By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Specialist

Hurricane Helms is a thorn in the side of MVP. At least MVP is getting air time. Yes on Hurricane Helms, no on TNA's character Suicide. (How long have his video packages been going?)

Khali needs a cool catchphrase that the kids will repeat the next day at school.

Any woman who wears an ECW shirt is beautiful in my book.

Don't fire Mr. Kennedy. He just has really rotten luck.

MVP has three weeks to win a match. Maybe there is hope for him yet.

Shelton Benjamin could make that "suplex onto the top rope" move one of his signature ones.

Vickie was portrayed better tonight. She's very good.

Where did JoMo get the idea for the glitter abs?

I love the character of Raven. Loved his promos and his whole vibe. So the "serious" Jeff Hardy reminds me a bit of Raven. Dangerous. Crazy. Unpredictable. And doesn't care about any rules. Nice story here with Hardy snapping.

The Gears of War 2 commercial I think is top notch. WWE writers are really old if they are talking about "Pulp Fiction" in their character's promos. Not quite the finger on today's culture. When JoMizzy talked about the movie Pineapple Express months ago, what a shock that was.

Show comes out and says that Taker gets his power from fear. Used to be he got his "mystic powers" from an urn. Casket match? I understand that Hell in the Cell was not going to happen (although how awesome would that be), but a Casket match is a much tamer version of a Buried Alive match. It's cheesy and hokey. I would not buy the PPV to see such a match.

The Great Khali needs a belt for Christmas. His sweats keep falling down. That's what I was thinking throughout the match: "I sure hope his pants don't fall down."

On "The Life of Cena Pt. VIII", Cena mocks Angle and Brock Lesnar. And yes, I would not put it past WWE to mock Lesnar before his UFC PPV match.

Jeff goes chair shot crazy at the end of Smackdown. This was Jeff's night. In a sense, Kozlov was kicked to the curb. Kozlov held his own during the Undertaker match, but considering the very intriguing turn in Jeff's character, I would like to see what Triple H does against a dangerous and desperate Jeff. That's one of my favorite stories in wrestling. What will a person do to win/keep a title? Will they "sell their soul?" At what lengths are they willing to go? What will they forsake? Jeff would have the perfect motivation of "going heel," because being nice doesn't win you championships. Sacrificing my body for the fans did nothing. The WWE used me and doesn't give a damn about me. Triple H could then elevate his game and these guys could make this feud hot. This is all speculation, but I am very much digging this new side of Jeff.

It was a bit odd to see Jeff run away from the Undertaker, considering his new frame of mind. Smackdown is doing a much better job than Raw nowadays of having fresh main events hyped up for next week.

SMACKDOWN'S FINAL VERDICT: A Little Absurd

Dream Smackdown match for me would be Kozlov vs. Ezekiel. 1980s massive wrestlers go at it.

LEAVING YOU WITH MY ABSURD THOUGHT: Seeing how "The Life of Cena Pt. VIII" ended with Cena going to Raw, let's take a look at the first Raw PPV Cena took part in: WWE Vengeance from 2005.

This is the first Raw PPV that John Cena starred in after jumping ship from Smackdown. This was back when the brand separation was actually played up.

Hey, Jonathan Coachman announcing. We complained about him. And then Mr. Adamle comes along. Coach, come back!

First match has IC champion Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin for IC title. How cool were both men back in 2005? Carlito was a comedy heel that could be believable in winning. Same cannot be said for Santino.

NOWADAYS: Shelton is wandering around with the U.S. Championship and Carlito yucks it up with his brother as tag team champion. That's somewhat cool.

Triple H in a suit shows up with Ric Flair, awesome handlebar mustache and all. So far during the entire year of 2008, Triple H has worn his WWE shirt and jeans.

Christy Hemme and Victoria duke it out in a solid match. They were convincing in wrestling each other and were not wearing frilly outfits.

NOWADAYS: Christy Hemme is now involved with the Beautiful People, and Victoria's claim to fame is wearing banana suits.

Todd Grisham interviewed Cena backstage. Todd talked about how he peed his pants in school. Cena laid down his "new school" promo, delivering his lines like a rapper. "Yo, dead that noise, man." Cena said that Christian wanted to win his WWE title for all of his Canadian peeps, and Chris Jericho wanted to win to sell more Fozzy records.

Kane vs. Edge with Lita. You see, Lita was married to Kane. Going to have Kane's baby. However, Lita betrayed Kane (and Matt Hardy) to get chummy with Edge. Snitsky (with hair) showed up, but Kane won anyways. Snitsky had a catchphrase at one point. Poor Snitsky.

NOWADAYS: Kane 2005 = Kane 2008, Lita is gone, Edge is living in "Hell," and Snitsky will most likely lose his job to Mike Knox. Wouldn't it be great if Knox and Snitsky team together and become tag team champs? Being a Raw heel tag team that actually destroyed other tag teams? That's probably not going to happen. Remember, somebody on Raw thought it would be a good idea to bring in "The Highlanders." Uh, no. I wonder how exactly far they thought they could go with that sort of gimmick. Poor guys.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle in their WrestleMania 21 rematch. Another classic by these two guys. And no, Angle did not threaten to beat up HBK's kids during the build-up. ... To my knowledge.

NOWADAYS: HBK is still a much needed star in WWE, and Angle is still the man in TNA.

Batista talked to the Coach. This was back when Batista would give angry promos. Triple H showed up and did his "heel growly" voice.

Lillian "Triple H Thinks I Have a Horseface" Garcia was in the ring, and Viscera (Big Daddy V), the "Biggest Love Machine" did a bit. Aww, they love each other. BDV drops Lillian to the curb to party with The Godfather and his hoes. Poor Lillian. Damn, she's actually crying. Pimpin' ain't easy.

John Cena vs. Christian (with Tomko) vs. Chris Jericho for the WWE championship. Jericho back in 2005 was a rocker. Screamed his promos. Danced in the ring. Nowadays Jericho looks like the last thing he would want to do is to listen to Iron Maiden. Hey, Eric Bischoff and Tomko were shown here as well.

NOWADAYS: John Cena is now Tony Romo for the ailing WWE, Christian continues to play limbo in his storylines, and Jericho killed Y2J.

Triple H vs. Batista for the World Heavyweight Championship in Hell in the Cell. While WWE cage matches no longer carry the same importance, it could be argued that the Hell in the Cell is the most protected WWE concept match, and for a good reason. They still carry the "extreme brutality" aspect. A bleeding Triple H pulled out a chair wrapped with barb wire in this match. Yikes.

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com.

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