By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Specialist

ECW Scramble Match: Bearhugs For Everyone

Did like that the set-up of the stage showed portraits of the wrestlers and would highlight which one was champion. However, throughout the night sometimes I was confused on who was champion. Even the wrestlers themselves seemed confused as well, as any logical wrestler who was the current champion would not go on the offense and instead play defense. The current champion Kane making a cover makes no sense at all. And not one current champion with a minute left to go punched out the ref. Because if there is no ref, then there could be no pin. The wrestlers mostly looked like idiots out there for the most part. These guys were wrestling in "wrestling mode", so I thought in large part the logic of the wrestlers was downright faulty.

Fans did get a Robert Frost reference from the announcers. Just odd that in the wrestling world fans can be treated to insulting, dim-witted crap and in the next get a Robert Frost reference. We also got the bit where the announcers pointed out that the "crowd was looking in awe" at Mark Henry. In reality they were bored because Mr. Henry decided to do five minutes of bear hugs. Because he loves bear hugs. The problem I felt with these scramble matches is that the action would not have any sense of order until there was four men in the ring. Typically it would be one vs. one while the others were thrown outside. This being said, this was the most solid scramble match of the night and it was a good example of what it could be. Smackdown's scramble match was the most entertaining (and the most sickening). Raw's scramble match was pure soap opera and not much more.

Cryme Tyme vs. Rhodes & DiBiase: Tag Team Match You Did Not Want To See

Gee, I wonder why our tag team division sucks and not a lot of people care about it. Maybe it is because we are doing that tired tag team formula that we seen too much of already. You know. JTG gets worked on. Shad gets the hot tag. Heels work behind the ref's back. Holds. Clotheslines. Not actually a science. If you ask me if I wanted to see these two teams again it would be a resoundingly no, since they will probably do the same old WWE tag team formula. Although both teams did get some love here and some unique spots at the start of the match, it was one of those matches that make people not want to see another tag team match on a WWE PPV. It was generic, stale, and very boring. Manu, the creation of Umaga and Carlito, comes out to help Rhodes-DiBiase. If you are going to be the enforcer of Rhodes-DiBiase, get rid of the afro. WWE thinks that afros equal charisma. I look at Manu and he just looks like a clown. Laughable. Get a haircut. Dress nicely. As it stands right now he will not be convincing as the muscle of the group.

HBK vs. Y2J: The High Point Of The Night

Yes, Y2J in his Captain Spiffy gear. I loved it that HBK did the old trick of pulling off his boot and hitting Jericho in the head with it. Also liked that Jericho tried to rub out his eyes on the ref's shirt after being blinded by the fire extinguisher. High point of the PPV was Michaels flying off the top rope and landing on Jericho and Lance Cade. Watching as a fan, I definitely "felt it" and it ranks up there with the best WWE matches of 2008. HBK goes UFC on Jericho.

Manly Men Screaming And The Promo You Never Expected Randy Orton To Say

Did you see the No Mercy video bit? Bunch of cheesy yelling by cheesy wrestlers. Like they have are constipated. Geesh. Randy Orton and the new Orton Club, or the Ortonites, or whatever they are going to be calling them are shaping up to be a big deal. I still say that Manu should get a haircut. Umaga already fits the role of a wild savage, if he is not fired (because WWE sure loves to fire people). HBK vs. Y2J and Orton's promo made this PPV money. However, the rest of the night would not be so pretty.

Smackdown Scramble Match: 5 Minutes Of Wrestling = Now 13 Time World Champion

As stated before, I thought that there could have been more work done on these scramble matches. It was just not very convincing that a large portion of the match would have two wrestlers fight while the rest would be injured outside the ring. There definitely were spots where the wrestlers were just waiting till the next guy would come in, and it showed. This being stated, there were some cool spots in all of the scramble matches, but it seemed like the focus was more on the status of the championship rather than in-ring action. The Brian Kendrick got some major love right here. Benjamin did his PPV cool spot. MVP? Not so much. Man looked like he forgot how to win. Chumpin ain't easy. I guess the lesson is that if you get on the bad side of WWE, prepare to have your life become a living hell. Example? Kendrick was bigger than MVP on the PPV. Nice.

The problem I felt with the match is that the buildup for the other four wrestlers except for Triple H was very weak. So when Triple H came in, it was basically four chumps versus Triple H. People say that Jeff Hardy got some love and I say that they only gave him some love because Triple H has got to fight somebody, now that Undertaker is hooking it up with the Big Show. Or WWE can serve up the Great Khali again to Triple H (please no). If Jeff Hardy is going to be back in the championship title picture, as a fan I am not convinced that he will win at his current state. I would rather not be subjected to angle where Jeff is so close but loses time and time again.

The stinker of the match was that Triple H got the pin while Jeff Hardy looked on. I know that the announcers were selling that Jeff could not have broke up the pin. But he sure did have enough energy to do a pin himself. I do not know why Jeff looked on and did not bother to break up Triple H's pin, since Jeff was the champion. It was just garbage. Hearing that Triple H is now a 13 time world champion was also garbage as well. Should you really be champion for wrestling five minutes and doing five moves? WWE then goes into the lame angle with Triple H and Jeff Hardy shaking hands. "Jeff was so close". This is putrid. So you can basically say that this match was pretty good until Triple H staggered out. Great. Triple H is the invincible champion. Since on Smackdown all he has faced are chumps in his championship title matches.

HBK Foresees The Future, Punk Gets Punked, and Big Show Gives A Awkward Plug

Michaels gave a good line when he said that "the worst is yet to come". He sure was not kidding. Although Michael's reaction to how he beat Jericho to a bloody pulp and Jericho manages to become champion anyways could go somewhere. But what sacrifice had to be made? C.M. Punk. Punk lost his championship. What WWE is hoping for is that Punk can regain lost ground with his feud with Randy Orton. Only time will tell if it was worth it. Big Show manages to plug "Smackdown your vote!". In a not really convincing way. Undertaker vs. Big Show? Could Big Show and Undertaker both gain something from this feud? We will see. I am hoping that Big Show makes his mark on this feud, since he has been doing nothing since Wrestlemania.

The Raw Scramble Match: All Sizzle, No Steak

Did like the swerve that WWE was going with. First Punk points out that Orton looks to be cleared to wrestle. First they have Orton punt Punk in the head. Adalme comes out and says that somebody will replace him. WWE then gives a video recap of Orton vs. Punk (for really no apparent reason). Like most people, I was thinking that Orton would come down that ramp to his horrible music and I would be giddy. They also threw in that bit with William Regal to throw off people who were assuming that it was going to be Randy Orton. You know, he was King of the Ring. Well whoopee doo.

We get to the action in the ring. Does Batista not remind people of Marcus Phoenix from the Gears of War videogame? Does to me. I did like that there was some tag team moves with Batista and Mysterio. As stated before, this match did not click until four men were in the ring. Batista versus Mysterio in the future? Rey going up against Kane had such a good start!

So Jericho comes out. Where you expecting someone else? Orton? John Cena? Ultimate Warrior? Jeff Jarrett? There is nothing like when WWE answers their swerve to something that you immediately think is stupid. Like when Kane pulled out Mysterio's mask. At least Jericho convincly sold that his ass got handed to him by Michaels. Jericho wins the belt and Raw has a story to lead people to watch Raw.

If you think about it, the scramble matches are like WWE's ace in the hole. If you want to put the belt on someone else, this is a good way to do it without having to go through all of the trouble of building up a storyline or necessarily worry about people losing heat. Were they entertaining? Yes. But in general were these matches believable? No. The focus was not on the wrestling action, it was focused more on who was going to get the belt. There were some cool spots thrown in there, but as a fan it was hard for me to believe these matches as an actual wrestling contest. These matches can also serve up a way to get a lot of main event guys into one match.

UNFORGIVEN'S FINAL VERDICT: In The Middle Of Absurdity

There was an excellent Michaels-Jericho. Solid ECW Scramble match. Stale tag team match. Good stuff by Randy Orton. Entertaining but sickening Smackdown Scramble match. Long winded Big Show heel turn. And a Raw Scramble match that was a chaotic mess. Did I like these scramble matches? The answer is somewhat no. Except for spots in the scramble matches and Michaels-Jericho, this was not a real solid PPV. Can these scramble matches work? They can, but fans would be fine in not seeing one of these matches for at least 6 months, or a year. At least people who were the "current champions" could have some hype. Kendrick being WWE champion made me giddy. In that sense the scramble matches can quickly hype up guys like Finlay and Kendrick as world champions. I wish WWE had the guts to put the belt on Kendrick over Triple H, but that is a fool's dream. And no current champions in the scramble matches punched out the ref.

"The Absurdity of it All" will appear every Wednesday and Saturday. Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com.

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