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By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Specialist

Bound For Glory, or TNA Versus The World

Nice to see that No Surrender was basically No Glory, as they bluntly set up BFG. The show started off saying Double J will show up, but this time he will actually speak. Whoa. My mind was just blown. Styles/Cage vs. Motorcity Machine Guns and Booker T vs. Jay Lethal were just so random. One would argue that such randomness make them unique, but it means squat if the matches are short, the announcers do not actually call the match, and the post match antics are favored over in ring action.

So Joe and Sting will be in the Battle of Respect. Joe comes out and yells at Sting for not sacrificing for TNA. Who is to say that Sting, or any wrestler for that matter, has to sacrifice for their company? Did not Joe have a angle where he only cared about the money? "Sting, when is the last time you missed one of your kid's football games?" So we hate Sting for being a good father? Joe's promo did not convince me that there was any real hate between them. "Sting you do not show up for your house shows!" Later on in the show their feud would gel together, but up to this show it was pretty awful.

Sting's heel actions before the Jeff Jarrett bit were basically sit down interviews. So evil. There was some storyline, but in large part TNA assumes that fans will believe whatever they tell them. It is great for people who have never watched Impact, but for old fans they are wondering what the hell happened. I think they set a record of how many times they could mention the names Jeff Jarrett and Sting.

MotorCity Machine Guns Commit Their First Act Of Self Burial

Before the Cage-Styles vs. MMCG match, Kurt Angle comes out and complains that AJ Styles still has his gold medal. What the hell? That gold medal might as well be make believe. I thought that they dropped this bit. These guys deliver a forgettable match and MCMG give Cage and Styles the middle finger. Shocking, I know. Mike Tenay then goes into hyperdrive with, "This is what Sting is talking about! The lack of respect!" Boy, sure was good of MCMG to do such a heinous act. Nothing contrived about the announcers. When this bit aired I was not sure where they were going, but at the end of the show it would make sense.

Booker T Becomes A Parody Of Himself

The video package of Booker T says that Booker got an education from the school of hard knocks and rose from obscurity to immortality. Empty cliches, TNA's old friend. I have no idea what they are doing with Booker. He is butchering an accent that makes it comedy hour. Booker tries to make his match with Jay Lethal somewhat meaningful by saying Lethal mocks Randy Savage by copying him. Borash and later Lethal would come out and say that Lethal copies the Macho Man in tribute. Just like how Shark Boy honors Stone Cold. Just like how Petey Williams honors Scott Steiner. The respect thing was too much, and we were only 22 minutes into the show. Nice to see that Booker T did not mention what happened on Sunday, or talked about how he wished he could have been at the No Surrender Championship match.

The Terrible Flimsy Birdcage And Bashir Is A Cheesy Chump

The Steel Asylum, or the "Flimsy Red Cutesy Birdcage", plans to make an appearance at BFG. The video package talked about how this match was something out of a personal apocalyptic dream. Shaped like a mushroom cloud from an atom bomb. Uh huh. Keep telling yourself that. It is a red birdcage that looks cuddly. Could one think that Consquences Creed would win that match? Gasp.

Bashir comes out and does an interview. He manages to talk about the stock market crash and what liars John McCain and Barack Obama are. That he played by their rules and yet still lost everything. Now nothing means to him, since he has nothing else to lose. The first step in gaining power is to hold the X Division Title hostage. It means so much to him that cuddly Bashir will lose his life for it. This is pissing on fans. Appreciate that his character does have some depth in it so that you could feel empathy for him, but it feels too cheesy and too melodramatic for a wrestler. I would rather see this guy wrestle than to hear him talk, but I am supposed to believe his character more than what he can do in the ring. Nope. I have seen more of him talking than wrestling, and frankly his character is not a draw.

A Comedy Act To Be Taken Seriously

The Justice League Of Super Idiots come out and I started to weep. Comedy act? No, TNA says that they are supposed to be believable. Don West talks about how he can see Joe's side. Why the hell did TNA hire Sting in the first place? My God, Sting is truly going out the door. Can do without the planted sign of "Suicide Is Going To Kill Ya". Who is Suicide? Do not know, but that fan sure did. Anyways, the super idiots and the other jobbers do some more forgettable and pointless action. Then the announcers start to hype up the ref Shane. Please stop. It would be nice if matches on TNA actually meant something. They usually mean zip.

Then the ref Shane gets knocked down. Here is the sequence of events: Ref takes flop. Gets up by the rope. Channels his inner HBK. Snaps his heads towards jobbers. Bashes their heads in, takes off his shirt, and proceeds to destroy everyone. Creates a hole in the fabric of space due to his ref rage. Some would say that this bit is unique, fresh, and exciting. I say TNA has been serving up a plate of crap for a good long while now, and that any minor bit gets the fans riled up. Nice to know that TNA would rather push NASCAR, American Idol, MMA and refs over their own wrestlers. Are refs supposed to bigger than wrestlers?

A Special Message For Kids: It Is Your Fault You Have Bad Genes

Old ECW interviews from a laundry room were more convincing that the news conference TNA had for the Operation Immortality bit. Yeah, we will just get a podium from Universal Studios and fans will believe it. Yes, push Matt Morgan's physique and his DNA. Who cares about his character or inner spirit? The stuff that everybody can relate to? He is a screaming monkey who applauds himself for actions like opening his mail or growing his beard. It was a nice little message from TNA: It is your fault you are not genetically stacked like this guy. Matt Morgan comes and talks about his legacy. Genes and DNA come and go. A legacy is defined by the people you affected and how you did so. I sure can root for a guy because he got picked by some oddball group for his DNA.

The Award For The Worst Promo Ever

Whoa. Matt "Look At Me" Morgan actually watched his match with Abyss against Team 3D. TNA does not think that we are all walking zombies. Hey, I am Abyss. I snort like a pig. I rip off Mankind. Kane is miles ahead of this chump as being a convincing monster. Morgan was not so bad in his promo, but as soon as I wrote that down, Team 3D, along with a security team, comes in and wrestling history was made.

Team 3D and humor. Used to be a time I thought that Brother Ray was exciting on the mic. Now I am wishing he would just shut up. Maybe perhaps fat girl and twinkie jokes are not really deep. Due to the fact that the cameraman only showed the security team and Team 3D (and not Lauren and the Monster-Monkey team), when Ray was pointing and saying, "Not like you pulled my groin last week", fans could only guess that Ray was talking to Abyss. This was sad. Not only were the Ray's sexual jokes towards Lauren were crap, but the TV audience could not even see Lauren. The cameraman only showed Team 3D and the security team holding them back. I guess the cameraman could not back up to actually show Lauren or the Monster-Monkey team because they were shooting in Sting's shoe closet. Because he is rich. And rich people suck! Or so TNA tells me.

So did Abyss pull Ray's groin last week? Now that would be a storyline. Brother Ray blabs on and suddenly begins to talk about respect. Gee, would you believe that Vince Russo pulled everyone together and told them to plug this respect angle in? I could only guess that when Ray pointed and said "or knocked up, honey", he was talking to a security guard. Hey now.

Laying Down The Law For Schoolchildren

Not quite sure why LAX have their own entrance. Beer Money attacks LAX's guardian, Hector Guerro. What a generic way to start this feud over again. Did like how Hector did not sell the beating. At all. TNA believes that fans will believe their characters if everybody is just full of red hot rage, rage, and some more rage. Ugh. Then Traci Brooks comes out and tells everybody to go to the principal's office. Boy, I hope Beer Money and Jackie do not do so, because they will look like they are in the second grade. But they will. The cameraman, realizing his folly with the Team 3D interview, manages to shoot Traci from the low position. Stay classy, TNA. The big news out of all of this is that TNA gets to do some more of its man-on-woman violence with Hector facing Jackie next week (along with their respective teams). How women are all tramps and that damnnit, it feels good when men are justified to hit a woman. These thoughts were running through my mind, but to tell the truth I was distracted by Traci Brooks (for the standard reason) and Hector saying to Jackie that he will spank her. This is painful.

The Case For The Tweener Sting

The end of the show would cement where Sting's character is at, but his interview in the middle of the show made little sense. Joe does not like Sting. But fans like them some Sting. Sting comes out and does his paving the way speech. Name drops the likes of Ric Flair. So who to cheer? Joe or Sting? At this point of the show I was scratching my head. Just a lot of both men screaming at each other. And not even mentioning that the title will be on the line. No, you see, this is all about respect. This is about TNA feeling good about itself (look, we made it past 6 years!). It is not about the championship, or the thrill of competition, or wishing to see the best of both men. No, it is all about those bad veterans versus the good young guys like Joe and AJ Styles.

The Knockouts Versus The Divas and Mr. Suicide Does A Video Bit From Disneyland

A knockout DVD is coming out with a bonus disc of Gail Kim's farewell interview and final match. No hard feelings. We are still going to make a buck off of you. A lot of tonight was dragging. Just chock full of interviews and video packages. Knockouts have a video package where they go up against the WWE divas. Childish. Such crap like the WWE Divas will not cross the line. You are right. WWE divas do not get injured in their matches. And TNA sure as hell does not put out beauty pageants. Shut up and get off your high horse. Hey, I am Suicide. Come on in, camera guys. Do a video package of me in a filthy basement. I will do some voiceovers talking about how my revenge will take place against those who wrong me. Next week we will do a video package from Disneyland.

I Guess We Hate Each Other Again And Lethal Threatens To Choke Lauren

TNA tells me that AJ disrespected Cage (get used to the word "respect" being thrown everywhere on Impact nowadays). It is one of those situations where frankly TNA does not even need to bother with a storyline, since the one they chose is mediocre as hell. Somehow AJ disrespected Cage for not helping him in the match or something. And we are off and running with this feud with a lame start. Zero plan in place. Cage and Styles must surely hate each other now.

Wow. Heel Lethal motions to choke Lauren and talks about how he is going to kill Val. A heel wanting revenge against a heel and a heelish woman. Yay. Jay Lethal has now replaced Kaz as TNA's whipping boy. Call him Mr. Counterproductive. Does every wrestler have to be so angry all of the damn time? How about Jay Lethal actually makes his own name in the business? Or stop acting like a whiny punk who lashes out against the world because his pain is so intense? It is garbage. While he says he is honoring Macho Man, his legacy will be of nothing more than a Macho Man rip off if he does not make his own mark.

TNA did not care if the "disrespect Macho Man" logic was largely flawed. As long as there is something that will stick. This is crap. Can TNA announcers actually call a match? Just too much of a heavy dose of storylines and characters people do not care about. The split second that Booker T and Jay Lethal have a glimmer of becoming a respectable match, Sharmell hooks the leg of Lethal. The ref did not see it because he was blacked out for 5 seconds. Tenay says, "Is that really necessary?" No, it sure is not. It is sure not necessary for Mr. Tenay to say, "Lethal took Booker to the limit and earned some respect". Lies lies lies.

Kip James Is My Favorite Wrestler

Kip James: "Rhino, you stuck your horn in our business too many times". Wow. That is almost as good as, "I am a tiger". Even Angelina Love was crying and had a headache. Was Angelina concerned about losing the title match? Of course not. She was worried about a blemish. Pimples. Oh my gosh I have a pimple. This is entertainment to these people. Those bags the beautiful people carry around are for them to wear after embarrassing bits like that.

Good background for Taylor and Rhino. But who cares about that, when Slick Johnson takes the best ref bump of all time! It was so awesome. For some insane reason Slick stands in front of a running Kip James who was whipped to the post by Rhino. He actually positioned himself in front of the turnbuckle. Then he screams out in pain and flings his arms about. Oh! But the fun is not over because later in the match Angelina Love sprays water in Rhino's eyes. Kip James wrestling is pure poetry in motion. His selling of the gore was just unbelievable. Please stop. During a commercial break Kong beats up on Taylor and the Beautiful People stand tall.

Ugh ugh ugh.

TNA Portrays Itself As The Underdog That Brings Hopes To Fans (But Still Has Crappy Writing)

According to Double J, WCW failed because the veterans would not pass the torch to the young guys. True. But there was a lot more that led to their downfall. Bad writing. Bad execution. Bad planning. Being stuck in a vacuum and not changing. Striving only for ratings. Remind you of anyone? I do not understand why I should hate Sting. Holding onto his spot? He is trying to earn a living. And wrestlers fully know that if they lose their spot, no matter how over they are, there is always a chance they might not get a back. Did like the logic that Jarrett screwed Angle out of the title because Double J picked Angle to be his sucessor. Is Kurt Angle a younger and fast Jeff Jarrett? Uh, no. A million times no. Mick Foley shows up at the end and all is well.

There is a lot to take from the Jeff Jarrett bit. One could see how Bound for Glory is shaping up. And while the Sting versus Joe angle was stinky, thanks to this bit it somewhat gelled together. Bound For Glory, from my early guesses, is basically going to be "TNA Guys vs. WWE/WCW Guys". Here might be the BFG lineup:

Mick Foley (TNA) vs. Kurt Angle (Other Guys)
Joe (TNA) vs. Sting (Other Guys)
Abyss-Morgan (TNA) vs. Team 3D (Other Guys)
AJ Styles (TNA) vs. Christian Cage (Other Guys)
Somebody (TNA) vs. MCMG (Other Guys)

It looks like Sting is going out the door, so TNA is basically pushing itself as a company. There is a reason why Jeff Jarrett talked about how the company started 6 years ago as a place for new guys. Does it work? It sure does. Fans can feel passionate about the homegrown stars versus those seen as free agents who hold other wrestlers down and are punks (Angle, Booker. Sting, Team 3D). However, everybody knows that wrestling needs big time acts as well as homegrown stars. There is already a company out there right now with that manages to put out better wrestling action consistently than TNA. They are called Ring of Honor. TNA fans need stars like Sting and Angle because they bring in that star power.

So I really do not feel passionate or motivated about this whole "respect" issue. I cannot really cheer for TNA versus the world. I do not chant the names of WWE or WCW or TNA. What I appreciate very much is well written storylines that are easy to involve myself in. I understand that TNA is going rah-rah-rah for itself during its biggest PPV buildup, but I cannot really involve myself in this sort of angle because I do not hate Sting, Angle, and Team 3D. One can blame TNA for not doing enough to convince me that I should hate these guys who are on the "bad" side. This angle is great for diehard TNA fans, but it feels like TNA is pushing itself rather than it own wrestlers.

IMPACT'S FINAL VERDICT: It Is So Absurd It Makes Me Want To Cry

I liked the Roxxi video package. Props for the Jeff Jarrett bit to close the show. Surprising nowadays that talking segments get that much air time, but it definitely restored confidence in TNA and a real reason to watch (Mick Foley is also big as well). Two bits alone however did not save this putrid mess. Everything else was painful to watch. Try watching it again and you will see what I mean. It gave people nightmares. A lot of bits were counter-productive or were frankly so lame they should not even seen the light of day. Indeed, TNA can do build a huge respect angle with wrestlers choosing sides, but their track record says that the only outstanding feud/buildup they had all year was Joe vs. Angle.

LEAVING YOU WITH MY ABSURD THOUGHT:

Dear Ed Hochuli,

Come on down!

You are the NFL ref who blew the call that cost the San Diego Chargers the football game on Sunday. You got marked down by the NFL and received hate mail from thousands of beer-filled angry Chargers losers (but you are being a stand up guy for replying to the hate mail in a positive tone). Being a NFL ref is a thankless job that is extremely high pressure.

So why not become a wrestling referee?

But you do not want to become a WWE ref. It looks like they actually have a plan in place. Refs are held accountable for their mistakes. Plus you will be by refs who are portrayed as actually intelligent (or at least, not totally stupid) and know their stuff. Plus WWE might give the NFL a run for their money as an uncaring gigantic corporation who cannot tolerate any form of dissent. Just ask MVP.

So come on down to TNA land!

You see, TNA refs have the cushiest jobs out there. No longer will you be graded on every play by the head honchos over at NFL. TNA management does not even watch their own shows! And you do not even have to worry about blowing a call and costing somebody a match! This happens all the time! Our refs get distracted by outside interference billions of times and yet they still have jobs! It does not matter if it is the main event or a jobber match! You would think that our refs would learn from past mistakes, but since they are not held accountable in any shape or form, they continue to be distracted by Jackie for the millionth time!

Plus, you will not receive thousands of hate mail by angry and delusional football fans! Why, in TNA wrestling fans do not care if a ref is horrible at their job! Because it happens all the time! You will not receive hate mail, you will receive bored looks from fans who wonder when Traci Brooks is going to show up! You can be downright horrible at being a ref and still keep your job!

If you act now, we will make you to be a wrestler! Hell, even Shane and Slick Johnson are getting more hype than some of our own wrestlers! The future could be big for you! We will place you with a feud with Bashir and the crowd will eat it up! You are a ref that just cannot take it anymore! Yeah! Bodyslam Booker off an 18 foot high birdcage! Make Angle tap to his own submission move! Hey, we brought in Pacman Jones! Think of what we can do for your career!

Sincerely,

TNA Management

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com.

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