The Specialists
LOGIC CHECK - 8/22 TNA IMPACT: Keeping tabs on what made sense, what tested suspension of disbelief, and what was just ridiculous Aug 22, 2008 - 12:41:42 PM
Hello again, Torch readers, and welcome back to the Logic Check, where I do my best to make sense out of wrestling so you don't have to. We've got a heaping helping of Impact on the menu today so grab your utensils, unbuckle your belts and don't forget to tip your waitress...
While my guitar gently weeps...
A.J. Styles, in a gracious mood, decided to give Kurt Angle a chance to win his gold medal back but in typical TNA fashion, A.J. had to challenge Kurt to a ladder match because, apparently, just straight up wrestling for it is too boring. Also in typical TNA fashion, Booker T, Sharmell and Samoa Joe were at ringside to distract everybody from our main event. A.J. and Kurt had their ladder match, without really using the ladder, and as we approached the top of the hour, naturally, everything broke down and what was happening outside the ring took precedence over the actual wrestling. Booker T hit Joe with a bat, leaving the Angry Samoan out cold. Kurt and A.J. battled atop the ladder, the lights went out and the most annoying theme song in TNA started blaring. The lights come back on, A.J. has the guitar and he bashes Kurt in the head which drops him down to the mat, allowing A.J. to grab the gold medal.
Thoughts: This is just ridiculous. Why is TNA acting like there is only one black bat in the world? Why, considering all their cameras and the fact that they have shown Sting in the rafters before, doesn't TNA have footage of who is dropping all these objects from the skies? Is it that hard to point a camera towards the rafters once the lights go out? Why, after weeks of telling us that Sting is the one dropping bats, have they failed to even mention Jarrett's name? This whole New Blood-Old Blood feud, that they seem to be building towards, didn't work in WCW and it isn't going to work now. Also, it sure was nice of TNA to delude the ladder match concept some more. Did you notice that the ladder was barely in play until the finish? Gimmick matches just for the sake of gimmick matches hurt the effectiveness of the same gimmick matches drawing in the future. This entire match was pointless. What was actually progressed? Each character involved is in the same exact position they were in before this match took place. Angle still hates A.J., A.J. still has the gold medal, Booker still hates Joe and vice versa and no one "knows" who is dropping the guitars from the ceiling. A waste of time, a waste of a ladder match and a huge waste of talent.
I, now, pronounce you...a complete moron...
So Cal Val showed up on Karen's Angle to talk about her love triangle with Sonjay Dutt and Jay Lethal. After some "hard-hitting" questions from Karen, Sonjay dropped by to talk to Val about Lethal's ultimatum. Playing the sympathetic ear, Sonjay proceeded to express his undying love and devotion to the Pride of So Cal. As Val took all this in, Dutt, in full-on douchebag mode, told her that he would never try to force Val to make a decision under such time constraints. This, for some reason, resonated with Val and she allowed Sonjay to swoop in for a kiss. Before the fireworks could go off, Lethal made his feelings known by spearing Dutt through the couch and attempting to pound the Guru right out of Sonjay. Val tried to get in the middle but ended up getting elbowed by Black Machismo for her efforts. A concussion and some facial bruising later and we have some more trouble in paradise.
Thoughts: I almost don't know where to begin. Would someone please explain to me why Lethal hasn't compiled weeks of Impact footage, sat Val on a couch and calmly walked her through the last couple of months? What exactly are these two doing, during the 6 days, that we don't see them on Impact? TNA, evidently, wants us to believe that these two are only together on Thursdays. Why didn't Karen Angle ask Val why she continues to trust Sonjay, given everything that he's done? Why was Val smiling during her introduction? Isn't this supposed to be the most mentally exhausting period of her life? In order for this angle to work, we have to be able to feel sorry for Val but it's so incredibly difficult to feel sorry for someone as completely dense as she is portrayed to be. TNA dropped the ball with this program, big time. They've drawn it out for too long, they've tried to be too cute with the booking and because of this, when Val inevitably turns on Lethal (all signs point to No Surrender), no one is going to care.
The Brothers of Devastation...
Another week, another Matt Morgan squash as he played Elliot Ness to Frankie's Capone. After the match, Brother Ray came down to the ring to taunt the Blueprint with his legendary class and wit. Morgan, apparently not comprehending why the man is called Brother Ray, got jumped from behind by Brother Devon. A beatdown, of sorts, took place until Morgan's BFF, Abyss, slowly made his way down for the save. Team 3D made their escape and the B.O.D. were left in the ring, presumably so they could roar at each other some more.
Thoughts: So now the pseudo-Undertaker is teaming up with the pseudo-Kane? Yawn. Matt Morgan, who is a remarkable physical specimen and great on the stick, is just so vanilla in the ring. Splash in the corner, bicycle kick, Hell-evator, rinse and repeat. At least he dropped the walking on the ropes spot, I guess because it made what he is attempting to be a little too obvious. You get the feeling that TNA paired these two together because they couldn't come up with anything for these guys to do as singles wrestlers. Abyss is truly in a tough spot because after years of thumbtacks, chairshots, barbed wire and tables and the way that TNA has portrayed him, no one wants to watch this guy have an actual wrestling match. Who among us yearns to see Abyss cinch in a wristlock or a headlock or chain wrestle? TNA spent most of Abyss's career hitting him with every foreign object that wasn't nailed down in the Impact Zone and now they expect us to buy him as a wrestler? That's a tough sell and that's also why we'll see Abyss revert back to his old self sooner rather than later.
The Motor City Water Pistols...
Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin continued their downward slide through the TNA ranks as they lost to BG James and Eric Young, who were teaming for the first time. Trying to be cute, TNA had both BG and Eric drop down in fear of Eric's mighty pyro. The MCMG dominated the match with their fast-paced tandem offense only to come up short in the end after Eric pinned Sabin with his wheelbarrow neckbreaker. After the match, everyone attempted to show some man love but due to some condescending tousling, Sabin slapped James to start a pull-apart brawl between the two teams.
Thoughts: When Shelley slapped Consequences Creed two weeks ago and Sabin looked confused, I thought that we had a MCMG break-up coming. Thankfully, it appears as though TNA is keeping the team together and turning them heel. What should be a fresh start for the Guns will probably end up with them being rendered an afterthought considering the roll TNA creative is on lately which is a gigantic shame since TNA had a great chance to make real stars out of both men. It's still not too late for them to turn this around but, seriously, who believes that will happen?
Farewell from Skull Island...
Gail Kim finished up her run with TNA last night as she participated in a street fight with the Awesome Kong. Showing up in true street fighter gear, a mid-riff exposing wifebeater and daisy dukes (not that I'm complaining), Gail took the fight to Kong all across the Impact Zone. Chairs and canes were tossed in the mix as well as the requisite outside interference from that white girl pretending to be an Arab. Gail's sister watched with sheer anxiety as her hero tried valiantly to fend off Kong but, alas, it was not to be as Gail fell victim to the Implant Buster. Kong tried to give Gail a nice going away present onto a steel chair; however, Gail's sister hopped into the ring to cover Gail before ODB and Roxxi came down to clear the ring.
Thoughts: Kong needs to start wrestling men because it's just too hard to believe Kong when she sells for these girls who are half her size. Gail threw about 60 forearms shots and not a one looked like it even fazed Kong. Actually, all of the offense by Gail looked rather ineffective. It's too bad Gail Kim is headed back up north as she was the lynchpin of the entire Knockouts division but there are plenty of talented women left so it's not like the division can't go on without her. And we get yet another waste of TV time from TNA as whatever they had planned for Katie Kim is now rendered moot.
Logistical Ruminations
- A.J. Styles is not an Olympic gold medalist.
- Hernandez continues to be on the bright spots on Impact but it's too bad Super-Mex still can't figure out how mad he is at Beer Money. One would think that he would try to take out both Roode and Storm rather than just pin them.
- Why exactly is BG James afraid of pyro? Hasn't he been around it for the better part of his career?
- Booker T talking about his match with the Rhinoceros was hilarious.
- Now we know why it's called Karen's Angle.
- Kevin Nash was his usual disinterested self. But who can blame him? At least Harley Race got to sit down.
- Rhino officially became my new favorite TNA wrestler when he said what we are all thinking: There's too much drama and not enough wrestling.
- Poor Kip James. Reduced from Mega-Star to make-up artist in just a few weeks.
- If you blinked, you probably missed the Beauttiful People/Taylor Wild backstage segment. I wish I would have.
- I, for one, am looking forward to the Rock & Rave Infection/Prince Justice Brotherhood feud. And I have no idea why.
- Does anyone in TNA know what the mile-high club is? Please stop using that term in reference to two men wrestling.
- I guess Abyss only saves TNA contracted wrestlers.
The Judgement:
This was terrible. Horrendous booking, laughable progressions, of both characters and feuds, and it's frenetic pace made this a show well worth going out of your way to avoid. The wrestling was decent and I will say that everyone on the roster tried to make the best out of what they were given but something needs to be done about TNA creative. Whether it's ripping of gimmicks from WWE or recycling awful gimmicks from WCW, it has become increasingly evident that those in charge of the ship have no clue what direction they are headed in.
Score: 1.0 (to coincide with the rating)
That's it for this edition of the Logic Check. I'll be back on Saturday with my thoughts on Smackdown and the fallout from Undertaker setting Edge on fire at Summerslam which should be interesting, to say the least. I also hope to debut a new feature but we'll see if time constraints prevent me from doing so.
Got a comment? Want to make a suggestion? Drop me a line at adunn.torch@gmail.com.
ABOUT ME:
I'm a wrestling fan of 20 plus years, I reside in Dallas, Tex. and I volunteer for the job of comforting Katie Kim.
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