justify any Hits.

RAW MISSES

Opening Segment: If the show was bad from top to bottom, then obviously it got off to a bad start. The problem with the opening segment is that it went on for way too long and tried to cover way too much territory. Coach was fine in his role and Hornswoggle was funny, but the opening segment also included the head scratching suspension of Randy Orton (more later), Vince McMahon interjecting himself into the Steel Cage Match (more later), and yet another example of one man being able to push past several others to attack another man. It was nearly 20 minutes long, and other than the Hornswoggle / Melina interaction, none of it was entertaining. It was boring. Where was the “we want wrestling” chant?

Orton’s Suspension: I don’t understand why WWE decided to have Coach suspend Randy Orton. What did it accomplish? It was confusing at the beginning as there was no reason for the suspension. Coach even made a mistake when he said that Orton used the handcuffs on Mr. Cena, when he used them on Mr. Cena’s son. I was confused at the initial announcement. Then I was more confused during Orton’s pretaped promo (which was a borderline Hit, but not quite good enough). He talked about his match at No Mercy as if he wasn’t suspended. I was more confused. Then during Coach’s cheesy meeting with the press (which could get a Miss on its own), he revealed that by “indefinitely” he really meant “24 hours.” Was it supposed to be a joke? Was it supposed to get the fans mad at Coach for saying one thing when he meant another? It made no sense and added nothing to the show. Orton could have been given the night off by Coach to make Cena even madder and it would have been much less confusing.

No Love For Teddy: It took Raw over 40 minutes to mention Teddy Long’s heart attack at the end of Smackdown last week. A major WWE persona was last seen passing out and laying unconscious. Shouldn’t the announcers have given an update on his condition at the start of the show? Instead they barely mentioned it well into the show.

Too Much Condemned: Just like when they built up to the theatrical release for Steve Austin’s movie, I will accept one bit of hype for the dvd release, but not two like we got this week. I will admit that interjecting Santino Marella into the previously aired video was a funny idea, but the execution wasn’t that funny (not nearly as funny as Santino has been recently). Plus we also got the video of Austin signing dvds. It was just too much dvd hype.

Diva Search: I will be brief as I don’t want this to be a recurring Miss, which is partially why the Diva Search hasn’t shown up in the Miss column yet. But I have to say that for it being a wwe.com exclusive, we are seeing on awful lot of it on Raw, ECW and Smackdown. I was happy a few weeks ago when they said that it was going to be a wwe.com exclusive, as I thought that there wouldn’t be much of it on t.v. As it turns out there has been as much as in past years, but just not live in the arena. That isn’t much better.

“Can You Keep a Secret?”: I was cringing in anticipation before Melina asked that question to Jillian Hall. This was a typical WWE scene in front of the cameras, while the performers act as if nobody was watching. I hate it when wrestlers talk about a secret plan on camera as if nobody is watching. WWE has done it this for years, but that doesn’t make it o.k.

Steel Cage Match: The idea of Triple H vs. Carlito in a Steel Cage Match was o.k. Unlike TNA, they at least announced it a week in advance. But like TNA, WWE found a way to mess it up. Having Vince in the match meant the match was going to be about a storyline, and not a good quality match. The match was boring. It was not fun or exciting to watch. Vince is too involved right now, from this feud with Triple H, to his interaction with Hornswoggle, to his involvement in the Cena vs. Coach feud. I was not happy when he announced his involvement in the match, nor was I happy watching that involvement. The announcers way over sold the impact of the loss on Triple H’s undefeated since returning from injury streak. It has only been a month! Plus, on wwe.com last week they showed exclusive footage during the Raw taping last week of McMahon telling Triple H his opponent at No Mercy is going to be Umaga, and yet here there was no mention of it. The Triple H vs. McMahon storyline is not being handled well.

Cade & Murdoch vs. London & Kendrick: WWE had enough crap filler in this show that they could have cut something out to give these two teams proper introductions and not join the match in progress. The match itself was good while it lasted, all of the 2 minutes that we saw. The idea was that London & Kendrick needed a win to get a Tag Title shot next week. They won via disqualification by the Highlanders (a heel turn for the baby face team that isn’t on enough to know that they were supposed to be baby faces), but somehow they don’t get a Title shot next week. Why not? They won the match, even if it wasn’t by pin fall. This use of the tag team division does not make up for being buried by Triple H last week.

Championship Surrender Ceremony: Why did Coach have a table in the ring for the Championship Surrender Ceremony? The behind the scenes reason is that they wanted a table in the ring to have Coach put through it, but from a storyline stand point, why did Coach have it in the ring? And how would Cena know about it in order to make a plan to have a Tables Match? I was hoping for a Stone Cold moment where Cena would give up the title because he would rather get his hands on Coach. But after a very long and awkward stare down, WWE went the route of making it a joke on Coach. The reveal that Hornswoggle was the Mr. McMahon who had made the match was funny, but too little too late to save the bad segment. It was a chance to do something different, but WWE wussed out on it and it was a fitting end to a very bad show.

Jon Mezzera is PWTorch.com's Hitlist Specialist, providing his point of view in the Torch's hitlist format for Raw, Smackdown, ECW, and TNA Impact each week. Email him at jmezz-torch@sbcglobal.net.

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