The Specialists
LOGIC CHECK - 8/18 RAW: Keeping tabs on what made sense, what tested suspension of disbelief, and what was just ridiculous Aug 19, 2008 - 10:28:08 PM
Greetings Torch readers, welcome, once again, to the Logic Check, where I strive to keep an ever watchful eye on our collective suspension of belief. Summerslam has come and gone so join me as I focus on the first edition of Raw and the inevitable Unforgiven hype...
I prefer my championship matches over easy...
Mike Adamle unveiled his latest "Adamle Original" last night which was the main event for Unforgiven; a five man match with a twenty minute time limit where with each successive pin, we get a new World champion and whoever is the champion at the end of twenty minutes is the new World champion. The five men included are JBL, Kane, Batista, John Cena and the champ, C.M. Punk.
Thoughts: This match is so far beyond stupid that stupid actually looks smart. Whoever thought this up should be fired on the spot, locked in a cage and forbidden to even think about wrestling for a period of at least 5 years. Aside from the fact that this concept is hardly original, is the fact that half of Punk's contenders lost at Summerslam (one of them to Punk himself, for the second time). What exactly has Kane done to deserve a title match? Same goes for Cena and JBL. Nothing, yet we get no explanation as to why they are still contenders. Why is this WWE PPV main event, with 5 of the biggest stars in the company, being given only 20 minutes? Doesn't this type of match seem more suited for the Intercontinental title? All these questions and we aren't going to get any answers. Here's a good rule to go by: If it takes longer to explain the match then it does to actually wrestle it; your match is too complicated.
Continuity? Shhh, keep it on the D-Lo...
D-Lo Brown was the first challenger to Santino Marella's newly won Intercontinental championship due to the fact that D-Lo had defeated Santino upon his return to the WWE.
Thoughts: When I saw D-Lo come out to face Santino, my jaw hit the floor. The reason for this is because it makes perfect sense which also makes the rest of show all the more strange. It just boggles my mind at how WWE creative can be so inconsistent with their booking to the point where a throwaway mid-card feud makes more sense than the feud for the World championship.
The Big Red Eviscerator
Kane came out and explained that the reason he "figuratively eviscerated" Rey Mysterio was simply because Kane doesn't like Rey, or those who wear masks evidently, before comparing Rey to a fly and fungus. He claimed to have left Rey's spirit "broken, crushed and dead." Batista interupted the proceedings and it was made apparent that this whole mask angle was just a set-up to another Batista/Kane feud.
Thoughts: If I've got this right, Kane gave Rey a thorough tongue lashing, causing Rey to vanish off the face of the earth for the last six weeks, which is probably news to Mysterio's family. Riiiight. When this angle initially took off, I was somewhat intrigued by how it could end. When the mask was revealed to be Rey Mysterio's, I was a little more intrigued with the possibilities. Now, I'm completely turned off because this entire angle is missing the one thing that could possibly make it work: Rey Mysterio.
At least he didn't come out wearing a wife beater...
Chris Jericho opened Raw for us with a diatribe, void of compassion and decency, that attempted to explain his "fracturing" of Rebecca Michaels' jaw. He naturally blamed Michaels for bringing his wife to the ring in the first place while absolving himself of any actual blame. Jericho then took pride in the fact that the "last" wrestling memory for Shawn Michaels would be the cradling of his unconcious wife's head in the middle of the ring.
Thoughts: Jericho's performances of late have been almost perfect. The way he changed his attire and ring entrance to showcase how he has matured was a stroke of genius and his unwavering belief in his own righeousness is probably my favorite character quality. .He has been the best thing about Raw for the last month. Yet, given all that, he gets left out of the Championship Scramble (which we will probably see him added to after beating the World champ last night). What I don't like is how last night we got Jericho/Punk II with barely any build-up when this is the match that should be headlining PPV's right now.
Welcome to Chicago, MF...
Last night, C.M. Punk decided to to dish out what Shawn Michaels couldn't. His backstage promo was excellent as he came across as a believable tough guy who stands up for those who can't stand up for themselves. The crowd was incredibly into whatever Punk said and did, which you would expect for the hometown hero. Then the hometown hero got his welcome home present, courtesy of the WWE, as he lost via pinfall to Jericho after the Codebreaker.
Thoughts: I just don't get how they expect Punk to get over as the champion when he is an afterthought most weeks. It leads one to think that they wrote the show and then remembered that they left him off it. Not letting him come out and do his promo live in the ring was a complete waste. The pops that he received during his promo would have been much bigger had he actually been allowed to face the live audience. If the WWE is going to give Punk a chance, give him the chance. Book him to his strengths and he will get over. Book him like John Cena and he won't.
Logistical Ruminations
- Mike Adamle has X-ray vision. That's the only way to explain how he saw John Cena in the hallway.
- The Mike Adamle experiment is a gigantic bust. This guy is never going to get any better, ever. He can't even read of his own script without stumbling over his words. Does he even practice?
- Nice knowing ya, Paul Burchall. Unfortunately, he can't hear the fat lady singing as far under as he's been buried.
- Glamerlla has huge potential as a comedy act only because Santino's involved. The guy could recite the alphabet and still be entertaining.
- If Chris Jericho has matured, one would think he'd change his entrance music.
- Please don't let the temporary move to Sci-Fi, next week, inspire Sci-Fiesque booking from creative.
- I didn't realize fractured jaw meant fat lip. Guess I should have gone to medical school.
- The tag champs are neutered once again on national TV. Gee, I wonder why tag teams never get over? Maybe it has something to do with their consistent losing of handicap matches.
- Poor Jaime Noble. He gets severely beaten by JBL and there is no sign that his angle with Layla is moving forward. The guy deserves better, plain and simple.
- Did you hear the complete lack of response to JBL's beatdown? JBL needs to become a manager or the general manager because this whole return to wrestling thing just isn't working out. His matches are dull, his body is atrocious and the only keeping him on the roster is the fact that he can talk. So why don't we just let him do that? Or at least, force him to wrestle in a bra. The motion of his ocean is starting to give me headaches.
- No one called that double underhook backbreaker of Punk's by it's proper name (Welcome to Chicago) which is odd seeing as how it fit in perfectly with the story of the match.
The Judgement:
This show was so mind-boggingly bad from a consistent storyline perspective. So many logic holes, so few explanations; yet they wonder why their ratings are nowhere near what they used to be. If you book for idiots, only idiots will watch. Of course, that may just be what they want.
Score: 3.0
That's it for this edition of the Logic Check and, boy, does my head hurt. WWE really needs to make up their mind about what they want to be. With so many angles going in so many directions, with no hope of a logical conclusion (save for Michaels/Jericho), I am almost scared for what their ratings will be once the football season begins. I'll be back tomorrow with a look at ECW, featuring the ECW title main event re-match of Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry which should be good as they will actually be given time to wrestle. What a concept.
I would like to take this time and thank whoever forwarded me that 419 email. Upon collecting my 23 million dollars, I'll be sure to send you a nice fruit basket.
Got a comment? A difference of opinion? Drop me a line at adunn.torch@gmail.com.
ABOUT ME:
I've been a wrestling fan for twenty years, I reside in Dallas, TX and the Cowboys are Superbowl bound. And yes, I know what their preseason record is.
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