WWS Editor Marc R. Warzecha

WWS has aquired an exclusive audio recording of a WWE Creative meeting headed by WWE chairman Vince McMahon. A transcript follows:

VINCE MCMAHON

My announcement last night on RAW took unmitigated testicular fortitude. I’m doing something that’s never been done before in the history of television: giving away one million dollars!

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #1

Mr. McMahon? I’m...ah...so sorry to have to tell you this but...ah...this is NOT the first time one million dollars has been given away on television.

VINCE MCMAHON

What? YOU’RE FIRED!

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #1

Nice working with you all.

VINCE MCMAHON

How could this happen? We built the entire show toward my huge ‘never before done on television” announcement.

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #2

Well sir, you didn’t tell any of us what it was going to be.

VINCE MCMAHON

YOU’RE FIRED!

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #2

Nice working with you all this week.

VINCE MCMAHON

You’re telling me that a million dollars has been given away on television before?

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #3

Many times sir. On Deal or No Deal, The Price is Right Million Dollar Challenge, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire...

VINCE MCMAHON

YOU’RE FIRED!

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #3

It’s been a pleasant three days working here.

VINCE MCMAHON

I look like an ass. Now I have to come up with a new “never before done television” idea. Lucky for everyone here, I’m a genius.

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #4

Yes, you are sir.

VINCE MCMAHON

I like you. When did you start?

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #4

This morning, sir.

VINCE MCMAHON

Watch out, Brisco. This one’s breathing down your neck.

GERALD BRISCO

He sure is, sir.

VINCE MCMAHON

YOU’RE FIRED!

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #4

Mr. Brisco, aren’t you going to leave?

GERALD BRISCO

He fires me all the time. I just don’t go. I haven’t been paid since ‘92.

VINCE MCMAHON

I’ve been kicking this idea around: What if we sent a group of WWE Superstars to an island. Each week they have a challenge to see who gets eliminated. The survivor gets the million dollars.

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #4

Been done, sir. It’s called Survivor.

VINCE MCMAHON

YOU’RE FIRED!

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #4

It’s been an amazing day working with you all.

VINCE MCMAHON

Forget the million! Its a show about six WWE superstars who hang out in a coffee house and are all great friends...

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #5

Been done. It’s called Friends.

VINCE MCMAHON

YOU’RE FIRED!

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #5

I technically haven’t been hired yet. I just started filling out my W2 and they were going to photocopy my Driver's License and Social Security Card. They told me to jump into this meeting and...

VINCE MCMAHON

You’re hired.

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #5

Thank you.

VINCE MCMAHON

YOU’RE FIRED!

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #5

Of course.

VINCE MCMAHON

How about this one? There’s a group of WWE Superstars all playing New Yorkers who go on and on about nothing.

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #6

That’s Seinfeld.

VINCE MCMAHON

YOU’RE FIRED! So, we re-sign Scott Hall and Cristy Hemme. He plays a Cuban bandleader and she’s the red-headed wife who always wants to be in the show.

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #7

I Love Lucy.

VINCE MCMAHON

YOU’RE FIRED! So it’s Matt Striker as a compassionate teacher returning to his inner city high school.

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #8

Welcome Back Kotter.

VINCE MCMAHON

YOU’RE FIRED! Here it is: John Cena is a normal guy living in Chicago. Suddenly his long lost cousin Umaga shows up and moves in with him even though they’re strangers. It’s perfect.

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #9

Perfect Strangers.

VINCE MCMAHON

YOU’RE FIRED! I was thinking, what if JBL got shot...

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #10

Dallas.

VINCE MCMAHON

YOU’RE FIRED! How about we have camera crews follow WWE Superstars around and wait for them to get arrested. Then we...

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #11

Cops.

VINCE MCMAHON

YOU’RE FIRED! It’s Pat Patterson as a lawyer...

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #12

Will and Grace.

VINCE MCMAHON

YOU’RE FIRED! Booker T and Sharmell open a chain of laundromats and get rich.

MICHAEL HAYES

I hate it.

VINCE MCMAHON

YOU’RE...suspended. How about a show with Michael Hayes starring as basically himself.

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #13

All in the Family.

VINCE MCMAHON

YOU’RE FIRED! Somebody in this room toss out an idea!

RANDOM-YOUNG-JUST-HIRED WRITER #14

Sir? How about...ah...a pro wresting show with great matches, compelling episodic storylines, and intriguing characters?

VINCE MCMAHON

YOU’RE FIRED! No one would watch that crap.

Email WWS editor Marc R. Warzecha at: TorchWarz@yahoo.com

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