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Raw Is 800 Years Old

Jericho started off the show by giving another great promo on top of a ladder (not an easy feat). He calls WWE fans brainless sycophants and the audience cheered. Apparently Randy Orton has been spending his free time in the tattoo shop. Anyways, Orton comes out for his weekly reminder that "it does not matter who is champion because I will be champion blah blah blah" spiel. Jericho was good in his role of making sure that the crowd did not cheer him. Orton brings up the "Orton Rule," which states that if anybody slaps him, they will get suspended. Whoa. Now this is a good way for people who fail the WWE wellness policy to be written off of television. Now in WWE you no longer have to play the game of guessing who is using steroids, since nearly everybody looks to be normal. Now who looks to be using steroids in TNA? Pretty much the entire X Division for starters.

Why did Randy Orton bring up the Orton Rule? To lay the groundwork for the disagreement between Shane McMachon and Mike Adalme. It seems that every week the writers put in illogical angles or bits, and they trot out the puppet GM Mike Adalme as if to say, "See it is true!" Punk then "directly defies one of Adalme's edicts". Raw is so old. And why is Shane McMachon coming back for Raw such a big deal? Sure, it is nice for writers to get to put in the part about how Kane fried Shaneo's testicles at one point, but it does get old how sometimes Raw talks about the good old days. Where is the new stuff? Maybe they are building something between Adalme and the McMahons. I have given up all hope that Adalme would be fired. I honestly do not care about this stale Adalme angle and wish that they would just hurry up and get to their intended goal.

Thanks For Your Efforts, Punk. Welcome To The Mid-Card

C.M. Punk vs Rhodes. Two skinny dudes fight in the WWE? Times are a changin. Cody Rhodes looked absolutely terrible here. He should flying off the handle to get over with the crowd. No good. A whole lot of punches and kicks during the first segment of the match. Switch over to football. When Raw came back Punk slapped on the ankle lock on Mr. Rhodes. His new submission move? What is wrong with the anacoda vise? Punk lands a great GTS and all is well. Then the rest of the no heat T2G (Dibase and Manu) show up. Punk's buddy Kofi runs in to make the save. Looks like Punk is out of the championship picture if he is involved with the mid-card. Hopefully the payoff will be Orton.

Hey, Even Football Losers Watch Raw! Wow!

Bengal players in the front row? What is next? The punter from the Detroit Lions? Players from the Rams' practice squad? I think I would be more impressed if there was a football player wearing a Triple H shirt sitting in the nosebleed seats. It is like when Raw was in Los Angeles and they went out and got Tom Green to sit in the front row. Tom Green? And of course the football players do their things. If it is not Jeff Jarrett getting his ass kicked by the Titans, then get rid of it. It is one of those wrestling things that people are not sure why exactly these bits continue to hang around. Peyton Manning or Tony Romo probably do not visit wrestling websites.

Speaking about football, I swear on Raw nowadays they have a playbook of generic stale bits. Here is the "Adalme Play": WWE tries to pretend that Adalme is good. Adalme stammers and puts together some adalme awkardness. Doors is kicked open and Kane shows up. According to Adalme, it will be "one and one" between Rey and Kane. Adalme then looked up to Shaneo and asked for a big candy bar since he did such a good job. Stood up to Kane? You gave Kane what he wanted. You are Mr. Pushover.

Too Much Santino Can Be Very Bad For Fans, Dolph Says Hi, and Batista Is Stuck

I enjoyed the Santino comedy once again. But the matches. Ugh. Santino vs. Deuce? At least the wrestlers who have to lose to Santino seemingly are never heard from again (D'Lo Brown, Snitsky, Deuce). Sooner or later WWE will run out of jobbers and the Honky Tonk man can hit Santino in the head with a guitar. Right now I would take anything just to end this. Santino wins and mumbles something about condoms or whatever. "Beth is going to face Kelly Kelly Kelly tonight eh!" Ugh. Too much Santino-Beth. Batista looked downright depressed that he was even involved with Santino tonight. Shane and Randy give a promo that can be only described as "pointless filler". Dolph Ziggler and Jamie Noble at least get air time.

Mo Cryme Tyme versus JoMizzy and WWE Propaganda For No Intended Purpose

I was laughing when on the Dirt Sheet Miz was trying to dance. In a great world, the Dirt Sheet would be on every ECW. John Morrsion says that he met Chad's dad, and he wears a sweater vest. I like these two teams, but I cannot figure why WWE fired Cryme Tyme yet kept the Highlanders at one point. Or why Lillian Garcia has to say Cryme Tyme in her own special way. Good stuff between these two teams, and perhaps Raw is not as old as people thought. Michael Cole then comes out and says that he hates the superstar initiative.

WWE figures that the propaganda they spew on "WWE Did You Know" would be more effective if they had their announcers say it. They say that Raw had 4x the number of shows of Seinfeld. That is true. But Seinfeld was a very good show. People buy DVD sets to watch reruns of this show. There are some Raws where fans wonder if they should even continue watching it because it is so putrid and lame. Just because something has been around for a long time does not mean necessarily that it is great. And just who is this supposed to impress? Raw sure does use a lot of pyro! That must mean that it is good! How did Raw do at the Emmy's last night? Did they win an award? I guess those voters just do not understand the quality that goes into Shaneo's grapefruits getting zapped or Vince telling Hornswoggle to kiss his ass. Damn media.

Blending Comedy With Shilling and Lance Cade Becomes Useful

At first I thought the Haas dressing up as Mr. Perfect was somewhat rude. "Way to honor him, jackass" was my first thought. But because the sketch was good (Kids will probably be trying it out), it was all right. When WWE does their comedy, they usually find a way to shill one of their products. Compare this to TNA, where the comedy bits seemingly have no purpose at all. Kurt Angle dating women and making dumb jokes? Yeah! I actually like this Haas bit. Have a big ass Dave & Buster logo while the Haas does his thing. I liked the bits during playing pool and basketball. And finally, Lance Cade was useful in a good main event.

RAW'S FINAL VERDICT: A Little Absurd

Too much Santino. Disappointing stuff from Cody Rhodes. Adalme, Shaneo and Orton continue to move their own angles at the speed of turtles. Evan Bourne, JoMizzy, Cryme Tyme and a Main event were all good. Jericho gave another excellent promo, but I did not wake up until the Dirt Sheet showed up.

LEAVING YOU WITH MY ABSURD THOUGHT: I was watching Monday Night Countdown and they showed a video package of the New York Jets' running back Thomas Jones. They hyped up Jones as part machine. Lots of shots of his bulging muscles. "Bring your lunch cuz I am never satisfied". With all of this hyperbole and hype, I thought I was watching wrestling. Strangely enough his video package was better than what TNA can serve up. (No, I take that back. Suicide's video packages are really special). MNF also has stuff like "3D Rotation" and "Computer Axis" showing you all of these high tech stuff. Largely useless? You bet. But sure does look cool.

WWE can applaud itself for going into high definition. But what will be the new invention? What will Raw do to keep up? I remember watching an AAA match where the wrestlers dressed up in glow-in-the-dark costumes and wrestled with the lights out. Odd? Yep. But it was unique. If we can chide TNA for giving fans too many wacky zany gimmick matches, then one can blame WWE for putting out stale matches that focus more on advancing storyline than in-ring action (i.e. Undertaker vs. Big Show, unless they actually put out a wrestling match). Maybe Edge will return from hell! Ooh!

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com.

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