THE ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - TNA Impact 11/13: Young Dorks vs. 007 MEM, Worst Feud of 2008, Awesome Kong to Decapitate Disney Characters
Nov 14, 2008 - 3:22:35 AM
By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Specialist
So what's the gang sign going to be for the TNA Originals? A missed high-five? The Young Kittycats show their teeth and hiss?
Never understood why TNA cameramen move the camera around like they were on a boat out on choppy waters. It's not "edgy," it's just dumb.
Perhaps one day it can be Foley's guys vs. Jarrett's guys. What would you call an outsider who came in, bought a huge share of the company, and told you that you were sucking at your job? You call that guy an asshole. But if you're the Young Lions and this asshole is Mick Foley, you call him a savior. TNA made a huge deal of Nash cheating by winning, but Foley ripped Joe for making "mental mistakes." Uh huh. People were probably fretting in the back for the near dead silence bit in the Foley opening. Probably because the TNA audience is conditioned to hear stuff like inane Steiner promos. "The power of words, Foley? The power of my foot up your ass!" Steiner would bellow.
"Hey Foley! Who the hell are you? What gives you the right to order us around? Hell, we have been in the business a long time! We are not children! And why the hell did you give a TNA World Heavyweight championship match to Black Machismo? He lost an X Division title match to Bashir in less than two minutes recently!" The TNA originals then proceed to kick MEM's ass and get over huge with the crowd.
No, the above didn't happen. Instead, the Young Lions fawned over the wise old Foley and cheered Lethal. Not once were TNA fans convinced that Sting would drop the title to a chump like Lethal. Loaded card? A loaded card with no real meaningful outcomes. It's like the TNA Originals are overjoyed that they got a date with a girl while MEM is James Bond.
TNA often will write in bits for the short-term and then do nothing about it months later. Scott Steiner has his little buddy Petey. Just ridiculous. "Yeah those rich old veterans come in here and hold us down! By the way, one of our dudes is a copycat of one of the evil veterans!" You don't see a mini Nash, a mini Angle, or a mini Sting. Cue up the Petey's "dramatic" 20 foot high fall off a ladder into concrete...or stunt pads. Maybe this will be the motivation needed for Petey to become Petey Williams again. And does TNA know how to do a convincing backstage brawl? They often look like pillow fights.
I did get a kick out of ODB having the "A Christmas Story" Leg Lamp. Maybe perhaps an actual watchable version of Karen's Angle with ODB's Mud Pit or ODB's Bathroom Urinal or whatever. Although you would think TNA learned their lesson about how sit-down interviews often do not get good ratings.
According to Don West, the tag team match on the PPV between MCMG and Beer Money was "incredible." Hmm. Ref Slick Johnson wearing pants? Whoa. I watched his selling of moves instead of the bizarre combo of Awesome Kong and Rhaka Khan. So when the Knockout Division runs dry, TNA turns once again to Kong "beating up innocents who go to Disneyworld and Universal Studios." Tune in next week to see Kong power bomb a kid wearing Mickey Mouse ears. On second thought, if Kong could go on a rampage against mascots, that would be something to see.
Tenay: "Oh my goodness! Kong just crossed the line! She power bombed Goofy right onto the table! Oh, we got to see that one again! What a great Knockout champion we have! She just destroyed Goofy! Take that, you dumb bastard! That's what you get when you are not loyal to TNA!" Because I sure hated it the first time TNA had Kong beating up "audience" members for cash. So you might as well go down the Disney route because you seemingly cannot think up anything else for Kong to do.
Alex Shelley then tries to tie in "1967 Detroit Riots" with the phrase "Ghostbusters." The TNA originals celebrate their kickball victory at recess.
Bashir vs. the ref Shane Sewell might be the winner of the 2008 Absurd Award for "Worst Feud."
Tune into Impact to see ref Shane "hulking up." He's shaking. He's angry. He's not going to take it anymore! And he's more important than our X Division Championship match! Ugh. Indeed, Mick Foley. It is not about having heart or desire. It is about having a crooked ref in their corner. Could go somewhere with Bashir complaining about TNA refs and thus bringing his own ref during his matches. Oh yeah, the X division belt was also won by Eric Young. Yawn. Means nothing. They also celebrated their victory at hopscotch. Eric pinned the tail on the donkey and thanked Foley profusely for giving him the courage and determination to do so.
TNA has a lot of "shades of gray" characters. Normally, a man like Kurt Angle, who threatens to pay a visit to the daughters of good ol' Jeff Jarrett, would be treated like vermin. A scourge of the earth. Mike Tenay and Don West trip over themselves gushing over Kurt Angle when he comes to be a guest announcer.
Tenay furiously points and yells, "Get a chair in here for the Olympic gold medalist!" Yes, MEM is very similar to NWO, but so far TNA just loves MEM. They are content with making the Young Lions "confused, out of order, and weak" while making MEM like the coolest guys ever. At the end of the show Nash busts out MEM's gang sign. Might as well bring back NWO's "Too Sweet" catchphrase back.
Tenay: "That Abyss vs. Kurt Angle match is worth the entire price of the PPV". Really? What about the rest of the PPV? "Well, the rest of the PPV is utterly forgettable and crap, but the last three matches are top notch!"
Two lunkheads serve up a clunky match in Scott Steiner vs. Abyss. Too sweet!
Like Sting promos. Hate ref Rudy Charles. Had a long introduction for both Lethal and Sting. Pointless.
According to Don West, Foley picked Lethal to fight for the TNA world heavyweight championship because "Joe and A.J. feed off each other" (what?) and Lethal had a close match with Angle months ago. So why did Lethal lose so quickly to Bashir weeks ago? You have to give them credit for at explaining why Lethal would actually get a title shot. (It basically boiled down to "the fans love them and Sting might trip over his own shoes thus Lethal could win"), but it is entertaining to listen to the announcers try to explain reasonably why these matches were set up.
I was not a big fan of TNA putting more emphasis in the storyline outcome of the match than the match itself. Did Lethal vs. Sting need the MCMG in there? Absolutely not. After the match, the Young Lions bickered like schoolchildren.
The following is all speculation and thus I may be wrong, but I wish that TNA would stop planting signs in the crowd. If it is so, give them credit as they do not have somebody hold up the sign the entire night. They do hold it up during specific matches (my guess is during the match at the top of the first hour). But last week somebody held up a sign that said "Joe Was Robbed" during the entire match of Joe and Styles vs. Nash and Booker. This week it was "MEM = Respect" in pretty much the same spot. And once again the guy held up the sign the entire match.
As stated before, I could be wrong, but if it is true, does TNA really need to go down this route of planting signs in the crowd? It pisses me off because "yes, I get it, MEM = Respect, why the hell you are still holding up the sign the entire match when everyone else is watching the match?" So that is something I will look forward to next week.
Team 3D vs. Beer Money? Beautiful People want Sarah Palin to join them? I feel ill. Please don't go down the route of getting a Palin look alike for the next PPV.
Will Christian stay or will he go? WWE is sure clearing a lot of "cap room" with their weekly firings. Although you couldn't blame a guy like Kenny D for leaving the WWE. Being a cheerleader and recently being kidnapped by a psychotic hillbilly (Festus) is a tough go.
I started off watching Impact feeling like things were finally gelling together, but as the show progressed, TNA continued to make boneheaded mistakes. Who would want to root for the TNA originals when they could root for MEM? Are good matches without any interference a thing of the past? "Hey dude. You remember how you watched NWO back in 1997? And then left to go see Austin vs. Vince when NWO had fifty thousand members? Well, come back! Now this time around, there is nothing heelish about MEM and the opposition is spineless wimps! Too sweet!"
Good storyline in place, but the execution is the thing.
POSTIVES
-- The story with Christian Cage and the WWE
-- No more random matches like in months past, most things tie into MEM-Young Lions feud
-- Announcing seemed more focused
-- Sting's promo
-- The awesome train wreck that will be ODB's new talk show
-- TNA seems content on making MEM look cool
NEGATIVES
-- TNA seems content on making the Young Lions look like wimpy dorks, no matter if they have -- Foley as their "leader"
-- Foley giving Lethal a World Heavyweight Title shot is absurd
-- Kong beating up on "innocent civilians" again? Really?
-- I would rather watch Jack Swagger wrestle than see Rhaka Khan wrestle, and he sucks
-- Alex Shelly's "Ghostbusters and the 1967 Detroit Riots" promo
-- Ref Shane Sewell and his "superb" portrayal of a ref gone crazy
-- The X Division, Again
-- Need a character change fast for Petey Williams
-- Announcers fawning over Kurt Angle. "No, you take my seat, my children-threatening Olympic hero!"
-- Sarah Palin junk. Please, no more
-- Every single match had to have outside interference or outside announcing. There was not one fulfilling match at all
VERDICT: Very Absurd
Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com.
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