By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Specialist

IMPACT
August 28, 2008

The Stinger Convention To Restore Faith In TNA

Impact opened up with a massive, bold title: "Sting Speaks!". There was no trace of desperation here at all. You often have to wonder about wrestling. What was more important tonight: Hearing Barack Obama make his speech at the Democrat Convention or hearing Sting try to salvage a weak storyline? Hear about Obama's plan for saving our crumbling nation or watch as the lights go out (Oooo) and Jeff Jarrett's music hits? Do people in Congress watch wrestling? The answer is probably no. Nobody in their right mind would watch another Karen's Angle if they had to. That is the test right there before Karen's Angle gets taken off due to poor ratings: Make one Karen's angle actually good and worth watching.

I did like it when A.J. Styles said at the open of the show that his relationship with Christian Cage was dysfunctional: "From brothers to bitter enemies to now getting along again." Yes, that is how important heels and faces are in TNA. People can change from heel to face as easily as they can change their socks. Too bad this method of action leaves no true effect on fans. I am surprised that TNA even went back to the gold medal storyline. It is in good hands? Bad skit alert. Did like the guitar video package (boy, smashing stuff sure is fun heehee). The show ended with a nice interaction between Sting and A.J. Styles. I can actually choose sides in this feud (gasp!) and I am interested to see where they take this. Kudos for TNA for not dragging this thing out.

The Miserable Prick Known As Joe

While Sting may have come up smelling like roses, the world champion Samoa Joe is not doing so good. Joe! A champion you cannot cheer for! Joe! A person you would not invite to your party! Joe! A miserable prick! Was not sure how to react when told that Kevin Nash does it all for the money. Was not sure what to think after Nash's very slow running legdrop to the back of Kurt Angle. If you have not seen it, be assured that jaws were dropping around the Impact Zone. Yikes. Then for some reason Nash slaps Joe at the announce table for not paying attention to him. Joe storms the ring while Mike Tenay pleads, "Joe! Your temper! Joe! We must push this angle! Joe!" Ugh.

Just because a wrestler has a gimmick or a trait does not mean that trait should be expressed. Joe's temper angle is just horrible. For one, Joe on every Impact is pissed off. He is pissed off at everything. The valet did not park his car right. The lights are too bright. It is too hot in the arena. You get the feeling that he is miserable to be around. Never smiling. Never laughing. Always screaming at the top of his lungs that he is going to crush anybody who gets in his way. Like if a kitten crawled on his lap he would snap. I understand that TNA has this temper thing going because it makes Joe to be this loner badass, but it just makes him annoying and not fun to be around. I am hoping that this mentor angle drops soon and changes are made to Joe.

Total Nonstop Pointless Interviews and Crazy Editing

Around the time of the Nash interview I was yelling at my TV, "Come on! How many interviews can one show do?" This Impact proceeded to do interviews with nearly everybody on the roster. Not too sure why they were so many interviews on this show. Not really their strong point. Was not too sure why there was a random Cross the Line video package, but I will take that instead of an uncomfortable Abyss skit. You know. Where Abyss and Chris Parks channel Mankind. Could manage Abyss explaining himself. It is still crap, but it is crap with a purpose. Then of course Abyss stands over Karen Angle and proceeds to profess his love or something. Nothing quite like unwatchable filler. The editing was so choppy and unprofessional to squeeze every shot of this crappy skit. This stuff is noticeable and looks bad. Team 3D do something with Booker. It does not matter if you did not catch it. What happened with Matt Morgan and Team 3D? Did not draw enough ratings? At least TNA had the good sense that the less said about the Jay Lethal-Sonjay Dutt feud, the better.

There is nothing wrong with having a lot of skits or interviews. Problem was tonight that these skits were ineffective or in large part just filler. But I guess you can have a lot of skits if you put together a lot of forgettable action in the ring. There was a Curryman-Jimmy Rave match that I watched and I have no idea what happened. Maybe it was all the camera shots to Christy Hemme. The quick camera work. Or the fact that the match itself was so pointless. What did I care if Jimmy won? Camera work sometimes on this show resembles novices learning what the zoom button works.

No hard feelings with Tomko or Gail Kim, I guess. Nothing bitter about having Jim Cornette appear out of the blue and talk about how wrestlers are products. Oh how high and mighty we are. Yes, Jim, I too was upset with what we were watching with the Rock & Roll Infection and the Justice League of Dumbasses. But do not go crazy and make a PPV match with these six idiots! No! Although, to be fair, Nash did mention in his interview of an action he did two months ago to get into the qualifying match. I was impressed. Of course, it would have meant more if TNA did something with it two months ago. But that is how TNA works.

Lil Kim And The Boring People

Bolt, or Lil Kim, fights off Kong. Was kind of random that Kong and ODB are going to hook up. Feuds in TNA do not really start with the best foot. I keep wondering how Impact is shamelessly going to promote their new videogame. I suggest that Styles get hit in the head with it and lose a match. Or perhaps Abyss can play the videogame in his little corner. If I did not know any better Slick Johnson may be trying to become a wrestler. The Beautiful People do nothing for me. I like that B.G. James is in there, but I see them do their heel promos and it is neither funny nor interesting. What happened to the alliance with Kong? Or Moose?

The X Division Going Through The Motions

We actually have a workable X-Division storyline. Petey Williams still looks ridiculous with that chain mail on his head. In wrestling seeing is believing. I am having TNA hype up Consequences Creed as an exciting young wrestler with the roughcuts and everything else, but as a fan I am still not convinced. There is nothing wrong with Creed, but the plain fact is that I can easily disagree with what the announcers are telling me. You have people mentioning Evan Bourne as a reason they tune into ECW because they are convinced. It bothers me in TNA on how so much is relied on fans just trusting what the announcers say. Every wrestling company does this, but I would prefer it if we stop hyping somebody who has not been on television for more than two months. Another forgettable tag team match. Some props for no Dutt interference. Looked like nobody wanted to be there.

Other Various Tidbits

Do like it how wrestlers manage to throw somebody into the PPV poster on nearly every Impact. TNA loves their weekly little mysteries, even though fans stopped caring a long time ago. Where is the gold medal? Where is Abyss? Where is Sting? Where is the controller? Terry Taylor says that the Pacman was not reliable? Nah! Frank Trigg gets air time because he shows up or something.

IMPACT'S FINAL VERDICT: In The Middle Of Absurdity

The Sting segment was really the only reason to watch this show. Only time will tell if TNA decided to drop their lame feuds or pick them up again. Was not really an enjoyable wrestling contest to watch. Joe continues to plummet. To be fair, the interviews did have a point, be it minor. Nothing really horrendously bad, but nothing except the Sting part was really good either. Sadly I am hoping they stop all together with the Joe angle, but it is highly doubtful.

SMACKDOWN
August 29, 2008

You See, We Will Turn Off The Lights And It Will Be Great

This Undertaker-Vickie feud feels rushed. I once applauded WWE for portraying Vickie as a cold genius and I could root for her. Tonight we saw her playing the role of a victim in a really dumb slasher film. You see, she is locked in her office with a cameraman. She tries the phone. The phone is dead. Her family does nothing to break down the door or to save her. I guess their connections do not run that deep. What was the payoff? The lights go off and Vickie screams. Yes fans, you waited two hours for that. It felt like I was watching Impact. Enough with the lights going off. With Sting, Jeff Jarrett, and now Undertaker in the fray, I am getting more than enough of this overused trick.

K-Kwik, Kenny D and Garden Variety Divas

What is the better name for Ron "The Truth" Killings? K-Kwik (as his first run in Smackdown) or R Truth? I did not remember much of his first run, and to be honest I am more excited about Kenny Dysterka. Although the music for Truth is bumpin. Mayse looks just like one of TNA's beautiful people. I cannot say that I watch women wrestling on Smackdown. Storylines? Feuds? Significance of matches? You will not find these things here.

The thing that angered me the most about this show is when Bree Bella had her match. I have had my fill of a bunch of garden variety models pretending to be wrestlers. There is nothing wrong with Bree Bella, but putting yet another model wrestler in WWE does not look good. Nearly all of the women in WWE are clones. Plus where are the normal women? Can we stop it with hiring models and have women who can actually wrestle? Can I have somebody like Awesome Kong? ODB? Chyna before she got all of her surgery? How will this thing with Gail Kim work out?

Feet And The Top Rope Do Not Mix

MVP and Jeff Hardy are quietly building something here. I like the fact that Jeff is taking a subdued approach to wrestling and going hold for hold. There was a scary moment with Jeff landing right on his neck. Remember the Randy Orton injury? There was little to zero possibility that Orton could have landed safely. It was a stupid move and it was no surprise that Orton was injured. When they replayed Jeff landing on his neck, I once again question the wisdom. If WWE has taken precautions to protect wrestlers from serious injury (piledrivers being taken away, unprotected chair shots, etc.). I think of all of the sidelining injuries I have seen in WWE this year alone had to deal with wrestlers getting tangled up with the top rope.

Captain Insano and The Surprising Love For Brian Kendrick

I guess the Big Show is now the Enforcer of lame bits on Smackdown. If something is starting to suck or get boring, well Big Show will just come in and lay everybody out. Like Big Show could show up at the Republican Convention and lay out John McCain. Big Show as the Enforcer is not the best idea in the world, but at least they gave Big Show something to do. What is more shocking to me is that they are keeping Brian (the Brain) Kendrick in the PPV.

I really liked the promo of Kendrick reading the Art of War. First of all a wrestler being shown reading a book is good stuff. Zeke looked to be reading a kid book. Kendrick was also damn right. Why would a wrestler not wait to the last minute so that he could become champion? I am rooting for him, since these shamble matches are either going to be a hit or a miss. I originally thought that Big Show would have replaced Kendrick, since Kendrick's character was only introduced only a month ago. I am not sure why Axel Rose from Guns & Roses would be reading a book, but I like his promos.

The Glory Days Of 2005

Remember when Shelton getting a win over Triple H on Raw was considered a big deal back in 2005? Or how Triple H usually called Smackdown stuff like the B show or the minor leagues? Benjamin got a lot of hype tonight, from laying out three guys. I am not sure why WWE trotted out Khali out for no apparent reason. I can understand that nobody in that match could truly lose before the PPV, but I groaned with Khali coming out.

SMACKDOWN'S FINAL VERDICT: In The Middle Of Absurdity

Well, the strongest bit about Smackdown was the excellent match between MVP vs. Hardy. Big Show now has something to do, Kendrick continues to win with his promos, and Triple H vs. Benjamin was all right. The bad parts about Smackdown was the weak Vickie skits, women's wrestling, and Khali shows up though nobody wanted to see him.

LEAVING YOU WITH MY ABSURD THOUGHT: If you look to the side of this article, you might see an ad for the new TNA wrestling videogame. This videogame is coming out in about two weeks. Recently Midway, the developers of the game, had a Q & A with fans about the game. Looking at it, here were the most common answers to the questions: "Going forward, we plan to re-examine this. No. We do understand that this is a great feature and are looking into adding it as we move forward. No. We are looking to expanding this aspect of the game for a sequel. We tried to do the best with the time we had. No. Not for this version. In the future, absolutely. No, there will not be any Knockouts in the game. No, there is no option to create female wrestlers. No, there will only be 5 spots for created wrestlers. No, there is no blood. No, only 4 wrestlers can be in the ring. No, you cannot slam somebody through a table. Kaz and Petey Williams will be available only through downloadable content. We ran out of time. TNA blackmailed us. We are being held hostage until this game comes out".

This videogame has been in the works for about three years now, and to say that it is rather limited is an understatement. I understand that the developers ran out of time and will put more features into the sequel (a sequel will depend on the success of the first one). What will be the strongest feature of this game will be the responsiveness, the impact of the moves, and the fact that it looks to be more fun to play that what Smackdown vs. Raw has been serving up. Quality over quantity is what Midway is stressing. The big thing with this game for me is the sound effects. So how much depth does this thing have? If it is not deep at all (also consider that there is not also a huge variety of moves in this game) then this game will just be a rental.

So my advice is that you do not pre-order this game (as that ad is probably screaming for you to do) and wait until it gets reviewed before you decide to buy it. I suggest going to ign.com and finding your respective gaming system for the review when it comes out. It is not like this fall season will have any lack of quality videogames coming out. It feels like more focus will be put into the sequel. Pretty sad that people claim that the broken Fire Pro Wrestling is the best wrestling videogame ever.

"The Absurdity of it All" will appear every Wednesday and Saturday. Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com.

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