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The Specialists
LOGIC CHECK - 8/28 TNA Impact: Keeping tabs on what made sense, what tested suspension of disbelief, and what was just ridiculous Aug 31, 2008 - 11:56:38 AM
Last night, Sting was gracious enough to come to the ring and to explain why he has been hiding in rafters, dropping bats and jumping people from behind, for the last month. With the Impact Zone in the palm of his hands, Sting stared that camera straight in the eye and informed the entire TNA lockeroom that they were to get off his damn lawn. After this stunning development, Sting then explained that the reason behind his continued assaults on TNA babyfaces was because he was tired of their lack of respect for him and all the things he accomplished, which obviously paved the way for all of them to wrestle. Out came A.J. Styles who had a rather large bone to pick with the man called Sting. Styles tried his best to reason with the Stinger but it's rather difficult to talk sense with a man whose head is jammed that far up his own ass. Sting then offered A.J. his bat and turned his back to allow Styles to crack him one on the backside. Being a man of honor, Styles swung Sting around to whack him in the face but Sting turned the tables and left A.J. lying with the Scropion Death Drop.
Thoughts: So...the man they refer to as the Icon is upset because he doesn't get enough respect? Now while I can somewhat understand Sting's basic motivations (he thinks the kids are spoiled and won't leave the business to their immature hands), I have to question his execution. Why does he focus on A.J. and Joe? Why wasn't it raining wood when the Rock & Rave Infection were beating down Curry Man? How come the lights stayed on while the Beautiful People and Kip James were torturing Taylor Wylde? Where is Sting's intervention with two of the more egregious examples of exactly what he is talking about? If Sting decides to include the entire roster in this old vs. new feud then TNA may have just given themselves a Get Out of Crap free card. Think about it. You take half the roster for Sting's side and give the other half to Jarrett's faction. And then, this is the important part, you put the entire focus of the organization on this feud. Every match has meaning, all the titles are now red hot commodities, and all the previous storylines are rendered kaput to focus on the epic battle for TNA's future as a company. You can split up tag teams and turn friends into enemies; the idea here is to completely shake everything and everyone up so that the product is fresh. You can even do away with the stupid gimmicks and have everyone use their real names since we know how much creative likes to "SHOOT". The best part is that once this angle has run it's course and one side has risen to victory; you have a clean slate to start booking off of.
(TNA: You have an incredible opportunity here. WWE is trying to please the kids again so it's time to become a serious wrestling organization. I'm not talking about adult themes or hardcore matches; I'm referring to a straight up wrestling federation without the screwy finishes and the weekly gimmick matches and insipid storylines. Book a smart, serious product, based on this angle, for one month and I guarantee you will crack a 2.0. Just my opinion.)
One ring to rule them all...
So Cal Val is fed up. She's fed up of all the screaming, she's tired of all the fighting and she's totally fed up with that giant black eye she's sporting. In her infinite wisdom, Val has come to the conclusion that the only way to settle this fussing and a fighting is to take her engagement ring, stick it fifteen feet in the air and have the two caricatures of her life scramble up a ladder for the rights to her. Which sounds rather ambiguous, actually.
Thoughts: This is exactly what I was talking about. It amuses me to no end to think of Russo, Mantel and Jarrett sitting around in a room somewhere, brainstorming over this drivel.
Jarrett: So...we'll take the ring... Mantel/Russo: Yeahhh... Jarrett: and we'll hang it from the rafters... Mantel/Russo: Yeahhh... Jarrett: and whoever wins... Mantel/Russo: Yeahhh... Jarrett: gets Val!!! All: WOOHOO!
Seeing as how this entire angle was based around the fact that Val is not a member of the So Cal Mensa society, in some bizarre way, this idea of hers kind of makes sense. So the real fool here is Black Machismo. Jay Lethal has to know that the woman he loves is missing a few buttons on her remote control and yet week in and week out, he acts in a manner that completely prevents his relationship with Val from being resolved. The fact that this whole situation could be resolved if Jay and Val sat down and talked for about ten minutes is what makes this so preposterous. And if Val doesn't turn on Lethal at No Surrender, this will all have been a waste of time.
Crazy Insane or Insane Crazy?
Abyss was this week's guest on the hard-hitting, expose known as Karen's Angle. Demonstrating the depths of his sanity, Abyss destroyed some set pieces and plopped down on the carpet, swaying back and forth like a poor man's Mick Foley (Or would that be a poor man's Kane? I doubt Abyss even knows at this point). Abyss then rambled nonsensically about his home, the institution, and revealed that he is actually two people in one, kind of like that movie Innerspace. Feeling frisky, Abyss decided it would be a good time to try out some of the pick-up lines he learned at Bellevue so he waddled over to Karen and played it suave, if suave meant "reads creepy poetry before ripping out hair and chunks of flesh for a romantic gift." Alas, the appropriate sparks failed to generate and Abyss stalked off into the night, alone, rejected and possibly hungry.
Thoughts: I'm curious to know what type of mental institution has a man with this many obvious emotional issues and concludes that he is ready to rejoin society. Watching all those videos of Abyss in the padded room, I never understood why it was that he even being released. The guy is unstable, to put it nicely, and Dr. Oblivious thinks it's a good idea to return him to the land of violence that sent him to the hospital in the first place?
Blood, sweat and brasieres...
Awesome Kong continued to her ignore her quest for the Knockouts title last night as she crushed somebody named Bolt. After the match, the white girl, who is pretending to be an Arab, does what she always does and grabs some chairs. The career of Bolt looks to be coming to a conclusion when all of the sudden Abys.. er... ODB makes the save. ODB's buzz takes over and she begins to pound the awesome out of Kong. Kong, surprised by this burst of aggression, gets submissive and quickly gets out of the ring as the refs hold back ODB. The white girl, who is pretending to be an Arab, helps Kong to the back as the Awesome One contemplates this new threat, a look of shock on her awesome face.
Thoughts: This was a pretty good way to start the show. Kong is always entertaining because everything she does is high impact and she looks like a legitimate monster. Her facial expressions throughout the entire post match brawl were tremendous. With Gail Kim heading back up north, ODB was the obvious choice to step into the feud with Kong. Both women are over and both are good workers so this should get very entertaining. It's so very strange that the most Knockouts division is consistently the most logically booked division in all of TNA. Not that the women don't deserve it, but that the same type of thought can't be put into the remaining hour and a half of TV time.
Logistical Ruminations:
- It's so bizarre to hear Sting refer to A.J. Styles as the future when A.J. is clearly the present. That would seem to imply that Sting feels he is the present which is baffling considering his age and lack of a full time wrestling schedule.
- Will someone please tell Tenay that a tornado style DDT is a tornado DDT? And that a variation of the full nelson suplex is a half nelson suplex?
- So they can say "bitch" but not "ass"? That's odd.
- Maybe it's not the best idea to be flashing the word "Suicide" across the screen.
- Frank Trigg will not be bringing in buys or ratings.
- That video on the mystery of the guitar was one long, pompous, stroke job. It's also the reason I have not missed having to see or listen to the puffed up "Golden Boy." If I wrote my own story, I'd be a legend too.
- Exhibit # 2456322 that TNA creative is out of touch: During the intro for the Beautiful People, the screen graphic said "The Beautiful People and "Kute" Kip".
- So why didn't that angry Samoan, who constantly blows his lid and overreacts, come stomping to the ring when the man he has been looking, Sting, was standing in the middle of it, running his mouth?
- "Knockout Law" sounds stupider every time I hear it.
- What would Traci Brooks now about shelf life? She's been around for five years and hasn't been in a serious feud in ages.
- So Booker went from British royalty to African? Good grief.
- That move that Lance Rock put Curry Man down with? That's a standing Iconoclasm.
- With Kurt Angle in the Four Ways to Glory, I'm 2 for 2 with my predictions. And yes, I read the spoilers so I know I'll go 2 for 3.
- Did it look like Jay Lethal was bothered at all by his present dilemma?
The Judgement:
Another typical outing from TNA. Way too much happening with not enough context being presented. However, most of the progressions, as strange as they may have been, made sense considering the personalities of the individuals involved. TNA's got some possibilities so it will be interesting to see where they take go from here. This show was a large improvement over last week.
Score: 6.0
That's it for this edition of the Logic Check. This will actually be that last LC for the next two weeks as I'm taking a well-deserved vacation, but I'll be back for the 10/15 edition of Raw.
Got a comment? A difference of opinion? Drop me a line at adunn.torch@gmail.com.
ABOUT ME
I've been a wrestling fan for twenty years, I reside in Dallas, Tex. and I'm going to Disneyland (not really).
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