By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Specialist

This Report's Theme: Professing My Man-Crush for Matt Striker

Jericho and Michaels Going At A Steady Pace

What I like most about this feud is that there is very little wasted motion or effort in hyping this feud. It is not too much or too little. It is going at a deliberate pace. The performances of both men have been great in this feud and that is why I say this is the WWE feud of the year. Impressive video package, with the tone and the music. Fractured jaw? I was brought back to when Robert Roode punched Booker's wife Sharmell. Did that feud really go anywhere? I am not really sure what the plan is for Lance Cade out there, or if there was a plan for him in the first place. The best wrestlers and the best feuds tap into genuine human emotion. Jericho-Michaels taps into such genuine emotions because everything that they have said about the other is true. It just depends on the view a person takes. That is why it is enjoyable, because you are involved in the story (even though it is the same old song and dance of hyping a feud). Many times feuds tap into cheap and fake human emotions. It is not to say that these feuds cannot work to some degree, but do they make a lasting effect? The answer is no.

The Gamble On The Scramble

Oh, Mike Adalme. Do I really believe a guy who reads directly from a script? Not so much. Like most wrestling fans when Adalme begin to read off the rules of the Championship Scramble, I begin to whine and complain. I guess it is like King of the Mountain, but no ladders or penalty boxes. Probably a way to pad the wrestler's stats, and C.M. Punk could be said to have won over four other men. If Kane comes down the ring as the 6x time world champion after Unforgiven, then there will be some problems. Maybe you writers should spend a little less time playing Madden 09 and more time making sure that your big PPV match is near bulletproof logically. Already there are visions of the ref counting two men pinned at the same time…bad storylines afterwards…nooooo…

This Kane Angle Is Like A Fungus That Grows In The Marshes Of Your Psyche

Seriously, who writes this garbage? Harley Race should have jumped the barrier and busted open Kane's eyebrow for saying such trite. According to Kane, Rey Mysterio, a WWE employee, has been kidnapped, tortured, beaten physically and mentally, and the folks over at WWE could not care less. You would think that the powers of the WWE would at least have police question Kane on the whereabouts of Mysterio, or bring him in for questioning? Perhaps suspend or fire Kane for kidnapping one of its stars? I guess not. Because Kane has got that 1997 music going on now and that is just too scary. Of course you will not see a segment like the one I mentioned above, because that would mean that the writers would confess that they screwed up. The burlap bag bit was just nonsense. This is just a way for Batista and Kane to start a semi-feud and to stall for time while Mysterio returns at a PPV. Mysterio has been locked inside Kane's basement and will make a dramatic comeback during a PPV that will sure to be groan inducing. Kane being placed in a badly written Raw storyline that is illogical? No way!

How The Tag Team Champs Could Not Win A Victory Over One Man

It appears that it will be Dibase and Rhodes vs. Cryme Tyme in some fashion. I enjoyed watching these guys work against Cena. Could Raw actually build up two tag teams? From the current standpoint all answers point to no. But I would applaud them if they did. The STFU was better applied this time. Unless you miss the comical expression that Cena would put on when locking in this hold. On one hand you got people saying that people will pay more attention to the Raw tag team champs (quick, who is the Smackdown tag team champs?) by being in the same room as Cena and Batista. On the other hand you got people pointing out the incredulous nature of Cena's comeback. Cena needed a win here to get the ball rolling, but did he need a win over both of the tag team champs? Absolutely not. Just pretty stupid that two guys could not find the victory over a man who had a grueling match less than 24 hours ago. They must suck a lot. Just nonsense. I did enjoy watching Cena getting beat up by my boys, but everybody knew that Cena was not going to lose. They will probably pull up reports and statistics showing that tag teams don't draw on Raw, but that is nonsense. Why would you blame the fans for changing the channel when you are serving up Rhodes-Holly vs. Carlito-Santino for the 10th time? Raw putting a Rhodes-Dibase match that lasts longer than 10 minutes and gets them a convincing win? We'll see.

The Propaganda Spewing Robot and The One-Liner

Jerry Lawler was in rare form tonight. Love those one-liners he throws out. The WWE propaganda spewing Michael Cole can be best described at times as robotic. I groaned in disgust as Michael Cole shamelessly said that Paul Burchill could knock off Batista. What a feather in the cap it would be. Stop me if you heard these lines before. Burchill could not defeat Kofi Kingston and they are expecting fans to believe that the pirate could pull off an upset, even with Batista's knee. Right. What a sight it would be if Burchill did win. The crowd would be stunned and probably boo WWE out of the building. It would be refreshing if they stop spewing the same old lines. I did like the line of JBL firing his employees in the storyline sense. "Cena is better than everyone!" Once again, who writes this stuff?

Other Various Tidbits

A chance to win bikinis from WWE.com? Creepy....Hey, Motorhead for Unforgiven... Rain effect for Unforgiven video package... Liked the faraway shot showing whole arena...


RAW'S FINAL VERDICT: In The Middle Of Absurdity

Jericho vs. Michaels seems to have solid bits every week. The Kane bit and Cena channeling his inner Hulk Hogan was just horrendous. Throw in a Batista squash and a stale Santino bit and you have Raw.

ECW
August 19, 2008

Mark Henry And His Heelish Laugh

I like the bit where big ol Mark Henry is pulling up 80 pound dumbbells (I can do 20 pounds myself). That is more effective to me than bending frying pans. I do applaud WWE for giving the fans the true matchup that should have taken place at the PPV. The main event was a example of what the entire show felt like: it felt like a timewarp back to AWA or early 90s WWE matches. The main event was not much: just a bunch of holds by Henry. However simple it was, it was still effective. I'll take effective over fast-paced but confusing any day.

So How's The Charred Flesh of Edge Doing?

Wrestling is surely moving forward. Back in the day when somebody was lit on fire, the announcers could not stop talking about it. Edge being burned alive by Undertaker at the end of Summerslam was a cool visual but it is very odd that there is virtually no mention whatsoever of Edge by WWE. I guess WWE assumes that fans would not believe that Edge was really burned alive and that it is all part of a storyline. I think I can do without WWE announcers putting on their sad faces and speak somber about the latest tragic storyline, be it the death of the chairman or HBK's wife getting punched. This is an example of going to the well far too often. So, WWE, how is the injured WWE chairman? Did somebody plan the attack? How is Edge doing? You will find this a lot in wrestling: The wrestling company portrays something as a big deal, but because they do not have a real answer or plan, then nothing is said about it and fans are just supposed to forget about it.

The Braden Walker Syndrome

Remember Braden Walker? He was this big time free agent over from TNA. Two weeks and he is out. I do not want to tune in to see a bunch of new guys who do not go anywhere in WWE. That is why I like the Ricky Ortiz vs. Gavin Spears match. If you are going to bring guys in, might as well bring them in to feed a guy. Ortiz's towel is not the Steeler's Terrible Towel, but it is something amusing. Ortiz throws up a semi-Diamond Cutter sign and lands his big move: a running body splash. Man, this show was a timewarp. I dig the camera interviews (just like the old days) but I could do without the very serious promos by guys like Gavin Spears, who looks like the son of Randy Orton and Jamie Noble. Somewhat interested in seeing Finlay vs. Mike "The Dessert Destroyer" Knox. At least they had the good sense of not dragging this thing out.

Matt Striker's Catchphrases

Only in ECW will you hear Striker throw out lines like "O.G. of extreme". I like Matt Striker announcing because he just gets it. If Mike Adalme was a reason to not watch ECW, Matt Striker is becoming a reason to watch it.

ECW'S FINAL VERDICT: A Little Absurd

ECW opened up with a fun opening match, a manageable Ortiz match, a standard Finlay-Knox confrontation, and a main event that was old-school but still effective. Not bad, but not great either.

LEAVING YOU WITH MY ABSURD THOUGHT: If you watched the start of Raw, perhaps you saw a fan dressed up as a clown sitting by the front row. He had his little clown buddy. The clown guy had a sign that said, "No Clowning Around." Ha ha. Clown flipping off Batista. Heh heh. By the Cena match Clown guy and his little buddy were gone. Ho ho. Here is the WWE version of what probably happened. The clowns were becoming too disruptive and were escorted out. Here is what probably happened. The powers of the WWE said, "Dammnit we cannot do a serious promo or match if there is a damn clown in the front row! Get rid of him! Now!"

It is a new day and age, but wrestling is still a place where you have the freedom to cheer and boo. Unlike any sport, wrestling allows you to create signs, dress up as your favorite characters, be unique, start up chants, etc. Case in point: some baseball stadiums do not allow fans to wear t-shirts or hold signs that say the other team sucks. The NFL is implanting a new "fan conduct" policy that will probably make watching the game on TV more enjoyable. Obviously there is a fine line between lewd behavior, swearing, and violent actions that cross the line. But what I am seeing a lot in wrestling lately is that the true wrestling audience is being taken away one bit at a time. I brought up the clown example because I wonder at times how far wrestling companies will go in dealing with audiences.

We already know that both WWE and TNA will confiscate signs if the signs do not agree with the company. But what would happen if for a televised show front row fans all dressed up like clowns? Or turned their backs during a lame promo that the company was trying to hype up as important? (I would like to see this pulled off somehow. A character is trying to gain the audience approval but everybody is turning their back on him).

It must be noted that WWE, for the most part, does a better job of treating its fans. I have not gone to see Impact live in the Impact zone, but I have heard stories about VIP treatment and whatnot. I also do not trust what TNA shows me the audience. We already know that they will use previous camera shots that show the crowd going crazy. I would not put it past them to have Jeremy Borash go out and say, "Ok, whoever goes the craziest will get a backstage pass, free candy, whatever". Genuine human emotion is what I am stressing. I know that I am not mentioning a lot of other wrestling companies, I am only mentioning the major two in America. Feel free to send me a email to let me know of your opinion/personal story on how your wrestling company treats its fans.

Perhaps one of the greatest things about wrestling, be it better or for worse, is that fans generally feel like they are connected. If wrestling companies start to dilute the audience until you cannot tell if you are experiencing genuine human emotion, then that is a problem.

"The Absurdity of it All" will appear every Wednesday and Saturday. Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com.

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